Chapter 138~ Labor (adding as I write)

At a quarter past seven, Chad finally burst through the emergency room door, his gun holster still strapped to his belt, his heavy jacket covered with snow, and eyes blazing with frustration.  “It’s a nightmare out there,” he muttered as he rushed down hallways, through doorways, and finally into Willow’s room.

“Hey, Lass.”  His entire demeanor changed as he sought his wife’s side.  “How are you doing?”

Marianne slipped from the room and David started to follow but Willow’s hand shot out and grabbed him.  “You said you wouldn’t go.”

“But Chad’s here now.”  Willow’s eyes pleaded with him not to leave.  David saw the pain and confusion in Chad’s eyes and bent low.  “Willow, you’re hurting Chad.  He’s been trying to get to you to be here for you.  I’ll go call Carol, get a cup of coffee, use the restroom, and be waiting outside the door inside five minutes.  All you have to do is have Chad come get me and I’ll be right back.”

David’s eyes met Chad’s and spoke volumes.  Chad, uncertain about what to do, dropped her hand and smiled.  “I’ll be back in two seconds.  I just have to ask the nurse a question.”

Outside the door, he threw David an indiscernible look.  “What’s going on in there?”

“It was bad Chad.  Very, very bad.  I think she just latched onto me because I was there.”

“Well I tried to be!”  Chad stuffed his hands in his pockets.  “I don’t understand.”

“She’s reliving Kari’s labor I think.  She’s hurting, and now she’s just received a little relief.”  David squeezed Chad’s shoulder.  “She needs help.  Not just physically, right now the worst of it thanks to that epidural, is emotional.  She’s barely hanging in there.”

Nodding, Chad hurried back into the room and seeing his uniform reflected in Willow’s eyes, picked up the phone.  “Hey Joe, I need you to come get my belt.  I can’t leave Willow and I forgot-  Oh, good idea.  Thanks.”

“Ok, Lass.  How are we doing.  What did the doctor say?”

“About thirty minutes ago or so I was half way there.”  Her voice sounded weak and exhausted.

“You ok?  You look so pale.  I’m so sorry it took so long to get here.  Brad is kicking himself for bungling this.”

“Tell him it’s ok.  Grandfather was here.  I was fine.”

“You’re angry with me.”  It wasn’t a question.

“Of course not.  I’m just glad you’re here.”

They were interrupted by Dr. Kline.  “Oh Chad.  I’m very glad to see you here.  So, how are you doing now, Willow?”

“Much better.  Much.  I feel twinges every now and then but the pain- the real pain, is gone.”

Chad cringed for his wife as the doctor watched the monitor, waited for a contraction, and then did an internal check.  “Well, for some people, epidurals seem to speed up labor a little but I think you’re one of the majority.  Still at five.  Sorry.”

“At least it isn’t as painful,” she whispered weakly.

“I want you to try to sleep.  I need you to get as much rest as humanly possible so that you are rested for pushing.  We want to avoid that c-section if we can.”

“Can she eat?  She hasn’t been able to keep much food down at a time so I’m thinking that after five and a half hours, she must be hungry.”  Chad’s voice sounded almost imploring but his eyes demanded help for his wife.

“Sorry.  No.  There is such a very real chance of a c-section that we can’t risk food in her system if we need to put her under for surgery.  We can add a bit of glucose to her IV in order to keep up her strength.”

Before Chad could say anything else, a nurse came into the room.  “Officer Tesdall, there’s an officer out here for you?”

“That’ll be someone from Brunswick.  They’re going to take my gun for me.  I can’t believe I brought it in.”

Dr. Kline watched as Chad left and then looked at Willow sternly.  “I overheard him out there talking to your grandfather.  He’s hurting.  He feels rejected.  If you don’t want him in here, say something now before it gets any worse.”

“Of course I want him in here.  I just- I need Grandfather too.”

“Why?”

“He didn’t get to help Mother.  He had to read about her being all alone.  He felt rejected and helpless.  He was helping me and he was good at it.  I think he needs that.”

“Tell your husband Willow,” Dr. Kline advised.  “He needs to know you’re not rejecting him but rather accepting your grandfather.”

Chad’s entrance stopped Willow’s exhausted response.  “Chad?”

He hurried to do something, anything, to make her more comfortable.  He’d thought about twice the pushing, twice the nursing, twice the diapers and sleepless nights but he hadn’t imagined twice the pain.  Willow had a strong threshold for pain but according to the nurse Sandi, she’d been out of her mind with agony.

1. What can I do?  Do you want your grandfather back?   I can go get him.”

“I do Chad, but not before we have a few minutes alone.  I missed you.  I needed you.”

“I’m so sorry.”  Chad felt like a heel.  “I didn’t know-“

“No, I’m not accusing.  I just need you to know how important it is to me that you’re here.  I’m not asking for Grandfather because he’s more important to me right now.  I’m asking because helping me is important to him right now.  Do you understand?”

The light of understanding dawned in his eyes.  “Of course.  I’ll go get him.”  He turned to leave but she caught his hand.  “Can’t you even give me a hello kiss before you rush off to bring other men into my life?”

***

Around midnight, things grew intense.  Dilation was at eight, Willow’s exhaustion was evident to everyone who entered the room.  Marianne came in from time to time to brush her hair, clean her face, and give the men a chance for more coffee.  Carol sat quietly in the corner praying like she’d never prayed before, and Cheri paced outside the door like a father from the forties.

The men, however, rarely left her side.  David sat next to the bed kneading her shoulders, adding pressure to her back, and whispering encouragement.  Sometimes he sang, others he was silent- trying to disappear into the background so that Willow and Chad could spend this special time together.  He was relieved to see the pain that had been etched in her eyes replaced with fatigue.  As much as he’d love for her to be at her best, tired was better than tormented in his opinion.

Chad, once he got past seeing his vibrant wife pummeled by labor, was like a rock.  He sat at the head of the bed and supported her as she reclined for maximum lung capacity.  He talked to her about names, about plans, and about his day- anything to keep her distracted.  At one point, he gently rubbed her arms.  Immediately, he realized his mistake.  Willow’s hand involuntarily jerked upwards and gave him a lovely bloody nose in 2.3 seconds flat.

The nurses from then on called her slugger and joked about reporting her for spousal abuse.  Chad promised to fill out the forms next time he went to work.  Just before one o’clock, the new night nurse, Wanda, strolled in and with the tact and gentleness of a back alley dentist checked for dilation and turned to leave the room.  “Can you tell us where she is?”

“She’s at nine.  At her rate, she’ll be there for a few more hours so get some sleep.  She’s got work ahead of her and then motherhood.  This is her last chance to get some rest without someone interrupting it every two minutes.”

Just as the woman barged through the door in search of another victim to invade, the blood pressure cuff went off automatically.  “She’s joking, right?”  Willow’s shocked expression mirrored Chad and David’s.

“How is that woman still employed.  She has the bedside manner of a bull in Pamplona.”

“That’s insulting,” Willow retorted angrily.

“I call them like I see them Willow.”

“I still feel sorry for the bull.”

Before the men stopped laughing, Dr. Kline came through the door.  “I thought I saw Wanda leaving.  I’ve never known her to be all that-“ he paused searching for the right word.  “Funny.”

“She’s not but Willow is.”  David brushed damp tendrils from Willow’s head.

“Can we request that she not be allowed in this room again?”  Chad didn’t even attempt to hide his fury.  “I will not have that woman attacking my wife again.”

“She attacked-“

“I can still feel where her fingernails raked me.”  Willow’s whimper was barely audible but the pain in her tone was unmistakable.

“She won’t check you again.  I’ll talk to her.  Until delivery I’ll keep her out but she’s who I want during pushing.  She’s the best delivery nurse around.  If we end up in the OR, I want her here.”

“OR?”

“Operating Room,” the three men said simultaneously.

“Why the OR?”

“Sometimes the second baby needs to be taken cesarean.  I told you that.”

At one-thirty Barb the Bubbly came in and checked her shaking her head sympathetically at their eager expressions.  At two, she returned but still no progress.  By three-thirty they were all growing antsy.  Dr. Kline entered at four o’clock and rearranged her.  She sat up a slight bit straighter, legs drawn up closer, and as the next contraction came, he gave her one last exam.  “If I just do a little stretching…”  He smiled at Willow and gave the men a slightly bloody thumb’s up.  “Dilation complete.  Time to push.  I can feel your body bearing down already.”

“Baby is coming?”  The hopefulness in Willow’s voice touched the hearts of the doctor and Willow’s family alike.

“Babies are coming.”

***

“Come on, Lass.  You can do it. “  Chad held her hands, supported her shoulders, and found himself straining with her through each push.  He’d have hemorrhoids before they were done if he wasn’t careful.

The room was dimly light, a light at the end of the bed for the doctor’s benefit but the lights by Willow’s head were out and the overhead lights were off.  Marianne, Carol, Cheri, David, and Christopher all stood outside the door plastered against the wall listening to Willow as she moaned, groaned, and screamed throughout each contraction.  Chad alone sat at her side glaring between contractions at nurse Wanda at Dr. Kline’s side.

After the first ineffectual push, Dr. Kline turned down the epidural drip leaving her with more feeling and much less comfort.  The pain, however bad it might have been, was nothing like her initial contractions.  She handled each one as it came, stayed on top of it, and then relaxed between them prepared for the next before it hit.  It seemed as though she’d finally found her groove and was ready to take on this business of birthing babies.

By five, she’d been pushing for forty-five minutes and the head was just beginning to crown.  By five- thirty, Dr. Kline was ready.  “Ok, this next one, push hard.  I mean hard.  I want you to push like your life depended on it.  It doesn’t.  You’re both fine.  But push like it anyway.”

The contraction began and this time, Willow felt it before Dr. Kline announced. She grabbed the rails of the ‘bed’ and practically pulled herself up off the bed.  She pushed with every ounce of strength she had until she was sure her organs would explode out of her.  A new sensation began building slowly.  In her exhausted state, it took a minute to recognize what was happening but suddenly she exclaimed, “It’s burning!  Is it supposed to be burning!”

“Keep pushing Willow.  Don’t stop now.  That head is coming and…”  On and on the doctor went, encouraging, urging, demanding, and consoling when the head slipped back into the canal.  “It’s ok.  That happens sometimes.  Next time it’ll come through.  Take a deep breath- Chad, get her some ice.  Now let’s get ready because I think the next one is almost here.  Come on…”

Several minutes passed as they waited through the next contraction before she pushed.  Her body was growing tired and she didn’t have it in her to start back up again but as the next contraction built, she was ready.  As the contraction peaked, she bore down with everything she could and the head was born.  “We’ve got a darling head of blonde fussy hair!  Get ready for the next contraction Willow.  Take a breath- no stop pushing.  Just relax until the next one.”

“I feel constipated!” she shrieked.  “I want it out of there!”  Before the doctor could respond she gave one more strong push and nearly sent the baby flying into the doctor’s hands.

“Well?  Is he, she, it ok?”

“Don’t call our baby an it,” Willow snapped.  The next contraction was already building.

The nurse felt for the baby’s head and nodded at Dr. Kline as he clamped the cord and offered for Chad to cut it.  Chad shook his head violently.  “You get it.  Thanks.”

Barb was in the corner working over the baby making Chad very nervous.  Dr. Kline and Wanda checked Willow’s vitals, watched the monitor, and felt for the baby’s head while Barb suctioned out the baby, cleaned it up, and wrapped it in a blanket.  The child’s wails drove Willow nearly insane as the next contraction built.  “Someone pick up my baby and comfort it!”

“It?”

Willow whacked Chad again restarting the blood flow she’d begun earlier.  “Ohhhh it’s coming!”

For the next few minutes, things were a blur.  Willow pushed, the doctor encouraged, and Chad prayed more fervently than he’d ever prayed in his life.  He could see Willow’s strength fading quickly and if this baby took half as long to push out as the last…

Dr. Kline saw the sack bulge and ripped it away from the head.  “Ok, there’s the head.  You did very well Willow.  One more push and it’ll be over.  You can do it.  Take a deep breath, exhale.  Come on, exhale.  Do it again, you want to get some good air in those lungs before you start pushing again.  Chad get her some ice.  Barbara, how is baby one doing?”  Dr. Kline kept talking without a break, change of tone, or anything to indicate that things had changed.

