Chapter 87~

“So, what are your colors?”

Willow smiled as she answered, “Yellow and white.  I will have a bit of lilac but only in actual flowers.”

“So your flowers are lilacs and your colors are white and yellow?”  It was readily apparent that the woman, Lisa, didn’t appreciate the aesthetics of Willow’s choice.

“My flowers are daisies accented with lilacs.  I’m putting the white and yellow as primary everything and then the lilacs will be the only other time the lilac is there.”

“Oh!”  A complete change came over the woman’s face.  “You said outdoors right?  That sounds lovely.  Have you considered a chiffon cake with lemon filling?”

“Perfect.”

Marianne shook her head slightly.  Only Willow could walk into a bakery, spend five minutes talking, and have a cake chosen.  “Well, that was easy.”

“Oh we’re not done yet,” Lisa the consultant insisted.  “I just got started.  “What do you want it to look like?  Tiers?  Round?  Square?”

Willow was instantly overwhelmed.  “I- well-”

Marianne interrupted.  “May we see your portfolios?  Willow hasn’t done much looking yet.”

After ten pages, Willow stopped.  “This.  I like this.”  A double stacked cake decorated like a tiered present with a large bow on top was accented with fresh roses.  “I can put my daisies and a few lilac sprigs where the roses are and it’ll look perfect.”

“It won’t feed the crowd you’re expecting though,” Lisa mused aloud.  “You’d need a couple of sheet cakes or-”

“Petit fours.”

“That’s where you are- Oh!” Marianne said excitedly.  “I get it!  That’s a great idea.”

Nodding excitedly, Lisa picked up the idea.  “Excellent!  Will you want a groom’s cake?”

“Cheesecake.” Willow agreed without thinking about it.  She wasn’t sure exactly what a groom’s cake was but if she had her way, Chad would have cheesecake for it.”

“Looks like you’re all set.  We’ll have it there on the fifteenth of May, by nine o’clock.”

The women left the bakery excited.  One more piece of the wedding puzzle was fitted into place.  They stood gazing up and down the street trying to decide where to go next.  “What are you going to do for guest favors?”

“What are those?”

“Well,” Marianne began leading Willow down the street to a local coffee shop.  “It’s customary to have some kind of small token gift for your guests.  People do boxes of candies or bud vases or…”

They ordered coffee talking about options.  Marianne’s suggestion of something that represented her or Chad or even as them as a couple made Willow brighten.  “I’ve never done it before but maybe lemon jelly or marmalade wrapped in a box that looks like my cake?  I could put the farm name-”

“Your farm has a name?”

Blushing, Willow shrugged.  “Well, the people around Fairbury call it ‘the Finley place’ or ‘Finley Farm’ but Chad called it ‘Walden Farm’ because Mother loved that line from Thoreau so much.”

“Walden Farms Lemon Marmalade.  That sounds exclusive.”

“Would we use pints-”

“Oh no!  Think about it.  If a family shows up with four people- or Aggie and Luke!” She giggled.  “That’d be a lot of marmalade.  It’s just a token gift- it’s not a big deal and really, it’s more than a lot of people do.”

“Where do we buy boxes?”

The women smiled at each other.  “Let’s go!”

***

“Um- will I be killed if I ask what you’re doing and what is for dinner?”

The women smiled up at Christopher from a dining table surrounded with boxes that they wrapped in a perfect assembly line.  Marianne cut each piece of plain white wrapping paper carefully according to size templates they’d created.  Then, she cut exact lengths of organdy ribbons.  Cheri wrapped each box swiftly and deftly securing the paper with both glue and tape.  Willow, took each wrapped box, added the sheer ribbons, and tied perfect little bows to the lids.

“Um, we ordered pizza-” The doorbell rang interrupting them.  “-and I guess it’s here.”

Christopher left the bowery and went to pay for the meal shaking his head.  This was going to be twice as bad when Cheri and Chuck- The thought made him pause.  Cheri and Chuck.  Why had he automatically thought-

He nearly fell over several boxes of lemons, sugar, and lemon juice in the kitchen as he went to fill a plate.  “Is this what Fran was talking about?  She asked what was so bad that I needed so much lemonade and I was lost.”

“Tell her marmalade dear-” Marianne answered absently.

“Is anyone else going to eat?”

“Hmm?” the three wrappers asked absently in unison.

“Never mind.” Christopher disappeared into the den and grabbed the phone.  As he waited for Chad to answer, he took a bite of pizza.  “Chad?  Don’t come home.  They’ll box you and tie you up with yellow ribbon or turn you into lemon marmalade.  I’m not sure which is worse but it’s not safe here.  Call soon.  Willow isn’t getting much rest.”

While Christopher hung up the phone and munched on his pizza, the ‘girls’ squealed in excited glee as they reached the last of the cases of boxes.  “Twenty-five to go!” Cheri exulted.  “Hey, the pizza is here!”

“So, we make marmalade tomorrow?” Marianne asked.

Willow shrugged.  “I have to figure out how to make it first.”

Cheri grabbed a case from a chair in the living room and brought it to the table.  Opening it with one hand and pizza in the other, she pulled up a list of marmalade recipes.  “I like this one.  Three ingredients.  We can cut up lemons and watch a movie tonight and you guys can get to work on them in the morning.”

“You’d have to take back the lemon juice and buy more lemons,” Marianne hedged.  She liked the simplicity but…

“Can Christopher order extra lemons?  We could cook up all the ones we can get tomorrow and then make more in a couple of days.”

“Oh yeah!” Cheri said excitedly.  “My Thursday class was canceled!  You guys can make this tomorrow and I can come home Wednesday night, cut more, and voila!”

“Chad’s coming Wednesday.  Maybe I can write by then and we can finish up the invitations while he’s here.”

“You leave those invitations out for me and I’ll do the writing.  You’re going home with a healed hand young lady,” Marianne threatened with a waggle of her finger.

“Yes ma’am.”

Before anyone said anything else, Willow’s cell phone rang.  The way her face lit up at the sight of the screen and the little hop she gave as she bounced out of the room told the onlookers more than her delighted, “Chad!”

“She’s got it bad,” Cheri said giggling.

“That’s the amazing thing.  She doesn’t.  Not yet.  When it hits…”

Oblivious to the speculation around her, Willow hurried upstairs and in the biggest ‘girlie’ move of her life, she flopped on her back on the bed and twirled her hair.  “I ordered a cake today…”

His chuckle warmed her heart.  “Will I like it?”

“Chiffon cake with lemon filling and a cheesecake for a ‘groom’s’ cake.  Whatever that is.”

“It’s a southern thing that’s working its way up here.  I learned about them at my cousin Andrew’s wedding.  Mom was so excited I should have remembered that she’d want one.  So did that take all day?”

Laughing, Willow described their wrapping frenzy and tomorrow’s marmalade job.  “I can tell I’m going to be stuck stirring or something- your mom is hovering over me like a hen with chicks.”

“She loves you.”

“I’m starting to realize that.  It feels nice.”

Chad stretched his legs out onto her couch and grinned as he flirted.  “What can I say, you’re easy to love.”

“Speaking of which,” she began hesitantly.  “I went to Bill’s today.”

“What does that have to do with the more interesting topic at hand?” Chad complained as he pictured her in Bill’s office, holding Bill’s hand, hugging him goodbye… It wasn’t a good place to go in his mind.

“I hurt him.”

“Aww Willow.”  The pain in her voice cut him.  Bill had made himself clear but Willow had never truly seen it.  She still saw him as one of her first playmates and missed the depth of his feelings for her- apparently until now anyway.  “Are you ok?”

“I am but I don’t think he is.  I didn’t understand.  I mean, I knew- he said- but-”

“But you didn’t see.  I’m sorry.”

“It’s like I lost him all over again.  I want you here.  You feel very far away.”

