Chapter 131~

The ride to Chad’s parents’ house started out with excited discussions of the birth in April, their plans for expansion and how a baby would or wouldn’t alter those plans, and, much to Chad’s amusement, Willow’s insistence that they stop at her favorite yarn store for baby yarn to start a supply of booties and ’soakers’.  Half of what she said went over his head but Chad good naturedly followed her into the store and watched as she chose the softest white yarns he’d ever felt.  The other yarn she purchased seemed coarse in comparison.

“What is the difference?”

“This,” Willow answered rubbing the soft skein against her face, “Is for sweaters and booties and all that wonderful stuff next to the skin.”

“And that?”  Chad poked at the other yarn thinking it was gravely inferior.

“Soakers.  To cover the diapers.  It has to be one hundred percent wool so the diaper doesn’t soak through.”

“Soak through?  That is the diaper?”

“No, diaper cover.”

“Diapers leak?”  Chad was confused.  “I would have thought they’d design them better.”

“Mother started with plastic covers for mine but then Mother Earth News had an article about making soakers out of felted old sweaters.  I just thought I’d knit them and felt them instead of trying to find enough old sweaters.  I read it in one of those first few journals.”

“But I know Aggie doesn’t have leaking problems with hers.  Maybe diapers when we were little were unreliable but these new ones seem to be better.”

Understanding dawned as Chad spoke.  She grabbed the bag full of yarn and led him to the door.  “I’m talking about washable diapers- not disposable.  We can’t burn disposable ones Chad.”

“Cloth diapers?”  Why the idea surprised him, he didn’t know.  If she washed her monthly pads, of course she’d use washable diapers.  “I don’t like the idea of diaper pins.  It’s horrifying.  Truly horrifying.”

“I’ll think of something.  Maybe snaps or Velcro or even buttons…”

As they drove through the streets of Rockland, Willow saw the street to the Women’s Center.  “Dr. Walston’s office is down there.  When we have the next ultrasound, you should come and meet him.”

Suddenly, the impact of all that Willow had done assaulted Chad.  “I still can’t believe you went by yourself.”

“It didn’t make sense to get your hopes up again-”

“I’d think that was my choice.”  Chad sounded somewhat irritated.

“For over a year,  I’ve been pressured by nearly everyone I’ve met to either be pregnant or to avoid it like the plague.  Everyone seems to expect me to want a baby more than life itself or to insist that it’s too soon.  Maybe if I’d been married for five or ten years and still hadn’t gotten pregnant- maybe then it’d make sense but this is obviously another instance of ‘Willow is too backward to be normal about this stuff.’”  She glanced at him briefly.  “Frankly, I’m sick of it.”

“You’re not the only one involved here.   What was I supposed to think when you didn’t come home that time- when Ray said he’d taken you to town…”  Chad ground his teeth together in frustration.  “When you said you  had a surprise for me!”

“Has it really gotten to the place where the only surprise you wanted from me was a positive pregnancy stick?  You’re kidding me, right?”

Shaking his head, Chad turned onto the main street in Westbury and wove sharply around a creeping car.  “That’s not what I said.”

“It’s sure what it sounds like.  I’m sorry that I wasn’t able to hand you a urine soaked, plastic covered, proof that you’ve passed on your genetic material.  I’m sorry that I didn’t follow yet another conventional ‘norm’ and disappointed you.  Again.”

“You’re being unreasonable Willow!  It was a logical assumption on my part-”

Willow cut him off mid sentence.  “And I think it was logical to find out what’s wrong before I dash all your paternal dreams.  What if I’d been declared infertile?  Would this argument be about what a failure I am in that area instead?”

“Oh don’t be ridiculous.  If I’d had the choice, which was removed from me thank-you-very-much, I would have liked to be there with you.  What if they had said you were infertile?  What if that hit you harder than anticipated.”  She made a gesture of protest but Chad kept going.  “I know, if you were so human as to have a weak moment of discouragement most women I’ve ever met-”

“And here we go again.  One more dig about how I’m just abnormal.  Why did you marry me Chad?  You knew how different I am.  Why did you suddenly decide that you wanted me to become what you could have had in every other woman you’ve ever met?  Why?”

For a brief moment, guilt struggled to bore a hole in Chad’s heart.  He heard tears in her voice and saw the firm set of her jaw so familiar to him.  Anytime she struggled to avoid crying, her normally oval face looked nearly square as her jaw became prominent with her tension and now it looked like the image of Steve Solari.  The impatient swipe at the tears in the corners of her eyes told him she’d be pulling out her claws next.  Willow despised angry tears.

“I married you because I love you.  Just you.  Nobody else but you.  Boop boop de doop.”

“What?”  Willow glanced at him alarmed.  “What are you talking about.”

Chad turned onto his parents’ street and pulled up in front of their house.  “It’s an old song.  Stupid one too.”  He wiped a remaining tear from her eyelashes.  “But it’s true.  I’d be miserable with an ordinary woman.  Don’t get me wrong, it might be easier,” he teased, “but it’d be boring.  I like who you are and I don’t want you to be any different but it’s hard to predict when you’re going to be like others and when you’re off in your own world.  Sometimes, I’m thrown off guard.”