The next contraction built and with a fraction of the effort expended to deliver the first baby, the second slipped from the birth canal into the doctor’s waiting hands.  The room erupted in laughter when Willow sighed, “Oh that felt good.”

“Good?  You’ve got to be kidding me Lass!  I saw your face.  That was torture.”

“No, not the whole thing,” she gasped.  “Just that last two or three seconds when the body slipped through.  It felt like I’d been holding my bladder for nine months and I finally got to go.  Oh man, that was almost worth the pain by itself.”  She looked at her stomach critically.  “You know, it’s a lot smaller- a lot smaller.  But are you sure there isn’t another baby in there?”

***

The next hour was a blur in everyone’s memories.  Contrary to Willow’s concerns, there wasn’t another baby in her womb.  However, she did have two good sized placentas to deliver before she was able to hold her children.  As she accepted the first baby from Barb’s arms, she realize she still didn’t know if they had boys, girls, or one of each.  “Is he a he or a she?”

“Boys.  You have two very healthy boys.”

“I got my boys Chad!” Willow said, her eyes filling with tears.  “I always thought I’d have two boys and I do!  I have sons.  I can’t believe that I have sons!”

Chad, overcome by the beauty of the infant in his arms, stood, walked to the door, and beckoned the family waiting there.  “Come see the lads.  You’ve got to see them.”

Wanda huffed and muttered something about visiting hours but Dr. Kline sent her from the room.  “Barb can handle it, I need you with Mrs. Pham.”

“She’s supposed to have a nurse for each baby, Dr. Kline.”

“Bethany is on her way in.  They’ll call if they need help.  I need you with me.”

1. Which one is he?”

“The hospital band says.  I’ve got baby two so you have baby one.”

“They’re not identical are they?” Christopher suddenly had visions of mixing the children and for some reason that bothered him immensely.

“No.  Fraternal but you can’t tell right now, can you.  I think they look identical.”

“No they don’t,” Willow argued.  “Baby one’s head is longer than two.  He looks like he’s wearing a stove pipe hat.”

“That’s just because he was in the birth canal for a longer time. It shapes the head.  In a day or two it’ll be fine.”

Chad whispered something to Chris before taking his son back from Cheri and sitting next to Willow with him.  “It seems strange to realize that he’s a firstborn.”

Sleepy, the babies hardly moved as the family played musical infant passing them around until Chad realized Willow still hadn’t held her second son.  “Ok, Willow’s turn.”

David brought the second child to Willow’s side and whispered something in her ear.  She nodded, a grateful look in her eyes, and whispered, “Thanks.  I’d appreciate it.  I can’t tell you-“

Once again, David whispered something in her ear causing Willow to smile.  “I love you, Grandfather.”

“If you love me you’ll call me anything but that.  I’d even take Granddad…”

“Granddad it is.  I love you.  Thank you.”

Chad watched amused as David Finley rounded up the inhabitants of the room and pushed them from the room insisting that Chad and Willow needed time alone with their children.  Barb bustled around the room cleaning, adjusting Willow’s medication, kneading her uterus, but somehow without intruding into the new little family’s time.  Chad watched as Willow counted fingers, toes, and double checked to see for herself that she really was the proud mother of sons.

“What did your granddad say, Lass?”

“He said thank you for letting him be a part of this.  He said to tell you he hopes you don’t feel displaced but that it was very healing for him.”

“I need to thank him for being there with you.  I can’t imagine how horrible it would have been- you could have been alone just like your mother-“

“I would have called Lily, or Aunt Libby, or someone who could get here fast.  I was in too much pain- it was bad Chad.  It was the worst thing-“

“Shh… look at them.  The worst brought the best.  It’s over and just beginning all at once.”

Chapter 137- Labor (adding as I write…)

“I have three and a half more weeks.”

David Finley looked at his granddaughter and wondered how she could possibly hold out another minute much less another twenty-four days.  “Are you comfortable?”

Even as he spoke, Willow shifted in her seat trying to give her lungs any kind of relief from the constant pressure.  “When I’m standing, I can breathe but I get tired quickly.  When I’m sitting I don’t feel like I’m about to tip over and my back doesn’t ache but then I feel as though I’m drowning out of water.”

“Have you considered asking them to induce your labor?”

She shook her head.  “The doctor mentioned it when Chad was concerned about my feet swelling but we all agreed that as long as I’m healthy and the babies aren’t in any kind of distress, the longer they’re in there, the better in the long run.”

Eager to show him her progress in learning the camera, Willow pulled Chad’s laptop from the bookshelf in the library and brought it to the coffee table, swaying a bit as she stood upright again.  “Oh I hate it when I get off balance.  It feels so weird,” she muttered as she punched the button for the screen to come on.

“It is very strange to be watching a laptop boot up by candlelight,” David remarked amused.

“I guess it is.  I hadn’t thought of that.”

“You wouldn’t, I suppose,” he agreed smiling.  His granddaughter looked so much like his mother and yet he’d seen pictures of Lynne Solari and the resemblance between them was uncanny.  How could two women who looked nothing alike have a granddaughter that clearly resembled both of them?

“How is Grandmother?  Is she over the flu yet?”

“Just a slight residual cough.  This is the first time she’s gotten the flu from the shot but she says it isn’t as bad as getting it without one so I guess we’ll keep getting them.”

“Well, I’m glad she’s better.  I could have these babies any time and she promised to come sit with Mom and hold them while I sleep.  I plan to get lots of sleep when I get half a chance.”

“She’s all ready to go.  Has a bag packed as if she was having the babies herself.  She even has one of those journals you made her all ready to write down her first thoughts as a great grandmother.”  He paused.  “You know, she’s been writing down everything she can remember that has happened since we lost your mother.  She wrote about Kyle’s graduation, his marriage, the grandchildren, everything.  It has been amazing to see all that has happened in our lives.”

“You read it?”

He blushed.  “Well, she said I could…”

“Chad reads mine several times a week usually.  It’s a great way for us to make sure that he knows what is going on around here.  His hours mean that sometimes things happen that I thought I told him and then wham, nope.  I didn’t.”  She blushed.  “Like yesterday.  He came home ready to butcher the chickens but I’d already done over the past three days.  Boy was he relieved.”

“He doesn’t like butchering?”

“Not chickens!”

Something didn’t make sense to David.  “What, not that I’m not interested mind you, but what does that have to do with the journals?”

“Oh, I keep doing that,” she muttered exasperatedly.  “He came in to ask me about it but I was sleeping so he opened my animal journal and saw how many I butchered, how I prepared them, and who we should call to have them come get them.  He made calls instead which is fine by me.  I really do not like the phone.”

“Carol mentioned something about that the other day.”

“I didn’t realize I’d told her.  Keeping in touch with her is so important to me that I’d never imagine not using the phone.”

“Oh she just said that you always seemed more at ease in your letters or when she visits.”

“I feel guilty sometimes,” Willow confessed, “for not coming more often.  She must get tired of the drive.”

“Actually, I think she enjoys it.”

1. David followed her to the kitchen where David watched the process all over again.

“It’s work just keeping the house warm, isn’t it?”

“It’s a good work.  It feels good to accomplish something so important with such ease.  I mean, I spend two minutes and our house stays warm and toasty for a couple of hours.  It’s really quite amazing.  I’ll be back down.  It’s time to light the upstairs stove.”

Watching her climb the stairs was more painful than he could have imagined.  She looked like she was twelve months pregnant and carrying triplets both.  She’d given up trying to wear anything remotely attractive and settled for house gowns that hung from the shoulders and covered her.

These visits were hard for him.  He came because it was right and because he loved his daughter.  Whatever mistakes she’d made, she’d done it to spare them.  She’d sacrificed her happiness and ease in order to protect them and he worked hard to remember that but unlike his wife, Willow wasn’t a link to Kari, she was the thing that had ultimately torn Kari from them.  While he didn’t blame Willow per se, he did find it hard to connect with her across the chasm that Kari’s disappearance created.

He glanced at his watch.  Twenty-five minutes.  Surely he could leave in another twenty minutes.  After all, he was just stopping in after a business meeting.  It wasn’t a typical social call.  She wouldn’t expect him to stay for dinner; would she?

Suddenly, a cry sent David flying up the stairs faster than he’d imagined he could move.  The sight of her leaning against the woodstove, her palms flat against the metal alarmed him until he realized the door was open and there were no flames inside.  “Are you ok?”

“Towel,” she gasped.  “Please.  Cupboard behind me.”

He grabbed a fluffy white towel and passed it to her.  “What’s wrong?”

“Can you call Chad?  I need him to come home.”  Her knees buckled for a moment before sheer willpower forced them straight again.  “Now,” she growled before a low moan escaped.

“Where do I call?  What’s his number?”

To her utter frustration, she couldn’t remember.  Numbers swirled before her eyes but the pain of squatting to clean up the flood of water around her ankles pushed the right combination from her consciousness.  “I don’t know.  Station.  Call the station.”

Within minutes, the message was relayed and David informed that Chad was in court and his cell phone off but they’d send someone in to get him.  “He’ll come soon Willow.  What can I do?”

“Help me downstairs.  Please.  I don’t think I can do it by myself.”

The trip downstairs was slow and tedious.  Every step left her gasping and panting for air until David was certain she’d give birth in the living room.  Once she reached the bottom, Willow sent him back upstairs for fresh towels to sit on.  Every errand, no matter how small, sent him racing to help until there was nothing left for him to do but wait for Chad to arrive.  All ideas of leaving were gone now.  There was no way he’d leave her alone like this.  His daughter had been alone in labor but his granddaughter would be spared that pain if it was the last thing he did.

She whimpered with another pain causing his heart to contract with it.  “Would it help if I rubbed your shoulders?”

Willow shook her head and then hesitated.  “Um-“

“What, sweetheart.  What can I do?  I want to help if I can.”

“My lower back.  It’s what really hurts.  Would you rub that?”

One hand pushed stray tendrils away from her damp forehead while the other rubbed her lower back until he thought it’d go numb.  Somehow, he found the exact spot she needed for him to apply firm pressure and the relief was almost instantaneous.

“Oh that feels good.”

“When this hand gets tired, I’ll move to your other side and use the other one.”  He passed her the glass.  “Drink Willow.  You need your strength.”

“I can’t,” she gasped as a new pain began.  “I can’t until I’m on my way to the hospital.  I can’t get back up those stairs to use the bathroom.”

“You need another one down here.”

“That’s what Chad keeps saying.  Like I’ve got time to clean two of them.”  The edge in her voice told him she was nearing the peak of the contraction.

“Would you like me to get you a wet wash cloth for your forehead?”

She nodded, whimpered, and slumped over the couch pillow clutched to her chest.  “Thank you.”

For thirty minutes, he held her, rocked her, sang the songs he’d sang to Kari as a little girl, and wiped the perspiration from her face.  For thirty minutes he endured the pain from the side of one who can do nothing to alleviate it.  He kissed her temples, rubbed her hands, massaged her back, and even brushed her hair when she asked.

With each minute that passed, she grew more and more anxious calling- no crying- for Chad as each contraction built upon the last until she thought she’d go insane with agony.  Nothing she’d ever endured prepared her for the sheer torture of those contractions.  She’d read about breathing, practiced religiously, and prepared for focusing to ensure minimal discomfort in the beginning stages of labor but to no avail.  Either the contractions she was experiencing were worse than most people’s early labor or her pain tolerance level had dropped to negative numbers.  She truly didn’t want to know which it was.

Finally, she looked into her grandfather’s concerned eyes and begged to be taken into the hospital.  “We can call Chad, leave a note- I don’t care.  Please take me now.  Please.  I don’t think I can drive it.”

1. She didn’t know.

A wheelchair wheeled out from the emergency room doors and met them at the car.  Willow’s surprise was evident.  “I called ahead and told them I was coming.  I’ll be right in after I park ok?  You’ll be ok?”  David’s concern was touching.

“I’ll be fine.”  She gasped.  “Thank you, Grandfather.  Thank you.”

“We’ve got to work on this title thing.  Be right back.”

Inside the hospital, they wheeled her down corridors, into a labor room, and onto a bed that seemed little more than a table to Willow’s way of thinking.  From that moment on, her images of labor changed irrevocably.  Starting with the IV, baby monitors, and internal checks that nearly sent her through the roof in pain, it moved to a quick ultrasound to check baby positions, Demerol for the pain, and occasional vomiting that neither she nor David understood.

