The front porch creaked in rhythm to Chad’s push.  As each moment passed, he created quite a list of grievances in his mind until finally, he jumped from the swing and strode into the house.  He grabbed his keys from the kitchen table, and hobbled down the back steps.  At the truck, he remembered the boys and returned upstairs for more diapers and out to the barn for a few more containers of Willow’s milk.  He’d see if Lily could keep the boys a bit longer.  It was time for a talk with his father.

***

“I just don’t know where she’s gone or why she’s been so impossible.”

Christopher listened to his son, confusion growing.  The argument didn’t make sense from either standpoint.  Neither Chad nor Willow was so unreasonable and vindictive.  Such spiteful conversation didn’t make sense.  “Chad, none of this makes sense.”

“You’re telling me-“

Grabbing his phone, Christopher dialed Willow’s number much to the chagrin of his son.  “Willow, where are you?”  He listened and then suggested she come to their home to talk.  “Of course, Willow; bring David.  I think that’d be a good idea.”

An hour later, they sat in the Tesdall living room, Marianne trying to get everyone to eat and drink, smiling as though the very sight of her forced good humor would somehow erase the ugliness of the situation.  Willow had entered the house and gone straight to hug Chad but his aloofness had sent her into a nearby chair nearly hugging herself.  The room was full of shocked onlookers and Christopher no longer assumed that they both shared equal responsibility for the argument.  He had a sinking feeling this time Chad was way out of line.

“I’d like to take Willow into the family room and hear what she has to say, Chad.  Will you let David know what’s bothering you while we’re gone?”  Somehow, he knew hearing it together would start an argument that had no chance of being heard.

How two people could use the same words and make it sound exactly opposite the other story, Christopher didn’t understand.  Listening to Willow, he heard the same description of the ‘milking machines’, the ladder, and the electricity, but from a much more logical viewpoint.  Even as he listened, Christopher knew something was eating at his son.

“Willow, I think there’s something bothering Chad.  My guess is work.”

“There was a bad accident the other day.”

“He’s probably taking it out on you.  City cops tend to bring their work home to process and sometimes they take it out on those closest to them.  Not much happens like that in Fairbury so I doubt you’ve seen it very often but I’m imagining that there were children involved or something?”

“I don’t know, he wouldn’t talk about it.”

“I could be wrong,” Christopher admitted trying to avoid taking sides, “But I think Chad was picking a fight.  I don’t think he realizes it, and once he does, he’s going to feel terrible.”  His hand covered hers comfortingly.  “It’ll happen again, I imagine.  Next time I hope you’ll be able to recognize it and maybe that’ll help.”

“What do I do?  He’s upset about things that don’t make any sense.  I can’t just ignore him; it’s rude, not to mention he’d be livid.”

“You guys are both going to have to recognize this.  You can’t laugh at his unreasonableness; he can’t deny or bottle his reactions.”

“Ok.”  Her voice sounded small and confused.

“Let’s go then.”

“I need to go upstairs for a few minutes.”

The way she crossed her arms over her chest told him it’d been too long since her last ‘milking’.  “We’ll be waiting.”

When Chad didn’t invite Willow to sit with him or even acknowledge her return to the discussion, Christopher realized it was going to get worse before it got better.  “Well now, I’m very proud of both of you.  Things went wrong and instead of lashing out repeatedly at each other, you both came for counsel.  This is good.”

Chad grunted.  Willow’s hands wrung miserably and uncharacteristically, she cringed almost looking like a whipped puppy.  This was harder on her than any of them realized.  Marianne’s arms went around her and she whispered something in Willow’s ear making Chad glower even more.  Had the situation not been so strained and uncomfortable, she’d have laughed.  He looked exactly as he did when sat on a chair to ‘cool off’ after getting mad at Cheri over this thing or that when he was still in elementary school.

“This all started when Chad found Willow working in the orchard, is that right?”

Both of them nodded.  “Chad seemed annoyed by it,” Willow added confused.

“Of course I was!  My wife was walking around outside with her shirt unbuttoned and breast pumps attached to her.  How did you rig those things to stay attached like that?”

“It wasn’t hard, Chad,” she explained.  “And I can’t imagine why you’d be bothered.  No one knew I was out there but you;  no one could see me, and frankly, even if they could, I was pretty well covered by machinery.”