They sat in his truck, looking at each other, saying nothing but every word necessary travelling between them unspoken.  Marianne watched from the living room wondering what was wrong as she noticed the sag to Chad’s shoulders and the lack of smile on Willow’s face.  Even the neighbor walking his dog sensed the tension emanating from the truck.

Finally, Willow nodded.  “So, we’ve both been kind of ridiculous; is that what you mean?”

“Define it?”  Chad wasn’t about to open the doors for further angst.

“Well, I felt pressured to put my order in for a stork delivery and you felt left out when I made arrangements to get the stork out of prison without you.”

Laughing, Chad jogged around the truck and opened the door.  “Something like that.  Can we start this over?  I don’t want to let something like this fester until we have to lance it out.  That kind of scar is usually permanent and we don’t need any more scars in our lives- especially with the baby…”

“Done.”

Chad opened the door calling, “Knock, knock” as he always did and as always, Willow cringed.  It seemed so rude to just enter a house without waiting to be invited.

“You’re here!  I-” Marianne paused in absolute shock.  “Does this mean what I think!”

The sight of Marianne jumping up and down brought smiles to Chad and Willow’s faces.  “Does this mean you’re in the ‘I approve’ camp on the baby question?”

“People don’t approve!”  Marianne looked scandalized.

“Some don’t.”

“I have to tell your father-” Chad’s mother began.

“I told him this morning.  I was supposed to go get magazines and such-”

“But I knew you’d forget them,” a voice came through the door.

“Christopher!  You knew about this and didn’t tell me?  I can’t believe you went to work and let me think this was just an average get together.”

Christopher set a stack of magazines on the kitchen bar and poured a glass of iced tea.  “I tried to get here in time to see your reaction but I left without those stupid magazines…”

For the next half hour, the women worked together in the kitchen making sandwiches, pasta salad, and lemon bars for dessert.  The men discussed cradles, life insurance, and the quality of Fairbury’s little league while Willow and Marianne created imaginary wardrobes, blankets, quilts, and toys for the anticipated child.  Marianne was just as certain that it was a girl as Christopher was about a boy.  Chad and Willow listened to their animated repartee with amused smiles until Willow mentioned the ultrasound.

“Already?  I thought they didn’t do those until sixteen or twenty weeks.  Teresa Mallory’s girl was twenty weeks I’m sure.”

“Willow had some testing done so they wanted to see how everything went.”

Silence hung awkwardly over the table.  Marianne and Christopher held a rapid conversation with their eyes and facial expressions until Chad finally dropped his fork and threw up his hands.  “What!  Just spill it.  Do you have any idea how much we hated when you guys did that?”

“Well, when you spring this testing on us…  Is the baby ok?”

“Mom, the baby’s fine.  Willow knew how eager we were for her to get pregnant and when the pressure got high, she just decided to find out if there was anything wrong with her that might prevent a baby.”

“Prevent a baby?  Something was wrong?  What did the doctor say?”

Chad looked at Willow to explain.  All he knew was they’d discovered incomplete ovulation and given her something to help.  The discussion had been interrupted so many times that he still hadn’t heard how they’d fixed it.  Willow told the story of the ovulation kits, the ultrasounds, and how one dose of clomid had solved the problem.

“Clomid?  Are you serious!  How could you let her Chad!  That stuff is so dangerous!  She could be carrying a litter-”

Willow’s jaw dropped unaware that it still held partially masticated sandwich.  Finally she swallowed and took a long drink of her lemonade.  “A litter?  Chad, what is she talking about?”

“Sometimes clomid has the side effect of releasing several eggs instead of just one or two.  It’s rare but it happens.  That family in Iowa was one…”

“So does that mean triplets or even quadruplets?”   Willow looked stunned.

“The McCaugheys had septuplets.”  Christopher didn’t like the look on Willow’s face.  She was clearly stunned but anger was rising in her eyes.

“Seven babies.  At once.  Are you kidding me?”

“I can’t believe Chad agreed to it,” Marianne began.

Willow cut her off abruptly.  “He didn’t.  I made the decision on my own.”

“Didn’t the doctor mention the risk of multiples?”  Chad hadn’t expected Willow’s surprise.  As careful as she was to ask questions about everything, and with medical disclosure laws, surely the doctor mentioned the possibility.

“He mentioned multiples but it sounded like twins.  I never realized-”

“You did ask him Chad?”  Marianne had obviously missed the part where Willow didn’t inform her husband of her decision.

“I didn’t know mom.  Willow went alone.”

“She what!”  Shocked, Chad’s mother turned to Willow indignation clouding her features, eyes, and unfortunately, her judgment.  “What were you thinking!”