David, on the other hand, was familiar with the ideas of modern labor but felt utterly helpless to do anything to comfort his granddaughter.  He tried joking but they fell flat.  He sang until he grew hoarse, and finally wrapped a hand around hers and told her to squeeze whenever she needed relief.  He recognized his mistake immediately.  Willow’s strength was foolishly unexpected.  He should have known she’d be able to break a thumb- or an arm.

“Sorry,” she gasped as another wave hit her.  “Where is Chad?”

“They said he’s coming as soon as they tell him.  Carol’s on the way too.”

“Mom Tesdall is on the contact information.  Can you call her?”

He rose to go and she gripped his arm even tighter.  “Where are you going?”

“Do you want me to go?”

Illogically, Willow whimpered and shook her head.  “Don’t leave me.  I don’t know how Mother did this all alone.  Please-“  Her words were cut short with a cry of pain.

Her nurse, Sandi, rushed into the room surprised to hear her growing louder so quickly.  “You doin’ ok sweetie?”

“No.”  Before Willow could answer, David’s answer cut the air.  “Do something for her.  She’s the strongest, healthiest young woman I’ve ever seen.  If she’s hurting this badly, do something.”

“I’ll call Dr. Kline.”  She paused by David’s side.  “Have you heard from her husband?”

“No.”

“How long since the contractions started?”

“Water broke at two o’clock almost on the nose.  I heard the clock chime about the time I grabbed her a towel.”

“Two hours.  Hmmm.”

“If you could call the emergency contact number- Mrs. Tesdall can get in touch with her son better than I can.”

David helped Willow from the bed and hung her arms over his shoulders.  Pulling the IV pole with them, he slowly backed around the room hoping what had helped Sheryl would work for Willow.  Their shuffling traveled very little distance around the room but she seemed to like the change.  Her head flopped against his chest as she struggled through another contraction.  “Grandfather,”

“Oh we have to find something else for you to call me.”

“Not now.  You smell good.  Like pine and soap.”

His deep chuckle reminded her of Chad’s when Chad was amused with her.  “I’m glad you approve.”

“I want my babies to recognize that scent with the sound of your voice and the touch of your hands.  Please keep coming.  They need their great grandfather.”

“As long as you don’t make them call me great grandfather.  That’s too much of a mouthful even for me.”

“Double G-pa.  How’s that,” she murmured before a deep groan cut off his reply.

“They’re getting worse, aren’t they sweetheart?”

“I don’t know how Mother did it,” she sniffled between tears.  “I’m about to die and they said I’m at ‘four’.  That means I have six more of these to go.  If time is equal that’s…”  Confusion clouded her features and her eyes.  “A lot more hours.”

“My Kari was a strong woman.”

“And she swore she’d never have children again.”  Willow retorted grumpily.  “I think I get it.  I don’t know if I’ll do this again if it’s like this.”

“The memories will fade sweetheart.  My wife and Sheryl both swear that after a few weeks it’s just a fuzzy memory.  The babies-“

“Why didn’t Mother have that?” she wailed.  “Why did she have to keep such a vivid memory of such a horrible time?”

In the same soothing voice that had comforted Kari through scraped knees, bruised feelings, and a broken heart in the tenth grade, David Finley promised her he’d be there, he’d never leave her, and like Jesus, he wasn’t going to forsake her.  He promised that Chad was coming and that he’d be there soon.  This is exactly what Willow needed to hear.  Once he hit on the one thing that truly soothed her, David didn’t quit.  He talked about the little boy that Chad would have to stop and scold for not wearing his helmet causing Willow to smile.

“Aiden.  He never learns.”

Going from there, David assured Willow that Chad had to turn in the cruiser so the next officer could take his shift.  “He’s probably turning in the keys right now.”  After helping Willow to lay on her side once more, he continued with stopping at the farm, feeding and caring for the animals- “He’ll probably have to push some more alfalfa down from the rafters of that big ole barn you guys built so the sheep don’t starve while you’re gone.”

“Call Ryder and Caleb.  He has to call them.  For tomorrow.  Ask.”

“When he gets here, I’ll make sure he did.”

From washing up the dishes to changing sheets and getting the house ready, David mentioned everything he could think of to keep Willow’s husband from arriving.  He sent Chad back to town for a bank robbery, over to Westbury to pick up his mother, and help a kitten out of a tree for a little old lady.  This made Willow snort.

“Cat’s aren’t worth the trouble.  He has babies to help,” she whined as another contraction started to build.

“You’re right.  They’re not.  But kittens are.  Kittens are delightful until they become cats.  Then they’re disposable.”

“Don’t we sound horrible,” Willow giggled as she realized what they were saying.

“You’re smiling.  I’ll talk about just about anything to keep you smiling.”

His hands worked on Willow’s hips back, and shoulder.  Just as she thought she’d learned to control the contractions, they grew harder sending her into deeper and more frantic cries of pain.  David thought he’d go insane if he had to see her suffer any longer.  “I’ll be right back.  I promise.  Count to sixty and I’ll already be here.  Ready?”

Ignoring the terror in her eyes, David dashed from the room, found the nearest nurse, and demanded they get his granddaughter relief.  “She’s in agony.  If she’s making this much noise, she’s suffering ten times more than you think.  I want that doctor here now or so help me-“

“What doctor?”  The voice came from behind David’s ear.

“Her doctor is Dr. Kline and I want him now.”

“I’m Dr. Kline.  How can I help?”

“Do something for Willow.”

Anxious to get her some help as quickly as possible, he raced back to Willow’s side wetting the cloths he’d left again and wiping her forehead.  “Look at her.”

Dr. Kline settled at the end of the bed, ready to check her progress.  How David hated this.  He wanted to be far away when his granddaughter was in that position but instead, he focused on her eyes, told her to breathe a little slower, and squeeze his hands harder.  The doctor pulled off his gloves and tossed them in the garbage can.  “Well, you’re at five already-“

Willow’s wail pierced their ears.  “I can’t do this.  I just can’t do this,” she moaned.  “Cut them out of me now!”

“I’m not going to do that Willow,” Dr. Kline argued.  “It’s not in your or their best interests at this time.  However I am,” he continued at the despairing look in the eyes of man and granddaughter, “going to order an epidural for you.  You’ll be able to stay on top of the pain with it.”

The doctor dragged David from the room and demanded, “Where is her husband?  I expected to see Chad by her side the whole way?  He told me her mother went through this alone and he’s concerned about her mental stability over it so where is he?”

“We’ve called.  He was in court with his cell phone off and they said they’d go tell him.  I have no idea- it’s been three hours!”

Another shriek send David back to her side leaving the doctor confused.  A woman burst into the O.B. ward demanding to know where Willow Tesdall’s room was.  Seconds later, Marianne collapsed in a chair next to Willow’s bed and sighed.  “Finally.  I’m so sorry it took me so long.”

“Where’s Chad?”  Willow’s eagerness couldn’t be hidden.

“He’s coming.  The officer, Brad I think, who was supposed to call him was called to a barroom brawl and couldn’t go to the courthouse.  Everyone’s in a mess, the trial is taking longer than expected and Chad was last on the witness list.  I told him to stay until dismissal but he can’t get through anyway.”

David’s eyes widened.  “Why not?”

“Big accident.  Two tractor trailers hit each other around the bend where Chad was hit last year.  The whole road is blocked off.  I had to backtrack and come around through New Cheltenham.”

The anesthesiologist came through the door all smiles and too chipper for anyone’s comfort.  “Let us be getting you some relief mama,” the man said in his deep Indian accent.

The torture of laying on her side, bending in half when there was no where for her upper body to bend, and all through a contraction sent tears of pain rolling down her cheeks.  Marianne mopped her face and kept eye contact promising that it’d be better soon.  David tried to slip from the room but Willow grew hysterical as he disappeared behind the privacy curtain.  He returned, laid his gentle hands on her feet, itching to get back to the other end of the bed and away from areas that might send a baby flying into his fumbling hands.

The relief from the epidural was nearly instantaneous.  The anesthesiologist watched for five minutes to see if she responded well to it, and then gave her a full dose.  Her eyes nearly glazed over in abject relief and gratitude.  “He is my new hero.  I want to name the babies after this man.  What is your name?”

“Jasvinder.  I am thinking you’ll want to choose another name perhaps.”

Marianne, satisfied that Willow wouldn’t be splitting in half anytime soon, kissed her forehead.  “I’m just going to call Christopher and tell him you’re resting easier now.  I’ll call Chad too.  He’s going crazy with worry.”

To David’s surprise, she smiled her thanks and turned to him without a murmur.  He’d expected her to come unglued as Marianne left but she hardly noticed.  “You doing better sweetheart?”  His hands never left her arm, shoulder, hands.  The moment his hands moved away from her, she whimpered as her eyes pleaded for him to hold her.  “I’m not going anywhere, Willow.  I’ll stay right here until Chad comes.”

“Please stay.”

“I’m staying little girlie, I’m staying.”

Chapter 136~

The storm raged outside.  Half the woodpile sat in the middle of her kitchen and stacked next to Kari’s old bed.  The chickens were snug in the barn and Willow had orders not to even consider stepping outside for any reason other than labor or fire.  The new barn roof was finished just in time for the storm of the century.

Willow, on the other hand, was going a little stir crazy.  She’d finished every project on her list, cleaned the house from top to bottom, purged every room of anything extraneous, and then sat in her mother’s rocker until she felt like there was simply nothing to do.  She’d read every book in the house so many times she knew her favorite passages by page number.  Her journal was littered with inane comments left every few hours over the past twenty-four hours.

Finally, she opted for Christmas presents.  Considering that she might just be a bit busy over the next few months, Willow took out a fresh composition notebook, covered it with paper, decorated it with paper holly, ribbons, and buttons for berries, and opened it.  On the first page, she wrote the names of everyone in Chad’s family from Mom and Dad Tesdall down to Aggie and Luke’s new baby, Emma.  Page after page of friends, loved ones, and even acquaintances that she wanted to remember filled beneath her fingertips.

Chad found her, notebook in hand, and sobbing an hour or two later.  Concerned, he shrugged out of his coat leaving it on the floor by the door, dumped his belt, and hurried to the couch where she sat cross-legged, her belly covering her ankles.  “Lass, what is it?  What’s wrong?”

“Look at that!”

Page after page of names and gift ideas, mostly jellies and baked goods, turned beneath his fingers.  “Lass, you don’t have to do all this.  Alexa Hartfield doesn’t expect two hundred origami birds for a Christmas gift!”  He glanced at the next page.  “No wonder you’re so emotional.  I’d be overwhelmed too.  That’s a lot of work and I think-“

“That’s not why I’m overwhelmed!  Since when does a little work stop me?  Look at this list of friends, relatives, countrymen!”  She winked at him as she spoke the last word.  “Two years ago, I could name on one hand the number of people I’d been introduced to in my life.  Now I’m afraid I won’t remember them all.”  A ragged sob caught in her throat for a second before a fresh bout of weeping began.

“Oh Lass…”  He didn’t know what to say.  The aloneness that had kept him coming to the farm in the first place was something he didn’t miss.  He remembered the first time he read of Kari’s birth all alone, in a storm, no way to call for help; it still wrenched his heart thinking about it.  The sight of Willow standing alone on her porch, Othello at her side as he drove away that first afternoon had never left his mind.  He never wanted to see any human so alone and disconnected from mankind again.

“God has been so good.  I can’t stop thinking of that scripture in the Psalms that says ‘He sets the solitary in families…’.  He did that for me.  He gave me a family and then from that family He created a whole new branch in our family.  I am so blessed.”

Chad didn’t understand why the weeping.  As fresh tears flowed soaking his shirt and great sobs shook her shoulders, Chad patted her back ineffectively and murmured hushing noises in between his futile attempts to staunch the flow of tears.  Seconds passed.  Minutes.  Each one seemed longer than the last until finally, he lost all patience.

“Willow please.  It’s going to be ok.  You won’t be alone again, I promise.  Even if something horrible happened to me-“

Her shoulders shook even harder.  Ready to slap her in hopes of stopping what seemed to be hysteria, Chad’s eyes widened as he realized the sound coming from behind his wife’s hands wasn’t weeping anymore.  She was laughing.

“What-“

“You just sound so sweet and funny as if tears always mean something bad.  I’m happy.”