Chad glanced at the clock.  He could be there by eleven-thirty.  He’d planned not to come until morning but Willow in pain wasn’t something he handled very well.  “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow is forever.  If I could drive, I’d come see you.”

“I’m back on the clock at eight.”

Her rare giggle amused him.  “I’d drive really fast then!”

“Willow, your idea of really fast is twenty miles per hour.”

“I can only walk five on a good day so yeah, that’s really fast,” she protested hotly.

“You know what I like,” he teased with a hint of something more meaningful behind his words.

“What?”

“I like that you want to see me.”

They talked until he had to go back to work.  With a promise from her not to go to sleep until he called, he hung up grinning.  He wouldn’t call until he stepped in the door.  She’d love that.

Willow hurried back into the dining room but found the Tesdall women putting away the glue, tape, wrapping paper, and the rest of the accoutrements of their frenzy.  “So, are you going to turn this paper into something amazing?” Cheri asked interestedly.

“Actually, I was going to see if you ladies needed it before I took it home.  I can certainly use it but if you have a use for it…”

“Take it.  Your wedding present doesn’t have to be wrapped,” Marianne teased.

“Oh!  A wedding present!  I didn’t think about presents.  Whatever would I do with them?  I have everything I need.”

Cheri got excited.  “I think you should register for a set of matching dishes to your teapot and cups.”

“That’s a great idea!  And towels.  I realized that towels are things you probably wear out faster than the average person.”

Willow listened thoughtfully as they bantered ideas back and forth.  From towels and bedding, to electric mixers and coffee pots for Chad, the suggestions darted from person to person until Willow thought she’d go crazy.  “Do we have to do gifts?  Isn’t there some way to request people just skip that?”

“It’s rude.  People want to bless you.  Let them,” Marianne said with finality.

“But if stuff isn’t a blessing but a burden-”

Before Marianne could answer, Cheri piped up excitedly.  “If you could have one thing- just one, that you don’t own right now but want very badly, what would it be?”

“A spinning wheel.”  It didn’t take Willow a second to think about her answer.

“We’ll have a ’spinning shower’!”

“No we won’t,” Marianne protested.  We’re having a personal shower.”

“Mom!  She’ll be mortified.”

“Good.  It’s a rite of passage.”  Marianne’s tone made Willow nervous.  She winked at Willow and continued.  “You’ll have fun.  We keep them tasteful.”

“Do I want to ask?”

“No,” Cheri said.  I’ll tell you later.  Like when it’s over.”

***

The heat clicked on and hot air forced through the registers.  Willow didn’t hear it.  Engrossed in a huge Calvin and Hobbes book of cartoons, she didn’t hear the front door open or Chad’s footsteps hurrying upstairs and through the house looking for her.  Giggles erupted occasionally as she lost herself in Calvin’s imaginary world.

The book crashed to the floor as Chad whispered, “Hey there.”  He vaulted the couch sinking next to her.

“But- I thought-”

“You sounded lonely.”

Her eyes thanked him before she curled next to him on the couch.  Chad leaned down and picked up the book.  “Calvin and Hobbes.  My favorite.”

“He’s an awful little boy but he’s funny.”

For an hour, they sat chuckling over the antics and escapades.  Chad noticed as time passed that Willow felt heavier and heavier until eventually he realized she was asleep.  He shifted carefully until he had both of them resting comfortably and then pulled the couch throw over her.  It was a good night.

***

“Ok, so we have all of the Sullivans, Tesdalls, our church, your church…”  Chad thought carefully.  “That leaves the Finleys but we don’t have that here and then various friends like Bill, Todd Blankenship-”

“Cheri won’t be happy,” Marianne commented absently.

“He’s been my best friend since the fourth grade.  I’m not leaving him out.”

“You’ve never mentioned Todd.”  Willow glanced up from her glue and seals.  “Why haven’t I met him?”

“He’s on a year mission to India.  He gets home next month.”  The excitement in Chad’s voice couldn’t be missed.  “I can’t believe I haven’t mentioned him.  Mom, Jay and Hope Brown have been a lot of help to him.  Maybe invite them too.  He’d probably like an excuse to talk to them without people vying for his attention.”

The invitation list was finally complete sans the addresses of the Finley clan and Marianne moved to ceremony treading lightly knowing how different Willow wanted things.  “Well, the family has gotten together and we’ve gone in on a wedding present.  You don’t need music.”

“Oh?”  Chad’s voice showed little interest.  He was too busy flicking a roll of stamps between the ‘goal posts’ of salt and peppershakers.

“We’ve booked Argosy Junction for the wedding.”

Willow’s head snapped up.  “The people that you got me tickets to?”

“Yes.  I just decided to see how much it’d be and when I found out, I realized if we all chipped in, it’d be completely affordable.  I thought it’d help with the gift situation too.”

“Mom-” Chad choked.  “You didn’t have-”

“Well, I assumed there wouldn’t be a rehearsal dinner so really, you’re saving us so much money that I felt guilty not even trying.  They’re very down-to-earth people.”

Willow imagined the music playing around her farm.  The line, “… somebody’s waiting for me…” wafted through her memory and she sighed.  “That is almost the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.”

“Oh yeah.  That reminds me,” Chad interjected randomly.  “Wes Hartfield called.  He wants to do engagement pictures before the middle of April.  He said, and I quote, ‘If you aren’t done by tax day, I’m taking pics of you two with manure on your boots and straw in your hair for all I care.’”

“Pictures it is then.  Find out your schedule then let me know.”

Marianne’s quiet voice was almost overlooked in their banter.  “Would you take some at the church there?”

“Definitely Mom.  We’ll probably go several places.”

Choking back emotion that Willow didn’t understand, Marianne took the discussion in an entirely new direction.  “So what about dresses for Cheri and Aggie’s girls?”

“I don’t know what to do.  I don’t know how we’re going to make that all work out- I also don’t know what to feed everyone.”

“Chicken-”

“No mom.  I’m not dealing with a bunch of raw chicken and besides, with hers so nearby, it’ll be too ‘close to home’ for most people.  Let’s do something safe like pizza.”

“I’ll call Maitre ‘d and ask if we can come down on Friday and talk to them,” Marianne assured them.  Winking at Willow, she added, “And I’ll make sure they know, no chicken.”

Chad, eager to switch the subject, decided to move to games and ceremony.  “Will we write our own vows or go traditional?”

“Whatever Pastor Allen is comfortable with is fine with me.”

“Sounds good.  Mom said no rehearsal.  Think that’ll work?”

“Rehearse what?  How hard is it to say ‘I do’?”

“Well,” Marianne said excitedly, “It’s more about getting everyone ready to know who comes in when and where, the order of things, if someone will sing or pray over the couple, the vows, he’ll promise you can kiss-”

Willow’s face drained.  “Like at Aggie’s wedding?”

“Well, yes!”

Chad grinned at Willow’s discomfiture.  “There’s always the age old, ‘You may kiss the bride’.”

“I- but-”

While Chad teased and grinned, Marianne’s eyes grew concerned.  Willow seemed truly distraught over the idea, which made Marianne nervous.  “Honey, is kissing your husband really that terrifying or distasteful?”

“Mom, she’s been day dreaming about that kiss in North and South for weeks.  She’s not averse to kissing anymore, I assure you.”

“How would you know?”

Chad and Marianne stared slack-jawed at Willow’s irritated expression.  “Well-”

“I won’t do it.”

Patience at an all-time low, Marianne took a breath and tried to understand.  “Why not Willow?  It is one thing that people look forward to so much.  Seeing that first-”

“I’m not sharing my first kiss with two hundred people I hardly know,” she insisted stubbornly.

“Chad!”

“What Mom?  What did I do now?”