“I was thinking,” Willow said as she stood and tossed her napkin on the chair, “I was thinking that I was sick and tired of the pressure.  Everyone, and yes that includes you and Chad- Dad was probably the only exclusion, was constantly hinting, asking, pushing…”  She swallowed hard and raised her eyes to the shocked faces at the table.  “I was sick of feeling like I’d failed this family, my friends, and my husband.  He brought home page after page of what could be wrong, what we should try to make it ‘work’… I felt like a breeder filly.  It was horrible and I just wanted it over.”

Before they could respond, Willow turned and rushed from the room, the front door slamming shut behind her.  Christopher stood calmly and shook his head as Marianne began to protest.  “She’s right, Mari and you know it.”  He stepped around the table and leaned down murmuring into his son’s ear.  “It’s time to put your mother back in her rightful place as mother, not confidant and buddy.  You brought another woman into your marriage son, and you brought the last woman most women are confident competing with.  No woman wants to feel like his mother has a place in their bedroom.”

Chad and his mother stared after Christopher as he left to find Willow.

“Um mom-”

“Your father’s right.  I never thought I was interfering that much.  I didn’t say anything about all the physical labor, the adding more and more work… I didn’t say anything about a lot of things because I knew it wasn’t any of my business but the baby…”

“I brought it up mom.  I sensed that she didn’t want to talk about it all the time- I assumed it was because she was as disappointed as I was.  She wasn’t mom.  She has this faith.”

Chad dropped his head into his hands.  Marianne didn’t know what to do to comfort her son.  Torn by her own contribution to the miserable ending of what should have been the best lunch of the year, she patted his hand and dabbed at her eyes smearing mayonnaise across her cheek as she did.  What she didn’t expect, was Chad’s admission of fury.

“I’m just so angry mom.  She left me out of this.  She went through that examination alone, she made medical decisions that could have caused complications and I wouldn’t have known to tell the doctors.  She does this and-” he groaned.  “She goes off half-cocked and makes these decisions without any kind of thought to others who are involved or will be.  It’s so infuriating.”

At first, Marianne was tempted to agree.  She wanted to commiserate, justify, and advise but Christopher’s admonition pricked her heart.  “I’m not the one to talk about this with, Chad.  I’ve already caused enough problems.  I had no idea but-”

“You’re right.  Dad’s right.  We all put a lot of pressure on her.  Because we weren’t saying, ‘why aren’t you pregnant yet,’ we didn’t think we were, but I can see now why she felt that way.”  Marianne stood, hugged her son, and turned to leave the room.  “I’m very sorry son.  I’m new at this mother-in-law thing and I have failed miserably.  Please forgive me.”

***

“Willow!  Wait up.”

She whirled to see Christopher jogging down the sidewalk after her.  “What-”

“I want to talk to you.”

“Please, Dad, I don’t think I can take any more scolding right now.”

Smiling, he took her hand and led her around the block, down the street, to a small park with a shaded bench.  “I didn’t intend to scold.  I wanted to see if you were ok.”

“I’m a bit ashamed of myself.  I can’t believe I spoke to  Mom like that.”

“My Marianne is not usually a meddling woman.  This has been a very unusual thing for me to see.”  Willow started to respond, but Christopher stopped her.  “No, wait.  Listen to me.  We’re all learning how this works.  I’ve only been a father to children I’ve raised.  I drove Chad away from me for years and thanks to you, I have him back again.  I don’t know how to be a father-in-law.  I don’t know how to give the kind of counsel that I know my son still needs without seeming to interfere in his own family.  And, as is my normal behavior, I withdraw and wait for it all to smooth over.  Marianne was the fixer.  While I stood back and waited for my children to get over their hurts and difficulties praying  like crazy for them, Mari was in there talking to them, listening to them, and keeping those lines of communication.”

Nodding, Willow agreed.  “I can understand that.”

“Somehow, I have a feeling that this wasn’t all about Marianne’s surprise at you going to the doctor alone.”

“It wasn’t.  Chad and I had an ugly argument on the way over here.”

“About the same subject?”  Christopher could, with incredible accuracy, predict what each had said and why.  Unlike his wife, he wasn’t emotionally swayed by the situation.  He saw the strengths of each side of each argument and the weaknesses as well.  With incredible logic, he picked apart Chad’s defense, Willow’s offense, and left her dumfounded when he finished.

“It was wrong to go alone?”

“You and Chad are not individuals anymore.  Not in areas like this.  You are an individual in your personal likes and dislikes.  You don’t have to prefer blue just because Chad does.  He doesn’t have to like roses over snapdragons just because you do-”

“Actually, that’d be the other way around…”

Christopher laughed.  “You like denim and he likes lace or visa versa.  Those are personal preferences and as an individual, you don’t have to be a clone of each other- that’s not what I’m saying.  However, in marriage, there are areas that you must be one- of one mind.  You must think and act as one when it comes to your family and I’d say that increasing that family counts.”

“I thought I was.  He wants children and I wanted to do that for him.  I wanted to stop the constant pressure, yes.  That’s why I went alone.  I didn’t know what would happen and it’d only upset him until he knew answers.”