“You’re crying because you’re happy that you know a lot of people that you feel obligated to give gifts to and overwork yourself into early labor.”  He paused.  “Wait.  That’s it, isn’t it.  You’re trying to have these kids too soon so you don’t have to wait anymore.  That’s why you’ve been sewing and cleaning and going through every possession as though you were putting your affairs in order.”

Willow tried to speak but he continued for a minute or two recounting every activity she’d attempted recently until finally he jumped to his feet, whirled to face her, and pointing her finger in her face accused, “You’re nesting!”

His eyes saw his finger thrust almost between her eyes and a slow flush crept up his neck and burned his ears.  Sheepishly, Chad pulled his hands back into his pocket and stared down at his wife.  Her face was nearly purple with repressed laughter.  Eyes bulging, watering freely from the strain, she looked ready to explode.  “Just let it out.  I deserve it.”

She flopped over on her side and howled.  For several minutes Chad and Willow laughed until even Chad found himself wiping tears of hilarity from his eyes.  “I needed that,” he confessed when they finally regained composure.

“Me too.  I was feeling a little sorry for myself with nothing to do and then I started making a list- I mean, most of that is already made-“

“How?”

“I’ll give extra jars of preserves, jams, and jellies to most of them.  I just want a little something that says, ‘I appreciate having you in my life.’”

“And then you saw just how many people were in your life and got all weepy on me?”

“No, I got weepy before you ever came home.  You interrupted my tears of thanksgiving.  It was my party and you weren’t invited.”

“So do you want to tell me why you were planning Christmas presents in February?”

“I was bored.”

He stared at her slack-jawed.  “Will wonders never cease?”

***

March-

I confess, I am ready to be done with this business of gestating.  Is it terrible that I can’t imagine ever wanting to do this again.  Chad already speaks of ‘next time’ as though it was a given but knowing what I now know of the medication I used to help me ovulate, I’m not sure I’m willing to risk having half a dozen children all at once.  Our lives here, would be over.  I know people have done it and have probably handled it beautifully but for me, I see it as a very frightening prospect.  How would I keep my sanity, be a wife, run a farm, and still manage to give my children adequate care?  I don’t know that I could.  Two at once is overwhelming enough to imagine.  Four or five at once…  Now that I know it is possible (well, not just possible but that it has actually happened) I don’t think I care to risk it.

However, Dr. Kline assures me that sometimes, all the body needs is a pregnancy to properly regulate hormones and ‘prime the pump’ as he put it.  He says that it is entirely possible that I will have no trouble ovulating in the future.  He warns us not to get our hopes up but that we also should not automatically assume that because I was infertile (how strange it seems to say that as I sit here leaning so far over to reach the table comfortably) I will continue to be so.

Each day I grow a little weaker.  It’s hard to keep up my workload when I’m carrying thirty-five extra pounds across my midsection.  It’s hard to get enough food in me so I’ve taken to focusing on the highest quality food I can find.  I cook a steak for breakfast and keep it on the warming shelf of the stove until it’s eaten.  Then I go for a glass of milk followed by whatever fresh vegetables I’ve managed to pick the day before.  The greenhouse is invaluable.  I keep a new quart of fruit on the counter every day and eat from it every time I walk by.  It helps to keep my blood sugar levels stable.  I wasn’t careful for a week there and I found myself feeling faint quite often.  Hard boiled eggs are kept in the ice box for whenever I need them and Chad brings home some kind of new fruit every day or two.  I’ve been eating oranges especially.  Oh they are so good.

Each night I go to bed with oatmeal and milk and I sleep like a baby- well, like I hope these babies will sleep.  It seems as though the minute I go to bed they’re ready to get up and play.  Chad says it is because I rock them to sleep all day but when I lie down, I quit rocking them.  I didn’t have the heart to tell him that they move most of the day too.

Dr. Kline wants me to make it to March fifteenth.  After that, he says I can work myself into labor if I choose but until then, my job is to keep eating, keep my feet up as often as possible, and keep these babies growing inside me.  I can’t decide if I want them to come as quickly after the fifteenth as possible or if I want more time.  We’re almost to the end of just Chad and me time and while I never thought much of it when people were pushing for us to wait for children, I now see their point.  Our marriage will never be the same.  That’s not a bad thing- I’m not saying that but it is different and I like how things are.  I want to enjoy it while I have it.  Mother’s biggest goal in the life she created for us here was that we enjoy each and every day to its fullest.  We don’t look back on our days wishing we’d appreciated them more because we took the time to do it while we lived it.  I want that for this area too.

Chad, however, is ready to be a papa.  He sings to the children, reads them the Word (I never imagined him volunteering to read anything aloud but he does it frequently now), and spends hours “brainwashing” them as I call it.  He reminds them to obey mama, treat each other kindly, remember to do their jobs diligently, and so many other little admonitions of good and proper behavior.  It’s quite endearing and I wonder if it’ll make any difference but even if it doesn’t, I have wonderful memories of it to comfort me as I try to rear them to godliness.

Names have become a bone of contention between us.  I have this slight feeling of panic not knowing what names we’ve chosen for our children.  I can’t imagine the pressure of choosing while in the hospital but Chad says if he can’t name an animal without seeing its eyes, how is he supposed to name his child without holding him, looking into his little face, and sensing his personality.  I think it’s an excuse to avoid the fact that I don’t want to name them Adoniram and Brainard or Isobel.  Those were his last options.  He’s on a missionary kick or something.  The good news is, he has agreed to consider Christopher and Chadwick for middle names if we have boys.  Truthfully, I think a girl will be Karianne Olivia.  He mentioned it once and while he has been talking about Elisabeth, Amy, and Isobel lately (I have prayed he wouldn’t mention Gladys), he doesn’t seem as enamored with them as he is the men.

Mom bought us a baby name book and I went through it and highlighted every name I liked with a pink or blue colored pencil.  There were many lovely names in the book that I’d never heard of and oh my they were tempting.  I could tell Chad liked some but others didn’t appeal to him.  He said he can’t understand how I can love a name like Margaret and then suggest Windsor in the next breath.  Of course he likes Margaret and despises Windsor.  I thought it sounded interesting.  He says why not Westminster?

Grandfather Finley came by to see me this week.  He was on his way back from Brunswick and took the Fairbury route in order to come see me.  It was a nice visit but I can tell it is still difficult for him to see where Mother lived, see her pictures on the wall and the end tables and know that she was so close and yet out of his reach.  He hasn’t read most of the journals.  He says they are too difficult to handle.  I think he got to the part about the nightmares or maybe my birth and couldn’t see that it got better.  I assure him that we were happy, that she missed and loved them, and that I never doubted how much she admired them and hated what she’d done to them.  I don’t know how much he enjoyed his stay, he seemed a little uncomfortable.  But he says he has to come back in a week and a half so perhaps it wasn’t too awkward for him.

Every time I see him or Grandmother, they have some kind of gift for me.  This time, he brought me a very expensive camera.  I don’t quite know how to accept it but Chad says they have lived for so many years unable to give to their daughter or granddaughter, let them have their fun.  Chad has spent hours on his internet at work researching lenses for this camera and finally ordered three.  From what I understand, he spent on those lenses what Grandfather must have on the camera.  Those are some amazingly expensive lenses!  However, I’ve been practicing and it does take some amazing pictures.  I’ve even gotten a couple that feel a little like Wes Hartfield’s style.  I wasn’t sure I’d like this computerized camera but I confess, I do.  Chad was right.  I can take two hundred pictures and ‘throw away’ all but five and it didn’t cost me any more than if I just took those five.  How amazing!  So much of modern technology seems wasteful to me but I have to say, that one thing alone must save a fortune in bad pictures and wasted paper when people have to toss them.

The babies are restless.  I think I’ll walk around.  My ankles seem less swollen now.  It’s a delicate balance between being on my feet too much and not enough.  If I am not careful, either one will give me elephant ankles- none.

Chapter 135~

“I-I-I tried to-to- tell him b-b-but he would-d-dn’t listen.”

“And now the barn roof needs to be replaced already?”  Willow stared at Charlie Janovick in dismay.

“Yes.”  Two words Charlie had learned how not to stutter.  Yes and no.  Years of speech therapy and the only success was with those two little words that people use so often.  The word ‘I’ on the other hand, as much as he’d struggled to succeed with it, he’d failed.

“And you think the plastic is the best option?”

“F-f-for F-f-ebruary, yes.”

Willow nodded.  “I see.  Ok.  Get whatever you need from me and I’ll take care of it.”

“I-I-I’m sorry W-W-Willow.  I-I-I should have b-b-been more p-p-persuasive.”

“He was in a hurry and heard what he wanted to hear.  I probably would have done the same thing.”  She dished out a bowl of stew from the stove and handed it to the handyman.  “Eat.  And while you’re at it, tell me if you want to do the work yourself or if you think I should find a contractor.”

“C-c-contractor.  D-d-definitely.  I-I-I would d-do it, b-b-but time…”

“You think it’s more important to get it done quickly and a contractor can do it faster than one man alone?”

Nodding, Charlie swallowed his first bite.  Willow’s stew was the most delicious thing he’d eaten in months.  As handy as he was everywhere else, Charlie lived on macaroni and cheese, ramen noodles, canned chili, and sandwiches.  A ‘fancy’ meal for him was lasagna or a pot pie from the freezer section of the grocery store.  “I-if I-I-I wasn’t so b-b-usy, I-I-I might have t-t-time b-b-but…”

“Well, I won’t pretend that I wouldn’t prefer to have you do it.  You’re a genius with your hands but if you find me a good contractor who can do it before the next snow, I’ll consider myself hugely blessed.”

“G-g-got the m-man for you.  I-I-I’ll send h-him out.”

The next morning, a middle aged man with a spread around his middle to match knocked on her door.  Willow grabbed her coat and stepped outside.  “Sorry, my husband is sleeping.  He just got in at six so I’m trying not to wake him.”

“Charlie told me what’s going on up there and what needs to be done.  I’ll take a look but I suspect if Charlie says it, then it’s so.  He hasn’t been wrong yet.”

“And your name is?”  Willow liked the man already.  Anyone who recognized Charlie as a treasure was all right in her book.

“I’m sorry- I’m Paul Plummer.”

“The roofer.”

“You don’t know how often I get people trying to convince me I know how to fix their pipes.  Not only do I not know, I don’t want to learn,” the man joked as he grabbed his ladder from his truck.  “I’ll just climb up there and give it a once over.”

Minutes later, he climbed down shaking his head.  “Charlie’s right.  You’ve got ice between your shingles and some are already tearing.  I don’t know what went wrong up there-  I didn’t take the time to look- but outside the fact that I use this product because I believe in it, I think it’s the only one safe to install this quickly and in this weather.”

“Can you have it done by Friday?”

“I’d have to charge quite a bit extra…”  The man looked embarrassed to say it.

“I don’t care.  We can’t afford to add more work onto what we’re already doing.”  As she spoke, Willow clutched her stomach and sucked in her breath.

“You ok ma’am?”  Looking about a year overdue in Paul’s eyes, the man was sure she’d gone into labor.

“Yep.  I’ve just got a kicker in here and sometimes he really gets me.”

“You due soon?”

“Two months.”

Before the man could express his surprise, a car pulled into the yard next to his truck.  Carol Finley stepped out of her car and waved at Willow excitedly.  “Wait’ll you see what I brought!”

“My grandmother is here.  I need to go but thank you.  I’ll sign whatever paperwork you want.  Just please try to get that roof on before the next snow.  If we like your work, I’ll see what Chad says about replacing our other roofs to match.  I know Mother planned to replace the old barn roof next year anyway.”

Leaving the man, Willow waddled through the snow rubbing her belly briskly and wishing she’d not decided that a maternity coat was a waste of time and money.  “Grandmother!”

From the trunk, Carol Finley pulled a large box.  “It’s a jogger stroller.  It’s meant for use on the roads so you could walk to town with the babies and it’d be a comfortable ride.  The wheels have shocks and everything.”  Before Willow could respond, Carol pulled out a large department store bag.  “And, one of the ladies at church gave this to me for you.  Her daughter had twins last winter and found this coat…”

The women chatted as they dragged the box onto the porch and then went inside.  Willow tried on the coat and was excited to see that not only did it button, it’d still button for at least a couple of more weeks.  “This is so thoughtful!  I’ll take good care of it for her.”

“Oh no, it’s yours.  She’s not having any more children so she doesn’t want it back.”  Carol pointed at the truck retreating down the driveway.  “Who was that?”