Marianne’s laughter erupted unexpectedly.  “I don’t believe this. I’ve been waiting for something like this.  Some part of the wedding where Willow says, ‘That’s it, I’ve had it, I’m not doing this, and no one can make me.’  I really don’t blame her either.  It’s like going to Africa and joining a tribe and suddenly you have to be willing to drink fresh cow blood and dance topless in front of men or something.  She’s done very well to try to adapt. But this-”

Marianne wheezed as her mirth became nearly uncontrollable.  Chad and Willow exchanged confused but amused glances but behind Willow’s twinkling eyes was a hint of stubbornness he’d seen before.  “Mom, I don’t understand.  Why is Willow being Willow so funny?”

“I thought-” she panted and fought to catch her breath.  “I thought she would refuse to kiss you all together.  I didn’t expect to hear her complaining about how she hasn’t been!”

“That wasn’t a complaint, mom.”  A glance at Willow took some of the confidence from his voice.  “Was it?”

“You keep telling me, ‘I am a man’ like it’s the answer to everything I can’t understand.  Well hear this one.  I am a woman.  A real live, walking talking, terrified-of-what-is-to-come woman.  Libby told me last week that I was ’still asleep’ but you know, I can’t sleep forever and it seems like everyone is either trying to wake me up with ice water or drug me into an indefinite stupor.”

“You want me to kiss you?”  Chad spoke as though he’d forgotten his mother was in the room.

“Absolutely not.  I’ve got more important things on my mind right now.  Like dresses, and menus, and gifts for Cheri and Christopher…” she thumbed through a list of things from one of the bridal magazines and continued with things they all knew weren’t applicable.  “passports, gyn-e-co-logical, no that’s not right.”

“I get it.  I get it.”  Ignoring their maternal audience, Chad leaned across the table, reached for her hand, and smiled.  “I promise you.  You won’t share your first or second kiss with anyone but me.”  He paused.  “Well, and maybe a few chickens, a goat, or a sheep or two.”

Chapter 86- Part 2

The house was painfully silent.  The ticking of the clock drove Willow nearly insane with loneliness.  Church was over, the children were gone, and suddenly the privacy and peace she craved felt empty.  She glanced listlessly at the clock.  Chad would be there soon for dinner.  Maybe she could bake a pound cake.  He’d like that.

The house smelled heavenly as Chad entered through the back door.  A cake drizzled with almond glaze and a jar of cherries sat on the counter, a roasted chicken warmed in the Dutch oven, and green beans simmered on the stove.  He loved coming ‘home’ like this.  Willow, however, was nowhere.  He checked the barn, her room, and then eventually the entire house but didn’t find her.  Just as concern started to well in his chest and he pulled out his cell phone, Willow burst in the door and practically threw herself into his arms.

“I missed you.”

“I can see that.  Have you been enjoying the peace and quiet?”

“I’m going crazy.  The house is too quiet; I can’t do anything because my hand hurts if I squeeze anything-”

He eyed the cake suspiciously.  “You don’t have an electric mixer.  How did-”

Unconsciously, Willow stuffed her hand into her jacket pocket.  Chad, with infinite tenderness, pulled it out, unwrapped the bandage, and stared at the fresh blood on the gauze.  “How could you do that?”

“I wanted you to have cake with dinner.”

“I’m supposed to eat that thing knowing what you did to yourself to make it?” he snapped.

Willow snatched her hand back from his fingers.  “Forgive me.  I wanted to do something to bless you for once.”  Without another word, she shrugged out of her jacket and hung it on the peg by the back door.  She glanced around the room with a look of irritation on her face.  “I’ve always hated the color in here.  It’s just ugly.”

His jaw, already sitting on the floor full of his feet, slackened further.  He glanced around the room.  It was spotless.  How had she managed to do the dishes?  The floors were freshly mopped.  The windows sparkled.  He wandered around the downstairs for a moment and realized that her hand would take twice as long to heal unless she was forced to rest it.

He went out to milk Ditto and the sight of her milked udder made up his mind.  He flipped open his phone and called his mother.  It was time for a vacation.  It was time for her to have an estrogen fest.

Upstairs, Willow sat absorbing the beauty in the spare room.  The bed looked empty without Ellie’s stuffed fox and the closet still stood open and bare with her little dresses gone.  Chad knelt beside the chair and smiled up at her.  “Are you going to help me eat that cake?”

“I was nasty about that.”

“Yes.  I guess you could say you were.  I, however, would say you are feeling a little displaced at the moment.  You don’t have the help you need while your hand is healing and as much as you needed some space, you liked having the little people around.”

Her sigh would have hurt him had he not already made plans.  He hated seeing her so alone and as much time as he spent there, he still had to work.  For a fleeting moment, he realized that he didn’t.  He’d never have to work again if he didn’t want to.  As quickly as the thought came, he dismissed it.  The idea of living off Steven Solari’s ill-gotten money revolted him.  He was just grateful that Willow didn’t seem to realize the source of Steve’s income.

“I guess.”

“I have a surprise for you.”

Her eyes brightened immediately.  “You have the week off work.”

“Do you want a honeymoon?” he teased.

“Of cour-” she paused.  “What do you mean?”

“I have the week after the wedding off.  Even if I could get this week off, that’d probably mean one day max before I had to go to go back after the wedding.”

“Ok, so you don’t have the week off.  What’s the next best thing?  Two days in a row?  We could go hiking up-”

“How about you at my mom’s for a week.  You guys can pick out cakes and dresses for the girls, shop until you drop, and rest that hand.”

“Can Caleb or Ryder handle the animals and the plants?”

“I’ll stay out here and take care of the animals but Ryder will have to come after school or you’d have to show me what to do.”

He took her hand and led her downstairs.  “You talk, I’ll eat. I’m starving and I only have-” Chad checked his watch, “Twenty-three minutes to be back on beat.”

Willow accepted a plate of food, her mind elsewhere.  “So what would your mom expect from me?”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I just wondered if I’d have time to do a few things by myself.”

“You,” he assured her with a fork full of chicken ready for consumption, “Can do anything you like.  Mom said she’d be at your ‘disposal’.”

“When can we go?”

***

“So, cake.  What about visiting a few bakeries?”

“Why don’t we make the cake?  Why-”

“Because you’re going to be tired if you do that.  Relax and enjoy the day.”

Willow thought about it for a moment.  She remembered how busy she’d be with chickens, shearing, and planting around the time of the wedding and smiled.  Chad’ love it too.  “Ok, how about I meet you on Bridal Aisle at one o’clock?   I have a few things I want to do first.”

Marianne watched concerned, as Willow walked down the street and rounded the corner.  They’d arrived late and Chad had gone straight to bed leaving at four o’clock to get back in time for his early shift.  Now Willow was off to Rockland, alone, when that awful family was still a threat if Chad’s worries were to be considered.

Willow, unaware of her future mother-in-law’s uncertainties, rode the bus to the Rockland hub, took the subway to the financial district, and entered Bill’s building riding the elevator to the fourth floor and surprising Marci.  “Is he in?”

“He is- um,” Mari hesitated as she glanced at Willow’s left hand.  “Congratulations.”

Confused, Willow cocked her head puppy-like and smiled.  “For…”

“We thought when we got your credit card statement that you’d purchased a wedding dress and your hand-”

“Oh!  Right.  Thanks.”

“Go on in.  He’s just clearing his desk for an after lunch meeting.”

Willow opened the door knocking gently.  “Does my favorite financial guru have time for me?”

“Willow!”

The absolute delight followed by pain on Bill’s face made her pause but Bill didn’t.  He wrapped his arms around her in a bear hug.  “It’s so good to see you.  Congratulations.  Is it Chad?”

She nodded hesitantly.  “We decided it didn’t look good for him to spend so much time at my house especially since he’s there so late so often.”

Bill’s eyes widened and then narrowed in concern.  “Willow, you are in love with him though, aren’t you?”

“I love him, yes.”