“And it’d save you grief while you were waiting for those answers,” Christopher finished, an understanding tone to his words.

“Basically.”

“You denied him the right to help carry this burden, Willow.  You took from him the chance to see his child at the earliest stage of development.  You took from him, the opportunity to pray for you, to hold your hand during the examination, to protect you from what could have been a very unscrupulous doctor.  You stole those from him.”

“I did?”  The confusion on Willow’s face combined with the pain in her eyes nearly broke Christopher’s heart.  He loved his daughter in law and hated that he had to hurt her by speaking the truth.

“You did.  I know you didn’t mean to.  You’ve lived a very independent and self-sufficient life.  You’re not accustomed to asking for help unless you need it.  Somehow, I think your mother left you alone in your decisions unless they must directly involve her.”

“She did.”

“I think,” her father-in-law continued, standing and taking her hand again as he led her toward home.  “I think I understand.  I’ll talk to Chad.”

“He’ll forgive me,” she said simply.  “He always does.  When will he tire of always having to do that?”

“My son was wrong too, Willow.  Chad put you in a terrible position.  You didn’t act out of selfishness or indifference.  You acted out of love and self-preservation.  While your actions were wrong, I think you might have made other choices had you not felt backed into a corner.”

As he spoke, Willow shook her head.  “I don’t know.  I might have but then again, I might not.  I’m used to thinking and doing for myself.  I don’t know if I would have thought that fixing my body was Chad’s territory too.  I remember finding it weird and a little annoying when he brought home page after page of things that might help or might be wrong.”

“I think,” Christopher tried again seeing that his meaning wasn’t clear, “had the lines of communication not been ‘pressure sealed’, the subject might have come up naturally and then you would have seen where Chad was going with things and why you might want him with you.  No one is faultless here Willow.”  Christopher paused in front of his home.  “But neither is anyone fully to blame.  You both made mistakes.  Marianne made mistakes.”  He swallowed.  “And I made the same mistakes I always do.  I hid my head in the sand and waited for the storm to pass.  Please forgive me.”

Chapter 130~

The next six weeks dragged by for both Chad and Willow.  Chad waited daily for Willow’s announcement and Willow followed orders for medication, testing, and of course, the obvious.  He hinted about his surprise but nothing he said or did tempted her to reveal her secret.  She acted completely normal almost every minute of every day which drove him insane.  While he watched for any sign of morning sickness, swelling feet, or odd cravings, Willow worked her farm, followed doctor’s orders, and waited for the magic date.

The day before her birthday, she had orders to take a pregnancy test and if it wasn’t positive, start testing her ovulation again.  Chad, finally realizing that her birthday had arrived once again, decided she must be waiting for his birthday to tell him and that delay was driving him crazy.  His mother called few days until Christopher heard of it and put a stop to it.  She called one afternoon, apologetic and repentant saying, “When it comes to babies and Willow, I don’t think I’m very rational.  Just keep me out of it until it’s a definite thing ok?”

July twenty-second arrived raining, pouring rather, and dreary.  Willow had no doubt that the stick dipped into a cup of urine would be a waste of time, money, and hopes but she followed orders to the letter.  After a second look at the stick, she flipped open her phone and called the doctor’s answering service insisting he call her back immediately.  The call came five minutes later.

“So I’m looking at the stick and it looks wrong.  There’s the bright blue line and then this faint pink one.”

“It worked.  I guess I’m glad I canceled the ultrasound of your last ovulation.”

“What worked?”

“Willow, you’re pregnant.”  Amusement filled Dr. Walston’s voice.  “Wasn’t that the idea?”

“Seriously?  One little pill for seven days and I’m pregnant?”

“Well,” the doctor hedged, “I think you should come in for a blood test but yes, you’re probably pregnant.”

“When can I come in?”  The eagerness in her voice delighted him.  This was why he chose his specialty.  Nothing was more exciting than to see someone finally get pregnant after months and sometimes years of waiting.

“We’ll fit you in whenever you get in town.  Come today.  I’ll have  Holly draw you.”

“Draw me why?  What does that do?”

“Blood, Willow.  Holly will draw blood, give it to the lab, and we’ll find out if clomid was a ‘cure’.”

***

July 23,

I’m twenty-four today.  It’s an amazing day  for me.  I’ve spent the last twenty-four hours (two twenty-fours, how interesting) trying to think of the best way to tell Chad that we’re going to have a baby.  At first, I thought  I’d do something with the test I took but seriously, a stick full of urine?  That’s just revolting.  So then I thought about knitting booties at the speed of lightning but I don’t really have any yarn soft enough for a baby.

I thought about telling Mom.  After all, it might be kind of funny for her to tell him but then I realized that I’d have to tell her first and that just seems a bit out of order.  I know, I’m good at stating the obvious.

So, instead, I’m debating between mailing a card, sending him a baby bouquet, or… oh, I have an idea.  I’m going to just wait to see how long it takes him to read this.  He’d better not take forever or I’ll go crazy.