“Something’s wrong with the barn roof and apparently it’s serious enough that it has to be replaced immediately.  Paul’s going to replace it before Friday.”

“Storm’s coming Friday.  We were worried.  They said they expect a lot of power outages in the outer lying towns.”

“Considering we hardly use power, we’re not concerned for us but I made extra candles yesterday and Chad took them to town in case people need them.  He’s going to haul wood today too.”

One last glance out the window showed the new mini van parked beneath the awning Chad had erected.  “I see you bought the car.”

“I’m learning to drive it too.  So far, I haven’t hit anything but I have come close.”

The women talked over tea and cookies, Carol sharing stories of her own pregnancies and Willow laughing at the antics of her unborn mother in utero.  As Willow hemmed summer blankets, Carol worked slowly on the broomstick lace summer afghan she was crocheting under Willow’s patient tutelage and talked about impending baby shower.  “I didn’t come to your bridal shower- I wish I would have…”

“You weren’t ready.  I understood that.”

“We kept you at arm’s length because of Kari’s decisions.  That was wrong, Willow.”

Willow shook her head and snipped the embroidery floss.  “No.  It wasn’t.  Family ties aren’t created at birth simply because of the birth.  They’re slowly interwoven as time and relationships emerge.  You can’t just wake up one morning, find out you have a grandchild of twenty-two, and expect to have a close personal relationship.  I had more connection with you because Mother was careful to teach me all about you.”  She corrected a stitch and added, “When you add to it, all the pain of Mother’s disappearance, I’m amazed you ever speak to me.”

Chad burst through the door grinning.  “Fran sent this package home.  I think I know what it is but I’m not sure.”  Dropping the box on the couch next to Willow, he raced into the kitchen.  “Where are those batteries I bought?”

“In the cellar.  Top shelf to the right of the door next to the candles,” Willow called back stifling a giggle as she struggled from the couch.  “He’ll stare right at them and never see them… this time.”

“Visual learner?”

“Yeah… the vision of my immense belly reminds him that he can use his eyes just as well as I can use mine.”

Carol’s laughter followed as Willow waddled through the kitchen and down the cellar steps.  “Did you find them?”

“Top shelf where-  Oh Willow, you didn’t have to come in here.  Now you have to climb back up again.”

“I can stand the climb better than the shout.  Here.”  She passed him the box of batteries.  “What do you need with them?”

“Power is out in town.  I’m going to keep them in the car for when people need them.”

“But the storm hasn’t hit yet!”  Willow’s surprise was arrested by a swift kick to her bladder.  “Ow!”

“Don’t you dare go into labor now woman.”

“I’m not due yet!  It’s- oof- just a kick.  I want you to have a talk with your son when he gets here.  I am not putting up with this kind of treatment.”

To her amusement, Chad laid both hands on her belly gently sliding them around until he found the offensive foot.  He sank down on his heels and pressed his cheek against her stomach where the baby had started moving again.  “Hey little guy,” the movement stopped.  “Be nice.  Your mama’s tired and those kicks hurt.  You can move but take it easy ok?”

The foot stretched again but Chad massaged it until it disappeared from the surface.  “How do you do that?  I try it and get a punch to the rib in addition to the kicks.”

“They know authority when they hear it.”

“I think you have a future in hostage negotiation.”

***

Exhausted, Chad crawled from the covers and padded downstairs.  Sitting in her mother’s rocker, Willow’s eyes were closed and she rocked slowly.  “Can’t sleep Lass?”

“I could sleep fine if little feet weren’t running relays.”

“Relays huh?”  He stood behind her kneading her shoulders with his hands.  “How do you know it isn’t all one very rambunctious child while his sibling is the victim of false accusations?”

“How do you know the rambunctious one is a he?”  She leaned her head back and grinned into Chad’s sleepy eyes.  “Besides, I can tell where the movements are coming from.  Either they’re doing the tango in there or they’re running relays.  One baby can’t be in all places at once.  Not even yours.”

“What do you have to do tomorrow?”

“Just a bit of tomato picking for Jill and cooking for the work crew.”

He marveled at this wife of his.  “You know, Lass, you don’t have to make them a hot lunch every day.  It’s not expected much less required.”

“They’re out there working in the freezing cold to protect my barn and get it done before the storm.  The least I could do is give them a hot meal in the process.”  She smiled thoughtfully.  “I guess it’s good I didn’t need to relieve any more angst or we wouldn’t have had enough dishes.”

“Missing Mother these days?”  His hands found the knots beneath her shoulder blades and worked diligently to release them.

“I’m missing her but it’s not the same.  I have family in my life now.  I’ve read her thoughts and fears that I never really understood before she died.  I’m more ready to accept that she’s exactly where she’d wanted to be since that horrible day that changed her life.  She’s content.  I miss her but I no longer resent her for leaving or God for taking her.”

They stayed there for some time without speaking- Willow rocking, Chad rubbing the aches and kinks from her very swollen body.  Finally, Willow caught his hands in hers.  “Go back to bed Chad.  With Brad sick, you could be called in anytime.  Get some sleep.  I’ll be fine.”  She smiled at his protest and shook her head.  “I’ve got to get used to it anyway.  Your mother assures me I won’t get a decent night’s sleep for the first year anyway.”

Reluctantly, Chad climbed the stairs and crawled under the covers.  Now awake, he lit the oil lamp beside their bed and reached for her journal.  He hadn’t read it in a week.  As busy as they were, it was a nice way to make sure he was in tune with his wife’s thoughts.

February-

Time is flying.  I never understood that concept as a child or even when Mother was alive.  Before the strangeness with the Solaris, not much had changed around here and I rarely looked back wondering where the time had gone but the longer I’m married and the closer these babies get to birth, the faster the days seem to fall from the calendar.

Dr. Kline is very happy with how our little tykes are growing, how I’m stretching and how I don’t seem to be gaining too much.  I’m finding it impossible to keep food down now, however, if I accidentally over eat.  Just one extra bite will send me running for a bucket so I am now carefully planning every single bite to ensure I don’t eat too much or too little.  It is a nuisance of epic proportions but I’ll survive.  I told Chad the first thing he must do after the babies are born is go get me something, anything, that I can fill my stomach with.

Grandmother Finley and I have forged a tentative relationship.  As time goes by, we become more comfortable with each other and remember to seek out time together.  I confess, I forgot about her much of the time.  My life is busy- too busy to make new friends so it wasn’t a priority to call, write, or visit.  I’m not proud of that but Chad reminded me that mail, phones, and roads work both ways and I couldn’t take the full responsibility of keeping in touch on my shoulders.  Now, we seem to take turns.   At first it was once a month to six weeks one of us would call, send a letter, or if nearby, stop to visit for a few minutes.  Then it became every four weeks almost to the day alternating between us.  After Christmas it seemed as though every other week we’d find ourselves chatting, writing, or visiting and now a week doesn’t go by without me seeing or hearing from her and receiving a letter or two.

Mother’s journaling bug has hit Grandmother finally.  She’s not up to keeping them pretty so I cover them, add embellishments inside from place to place, and give them to her whenever she says she’s getting low.  She’s become quite prolific and she says she keeps all of my letters protected in clear plastic sleeves in a binder.  I need to cover one of those for her too.  I think she’d like it.

I confess, I am becoming nervous about motherhood.  Mom brings books and articles to help “prepare” me for the baby.  They tell me how to deal with cracked nipples, afterbirth pains, colic, reflux, how to avoid SIDS, and how to keep my marriage intact after the little adorable invaders that apparently want to do nothing but ruin our time together and ensure they have no siblings.  I’ve tried to remind myself that these are written for people with the problem not because everyone has the problem but considering I have zero experience with children and babies, I don’t know just how much to take to heart and how much to file away for ‘just in case’.

Chad stared at the words before he made a decision.  This needed to stop.  Now.  His mother would be horrified to know she was creating anxiety in Willow.  He turned out the lamp, rolled over, and tried to decide whether he should tell Willow to put the stuff away until she needed it for reference or tell his mother to just be ready to help whenever something came up.

The stairs creaked.  She was coming back to bed.  He waited.  The closet door opened.  He heard her take something from the shelf and wondered what she was doing.  The water came on in the bathroom and then silence.  Creak.  Surely she wasn’t.  Creak.  It was softer this time.  A minute or two later, he saw her shadow enter the bathroom, exit, and the closet door came open again.

“Steps creaking again?”

“Yep.”

“Did you oil it or what?”

“Oil?  The step?  Of course not!  Powder.  Sweep it into the cracks and voila.  Stops the creaks.”

He shook his head.  “You’re absolutely amazing Lass.  Amazing.”

“What are you doing awake?”  Willow rolled over and laid her head on her husband’s chest.

“I was reading.”

“What did I say this time?”  She recognized his tone.

“Well, apparently my mom is causing a bit of stress-“

“Oh no Chad.  It’s not like that at all!  She’s being really helpful!”

He laced his fingers through hers and smiled as a light kick barely registered against his side.  “Mom would be so upset if she knew you were taking these things to heart.  She’s trying to build you a reference library, not give you a coronary.  Just take what she brings, put it on a shelf, and don’t worry about it until you need it.”

“Yes dear.”

“Don’t patronize me woman!”

“Why not, you matronize me all the time.”

He pretended to growl.  “Do you want me to tell that child to start kicking again?”

“I’ll be good oh wise and wonderful husband of mine.  I’ll be good.”

“Thought so.”

Chapter 134~

December-

Christmas is coming but we aren’t fattening any geese around Walden Farm.  I think I’m doing all the fattening that is necessary.  I’m huge.  Seriously, I am amazingly rotund.  Ok, I’m immensely rotund.  At five months pregnant, my doctor says I am approximately the size of a woman who is around thirty-three weeks pregnant even though I am only twenty-two weeks pregnant.

We saw the babies.  They have fingers and toes and you can see them on the screen.  Oh was I relieved to have an ultrasound without that awful thing inside me.  It was nice for Chad too.  The doctor is certain that one of the babies is a boy.  The other he thinks is a girl but he isn’t sure.  We were going to go to Dr. Weisenberg but he suggested we go to Dr. Kline in Brunswick.  He didn’t feel comfortable with handling a twin birth with his current work load.  I don’t know what that means exactly but I assume he knows what he is talking about.

Until I heard ‘a boy and a girl’ I hadn’t even imagined having one.  Yes, I thought it might be nice but I assumed that I’d have the two boys I’d always pictured and just brushed off the idea of a girl but now… I picture a miniature version of my mother and mom-Marianne and I want her.  I’ve made a few little feminine day gowns.  Mom brought patterns for them and I’ve been sewing and embroidering… Chad says I can’t put his son in a gown.  I can’t imagine why.  (that was sarcasm for my captive audience of one).  So, for little guy, I’ve been making ‘onesies’ and using appliqués and such to feed my need to sew for my son as well.  So far, Chad hasn’t been affronted by creations.  I’m working on baby quilts next.  I think I’ll do a pink, a blue, and a green.  If baby two isn’t a girl, I’ll have a quilt for him and a pink baby gift.  If it is a she, then I’ll have green for either boy or girl.  Perfect.

Chad laughs at how much white I’m sewing.  He says that it’ll all be stained and ugly immediately but I reminded him that bleach is the righter of all stained wrongs.  I love white little baby things.  I have white blankets, diapers, gowns, sleepers, and even ‘nursing gowns’ courtesy of mom who seems to bring me a new gift every time she comes.  The babies have toys, clothes, and books to please a dozen children.  I have maternity clothes, nursing clothes, patterns, fabric, snacks, and things to pamper myself with like lotions, creams, and such.  She visits me once a week for an afternoon and we work on making baby books ready to insert pictures at will.  It makes her happy and all of the stress that had tried to root into our relationship has been ripped out.  We’re back to who we were and I love it.  Mom is a wonderful woman and it feels like I have her back again.

The babies move constantly- or so it seems.  Honestly, I sit sometimes and stare at they way my stomach rolls one way or another.  I am constantly eating and drinking.  I can’t put much in me at one time so instead, I ‘graze’ as Chad puts it.  Dr. Kline says that my weight gain is phenomenal.  I thought that meant a lot but apparently it means that I’m gaining exactly what is necessary to give these little tykes a good start and nothing more.  He is optimistic about my ability to return to close to pre-pregnancy weight.  I think I’m supposed to care a lot about that but frankly, I’m too busy to worry if my backside is wider or my chest needs another increase in support.  And it does.  If I wasn’t unbalanced with the babies sitting in front, I would be by their bottles above.  Oh my word it’s amazing.  Chad laughs.  I can’t wait until I have some milk flowing and can squirt him in the eye.  That’ll teach him.