Something about her expression and the way she’d phrased it made him press her.  “That isn’t what I asked, Willow,” he said, a familiar tenderness entering his voice.

“I know, but it is the only answer I can give.”

Bill led her to a small couch in one corner of the office and pushed her gently onto it.  “Water?”

“Thanks.”

He brought her a glass and sank into the couch next to her taking her hand in his.  “Don’t do this Willow.  Don’t marry someone until you’re in love.  I can’t stand it.”

“I can.”

Her words hung between them.  Bill’s pained expression nearly made her apologize but she knew he needed to understand and accept.  Until this moment, she truly hadn’t understood the depth of his affection for her.

“I don’t understand.  If you were in love- if you couldn’t wait to be his wife-”

“Oh, but I can’t.  I’m marrying my best friend and honestly, if it wasn’t for all this wedding stuff, I’d be married already.”

He started to protest again and then stopped.  Their eyes met and held.  Smoothing her hand with his thumb, he stared at his feet as he murmured, “Will you be happy?”

“Definitely.”

“Then I’m happy for both of you. I hope you have a wonderful life- but be careful.”

“Why?”

A teasing glint twinkled in Bill’s dark eyes.  “The last guy who had ‘A Wonderful Life’ ended up with four children.”

“Huh?”

“Ask Chad.  He’ll get a kick out of sharing that with you.”

She grinned.  “Will you come?”

“Is that why you’re here?  A personal invitation to the most unique wedding of the century?”

“What makes you say,” she began.

“It’s a Finley wedding.  It has to be unique.”

Her smile spread wider.  “Well, it’s not why I came but it is important to me.”

“I’ll come.  I may not stay for the reception- it’s going to be hard for me Willow.”

She squeezed his hand gently.  “Then come late.  We’re having the party first.”

“You would.  So if you’re not here to request my services as the official bride down the aisle walker, then what?”

She swallowed.  Willow hadn’t realized how much her errand was going to hurt him and this would just make it worse.  “I need to know how to put Chad on my accounts and things.  I need to get life insurance for me for him.  I need to do all the things Mother did but now it’s for Chad.”

“I’ll take care of it,” Bill assured.  “You’re wise to take care of it now.”  She stood, ready to leave, but Bill stopped her.  “I have your taxes done.  Do you want to sign here or should I bring them out next month as usual?”

“Let me sign.  Mother just had a thing about not letting the government have money any sooner than necessary.  Me, I just want it over with.”

As the door closed behind her, Bill’s head drooped.  Dejectedly he returned to his desk and dropped his head in his hands.  Every inch of him seemed limp and listless.

How could she marry him if she wasn’t in love?  Was he in love with her?  He’d take good care of her- of that, Bill had no doubt.  Why was he so unable to deny his own fears and desires?  It could be him.  If only.

Chapter 86- Part 1

 

“What- when did you get home?”

The children rushed in behind him surrounding her and telling her about the killer game of hide and seek, the pizza lunch, and how Chad was caught because he almost forgot to put on the roast.  Willow sent them upstairs to change and then out to the barn to do a new load of laundry and bring in the one she’d started.  Once they were gone from the kitchen, she returned to her project.

“Want to talk about it?”

“Not while you’re still mad at me.”

“I’m not angry.  I was afraid and nervous- I worried like crazy but I am not angry.”  His voice near her ear startled her sending her pen flying across the invitation and ruining it.  “Oh I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean-”

She smiled into his face startled at its nearness.  “I- it’s ok.”

“Want to tell me about it?”

Willow ran her thumb between his eyebrows smoothing a furrow there.  “I just told him we’d let people know to publish the contents of those journals if anyone that I care about is harmed.”

A whistle of admiration escaped before Chad could help himself.  “You’ve got cheek girl.  I’ll give you that.”

“I just couldn’t risk them hurting you or your family-”

She stood to check the roast her hands trembling as she reached for the lid.  Her hand jerked back and she rushed for the sink splashing cold water on a nasty burn.  Chad stood confused for a moment.  Willow didn’t make mistakes like that- surely he’d imagined.  But no, there she stood tears of pain and frustration pouring down her face.

“Can you get me a bowl of snow?”

“Bowl of snow?”

“Feels good on burns.”  She glanced at his confused face and shook her head.  “I’ll get it.”

He grabbed a bowl and rushed out the door looking for a clean patch of snow.  As she dried her hands, she forced herself to ignore the pain.  “Can you get a potholder and pick up that lid?”

Chad ignored the lid and pushed Willow to the table. “Just sit down and soak that hand.”

The pain was almost unbearable.  Knowing how heavy her lid was and trying to steady her shaky hand, she’d grasped it firmly wrapping her entire hand around the knob without thinking.  “Can you break me a piece of the aloe plant in the windowsill?  I need to get something on it,” she gasped trying not to whimper.

The aloe barely soothed before the burning began again.  Looking at the blisters that were already popping, Chad shook his head.  “I’ll call in the kids.  I’ve got to get you to Urgent Care.  This is bad.”

“Oh the things I’ll do to go for a ride with my Chaddie.”

“Oh yeah, she’s hurting,” Chad muttered under his breath.

***

The week dragged.  Willow was ready for the children to be gone by Sunday afternoon.  Tuesday, Chad took them to his mother’s to give Willow a break and by Thursday, she wanted to cry with frustration over the slightest problems.  Her hand still hurt terribly anytime she tried to use it making her impatient and mentally snappish.

Friday afternoon, she disappeared into her bedroom and closed the door.  Curling under her quilt, she poured out her frustrations to the Lord.  Chad found her there around dinnertime, fresh tears on her face and dozing.  His hand carefully brushed her hair from her face and wiped the teardrops that clung to her lashes.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered without opening her eyes.

“What for?”

“Being so ugly.”

Gently, his hands stroked her cheek, her temple, and occasionally pushed a stubborn strand of hair back from her forehead.  “No one could ever accuse you of being ugly Willow.  Inside and out, you’re one of the most truly beautiful people I know.”

“Who else is beautiful?”  She honestly didn’t care.  His voice was comforting and soothing and she wanted more than anything to keep him talking to calm her screaming nerves.

“Aunt Libby.  Mom.  Alexa Hartfield.  Uncle Zeke. Luke.”

“Wow.  Those are some big name to fit in.”

“I think your mother was incredibly beautiful too.”

“She was.”  The sniffles began again but Chad came prepared.  Pulling a large unused wad of Kleenex from his pocket, Chad pushed it to her.  “Thanks.”

“Want to tell me about it?”

“No.  It’s selfish, immature, and I don’t want to give you any reason to want to run out of here.”

“I’m not running.”

She rolled to face him clutching the pillow to her as a child might a beloved teddy bear.  “They’re so noisy.  Ellie wants something from me every minute.  The boys are always pushing and jostling each other- and they like it!”

“That’s called childishness.  It’s what children are.”

“But my hand hurts, my head hurts, my nerves are raw, and I haven’t had time alone with you in forever.”

This was a very promising admission.  “Well, we did spend part of Saturday alone…”

“In the car to and from the doctor.  Gee, that was thrilling.”

“You’re flirting with me Miss Finley.”

A tiny smile curved around the corners of her mouth.  “Well, I tried.”

“The children miss that.”

“They do?”  Her eyes widened.

“Sure.  As gross as it seems to them, it’s a child’s security to know that the people around them love each other and are committed to one another.”

She sat up, knees to her chest and arms around her knees.  “Why gross?”

“Well,” he commented dangerously as he caught her curious eyes.  “I distinctly remember you finding ’smashed lips’ ridiculous at best and you were particularly disgusted by the notion of swapping spit.”

“I didn’t see any spit in North and South thank you very much.”

His grin was nearly diabolical as he leaned even closer and whispered.  “Is that your measure of all kisses?  Will I be sent to Siberia if my kisses don’t measure up?”