Meanwhile, Chad and Bill have spent the past two weeks discussing the expansion of the farm, the  new barn, the necessary inspections and such.  I don’t understand half of what they’re talking about sometimes but it feels really good when they have a question and I always have the answer.  I man not understand what they’re doing with my information but at least I  have the information we need.  I feel less ignorant when I remember that.

July 24-

Oh, and in case Chad missed that part up there about the baby, I’m due in April.  The doctor says around tax day.  He called the baby “our little tax deduction.”

July 25-  Perhaps I should put this on the kitchen table.  Open.  With the entry underlined.

July 26-  And circled.

July 27-  Highlighted?  Seriously, I know it doesn’t usually take him this long to read my journals.  He does it every other day or so.  Chad… knock knock.  Are you in there?  Read July 23.  Read it twice if you need to.  Oh, and if I was snappish earlier (ok, I was) it’s not pregnancy hormones.  It’s just thwarted surprise irritation.

Chad awoke shortly after midnight and found Willow gone.  A glance at the clock told him it’d go off in an hour for his next shift.  He tried to turn over and go back to sleep but failed miserably.  Finally, he crawled out of bed and jogged downstairs.

Her journal lay open on her chest as she slept on the front porch swing.  He smiled at the widened seat.  That had been a stroke of genius if he did think so himself.  Habitually, he pulled the journal from her arms and glanced at the last page open.  Circled?  What?

He read the next one.  It made less sense so he flipped the page back one and read July twenty-fourth.  Due?  Baby?  Another page back and he read about her plans for telling him and laughed aloud.  She stirred, smiled in her sleep, and rolled over her pen falling to the floor.

Chad hardly noticed.  Grinning at the words on the page, Chad waffled between shouting for joy and shaking her for not telling him immediately.  Finally, he pulled the summer quilt over her shoulders, whistled softly for Portia, and pointed at the swing when the dog climbed the steps.

“Watch girl.  Take care of her for me,” he whispered.

With a second, and then a third glance back at her, Chad slipped back into the house and climbed the stairs.  He didn’t sleep.  Rather than catching the last hour of slumber before he had to get up and go to work, Chad lay in bed staring at the half-illuminated ceiling and imagined pigtails and scuffed knees, buzz cuts in summer and pink snowsuits in winter.  The fact that the faceless child changed genders faster than names on a credit screen didn’t seem to bother him in the slightest.

***

Christopher answered the phone quickly.  The last thing he wanted to do was let it wake Marianne prematurely.  She’d just gotten over a nasty summer cold and hadn’t seemed like she was out of sorts and not returning to her usually chipper self.

“Yes?”

“Dad?  It’s me.”

“Chad?  Isn’t it kind of early son?”

Laughing, Chad turned right onto the highway and headed toward home. “I’ve been watching the clock since just after midnight.  I consider myself having nearly infinite patience.”

“What’s up?”

“Willow is pregnant. I just found out last night.”

It was Christopher’s turn to laugh.  “Let me guess; you found out sometime just after midnight last night?”

“Elementary my dear father.”

“Any idea when this baby is coming?”  Christopher didn’t know whether to shout for joy or groan with the realization of coming estrogen induced shopping trips, magazine purchases, and the incessant, if his years of parenthood were any indication, discussion of possible names.

“April.”

“You’ve got a name covered if it’s a girl then.”

“I’m not naming my daughter April!”  The disgust in Chad’s voice was almost comical.

“I happen to like the name but as long as you don’t call her Beech, Oak, Aspen, or Sycamore, I’ll be good.”

“Very funny.  Grandpa. Tell mom to call Willow, will ya?”

“I have a better idea.  Send that wife of yours to the door today wearing a large t-shirt and a pillow underneath but be handy.”

“For what?”   Chad was turning into the driveway and his mind somewhat distracted.

“To catch her if she faints.”

“Will do.  Don’t tell her.  We’ll leave after I get off work.”

“Can you get someone to handle night chores?”

After a moment of thoughtful silence, Chad answered.  “Mmmhmm.  I think so, why?”

“Plan to stay.  Your mother is going to be over the moon and isn’t going to want to see you turn around and go home after just a single hour.  Stop by the store on the way and I’ll have a box of books, catalogs, and magazines to keep her happy for a while.”

“Fresh Foods carries books, catalogs, and magazines on babies?”

“Not all, no, but Fran will go get what I need for me if I buy her lunch.”  Christopher checked his wallet as he spoke and added more cash from the cookie jar on the counter.  This would be expensive, but worth it.

“Ok.  Will do.  I’m off to find my wife.  I haven’t told her I read it yet.”

“Huh?”  The question never crossed the airwaves.

While Christopher stared at the phone wondering what his son meant, Chad practically leapt from the cruiser and rushed into the summer kitchen where he expected to find, and did find, Willow straining the milk.  “So, I hear our taxes get more complicated next year.”

Willow, though she’d heard him drive up the driveway, jumped at the sound of his voice spilling milk all over the counter.  “You hear?”