We did have a bit of an upset over the whole milk thing.  He’d forgotten that Mother had supply problems and I didn’t thrive at first.  When I mentioned getting another goat around the time of the birth just in case, he came unhinged.  Unglued.  Flipped out.  Freaked out.  Lost it.  Ummm I know Cheri used more phrases but I’ve forgotten them.  He brought home a can of formula and explained why we’d be using that instead.  I opened it, poured it into a cup, took a sip, and spat it out across the room.  Oh boy did we have a lovely argument that time…

Chad, reading the journal, laughed at the recollection of Willow’s disgusted and indignant face.  “I will not feed my child this nasty stuff until you are willing to drink it too.  I can’t believe you’d even suggest it.  Smell it!” she’d demanded thrusting the glass under his nose.  He knew he’d lost the argument the moment he gagged at the smell.

“I can’t feed my babies goat milk.  I just can’t do it.  It’s not-“

“It’s good enough for me… and it was for me as a baby… it’s good enough for you… but it is bad for the babies?” Her voice had been full of surprise at that moment.

“It’s just,” Chad remembered saying as though he watched the scene all over again, “that we don’t boil the milk, we don’t-“

“It doesn’t need to have all the vitamins and minerals boiled out of it.  Why would we do that?”

“But they’re just little babies, Willow!  What if-“

“I thrived on that stuff Chad.  Thrived.  Do you think I want to risk my babies?  Do you think I’d do anything to hurt them?  Do you think Mother didn’t study everything she could to make the very best decision?  Do we not live daily with the wisdom of those decisions?”

He hadn’t liked to admit the strength and validity of her argument.  After all, he was constantly telling people how wise Kari was, how knowledgeable, and how their success was largely dependent upon all the research she’d done for them over the years she’d lived on the farm.  However, the idea of feeding his babies raw goat’s milk just seemed irresponsible.  He chalked it up to a lifetime of indoctrination regarding things of that nature and promised to discuss it with the pediatrician.

1. Happy to hear Willow planned to nurse her babies as long as humanly possible, she assured both parents that whether they supplemented with nothing, with goat’s milk, or with formula, as long as the babies could digest what was fed, developed no sensitivities to it, and thrived, she would approve any of the three choices- her first being Willow nursing them exclusively for a minimum of four months.

Chad was relieved.  Somehow a doctor’s validation of Kari’s research made him more willing to endure what he knew would be a cry of protest if the necessity ever arose.  His family simply wouldn’t understand.  However, his concerns about well baby checks were also validated.  Willow considered them unnecessary and asking for trouble.  She was concerned about constant exposure to germs in a doctor’s office where sick children waited in the same room as well children, were seen in the same rooms as well children, and for what?  Measurements?  Weight gain?  Willow was certain she could handle any of those things at home.

Dr. Wesley disagreed.  She discussed the tendency of one twin to be smaller, of slightly increased speech and motor skill delays and assured Willow that she’d be happy to take the twins as the first children of the day on their visits if germs were a concern.  Chad had sighed in relief when Willow nodded and said, “As long as we can leave through the back door, I guess. “

They were still at an impasse in regards to vaccinations.  Chad insisted on none at birth.  When he heard of the Hepatitis B vaccine at birth, he was adamantly opposed to it giving Willow the false impression that he’d be opposed to most of the shots suggested.  She’d endured the Rubella shot when the titer came back negative for antibodies for the sake of the babies but saw no reason for them to have the shots while their immune systems were still developing.  Chad disagreed.  He was, however, adamant that there be no shots before age four months.  When asked why, he couldn’t give a coherent answer but to Willow’s way of thinking, it just gave her that many more months to convince him to avoid them all together.

Their evenings were filled with debates on car seats, scheduled feeding, and diapers.  Often one of them took the role of devil’s advocate for the sheer joy of the discussion finally admitting that they were in full agreement with the other.  Chad was waiting for Willow to return from her fourth trip to the bathroom since supper before he brought up the next topic of debate.  He was sure she wasn’t expecting it and she wouldn’t like it but on this one, Chad was determined.  There wasn’t an option in his mind.

Willow waddled down the stairs, her favorite top stretched taught across her immense, in his opinion anyway, belly.  Already she had to put her foot up on a chair to tie her shoes but the babies had hardly slowed her down at all.  She worked from sun up ‘till sundown, slept like a log, and rose the next morning fresh and eager for more.  Dr. Kline had warned him that by the end of February, she’d be slowing down much more than she thought she would.

“Beating up the bladder tonight are they?

“Yep.  If I didn’t need the water so badly, I’d quit drinking it and save myself the trouble.”  She sank into the couch awkwardly and then put her feet up on the arm leaning into his chest with her back.  “Ahhh that feels good.  Hey, I had an idea about names.”

“What’s that?”

“I think we should choose boy and girl names with the same initials.  That way, I can monogram their clothing and if they look a lot alike, we won’t mix them up.”

“You want to monogram their clothing?”  Only Willow would think of it.  “Isn’t that a bit- um… formal?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t make it look like those towels we got for the wedding… I was thinking about cute little letters that looks babyish or fits the style of the outfit.  Just a little monogram on the pocket or the bottom of the feet.”

“Well, it would help,” Chad teased, “in reducing the options of names anyway.  Did you have any idea of initials you wanted to use?”

“I was thinking one could be CWT and the other WCT.  Chad and Willow.  Cute?”

“I like it but I wanted to name a girl after our mothers and you.”

“Since when?”  For the past six weeks he’d been throwing out every name under the planet and not one was a family name.

“I thought of it yesterday.  We could name her Karianne Olivia after you, Mother, Mom, and Aunt Libby- I just thought of the Aunt Libby part.”

“I like that…”

“What were you thinking boy wise?  There could be two boys in there you know…”

“But Dr. Kline said he thought the other one was a girl.”  Willow was confused.

“Well, ultrasounds are more accurate than they used to be but they’re only so accurate as they can see.  He’s certain one is a boy but he’s guessing on the girl because he didn’t see um-“ Chad winked at her flushing face, “evidence of a boy.”

“I wish I knew for sure.”

“I think it’s funny that you want to know.  I was sure I’d have to bribe you with a few hundred sheep or something to get you to let them look at all.”

Willow shook her head.  “Why not know!  We can make clothes, buy toys, pick names… I think it’s amazing that we have the technology and I love being able to plan it all.”

“Plan.  I should have thought of that.  The only thing the Finley woman love more than doing things the old fashioned way is to plan out their every step.”

“Sue me.”  Willow reached for her water, grimaced, and took a swig.  “And here starts the ten o’clock tramp to the necessary.”

“I’ve got another thing to bring up that you’re not going to like.”

“Then don’t!”  Her wicked grin prompted a fresh burst of chuckles from Chad.

“Sorry, no can do.”

“So, what won’t I like.”

“We have to buy another car.”  Even as he said it, Chad felt like a coward.  He’d left out the worst of it and he’d done it deliberately.  He was stalling.

“Soooo why will that bother me?  We can’t get the babies home in the truck.  I know that.  Well,” she thought for a moment and shrugged.  “You could always get your mom to take us home.”

“And how would we all go to church, visit my parents, or go to the babies’ check-ups?”

“That’s one way to avoid them…”

“Not happening.  You agreed.”

She threw up her hands in mock despair.  “Don’t shoot!  I’ll surrender.  So you buy a car.  Do the accounts have enough money?  What’s the problem?”

“Well, buying the car isn’t the biggest problem.”  Chad took a deep breath.  “The big problem is that you’re going to have to learn to drive.”

“Not happening.”

“Not an option,” he countered quietly.  Before she could mount her offense, Chad clamped a hand over her mouth.  “Just listen.  I promised not to lead you anywhere you weren’t ready to go unless I had to.  This is my first deviation.  Like it or not, you must learn.  Period.”

“Why?”  The lack of belligerence in her tone was a huge relief.

“Because you never know what could happen to those babies.  They get sick.  They need help.  Croup, pneumonia, RSV, there’s all kinds of stuff that babies get and I might not be able to get to you in time to get them where they need to be.  One could start learning to crawl and fall down the stairs.  They could cut themselves on something- anything.  Your mother managed not to need an ambulance and I commend her for that but-“

“But you’re not willing to take that risk.”

Chad shook his head.  “No.  I’m not.  I have been praying that you’d understand.  I’m not asking you to drive everywhere.  If you want to stroll to town with them, so be it.  If you never leave the farm except when I’m driving- that’s fine.  But I want you able to do it if they need you to.”

“Do I have to get a license?”

“I think it’d be smart…”

“If it was a true emergency, couldn’t they just give me a ticket for driving without one and we pay it?  I don’t want a license.”

“But you’ll learn to drive.”  It wasn’t a question.

Willow nodded.  “You teach me how and I’ll make sure that in an emergency, I can safely get us medical attention.”

“I won’t pretend I wouldn’t prefer you had a license.  I want you to pray about it- think about it- reconsider.  But for now, as long as you learn how to drive, I’ll be content.”

They sat discussing names until Willow yawned the third time.  For Chad, that was his clue that she needed bed, now.  He practically pushed her upstairs and demanded that she brush her teeth before he hurried downstairs to blow out the Christmas candles.  From just outside the library, he shoved the wise men along the edge of the table a little closer to the tree.

As they crawled into bed, Willow holding her unwieldy stomach until she rolled over comfortably, Chad debated asking the question that had confused him for weeks.  He’d known she wouldn’t want a license.  Instinctively, he’d predicted her exact response but he’d avoided asking the question but here, resting comfortably in their bed as he listened to the crackle of the wood in the stove outside their bedroom door, he was ready to hear.

“Why don’t you want a license Willow?  Having it doesn’t mean you have to drive…”

“It’s silly really, but-“

“Come on, I’m curious.”

She rolled over to face him, slowly releasing her supporting hands from around her belly once again.  “I don’t want the temptation.  Just as Mother needed to turn off the electricity to avoid the things that would drag her from the life she wanted to live, I need to avoid the one thing that I think would tempt me away from the one I want to live.  I don’t want to become lazy and I think I would.”

“That’s absurd!  Willow, you’re the least lazy-“

“And I have safeguards in my life that help keep me that way.  Remember how I forgot to order staples until I ran out of salt?  It’s already easy to do those things knowing you can just bring them home for me.  What’ll happen if I can run to town for a piece of fabric instead of taking the time to make it myself.  Little outfits like Cari and Lorna’s won’t happen.”

“But you loved making that fabric- surely you’d do it again in the same instance.”

“I don’t know,” she said thoughtfully.  “I’d like to think I wouldn’t but I love to look at fabric ideas that others have as well.  Who is to say I wouldn’t be tempted to shop for it.  It’s not wrong to shop for it but I don’t want to wake up twenty years from now and regret that I lost my ingenuity and creativity due to my own laziness.”

“I am having trouble imagining you as lazy.”

She laid her hand on his cheek smiling to herself.  “Chad, you have a hard time remembering that I’m imperfect except when we happen to be disagreeing.  It’s sweet but if you really think about it you’ll remember just what I pill I really am.”

“Should I say something sappy like, ‘if you’re a pill then I’ll take my medicine happily?’”

“Um, no.  That’s just… um… no.”

1. “Four more month’s Lord… just four more months…”

Contest~ Name Those Babies…

I thought it’d be a lot of fun to have a contest for naming Chad and Willow’s twins!  So… here’s how it’ll work.  List your names… boy, girl, whatever… I’m not telling what they’re having but you’ll have hints coming too.

As the ultimate prize… I’m purchasing…

From DCB Collectibles for the winner!  The figurines will be shipped directly from the seller so you’ll have to be willing for me to give them your address in order to win.

Rules-

Only five names per day per person.  Anyone who is old enough to type the name (either copying from your list or spelling it on their own) is elligible to win.

The contest will not end until the babies are born and their names are announced.  So, you have lots of time!  I reserve the right to change names I have planned on at this time for names suggested if someone suggests something I like better.

Chapter 133~

“She should have been home an hour ago even if she walked all the way home with a flat.”

“It’s awfully hot out there Chad,” Luke agreed.  “Why don’t you go find her.  I’ll bet she’s got a flat and is walking really slowly.”