“Ask me once I know what they’re like.”

Chad stood, shoved his hands in his pockets, and leaned against the dresser observing her closely.  “That almost seems like a challenge.”

“It does, doesn’t it?”

Very carefully, Chad grasped her wounded hand and pulled her to him.  He waited for her to meet his gaze and smiled slowly at the wide-eyed expression on her face.  Willow swallowed hard watching him as he lowered his head ever so gently, and then giggled as he pressed his lips softly to her injured hand.

Then, Chad winked.

Chapter 85~

“How did it go?”

Chad pulled Willow into an embrace that left her breathless.  In an unusual move, he entered her kitchen, saw her cranking the ice cream, and pulled her to him nearly crushing her.  Every moment he held her, Chad fought a rising sense of fear. 

Something had bothered him through dinner and all the way home.  As he climbed the steps into Willow’s house, he’d identified what unsettled him.  Solari admitted his reputation depended on discretion.  His entire empire could fall if it was ever proven that his son did the things they’d discussed.  Neither he nor Willow was safe if Solari thought for a moment that they’d go public with the information.

“What is it Chad?”

“Tomorrow, we need to go into Brunswick and take your mother’s journals to a safety deposit box.  Better yet, we need to get someone else to do it.  Maybe Alexa or the Allens.  I wonder if Joe…”

Willow, dished ice cream for both of them, carried it into the living room, set it on the coffee table, and returned to the kitchen.  Flipping on the circuit breaker switch, she led Chad to the couch and turned down the lamps.  “Let’s just watch the movie and then you can tell me all about it.”

Chad sat down reluctantly and unbuttoned his shirt cuffs.  “Maybe I’ll change first.”

Concern filled Willow’s eyes as she watched him climb the stairs.  He knew he was scaring her but he couldn’t suppress the slowly rising panic in his heart.  The chief was right.  Solari was terrifying news.

As he pulled his sweats and a t-shirt from the bottom drawer in the boys’ room, Chad paused.  Maybe… He snatched up the pink sweatpants, tossing his boring grey ones back in the drawer, and hurried to change. 

“Oh Chad!”  Her giggles sent his heart flopping.  If a small fit of amusement could affect him like this now, what would he do when he no longer held back any reservations in his affections?  Immediately, he resolved to keep his affections ’sisterly’ at least for the time being.

He broke that resolution faster than anything he’d ever declared on New Year’s.  The moment he sat back against the cushions, Willow curled against him, one arm around his waist, head against his chest, leaving no option but to drape his arm comfortably across her back.  She smiled up at him.  “You’re comfortable.”

“Of course I am.  I’ve got hottie pants on!”

Before she could reply, air raid sires erupted on the small laptop screen.  Chad’s deep amused chuckle comforted her as the bombs ripped through the Pevensie living room.  She pressed herself closer to him hiding one eye from the view on the screen until the children made it into the bomb shelter.  “Oh my!  How intense!”

Her comments were predictably amusing.  She hated the opening song, “She sounds like she’s whining.”  Edmund, however was immediately pronounced “delightfully annoying,” and the game of hide and seek sent immediate ideas through her head.  He knew instinctively that they’d be playing their own game in the morning.

A gasp of delight over Lucy’s entrance into Narnia set the stage for the next two hours.  She wept, cheered, and laughed but nothing enamored her more than her first sight of Aslan.  “Oh what a beautiful voice.  It’s gentle but deep.”  She smiled as his eyes met hers.  “A little like yours.”

“Stop flirting and watch the movie.”

His words were barely spoken when Maugrim tried to attack.  “Oh!”  For the next twenty minutes, she alternated between admiration and fear.  “Oh it’s so- dark.  I can feel the ugliness of the witch’s world.  So- oh it’s so like reading the crucifixion and yet just different enough-”

“I know.  I didn’t think about how graphic it gets.  We can turn it off.”

“I want to see.  It’s a hard scene but it should be.  I’m glad they didn’t sanitize the ugliness of it I just am not used to seeing it so clearly.  My mind never imagined it as truly awful as it needed to be but it’s true.”

At the end, she sighed contentedly.  “To create an entire world of creatures, places, dreams, and fears- how exciting it must be to be able to do that.”

Chad reached and turned off the music that he knew seemed out of place to her.  “But you did, Willow.  Your entire childhood you spent creating your own little world of fairies and woodland creatures.”

“But that’s just part of the magic of childhood.  To do it when you’re already grown…”

The fire crackled in the stove, winds began whirling around the windows as a new storm approached, and still they sat, unspeaking, avoiding the subject that neither wanted to broach.  Finally, Willow sighed, pulled away from Chad’s side, covered herself with the couch quilt, and settled in the opposite corner of the couch.

“What happened?”

“Well, of course he wants to forge a relationship with you.  I think he assumed we were naïve enough to miss the probable connection between him and Ben-”

“But why would he do that?  It doesn’t make sense.  If he wants a relationship with me, why try to scare me?”

“I’ve been thinking about that,” Chad began, “And all I can think of is he hoped you’d come to him for help.”

“Why wouldn’t I go to you?”

“Well, but think about it.  We weren’t very successful in stopping it, were we?  He knew you were used to solitude, he knew you might even be more fearful than those used to hearing about this stuff-” Chad sighed.  “I really think he thought he’d drive you to him, he’d ‘rescue’ you, and then you’d be grateful and get to know you.”

“Should I do it?”

“No!”  The tone of his voice would have answered even had he not spoken.  “Don’t play his game Willow.  You don’t know how to win.”

“But, this is my grandfather.  Maybe I do know how.  Maybe, just maybe, I am the one who can beat him at his game.”

“And if you don’t,” he warned, “You could die.”

A defeated air settled around her.  “Is it really living to have this hanging over you?”

“Come here.”  Chad held his arms back out to hold her.  As she curled next to him once more, he stroked her hair speaking as soothingly as he honestly could.  “I have no doubt we’ll get him, Willow.  We will.  It’s our job.”

“So what do we do with the journals?”

“I’m calling Joe now.  I’ll get him to take them to the Brunswick station tonight if he has any transports and they can lock them in evidence there.  We’ll get Nolan Barnes to put them in a safe deposit box for us in the morning.”

“My Nolan Barnes?  Mr. Barnes’ son?”

Chad nodded as he pulled out his phone.  “He lives there.  I saw him when I was in the hospital.  His church visits everyone every day and they all take turns.  He was surprised to know I knew you.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

Shrugging, Chad opened his phone.  “I honestly forgot about it.  But he can do this and it’ll keep us safe not knowing where they really are.”

Ten minutes later, Chad shut his phone thoughtfully.  “He’s going over in an hour.  Tomorrow they’ll be safe by noon.  The Brunswick department will get us a safety deposit box so we don’t have to bother Mr. Barnes.”

“Do you work tomorrow?  I can’t remember.”

“Not until two Sunday morning.”

She nodded thoughtfully.  “I thought maybe a good game of hide and seek…”

***

“Well?”

Solari ran his hands through his wife’s hair.  “She’ll come around.  I can tell I’m breaking him down.  Once he’s on our side, she’ll follow.”

“I want to go next time.  Men like me.  I think I could get him to listen.”

Steve’s eyes flitted across his wife’s face, roamed to the plunging neckline of her blouse, and trailed across the tight fit of her jeans.  “Looking like that, you could get him to murder his own mother.”   

“Well, that wouldn’t exactly endear Willow to his opinions so I’ll just settle for a nice lunch with her.”  It was time to present her plan.  “I have an idea Steve but it’s a little underhanded-”

“Let’s discuss it upstairs, shall we?”