“Ok, I read.  I can’t believe you’ve known since the day before your birthday and didn’t tell me.”

Soaked in milk, Willow cleaned the counter without a word.  She sat the strained jars of milk in the fridge and scalded the pail.  Once the rinse water was cooling in the bucket by the back door, she stripped off her soaked clothes, dumped them on the washing machine, and peeked around the corner.  With only the cruiser in sight, she dashed across the yard in her underwear and into the house.  Chad followed laughing.

“That’s what you get for holding out on me,” he called up the stairs.  She’d skipped up them two at a time, but Chad took his time.  He was still tired from interrupted sleep, excited about baby news, and trying to pretend to be affronted by her lack of forthcoming news.  “Are you sure about your dates?”

“Why?”  Willow appeared in her favorite cropped shorts and the halter he loved now that he was free to enjoy it.  Two summers ago, it’d had been an awkward moment or two when he’d arrived to find her half-dressed as she worked around the farm.

“Because you started going out of town two months ago.  I assume you went to a doctor?”

“Yes, but I wasn’t pregnant two months ago.  I’ve been pregnant for almost three weeks he said.”

“Soooooo,” Chad drawled as he tried to make sense of her sentences, “what were you doing at the doctor’s before that?”

“I went to see if anything was wrong with me.”

“By yourself!  Why didn’t you tell me?”  Though he sounded irritated, Chad was truly just surprised.

“Because, I didn’t need more pressure to produce offspring.”  Willow didn’t snap and didn’t mean to sound offended but Chad heard the strain in her voice and sighed.

“Can I do anything right?”

“What?”  Willow didn’t understand why he seemed angry.  “I thought you’d be happy about it.”

“I’m thrilled but I feel like a heel.  I didn’t realize you felt pressured to get pregnant.”

All angst diffused from the conversation as Willow laughed.  “There isn’t another man alive who knows more about his wife’s body’s inner workings than you do mine.”

“That sentence is a bit tough to follow but you’re probably right.”

She grabbed his sleeve and pulled Chad down the stairs behind her.  “You need to eat your breakfast sandwich.  It’s ready for you.”

“I called dad.”

She spun on the step nearly falling as she did.  “Already?”

“Well, mom has been anxious-”  Her sigh was almost too quiet for him to hear.  “What?”

“You know I love your mother, right?”

“Right.”  He didn’t like how this started.

“It’s been difficult in regards to the baby thing.  She was so excited when you thought I was pregnant before.  Then she called every once in a while trying to ask but not asking… and then there was Aggie’s pregnancy thing.”  The dismayed look on Chad’s face made her hasten to reassure him.  “No, Chad.  I’m not angry.  It’s just so much pressure.  What if I was more infertile than I was?  It makes me wonder if she would see me as some kind of failure.”

“It’s partly my fault, Lass,” Chad confessed.  “I called when I thought you were pregnant.  She finally called and asked me not to share information because she knew she was being pushy.”

“When did you think I was pregnant?”  To hide her facial expression, Willow turned to get his food for him in the kitchen.

“When Ben said he took you to Rockland… and then you said you had a surprise and stayed overnight… well…”

She sat his plate in front of him and poured him a glass of milk.  “Why do I have a feeling there’s more to it?”

“I checked the bank account online to confirm my suspicion.  That’s why I think your dates are off.  If you went in June…”

“I went to find out why I wasn’t conceiving.  I saw Dr. Walston-”

“The obstetrician.”

“The infertility specialist.”

Nothing she could have said would have surprised him more.  “You went to a specialist?”

“You brought home all that stuff about what might be wrong so I thought it was important to you.”  The bite of breakfast sandwich stuck in her throat as she said it.

“Lass, why didn’t you tell me.  I could have gone with you.”

She attempted a chuckle but if sounded like a whimper.  “Chad, you would have decked that doctor.”

“Why?”

“Let’s just say the things they have to do to find out what is going on…”

“Ahh…” he nodded understanding.  “Pap smear and all of that?”

“You-”  She bit off another large piece of sandwich and chewed furiously.  “You knew they’d do that and you let me-”

“Let you!”  Chad was laughing now.  “You went without telling me!  How on earth did you expect me to warn you of anything.”

“Well, you do have a point…”

After several bites in silence, he asked, “So it was an infertility specialist.  What did he find wrong?  Endometriosis?  Acidic environment?  Short-”

“According to Dr. Walston, my body didn’t cooperate in making soup.”

“Making soup?”

“The egg didn’t drop.”

Chapter 129~

Lacey plodded through the damp grasses of the pasture early the next morning.  The muffled plop of her hoof was overshadowed only buy the occasional sound of the same hoof pulling free of mud with a sickening suction sound that belonged in dental offices rather than peaceful fields just after dawn.  Hardly conscious of where the hose picked her footing, Chad rode along dreaming of more sheep, horses, cattle, and of course, afternoons fishing for trout on a lazy summer day.