“See what I mean!”

Marianne sat up sharply.  “Knock it off Chad.  That was uncalled for.  It makes perfect sense to me.”

“Did you know she sent the boys home with Lily and Tabitha for the day?  She knows how much you love to spend time with them, but when she wants to get work done does she call you?  No.  She just sends them off like some kind of career woman dropping her kids off at daycare.”

The entire room erupted in a shocked and unified, “Chad!”

“What!”

Willow’s voice was small and quiet.  “Did you really think that’s how it was?  Did you really think I couldn’t wait to get my little chaps out of the house so I could go do my own thing without them underfoot?”

“You did it quickly enough.”

She bit her lip trying not to cry.  “Chad, every week at some time or another, you tell me how much the church is supposed to bear each other’s burdens.  You tease me all the time about how I’m willing to help someone else, but I’m not willing to accept help.  You tell me that relationships with the church aren’t an option—that we need to invest time together and that this is what you want for your sons.”  A sob escaped, but she kept going.  “So Lily overhears me talking with Jill and she knows I’ve been slower with my work this summer so she insists on taking the boys for the day so I can get some things done.”

Encouragingly, Marianne patted her hand.  “It was thoughtful of Lily to do that.”

“But of course that means she sent the boys to Lily instead of letting you have time with them when she knows how much you crave it.”  The defensiveness in Chad’s tone was more belligerent although losing some of its angst.

“I don’t know what I should have done!  Should I have said, ‘No thank you Lily.  It’s a kind offer, but I’d rather the boys spend time with Marianne.  I think I’ll see if she wants to come take them while I pick peaches?  Do you think I wanted Lily to take them at all?”

“At least mom-“

“I’m the mom here and I’ll tell you, I don’t know how she can please you in this.  Have you told her she needs to deepen fellowship ties with your church?”

“Well yeah, but-“

“And have you told her she needs to let people serve her?”

“Don’t you think Willow could-“

“Answer the question, Chad.”  Marianne’s tone took on the familiar ‘don’t mess with your mother’ tone he’d grown up fearing.

“Yes but-“

“And am I right in assuming that you’ve mentioned it quite frequently?”

“It takes that to get it through Willow’s head.”

“Well it got through,” Willow muttered exhausted.  “I remembered what you said, thought I was being difficult about things, decided I could always go and get the boys early if necessary, and accepted their offer thinking you’d be so proud of me.”

The last words were choked out with emotion that wrung the hearts of almost everyone there.  Chad felt a flicker of emotion but hardened himself.  This wasn’t his fault.  “Proud of excluding my mom-“

“I didn’t mean to exclude anyone.  I tried to include!”

Marianne didn’t let him respond.  “Don’t be an idiot Chad.  If you’ve told her these things in the past, it is not unreasonable that she assumed this was a good opportunity to follow your counsel and do as she knew you wished.  If you were my husband, I’d have a glass of ice water in your face by now.”

Willow’s head shot up quickly.  “Can I?”

The room erupted in laughter.  Chad’s mouth twitched ever so slightly, but no one saw it.  Without a word, Christopher passed her his glass of water and crossed his arms challenging Willow and his son to step up to the plate.

“What about the electricity?”  David hadn’t spoke much since he’d arrived, but this part of the story had greatly confused him.

“What about it?”

“Well, the last time we talked, you told me that one of the things that drew you to Willow in the first place was how different her life was.  You said you loved how they’d kept the convenience of electricity but had removed themselves from it just enough to ensure that they didn’t allow things to slowly encroach onto their lives like they had for most of society.  You liked having to decide if a movie was worth setting up your laptop, turning on the electricity, and you said that the simple act of lighting a candle was a daily reminder that one Christian can bring a lot of Jesus’ light into the world.  What changed?”

“Nothing.  I just saw her hacking away at the ice and with all she had to do, I thought it’d be nice if we had a refrigerator in the house to save work.”

Without a word, Marianne stood, went into her kitchen, and returned with the ice bin from her freezer.  This, she unceremoniously sat on his lap, stood back, and said, “So when you have an ice machine, you can avoid having to chip apart ice cubes, right?”