Steve led her up the stairs slowly and deliberately.  He’d need her full cooperation for his next idea and the best way to gain that was simple.  He’d been blessed with an attractive wife who loved to think she had power over him in their bed.  Anytime he wanted her to think she had any influence over him, he kept the discussion in their room, but if he wanted her out of the picture, he simply didn’t go upstairs.  Lynne found his games amateurish and amusing and worked hard to keep the persona she’d carefully constructed for herself.

“Well,” she began realizing she’d won before she even glanced at her cards.  “I think I need to appeal to her as your wife who didn’t know anything.  Maybe,” she added with a penitent look that pleaded for understanding, “I even pretend I’m very upset with how you handled things and try to distance myself.  Make me look like another victim…”

Steve’s slow grin answered her before he spoke.  “That is a brilliant idea.  You might even want to consider acting a little afraid of me finding out she saw you without me knowing.”

“Well,” she added provocatively.  “If that didn’t work, I could always hit on the cop-”

“Over his dead body.”

She blinked innocently up at him trying to keep a sneer from her expression.   “Isn’t it supposed to be your dead body?”

“I am not about to miss out on the next twenty or thirty years with you in order to keep that child’s hands off my wife.  He couldn’t appreciate you if he tried.”

As Steve crossed their bedroom to pour them each a drink, Lynne smiled inwardly.  “You’ve never appreciated the best part of me my dear Steve and you certainly couldn’t no matter how hard you tried.  Fool.”

***

Chad stirred.  The clock downstairs struck six-thirty.  He thought he smelled oatmeal and smiled.  Waking up to hot food was something he’d thank the Lord for every day of his married life.  Bachelor living was rough on the palate. 

He carried his clothes to the woodstove, peeked into Ellie’s room, Willow’s room, and the boys’ room.  Willow was up and downstairs somewhere, the rest were sleeping.  Enjoying the warmth, he dressed by the stove and stretched appreciatively.  What a morning!

Downstairs, a large pan of oatmeal sat on the stove with dried blueberries plumping in the pan as the grain soaked up the water.  The milk pan sat in the kitchen sink, dented by an obvious kick by Ditto.  She’d have to buy a new one.  The table was set, and at his normal chair, a note lay on the plate.

Chad,

I’ve gone to Rockland for the day.  There are some things I need to do.  I have my phone if you need me and I hope to be home in time for dinner.  Please put the Dutch oven on the stove at one o’clock.

I have a feeling you’re going to be very upset with me but try to trust me.  We both need lessons in that area.

Be back soon,

Willow

 

Chad dropped the letter and dialed the police station.  His watch read six-fifty.  Could he stop the bus?  He knew exactly what Willow planned and kicked himself for not anticipating it.  “Judith?  What time does the first bus go to Rockland?”

Judith assured him it didn’t leave until eight-thirty.  “I know because my niece comes in on it sometimes.  It gets here at fifteen after.  During the week it’s earlier of course…”

“Go get Willow and bring her back here.”

“Listen little man, I don’t take orders from pipsqueaks who are still wet behind the ears!  She’s a grown woman and can go to town if she likes.  I don’t have time to play referee for lover’s spats.”

“She’s going to talk to Solari.  If you need a legal reason, bring her in for interfering in a police investigation but she’s not safe with him.”

“Gotcha.  I’ll call you once I have her.”

Judith raced from the station leaving a sleepy Joe waiting for the Chief’s arrival.  She wove quickly through Fairbury streets and whipped behind the Fox expecting to see Willow waiting on the bus bench shivering and looking a little out of her element as usual.  Willow never seemed quite at home near the bus.

The bench was empty.  No footprints were anywhere near the bus station- the wind had whipped them unrecognizable in the night.  Excellent.  She hadn’t even made it to town yet. Judith could just bring her home and Chad could handle the mess.

While Judith called Chad and drove all over Fairbury and the roads between town and the farm, Willow zipped along the highway in Fairbury’s only taxi cab.  “Thanks for coming out so early.  I didn’t realize the phone went to your home or I’d have just waited.”

“Chad would have found you by then and been upset.”

“He probably has my note by now and is fuming.  He can’t leave because there’s no room in his truck for all of the children.”

“This must be some gift you have for him.”

Willow nodded, her thoughts swirling into a stew of frustration.  “I’m giving him the gift of the life he wants on our farm.  We’ll never be free until Solari knows he can’t threaten us.”

***

 ”Mr. Solari?”

Steve stretched comfortably next to his wife, pulling the covers around her carefully.  The thermostat needed adjustment.  “Hmm?”

“There’s a girl down here.  Says her name is Willow.  She insists on speaking to you.”

“Put her on.”

“That’s just it.  She won’t talk on the phone and when I threatened to call the police, she gave me a weird look and said you wouldn’t want me to do that.”

“I’ll be right there.”

Lynne stirred as Steve slipped from beneath the covers.  “What is it?” she murmured sleepily.

“Just some stuff at work.  I’ll be back soon.  Why don’t you get ready and we’ll go shopping today.  You’ve been complaining about that car for months.”

Lynne waited for his car to disappear down the drive before she grabbed the phone.  When the man on the other end of the line picked up, she said two words.  “Follow him.”

Steve, unaware of the surveillance surrounding him, strode into his building with a casual air.  “Good morning Willow.  Would you like to step into my office?”

Her curt nod did little to reassure him.  The cop must have been more astute than he gave credit.  He’d have to remove him from the picture.  Willow would be hurt but sacrifices must be made.  He didn’t want to kill his only grandchild if he could avoid it.

Inside the office, Steve offered Willow a drink but she refused.  Ignoring her blatant disgust as he poured a glass of gin, Steve spoke about the previous night’s dinner, the weather, and his concern for Lynne’s emotional state.  “She’s starting to resent me.”

“I can see why.”

Willow refused to sit.  She stood at his desk waiting for him to stop talking and sit down.  “Will you have a seat?”

“No thank you.”

Sighing, Steven Solari sank into his chair, propped his feet on his desk, leaned back, and met his granddaughter’s gaze.  “Then what can I do for you.”

“You can agree to leave us alone.  Chad’s worried about me and he shouldn’t have to fear for my safety from my grandfather.”

“Oh now wait a minute.  I-”

“I’m not done.  I don’t trust you.  You know exactly why I don’t trust you.  You can pretend all you like, but you are not the innocent you like to portray yourself as and I refuse to play the game anymore.  I was willing to coexist in this world, you in your realm, me in mine.  But I’ve changed my mind.”

“Really!”  Steve tried to pretend he’d misunderstood and thought she was agreeing to a relationship but Willow didn’t give him the chance.

“I know I’m naïve.  I know I’m unsophisticated and tend to be a little too trusting of people but I know you.  I know what you’re capable of and I know what you’ve done.  Chad keeps trying to protect me from the severity of the situation but he underestimates me as much as you underestimate your wife.”

“My wife?  What could you possibly think you know about my wife?”

“I know,” she began coldly, “That your wife likes for people to see her as innocuous and well-meaning.  She thinks she has me fooled as well but either because my mother was a suspicious person thanks to you or because I carry your wife’s genes in my brains as well as my face, I can tell you, I fear her as much as I do you.”  Before he could interrupt, she leaned against his desk, her hands gripping the edge for self-control.

“Mr. Solari-”

“Steve-”

“Mr. Solari,” she repeated in the coldest tones imaginable.  “I have my mother’s journals.  You and I both know you don’t want those made public.  We both know that if you think I have any intention of releasing any information from them, that Chad’s and/or my life is worthless.  So I am here to warn you.  They’re no longer in my possession.  They are in the safest hands possible.  If anything happens to me, my mother’s family, or anyone else I care about for that matter, they will be released without hesitation.”

“You could never use those in a court of law to prove anything.”

“They name you directly.  They name your son.  And, I don’t need them in a courtroom to do the damage we both know you don’t want.”

Steve forced his hands to relax in his lap.  His smile wan, he nodded agreeably.  “I underestimated you.”