He’d tried to avoid all thoughts of Willow and what she might be doing.  Chad’s mother had called looking for her just after supper the night before and Chad had to admit she wasn’t home.  Marianne wanted to race over to Willow’s hotel to find out whatever the secret might be, but Chad refused to give away where Willow was staying and begged his mom not to ruin Willow’s surprise.  As a safety measure, he’d called Willow and suggested she turn off her phone.

Maybe she was pregnant.  Could you find out this soon after a cycle?  He knew, more than most men he imagined, every nuance of her bodily functions after watching so carefully for any evidence that his wife might finally carry his child.  Would Willow run straight to a doctor for confirmation?  The moment the thought crossed his mind, he rejected it as unlikely at best.  Willow had a surprise and she’d share it when it was time.  He could go looking for clues…  “Lacey, I’m pathetic.  Did you know that girl?”

The horse tossed her head as though disgusted with him but Portia, jogging happily at his side, gave a sympathetic whimper.  “I guess you did,” he laughed as he gently tugged the reigns to turn the animal around once more.

By nine o’clock, the goat was milked, the sheep moved to another pasture, and the chickens pecked for worms and other delicacies on the ground in their newly expanded quarters.  Chad wandered into the barn with the last load of eggs and realized that they’d need a larger barn at this rate.  There wasn’t room for more cows in the winter, the sheep pens weren’t nearly large enough, and to move the chickens in as they’d discussed would mean a bigger mess than either one of them cared to contemplate.  It was time to make some major plans, immediately.  Well, after calling their egg customers to let them know their eggs were ready and could be retrieved either from the farm or the back of Chad’s truck while he was at work.

While Chad planned bigger and better barn like your typical male, Willow, in her own typical feminine fashion, slipped on a new skirt, blouse, and braided her hair before rushing downstairs for breakfast.  By nine-thirty, she sat waiting in the waiting room anxious to see what the doctor would find today yet dreading the process.  “Lord, if I was of a scientific bent, I’d design a less intrusive way to examine one’s innards.”

“Excuse me?”

Willow glanced up to see the nurse standing there ready to take her into the room.  “I was just informing the Lord that someone needs to reinvent your machine to be less invasive.  I’m dreading this.”

Once ushered into the office and given the thin drafty gown to don once again, the nurse disappeared into the hallway and peals of laughter followed.  “Glad I’m amusing,” she muttered to herself as she piled her clothing on the chair and lowered herself to the paper covered ‘table’.  “Oh this stickiness is only slightly less disgusting than that goo they glop on that thing…”

“Morning Willow.  How did you feel last night?”

“Should I have felt anything?”  Confusion flooded her features.

“Some women feel pinching on the side that is ovulating… for you it’d be your right side.”

“Well, I felt a dull ache for a while last night but it felt better after I ate so I just assumed…”

Dr. Walston and his nurse exchanged glances that seemed to mean something but Willow didn’t know what.  The screen in odd color and three dimensional fascinated Willow this time.  Watching the changing pictures of the inside of her body helped override some of her discomfort.  “So, do you see what you’re looking for?”

“I see what I expected.  I’d like to do another one in a couple of hours but I think I’ve seen enough to know what I think I want to try first.”

She stared at Dr. Walston waiting for him to elaborate.  “And that is?”

“Well, it doesn’t look like your egg is releasing.  The ovary is trying but it swells and then reduces.”

“Can you do anything to make it release?”

“We have a drug we’d like you to try next month starting five days after your cycle.  Then you’ll use the same ovulation kits and when you see that you’re ovulating, come in.  I want to see if it looks like an egg released.”

Willow stared at the screen and then raised her eyes to the doctor’s face.  “It sure seems like a lot of hassle.  I mean, my mother in less than ideal circumstances was pregnant with the only chance she ever had to get pregnant and look at me.”  She sat up and wrapped the paper ‘gown’ around her tighter.  “Is it right to play round with this stuff?”

Dr. Walston took her hand and waited for her to finish.  “Willow, you don’t have to do anything with this information.  It might not do this every month and yet it might.  We don’t know.  I understand why some people have problems with in-vitro or other procedures but if your thyroid doesn’t work, we give it the right treatment to fix it.  I personally don’t see any difference between making one part of your body work and making the other.”

“Do I want to know what in-veto is?”

He barely stifled a laugh.  “Vitro.  In vitro fertilization.  I don’t think you want to know.”

“Good. I’ll just trust you on that.  So I take these pills and it makes the egg drop?”

“You make it sound like soup, but yes.  That’s exactly what you do.”

A look crossed her face that made the doctor pause before he left the room.  Finally, Willow picked at her cuticles and whispered, “Is it wrong not to say anything to my husband until we know?”

“Why wouldn’t you?”

“He’ll get his hopes up and what if it doesn’t work?”  Willow looked miserable.

“Well, I don’t usually recommend keeping things from your spouse but waiting a month before you say anything so you have something concrete is understandable.  If you feel guilt, I’d tell him.  If you are just concerned about doing what is right, perhaps you can talk to your pastor or priest.”