“I can’t figure out why she isn’t answering the cell.”  Even as he said it, Chad realized why.  She’d been in the store and had instinctively switched it back off when he called.  The desire to bang his head against the wall became strangely appealing.

“Go Chad.  We’ll make sandwiches and kick back on your porch.”

“The electric is on.  Feel free to pull the fan out there to cool off.”

Without waiting for a reply, Chad rushed to the truck and whipped it around sending dust clouds everywhere.  Three times he drove back and forth between town and his house before he saw Willow’s bicycle leaning against a tree about a hundred yards from the road.  He pulled into an outlet fifty feet away and turned off the truck.  He didn’t see Willow but as he reached the bicycle, he saw her lying on the ground half hidden by summer grasses.  Before Chad woke her, he carried her bicycle to the truck and stowed it in back.

Kneeling beside her, he brushed the tendrils away from her forehead and whispered, “Lass… let’s get you home.”

She barely stirred.  A few more whispered words did little to  rouse her.  However, Willow did manage to wrap her arms around his leg holding it close to her cheek.  Stifling a laugh, Chad tried again this time lifting her head onto his knee as he settled down next to her.  “Willow?  Come on now, you’re going to be eaten by bugs.  Let’s get you home.”

Her green eyes blinked uncomprehendingly at him several times.  “Chad?  Is everything ok?”

“Well, now that I found you-“

“I was lost?”

He nodded.  “But now you’re found.”

“I’m not blind though- I see just fine.”  She sat up and looked around her somewhat dazed.  “What are we doing here?”

“I was hoping you’d tell me that.  When you didn’t come home by lunch, I went looking for you.  Your phone’s off.”

“I forgot to turn it on after the store.  I don’t remember coming over here.”

“What do you remember?” This wasn’t something he expected.

“I remember riding home.  It was hot and my legs didn’t want to keep riding.  I stopped on the road…”  She thought for a moment and then shrugged.  “After that, I just don’t remember.”

“I think you got overtired.  How do you feel?”

“Thirsty.”

Chad led her to his truck, slammed the door shut behind her, and looked heavenward.  “Lord, what am I supposed to do with her?”

“Did you say it was lunch time?”

Nodding, Chad made a u-turn and zipped toward home.  “Yep.  Half an hour ago or so.  That’s when I noticed you weren’t home.”

“The guys must be starving.  I’m so sorry.”

“They’re making sandwiches and relaxing on the porch as we speak.”

1. Where’s the stuff I bought?”

“In the back of the truck with your bike.”  Chad drummed the steering wheel with his thumb as he carried on a private inward debate.  “Will you do something for me Lass?”

“Sure.”

“No more trips to town, especially in this heat, until your exhaustion is past?  It bothers me that you don’t remember walking to the side of the road.”

She nodded as he pulled into the driveway.  “I’m just not used to having to think about whether I can make it home or not.  It’s such an easy ride that-“

“You’re riding for three.  Maybe that’s why.”

Willow groaned as she climbed from the cab of the truck.  “Chad my dear, that is going to get very old, very quickly.”

“Go lay down.  I’ll bring you water and a sandwich.”

“That however,” she continued grinning, “will not get old for a long time.”

***

September-

I’m still sleeping more than usual but not quite as much as I was.  At ten weeks, my body seems to have adjusted to things much more than they were at first.  I occasionally feel a bit peaked in the evening but resting, the cooler weather, and lemonade seems to really help.  I drink a lot of lemonade these days.  Chad says I’m going to have children with very sour dispositions.

The bulk of the canning is over now.  I’m working on pumpkin, apples, and some of the fruit that we froze until I had time to can it.  Odd way to do things but it’s working.  I planted my first set of fall crops in the greenhouse.  As of today, the entire thing is being utilized to its fullest potential with the exception of hanging planters.  Chad was planning to build me some but with the rush to finish the barn, it looks like we’ll be ordering them instead.  The manufacturer of our kit makes great accessories that are, in my opinion, ridiculously expensive but Chad assures me they’re worth the investment.  He says what I’ve made in produce sales this year has already paid for half the cost of the greenhouse and its installation so I guess it really will be worth it.

We realized last night that we forgot to tell Grandmother and Grandfather Finley about the babies.  I’ve written them a letter and enclosed it in a special “announcement card” that I made.  I said that babies are twice as nice when they come in double portions.  Chad said it was cheesy but he couldn’t keep that cheesy grin off his face a he said it so I know he was pleased.

I wonder why I find it so difficult to include Mother’s family in my life.  I keep trying- but I forget.  I know they feel rejected by me- Grandmother has said as much.  I never know how to answer.  It is never deliberate but how can I argue with the facts.  I do ignore them.  I do forget them.  When I do think of them, it is at the most inopportune times like in the middle of making candles or butchering chickens.  It’s not like I can just stop and pick up the phone.  And, I really don’t like the phone anyway.  I do need to do better about it.  I don’t know how but I do.

Chad’s making two cradles from kits he bought online.  He says one will go on each side of the bed.  I’m glad I have a big room.  I think I’ll be removing the bed tables when the time comes so that the babies are in easy reach.   Oh, and he’s hysterical with the diaper snaps.  I bought a tool for hammering snaps onto the diapers to make them pinless and it is Chad’s job to “install” them.  He loves pounding those things into place.  Who knew?  Thus far we have two half finished cribs and two dozen diapers.  I have a feeling that might get us through one or two days of diapering maximum.  I’ll be making a few dozen more.  Mom says to make sure I make the next two sizes now while I have time because I won’t when the babies arrive.

Mom is here now.  She’s been here for a week.  Cheri came for a week last month and we got the rest of the late tomatoes canned, the peaches and most of the berries.  She worked hard and as much as she grumbled at first, I think she liked it.  She’s learned to spin as well as I can but she has absolutely no interest in doing anything with the wool no mater how much I try to teach her.

We’ve been making clothes for me.  I need them already.  Mom said she didn’t ‘show’ until her sixth month with Chris but she said that he was a small baby anyway and of course, there was just Chris growing.  I love what we’ve made so far and she found me several pairs of flannel lined maternity overalls for winter.  They’re going to be great.

Dr. Weisenberg says that everything is growing on schedule.  I don’t have to have another ultrasound in November but he does want one in December.  He says we’ll be able to tell if they’re boys, girls, or one of each.  I’m hoping for one of each myself.  Chad wants us to find out.  I don’t want to know.  I think we’ll probably end up finding out though.  He doesn’t ask for much so if knowing makes him happy, we’ll let him know.

Willow pushed the journal away from her.  Marianne was sleeping, the animals were all happy outdoors, and Chad was at work.  It was a perfect night for fishing.  She flipped open her phone and called Chad.  “I want to go fishing.”

“So go.”

“You wouldn’t mind?”

“As long as someone knows where to find you if you decide to sleep over with the fishes- not sleep with the fishes, that’s out of the question- but if you want a sleepover, I want to know about it.”  Chad’s joke fell flat even as he made it.

“I don’t get it.”

“Just have fun and bring home dinner.”

Willow snapped the phone shut and grabbed a piece of paper.  She wrote a note, grabbed her sweater and outdoor blanket, and slipped out the back door.  Unlike most of their dogs, Portia was content to lie quietly beside her as she fished.   With rod and tackle box in hand, Willow whistled for her dog and took off toward her favorite fishing hole, the moon lighting her path as though out just to make the walk pleasant for her.

Retracing steps she’d made hundreds of times before, Willow slowly regained a natural rhythm of walking, praying, and just being with the Lord.  However, by the time she arrived at her favorite tree, Willow had new thoughts swirling in her mind.  Had her mother walked to the hole while carrying Willow?  Did she fish back then?  Her memory of Kari’s journals didn’t find answers to her questions but the first year’s journals were much less prolific than subsequent years.  Did her mother love the night air, the cool breezes, and the sound of water splashing over rocks a little ways down stream?

For the next hour, Willow pounded heaven with questions about her mother that she’d never thought to ask before the news of her pregnancy.  She prayed for wisdom, strength, and courage.  Eventually, her prayers disappeared into day dreams until she curled up on the blanket and smiled as she pictured Chad teaching a little boy how to milk a goat or burn the trash.  Her mind took her into the future with pictures of him explaining rainbows and why things are the colors they are.  Small hands folded in earnest prayer for ‘daddy’s safety at work’ tugged at blossoming maternal heartstrings until Willow thought she’d go crazy waiting for the next thirty weeks to pass.

Memories of little Ian nestled in her arms, his little fist curled around her finger assaulted her emotions until it seemed nearly unbearable to wait.  She chuckled at her own foolishness.  Clearly, the hormonal excesses she’d been warned about were real.  She was acting like a crazed woman.  The babies would come sooner than she’d be ready for them.

Somewhere between her plans for a double crib and her last sip of water, Willow fell asleep.  She dreamed of walking to town in a thunderstorm to give birth to two babies the size of toddlers.  Chad drove as fast as he could behind her but never caught up to her until she reached the doors of the hospital.  Babies with teeth grinned at her from their bassinettes while everyone commented on how tiny they were but reassuring her that it was ‘to be expected with twins’.

***

Chad saw the note on the kitchen table and climbed the stairs to see if Willow was home yet or not.  Seeing their empty bed, he made a quick sandwich and started off for the fishing hole.  He’d spent many nights out under the stars with Willow, fishing, talking, and sometimes sleeping.  He’d find her under her favorite tree, curled on the blanket, and if experience taught him anything, with Portia standing- well most likely laying- guard over her.

“She called Lord.  She remembered.  Maybe our little Mrs. Independence has finally gotten a handle on life with responsibilities toward other people.”  He paused, hating how his words sounded aloud.  “And I need to remember that someone who has spent most of her life alone, needs that freedom from time to time.  I’ll squash who she is if I keep expecting her to fit into the mold of my experience.”

At the top of the hill before the descent to the stream, Chad paused.  There, nestled beneath trees who had protected her for most of her life, Willow slept, Portia laying beside her as expected.  The dog’s head rose at the sound of his movement and his scent on the breeze.  She glanced in Chad’s direction and then laid her head back on her paws as though to say, “Well, you didn’t think I’d let anything happen to her, did you?”

Chad nudged his wife.  “Willow.  Hey Lass, it’s time to wake up.  You’ll sleep better in your bed.”

She sat up blinking.  “I guess I fell asleep.”

“Catch anything?”

Willow pointed to the bucket in the stream.  “Half a dozen.”  She glanced around.  “Is it two already?”

“Two-thirty.”  He pulled her to her feet.  “This is becoming a habit with us.”

“What?”  Willow grabbed her tackle box.

“Finding you sleeping under a tree.  It feels like it should be some kind of fairy tale.”

“Sleeping Mommy.”

Chapter 132~

August-

The exhaustion is overwhelming.  My doctor warned me of the nausea but I’ve hardly noticed any.  However, the sleepiness… I have never been so sleepy.  I wake up and make food, milk the goats, and then I take a nap.  I get up, drink some water, rush to the bathroom, and check the plants and sheep before I go to bed again.  Later I wake up and finish some work, putter around with Chad or wait for him to get home, and fall asleep again.  The doctor says it’s normal.  I feel terribly lazy but when I can’t work anymore, I assume I need the sleep so I sleep.

The doctor showed us the little TV screen today.  On the screen were two ovals.  Two separate ovals.  My plans to find a midwife and stay home like Mother are over.  I carry twins.  Two babies.  Chad will not agree to my staying home to give birth- especially with the apparent risks that people assume with two children.  I am not sure why but with the doctor and nurses squawking and clucking like my chickens, it was easier to just agree.  Dr. Walston has referred me to Dr. Weisenburg in Fairbury.  It makes the doctor visits less of a nuisance I guess.  They want me in there every four weeks!

Meanwhile, although I shouldn’t be ‘showing’ yet, there is a definite change in my physique.  My favorite summer shorts, much to Chad’s disappointment, do not fit.  I’ve stashed them in the drawer for next year but Mom says that I probably won’t fit into them ever again- especially with twins.  I’ve made me two high waisted dresses already just to get the band away from my stomach.  I think Chad is sick of them.  He asked me twice this week if I didn’t think we should go shopping and get me some new clothes or at least some maternity patterns.