“Don’t do it again.  I have no desire for my name splattered through the mud of the media but I’ll do it if it prevents you from hurting those I care about.”

With those words hanging heavily in the air, Willow turned on her heel and opened the door.  “Mr. Solari?”

“Yes Willow?”

“Do not underestimate me.  You did it once.  Don’t do it again.”

As the door closed behind her, Steve exhaled in relief.  “Wow.”

Chapter 84~

 

July 14, 1996

I mentioned geometry today.  I’m not sure how I managed to make it nearly twelve years without using the word but I did.  Willow went crazy with the idea of the math of shapes and promptly renounced her previous idea of photography and requested a geometry book for her birthday.  I gave her my high school geometry help book and she’s worked herself halfway though the first chapter reading for fun in this evening.  She’s fascinated.

I wondered if Willow should consider learning to write essays or research papers.  I mean, we have no need for them in our life, which makes it seem crazy but what if she needs to write something some day?  I spent weeks trying to find a natural way to do it when she found an article in Mother Earth News that she took issue with so she wrote a letter to the editor.  That letter was as nearly an essay as any I ever wrote in school and better written.  I asked how she’d write something requiring more research and her idea made a lot more sense than hundreds of index cards.  She said she’d write every point or supporting idea as a single sentence as she thought of it or found it in a book and then organize them by topic with colored pencils highlighting each topic.  When I asked about crediting sources for their work, she said, “That’d be at the end of every sentence I got from a source.”

I think the funniest thing she’s said all week though was when I asked her what she thought of plagiarism.  She gave me the most disgusted look and said, “Plagiarism is the sign of an unimaginative mind.”  Where does she get this stuff?

Oh, and I said last week, “Caterwauling is obnoxious.”  Willow immediately asked what Caterwauling is, and somehow I managed to realize that in that sentence, it was a gerund so I said, “A gerund.” Voila.  My daughter now identifies gerunds in all sentences she possibly can.  Or maybe I should state that as, “Identifying gerunds is her new hobby.”

On a lesser note, we’ve had a bumper crop of tomato worms this year and I’m worried about the effect on our winter stores of tomatoes.  I think we’ll be rationing ourselves unfortunately.  Oh, and no end of summer fried green tomatoes.  That just stinks.

Laird reread the various marked passages of Kari’s journals looking for references for his essay.  The week was flying past.  Though he’d never admit it, his time at Willow’s was much more fun and interesting than sitting around in Chad’s apartment or walking up and down the streets looking for hardened criminals like Aiden Cox.

At the farm, Tavish spent hours hiding in the loft of the barn reading books, playing with the cats, and trying to train the chickens to peck ‘the wave’.  While fun and hilarious for Willow and Ellie to watch, the inadequate brain size, cold temperatures, or possibly the lack of experience in chicken training left the chickens fat and happy, but looking more like a heart monitor than ‘the wave’.  Undaunted, he moved onto fresh territory.  What better idea than to teach chickens the chicken dance?

Ellie, on the other hand, slowly developed an endearing infatuation with Willow and her life.  As each hour passed, she blossomed in ways her family would never imagine.  She learned to milk goats, to make candles, and began her own first journal ‘Finley fashion’.  They spent hours working on invitations and once she washed each invitation with a soft yellow, Ellie took over the construction of envelopes.

As they worked, they talked.  Willow told about her ‘world of Narnia’ and promised to share it with her.  Ellie flourished under Willow’s no-nonsense approach to interacting.  The way she treated the children like small adults rather than children- letting them try anything with just the basic instruction she’d give Chad or Aggie if they asked how to do it, brought out a maturity that many had seen in Ellie but had never been able to cultivate.

Wednesday and Thursday disappeared in a blur.  Friday, Laird got permission to walk to the farm and Chad found him giving similar instructions as Kari always had.  “Stay way off to the side of the road, if a car slows down, run, and keep your cell phone ready in case you need help.”

Laird arrived at the farm in time for lunch and by the time he’d eaten, he was ready to take on a project.  Willow set Ellie working on envelopes and hurried outside with Laird.  After instruction on how to find the best branches and a quick lesson in saw safety, he took off into the woods to start a collection of tree blocks for his little sisters.

An hour before dinner, Willow challenged everyone to a game of stick hockey.  As they flew across the ice, their muscles burned and stretched and more than a few bruises surfaced as the rock they used for a puck flew into shins, thighs, and torsos.  Gasping and panting, they tramped into the kitchen for bean soup, hot biscuits, and stewed tomatoes.  Ellie was in heaven; Laird missed the pizza fests at Chad’s apartment.

***

Outside Marcello’s, Chad ripped the tie from his neck.  He felt like an eager suitor trying to win the approval of a domineering father and it annoyed him.  How Solari could intimidate a law enforcement officer made little sense but Chad admitted, if only to himself, that he was definitely intimidated.  The maitre d’ escorted Chad to the finest table overlooking the skating pond and the sight of a couple skimming across the ice sent a new wave of longing through him.  He’d rather be at Willow’s with her and the children.

“That’s a mournful sound Mr. Tesdall.”

“Was it?  I didn’t realize I’d made one.  And call me Chad.  I feel like I’m on duty with the mister stuff.”

“I’ve ordered a bottle of-”

“If you don’t mind, I’d prefer a Coke.  I don’t drive after any amount of alcohol and walking to Willow’s seems like a bad idea tonight.  It’s going to go below zero.”

“Ever the officer,” Solari teased signaling for the waiter.

“Pardon if I’m too direct, but exactly why did you want to meet.  I’ll be honest, I nearly refused but I can’t help but be curious about your interest in meeting-”

“Well, if you remember, you suggested it.”

Chad nodded.  “I also remember you requesting your wife’s presence.”

A look of genuine pain flashed across Solari’s face before he rearranged his features into the casually friendly face he generally wore.  “I suggested that Lynne stay behind this first time.  I confess,” he said as he sipped at his wine and tried to assess the man before him, “I am hoping to convince you to encourage Willow to give us a chance.  We, with all of our faults, are not our son.”

“Mr. Solari,” Chad began carefully.

“If I am to call you Chad, please use my name as well.  Most people call me Steve but Lynne likes Steven when she thinks it’ll make me take her more seriously.”

Chuckling, Chad pictured Willow’s face and could immediately see her doing the same thing.  “That sounds like Willow.”

“I see many similarities between them.  Willow is thinner- shaped differently than Lynne but-” he paused adding discretion.  “There is some of her physique in Willow too.”

With a cocked eyebrow, Chad accepted his Coke and took a drink.  Solari discussing Willow’s assets wasn’t something he felt comfortable encouraging.  “So, again, why are we here?”

“I want a relationship with my granddaughter.”

“You can’t demand one.  I know you’re used to getting pretty much whatever you want but you can’t force relationships.”

Solari leaned back in his chair, crossed his legs, and sipped his wine while appraising Chad.  “You’re right,” he began.  He’d have to work this carefully.  “I tend to see what I want and find a way to get it.  Most people can be bought until genuine loyalty follows.  Willow cannot.”

“That’s the truth.”

The men verbally circled each other like dogs before a fight.  Their words, void of anything superfluous, were like the snaps and snarls that follow the initial growls of warning.  Suddenly, Solari in a surprising move whimpered and rolled on his belly.

“Chad, like it or not, we will be family someday.  You’re going to marry her.  She can refuse a relationship, deny genetics, but it doesn’t change the facts.  I wish my son had been the kind of man who would see Kari Finley for the fine woman she was, and had married her.  I failed in many ways- as a man, a father, and an example.  But the one thing I did right was show my son how to treat a woman.”

A new thought crossed Chad’s mind.  “I just realized that I can’t wish that he’d married her.”

“You would never have met Willow.”

“Worse than that,” Chad admitted.  “Willow, even if conceived on the same day as the same exact combination of DNA, would not be the Willow I know.”