Chad had the grace to flush.  “It was just a thought, but she-“

“Chad, after you said that, I commented that we didn’t use electricity most of the year and your response was, ‘well we could if you weren’t determined to live in the past’.  Considering you’ve told me time and again that you love how Mother and I kept the best parts of the past while embracing the best parts of today, that was the biggest slap in the face of all.  I felt like I’d been lied to all this time.”

Christopher stepped in before Chad could say something he’d eventually regret.  “Not a week before those babies were born, you told me that you were the most blessed man alive to have a heritage like Willow’s to pass onto your children.  I have to admit,” Christopher admitted, “I felt a little insulted.  We may not have had the same kind of rich traditions and unique lifestyle, but we taught you to love the Lord, about  community and family but your heart was wrapped in the life that you wanted for your sons.”

Those words knocked the first brick out of Chad’s wall.  “Oh Pop, I didn’t mean—“

“I know you didn’t, son.  You didn’t mean that then and you didn’t mean to reject it all when you spoke to Willow today, did you?”

“Of course not.  I just- I”  Chad didn’t know what he’d meant.  What made so much sense at the time suddenly felt confusing.

“I have a feeling that’s a little bit how Willow felt tonight; am I right Willow?”

A slight nod accompanied her faint, “I had no idea what to think.”

Marianne couldn’t take it anymore.  “It sound to me like you came home and tried to pick a fight.”

“So it’s all my fault.  I see.  I would have thought my family could see-“

“What a jerk you’re being?”  Marianne’s expression dared her son to argue with her.

“Tell me about the accident this week.”

The room went utterly silent and still at Christopher’s question.  Chad’s face grew hard as though shutting off everyone around him.  “It was ugly, ok?  Is that what you want to hear?  A little verbal sensation seeker?”

“Stuff it, Chad.  I’m asking a legitimate question.  Was a child hurt?”

“As a matter of fact, yes.  A little girl not much older than the lads riding on the seat without a car seat.  The babysitter wanted a soda and didn’t have the seat.  She just put the poor thing there and tried to get there and back before anyone missed her.”  He crossed his arms again.  “Are you satisfied?  Is that what you wanted to hear?”

“Of course we don’t want to hear about that kind of thing; no one does.  But Chad, can’t you see it’s eating at you?”

At the words ‘not much older’ Willow had stood, crossed the room, sat next to Chad, and wrapped her arms around him.  “I’m so sorry.  That must have been so awful.”

“It’s the job.”

“Doesn’t make it easy.  Is the baby going to be ok?”

At the choked sound in Chad’s voice, the room emptied quickly leaving Chad and Willow alone.  “She’s better off than she’s ever been—than any of us are.  She’s with Jesus.”

With those words, Chad broke down and wept speaking of holding the dear little girl’s broken body and trying to find some kind of life left in it.  He told of having to notify parents at their place of work that their little daughter was gone and of how he’d had to arrest a broken and shocked babysitter for several broken laws.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“You don’t need to hear about the ugly side of my job.”

“But Chad, the ugly side of your job is usually a domestic dispute or a drunk driver.  It isn’t like you deal with child deaths every day.  You can’t just let that eat at you.”

“You seemed to mock everything I said today.”

“I wasn’t trying to.  Actually, I thought you were teasing me half the time.”  She glanced at his face seeing the change slowly wash over him.  “I didn’t mean to offend you with leaving the boys or not wanting the fridge.  If you want to leave the electricity on in the house, just tell me.  I’ll learn to adjust.”

Seeing the sacrifice she was willing to make for him crumbled the rest of the wall he’d erected between them.  “Was I really as awful as it seems like I was?”

“Let’s just say I didn’t quite know who you were for a while.  If I’d realized that the accident was probably affecting you, I might have been a little more understanding.”

The sight of Christopher’s glass on the coffee table caught Chad’s attention.  “Still want to throw that at me?”

“Not this time.”

“I don’t want there to be a next time, Lass.”

‘There will be.  I have no doubt that there will be.”  She smiled.  “I’m warning you though, next time I’m going to call it like it is and I’m not going to play along.  You can pick all the fights you want, say all the ugly things you can think of, but I’m not engaging.  I let this get under my skin this time but I won’t let it happen again.”

“If you tell me I’m just decompressing, I’m liable to blow up at you.”

“Now that I understand why, I can take it,” she assured him with an air of confidence Chad prayed was genuine.

“Now what do we do?”

She glanced at her watch.  “Pick up our sons before I explode?”