Oh the maternity patterns- they’re horrible.  I cannot stand them.  Everything is either too revealing or too much like wearing a sacque.  I’m not interested in that look.  So, I’ll be designing something for me but I don’t know what yet.  Aggie said that she wants a copy of every one of my patterns for their next child.  She also recommends I find a way to make a few pretty things ‘nurseable’.  She says most nursing clothes- I didn’t know they had special clothes for nursing- are just as awful as maternity.  Oh boy.  A whole new design realm.

And, on that topic, I’m excited about the spring line for Boho.  I really love what we came up with and now that they’re almost done, I’ll be able to get started on my own clothes.  There are fifteen pieces this year and I had a hard time balancing separates and one piece items but once I looked at everything together, it looked perfect.  I think any little girl would have fun wearing clothes that are both cute and practical.  That practical side is harder to achieve than the cute though.

It’s time for another nap.  Another one.  How will I survive nine months of sleeping?  Will Chad get tired of filling in for me?  He’s already working on the new barn, he’s ordered the new chickens, and he’s got a dozen more ‘irons in the fire’ so to speak.  Our lives are growing busier and more complicated than ever and now two babies who are going to need our attention.  I can’t carry both on my back all day like Mother did.  Even Chad can’t with him gone half the time.  Somehow, I’ll have to find a way to make that work.  Somehow.

Willow loaded Jill’s truck with produce, soap, candles, and strawberry preserves canned in their now heath department approved kitchen.  Chad, caught up in the excitement of dollars and cents, suggested that they sell all the strawberry preserves and buy jam at the store for half the cost and bank the difference.  Willow nodded, said it was worth considering, and the next time she went to town, brought home a jar of strawberry preserves from the store.  The following morning, she spread each half of a piece of toast with the two options and asked Chad to choose which they’d serve at their table.

He knew the difference immediately and as tempting as it was to save face and money, Chad pointed to Willow’s jar.  “I like that one best and you know it.”

“I didn’t know it but I do now.”

“Sometimes a guy has to taste it for himself.  Night and day really…”  Chad’s words drifted into nothingness as he watched Willow.

A new manila envelope and her coloring pencils sat next to her plate.  As she ate, she carefully wrote “Boho Spring Line 2010” in the center near the top and then shadowed the words making them bold.  He could predict, having seen the process a dozen times over the past two years exactly what she’d do next.  First she’d draw ‘brackets’ around the words connecting them at the corners, then she’d color in the area around the words… yep, there she went.

“Why do you do that?”

“Do what?”  Her tongue stuck out of the corner of her mouth as she carefully connected the corners.

“Decorate the envelopes?  Do they need to be decorated?  With all you have to do and want to do, do envelopes for Boho need the designs on them?”

Willow looked up at him.  “Does it bother you?  We’ve always tried to make them more attractive…”

“I thought it was just a way to fill the time.”

Laughter rang throughout the kitchen.  “Oh Chad, surely you didn’t?”

“Well, yeah…”  He felt foolish.  Why else would they so painstakingly decorate something that was usually hidden in a box unseen?

“You’ve lived here for a year and half lived here for nearly twice that and you think we need things to fill our time?”

Even as she spoke, Chad realized most women would have been insulted.  “Yeah- that was dumb.  So why then?”

“Because it’s pretty… and relaxing.”

“But no one sees them  Why not make things to relax that you can actually see?”

Willow shrugged looking around the kitchen curiously.  “Where would I put them?  I don’t have room for pictures on the walls or stuff on shelves.  We make what we can use and since we have to have the envelope anyway, we might as well make it pretty.”

The simple logic made him smile.  Most of the things his mother or aunts made were proudly displayed somewhere or given as gifts.  Willow was happy knowing she’d made it and every time (all three or four of them) that she had to pull out that envelope of fabric swatches, design sketches, and pattern pieces, she’d smile at the beauty in a simple manila folder.

“You should buy white folders.  They’d give you a cleaner palate.”

Willow nodded absently as she finished the title area of her envelope.   Then, she replaced her pencils in the paper covered soup can probably left over from Kari’s first days in the house, and set them on the window ledge.  The envelope tucked behind it and waited for another few minutes of rest and doodling.  A thought occurred to her and she pulled the envelope back to her staring at the top curiously.

“No.  The tops wouldn’t match.  There’s a fine ridge of that manila colored paper at the top of the envelopes.  White would stand out and look awkward.  We’ve always colored over it but it wears away at that top fold.”

“I have two days off.  What do you want to do?”

“Finish the barn.  We need that done.”

“Well, we can’t finish in two days…”

“We can make some serious headway…”

“I’ve been thinking about that,” Chad began hesitantly.  He knew Willow was still uncomfortable with changes and with half the town and family warning him that at any moment she was going to erupt into hormonal tirades, he’d been walking on eggshells in anticipation.

“Oh?”

“Well I thought maybe Luke and Laird could come help.  We have that new guy in town too…”

“What new guy?”

“Charlie Janovick.  He moved here from Brant’s Corners  a couple of months ago.  He kept getting calls for repair on this or small remodeling jobs and decided to move.  He’s actually living in Joe’s old place.”

“I’ve never seen him at church…”

“He came once but he’s been driving back to Brant’s Corners.  This winter he’ll make the switch I think.”

“So you want to hire these men to come help us build the barn?”

Chad nodded.  “We need it done before snow flies and the way things are going, I’m not going to make it with just Ryder and Caleb stopping by every now and then.”

“Too bad they don’t do ‘barn raisings’ around here.  We could invite the whole church to come help.”

“So you don’t mind?”

“Why would I mind?  We have to get it done and I’m barely able to put up a sheet of plywood per day.  I’ll never be able to help with the upper ones the way I’m going.”

Chad flipped open his phone as she talked.  He called Luke and arranged for his cousin and ‘nephew’ to come immediately.  Charlie couldn’t come before four but he promised to try to clear the next day to help as well.  In ten minutes, Chad had lined up a full two days work.

Willow stood as Chad made the first call and started to set enough yeast for a few loaves of bread.  She pulled out her baking table and started measuring absently as she hummed something indiscernible quietly under her breath.  While Chad made notes, calls, and finished his breakfast, he watched his wife mix dough, knead it, and plop it back into bowls to rise.  To his surprise, she dropped a kiss on his forehead and went straight to the couch, a minute timer in hand.

Before he could rinse his plate and follow, she was asleep beads of perspiration already forming on her upper lip and forehead.  He couldn’t stand it.  August was miserably hot in the Finley house and while Chad had acclimated somewhat, he couldn’t handle seeing his wife trying to sleep through the stifling heat.  From inside the library closet, he pulled an oscillating fan and dragged it into the living room.  He plugged it in and then went to flip on the circuit breaker box.  The Finleys only used fans to help them sleep on the hottest of nights but Chad decided that Tesdalls slept with them anytime they needed their rest.

The bread timer went off all too soon.  Willow dragged herself from the couch and stared incoherently at the fan for a moment until she realized what Chad had done.  In the kitchen, a note was pinned to the cloth covering the bread bowls.  “Lass, I’m out at the new barn with Luke and Laird.  It’s too hot in here to bake in the stove.  Please take it out to the summer kitchen.  Oh, and stop by the barn.  I’ve got something for you.”

As her hands plowed into the bread kneading it, dusting again with flower, kneading some more, Willow smiled remembering other summer mornings when her mother had come in to find Willow working on the week’s bread and saying, “Why don’t you just bake it in the barn today.  The house is hot enough without making it one huge oven.”

By the time Willow finished with the bread, took it to the summer kitchen, and found the men at the barn, Portia was a nervous mess.  The minute Willow set foot out the back door with her loaves of bread in their pans, the dog had tried in vain to lead her to the new barn.  She circled, dashed away and returned whimpering for Willow to follow.  However, Willow, being the uncooperative mistress, chose to ignore the dog in favor of ensuring there was enough defrosted ham, turkey, and baked bread to feed a crew of workers.

At the barn, the men, drenched in sweat, were putting the outside plywood on the walls.  Willow’s mind was made up immediately.  “Hey, need a hand?”  She knew they’d say no and of course, a chorus of ‘we’ve got its’ followed in quick succession.

Chad jumped from the pile of boards he’d been using as a riser and dragged her around the side of the barn.  “You sleep ok?”

“Like a baby.”

“Well, you’re sleeping for three right now…”

Willow punched him softly and shook her head.  “You said you had something for me?”

Her husband’s kiss surprised her.  “Mom said she’d come and bring Aunt Libby if you want company.”

“Will they come next month when I have to do so much canning instead?”

“What about the beans…”

“I’ll fall asleep on them.  I know I will.  I’d love the company and I could use the help but I’d fall asleep and they’d have wasted a trip.”

Chad nodded.  “I’ll se if mom will come for a week next month.  What about Cheri?  She has a month before school starts.  Want me to see if she can come for a week next week and keep whatever you get started going if you drift off?”

The idea sounded promising.  “Only if she wants to come.  Don’t guilt her into it Chad.  Don’t do it.”

She glanced up at the barn.  “You guys already have this side basically done.  How’d you get those big sheets up so high so fast?”

She watched for a while and then hurried to check on her bread.  By the time it was done, the turkey and ham were nearly defrosted, fresh lettuce, tomatoes, and onions washed, sliced, and ready to go on sandwiches, and the last of her cheese decorated a very small saucer.  “Time to make cheese I guess,” she muttered absently as she put it all on a tray and carried it to the house.  Mint tea was next.  She started a glass gallon jar of tea in the sun and then got an idea.  Checking the clock, Willow decided she had time before lunch and left Chad a note.

“Chaddie-my-laddie,

I decided to ride my bicycle to town and buy some lemons for lemonade or maybe I’ll by the bottle of lemon juice Mother bought sometimes.  It’ll save all that work you like to talk about.  I thought about seeing if you needed anything before I go but then I decided I’ll just call.  You’d try to drive me if I talk to you first and you’re busy.  Just leaving a note in case you try to find me and I’m not here.”

***

Joe watched as Willow Tesdall rode down the street, deposited her helmet in the front basket of her bicycle, and then parked it outside Fairbury Market.  What was she doing riding her bicycle to town in this weather?  The bank’s digital temperature reading said 98 degrees.  Willow chugged a bottle of water and smiled to himself.  He’d expected a canteen or something.  As she disappeared into the cool market, Joe flipped open his phone.  He pointed meaningfully at Aiden Cox as the boy rode by, his helmet dangling from his wrist.  Again.

“Hey man, don’t you have the day off?”  Chad’s affirmative sent Joe into a lecture.  “What are you doing letting your wife ride to town in this weather.  The woman is beet red and beat.  B-E-A-T.”

Chad’s groan of surprise made Joe back peddle.  “Sorry Chad.  I thought you knew…”

Unaware that Joe was inadvertently tattling on her, Willow picked out a large bottle of lemon juice, a pineapple, and for Chad, a package of the disgusting ‘American’ cheese that he loved.  He could ruin his sandwich with it if he wanted.  It took half a dozen tries to find the only package the store sold that said “processed American Cheese” rather than “cheese product” or “cheese food”.  Had Chad not showed her, she would never have known.

Just as she reached the cash registers, her phone rang.  True to her personal dislike of public phone use, Willow turned it off and waited until she returned to her bicycle to return Chad’s call.  “Guess you found my note.”

“Got a call from Joe.  He saw you ride up and thought you looked beat.  Why didn’t you tell me.  I’d have taken-“

“That’s why.  You guys are busy and I just wanted to satisfy a whim.”

“A whim?”  Chad’s voice sounded unimpressed.

“Yes.  I wanted you guys to have lemonade.  It just sounded so refreshing.”

“You’re something else Lass.  Did you know that?”  He hesitated but couldn’t resist.  “Want me to run in and get you?”

“No.  Work on the barn.  All this chattering isn’t getting more walls up, now is it?  I’ll be home in thirty minutes or so.”

Half way home, Willow almost regretted the decision.  She was hot, sweaty, and her water was gone.  The next wave of sleepiness was descending faster than she could ride.  Her legs dropped wearily against the pedals barely pushing them down and the resistance of the other leg being pushed up brought the speed of the bicycle to a slow crawl.  She wobbled and then stopped pulling the bicycle off the shoulder of the road and stared at the road.  She had another three miles to go at least.  Her eyes begged to close.  The oppressive heat made her feel even more tired until finally, she wheeled the bicycle across the highway, down the ditch, and leaned it against a tree a few dozen yards from the road.

Seconds later, she lay beneath the tree, her tote bag for a pillow, and slept.