***

“So where’s my surprise?”  Chad wrapped his arms around his wife as she climbed off the bicycle.

“They said it’d be at least a month but hopefully it’s all ‘ordered’ and ready to go.”

“A month!  I’ll have the new barn built by then!”

Whirling in place, Willow stared at him slack jawed before she laughed.  “You had me going there for a minute.”

“No, I’m serious.  We’re going to need more room for animals next winter and I think we should consider a larger and warmer hen house.”

They walked to the house discussing Chad’s plans and Willow’s idea for getting broody hens.  “I don’t know why Mother never found  a source for them.  I think it’d be a much better way to keep new generations of chickens arriving on a regular basis.”

“Wouldn’t it get bad to have such close interbreeding?”

“I read an article once- I kept it too.  It was about how there are co-ops that swap hens on a regular basis and with different people each time in order to keep the bloodlines ‘fresh’.  It was really interesting.  There’s one for this area and one near Chicago.  Between the two, we should be able to keep a fresh genetic pool at all times.”

“So,” Chad began again teasing, “what can you tell me about this surprise?”

“Absolutely nothing.  And, if you keep bugging me about it, I’ll call and cancel.  If you knew what I had to go through to make this happen you’d feel guilty right about now.”

The scent of venison stew hit her the moment she opened the kitchen door.  Chad didn’t cook much, especially on the woodstove but he’d managed to perfect stew in the two years he’d known Willow and he’d also learned that she loved nothing more than coming home to the scent of a simmering pot of it.  Bread, warmed on the warming shelf and the coffee table was “set” with windows opened to send the heat out of the kitchen and draw the cooler evening air through the house.  She still felt awkward eating on the couch but when the kitchen was too warm for Chad’s taste, he always moved them into the living room and Willow didn’t have the heart to complain.

“That smells heavenly.”

“It does, doesn’t it.  I remembered the turnips this time.”  Chad winked at Willow’s mock surprise.  “Hey, I’m not that pathetic.”

“So, tell me about this barn idea…”

***

“Mom, I think she’s pregnant.”

“You said that two weeks after you got married.”

Laughing, Chad described her two trips to Rockland.  “The last time, she stayed overnight.  She didn’t tell me she went the first time but I was talking to Ben who runs the shuttle between Rockland and Fairbury Thursday through Saturday and he mentioned it.”

“So what about that makes her pregnant?”  Marianne didn’t quite understand her son’s logic.

“I think she’s going to a doctor to see this time.”

“Well it doesn’t take two trips and an overnight to get a positive test, Chad.”

“No, but with such a long wait, she might decide to have him check with an ultrasound or something after the test.  Maybe that’s why she stayed overnight.  She went for the test, then went back a few weeks later to make sure baby was still fine but they had to schedule the ultrasound and fit her in the next day.”

“Maybe but I think most offices have them in the rooms now.  I don’t think she’d have to come back.”

“She’s so frugal though,” Chad protested doggedly.  “I think she probably found the cheapest guy in town and he probably works with the hospital lab or something.”

His reasoning did make sense.  “Did you check the credit card statements or the account online?”

“I wasn’t sure if that was reasonable.  I mean, where do you draw the line…”  It was plain from Chad’s hesitation that he wanted to do it badly.

“I would.”

“Even if she said it was a surprise?”

Marianne’s protest could be heard throughout the police station.  “This is my grandchild we’re talking about.  I want to know if she exists!”

“She?”

“I’m a grandmother.  I have an intuition into this kind of thing and we’re having a girl first.  Go check and call me back.”

Chad told her to hold a minute.  “Ok, I’ve logged in.  Let’s see…”

For the next few minutes, Chad scrolled through the very few credit card transactions, the bank cash transactions, and finally found a check to a Dr. Walston for several hundred dollars.  “Bingo.  Dr. Walston.  I googled and he’s in a “Woman’s Center” over on Telegraph.”

“That’s a very well respected center.”  Marianne’s voice was excited.  “I just looked up gynecologists and obstetricians and he’s listed!”

Chad grinned.  This was it.  His wife was finally pregnant.  Who knew just two short years ago that he’d be chomping at the bit to be a father?  Who knew that he’d be sitting at work doing detective work on his wife rather than the creep who was writing bad checks all over town?  Who knew he’d be surfing  the web for cradle kits?

“So are you going to be a papa or what?”

Joe’s voice startled Chad and he closed out the window of various cradle options.  “Officially, I have not been informed of any such thing.”

Joe laughed.  “Congratulations man.”

“Seriously, Joe.  You know this town.  Don’t let anyone think you think that much less hear you say it.  You’ll have to sit on suspicion until my wife actually deigns to tell me.”

“And I thought you had it bad when you were falling for her.  This is worse.”

“Just pray she isn’t sick.  This’d be a bad time for her to be bedridden.”

“Oh  my word.”  Judith broke in disgustedly.  You have become Mr. Farmer.”