Steven Solari’s smile was the one his closest employees feared the most.  “And that is exactly why I have to wish he did.”

“You don’t like me.”

“I don’t like the influence you have over her.”

Their meals arrived.  Chad hadn’t noticed that they hadn’t ordered but the plate of prime rib and shrimp scampi was the perfect choice.  “You over-estimate my influence, sir.  Willow Finley is her own person who is influenced primarily by the memory of her mother and her understanding of the Bible.”

Steve chewed his fish savoring the excellent flavor, careful cooking, and delicate seasonings.  It was better than any salmon he’d eaten in the city.  “I can’t decide if that, should it be true, is good or bad.”

“Steve, I have to tell you.  I am your best shot at any hope of a relationship with Willow and the way you talk about her does nothing to inspire a feeling of sympathy for you.”

“How do I win you as a friend and influence you as a person?”

Laughing, Chad shook his head.  “Leave Carnegie at home for starters.”

“Touché.  May I ask a personal question?”

“You can ask anything you like as long as you don’t insult Willow but I don’t promise to answer it.”

Steve hesitated.  Perhaps it was too soon but he felt like he’d been more patient than he had any desire to continue.  “When are you getting married.”

“May.”

“Will you accept a wedding gift from Lynne and I?”

“Can you give it without strings attached?”  Chad challenged as he took another bite of food.  The meal was excellent.  He almost felt guilty enjoying food provided by the man who was probably responsible for his accident, the terrorizing of Willow, and the death of Ben Fischer.

“I confess, I was hoping for an invitation to the wedding but would want to send the gift either way.”

A deep sigh escaped before Chad could prevent it.  “Steve, I have to be realistic and therefore frank with you.  There is no way we can invite you to this wedding.  It would be cruel to Willow’s extended family.”

“She has no relationship with those people.  Why should their preferences be considered over mine.”

“Because they,” Chad said in excessively patient tones, “lost fellowship with their daughter because of you.  I cannot expect them to ‘break bread at our table’ with the man responsible for driving away their daughter.”

“I did no such thing.”   Solari’s words were calm- much too calm for Chad’s comfort, and cold.

“Whether it was your intent or not, you did.  I’ve read Kari’s journals.  She almost never mentioned your son.  I can remember twice I think.  You, on the other hand, came up several times a year.”

“That was unjust of her.  I tried to-”

Chad’s patience was at his limit.  “Buy off a young woman that your son battered, raped, and left alone in an alley in the worst part of Rockland.”

Steve’s eyes widened.  He hadn’t known that part but now something his son had mentioned made sense.  Not for the first time, he was thankful he’d paid off Kari Finley.  She would have irreparably damaged the Solari name.  The powerful men he worked with in Rockland understood the need for occasional strong-arm tactics or the discreet removal of troubles, but scandals brought their own indiscretions under scrutiny and left them vulnerable.

He’d been torn between eliminating Kari Finley and the pay-off.  Only the fear of appearances should it manage to be traced back to anyone connected with him had spared Kari’s life and he now knew, she knew it.  Payment had left his options open.  If she’d come forward, he could confess indiscretion on the part of his son but deny the rape and abuse.  She was a gold-digger out to fleece the family.  He’d tried to put her away quietly but her greed had forced his hand… It would have worked if he’d needed it.  Willow, however, had been a wrench in the cogs of his plan that he’d never imagined until Kari was unable to do anything more to harm him.

A new thought occurred to him as he pondered Chad’s words.  Journals.  Proof in the words of a dead woman against Steve Jr.  This was very bad.  He had to get someone in that house and remove the journals.

“I had no idea it was that bad.  I knew, of course, that it was bad but she could have died!”

“Yes.”

It was time for a fresh tactic.  “Well, I do see the awkwardness.  I couldn’t put my wife in a position to be snubbed or attacked for things she is not responsible for.  Yet, I want to do something in honor of your wedding.  What would you suggest?”

“Willow is making the invitations.  I will have her mail you an announcement so that you will feel free to send your gift but I have to ask you to remember, she may not accept it.  If she does accept it, it is without any obligation for her to accept you.  If you can do that, I’ll take care of it but otherwise…”

Steve nodded and stifled the temptation to rub his hands together in anticipation of his next move.  This would simply be step one in a process too long for his comfort but worth the effort.  Willow Finley had more of his personality and tenacity than either she or her silly boyfriend knew.  He knew how to work these in his favor.

“What would you suggest?”

This question, Chad had not anticipated.  He was torn.  His honest nature wanted to give Steve a suggestion for something that would truly be appreciated but his caution tempted him to lie and have no valid suggestion.  The improbability of her acceptance, made it easier for Chad to stick to honesty.

“Willow treasures things that are a reflection of the giver.  She’s going to have a hard time with wedding gifts though.”

“Why is that?  I thought every bride loved the silver whattzits and whosnots that arrive around weddings.”

Grinning, Chad shook his head.  “This is Willow.  The queen of practicality.  She won’t want a house full of things that she has no use for or place to put it.  She buys little, uses little, and lives in happy bliss with-”

“Little.”

A brief moment of camaraderie passed between the two men.  They sat on opposing sides of a table, the law, and relationships with the same woman and yet that flash of insight knit tentative strings of understanding between the men.  Defenses down, Chad nearly exposed his vulnerability regarding Willow.

“Even I don’t buy-”

“I’m sure you have other talents and gifts she appreciates far more,” Solari coughed, “Deeply than any trinket you could purchase.”

Cold water couldn’t have been more startling. Chad forced himself to hide his shock and revulsion.  “You forget, sir, that Willow and I are Christians.  I treat Willow as the lady she is.  She’s as pure today as the day I met her and not because of prudish reticence.  I value her too much to treat her like a cheap tramp off the streets.”

“Good.  I’d have to kill you if you misused my granddaughter.”  The laughter in his voice and the smile on his face did little to hide the threat in Solari’s eyes.

Chad stood and dropped his napkin on the table.  “I didn’t take you for a hypocrite Solari.  I have a lot of growing opinions of you but hypocrisy wasn’t one of them.  Never speak of Willow in the intimate way you did and then threaten me in the same breath.  Joke or no joke, it won’t fly.”

Steve Solari sat pensive as Chad strode across the restaurant.  He’d pushed.  He’d planned to push a little.  Had he pushed too far?  Had he inadvertently shown the ace up his sleeve?  Was it good or bad that they’d parted like this?

As the waiter arrived with the bill, a slow smile crept over Solari’s face.  “That’s unusual sir.”

“Unusual how?” Steve asked as he slid a credit card into the leather folder without even a glance at the total.

“Most people don’t smile when they get their bill.”

“I just had the best meal I’ve had in a long time- and that’s saying a lot for me.  I’m very satisfied.”

The waiter accepted the signed receipt and glanced at the added tip.  Whistling low, he murmured, “You must be satisfied!”

Chapter 83~

 

“What are you doing Aunt Willow?”

“Making invitations for the wedding.”

Ellie watched for a moment and asked to help.  “I like art!”

Without a word, Willow laid a piece of paper in front of the empty chair next to her, dipped a brush in water, wiped it across the paper, and then washed a bit of cadmium light yellow across the surface of the paper.  “Get comfortable doing that and I’ll have you do my washing for me.”

“Washing?”

Patiently, Willow explained the process of putting a light wash of yellow over most of the front of the card leaving just enough white around the edges to make it appear to float off the page.  “Then, once it’s dry, I can paint the lilacs and daisies on it.”

“Why didn’t you just buy them?”

Even children wanted to know why Willow didn’t do things as everyone else expected and it exhausted her to think about it.  “That’s not how I do things.  Some people like to do some things; others like to do other things. I guess I’m an ‘other things’ kind of girl.”

Chad’s voice surprised them from the living room doorway.  “You’re my kind of girl.”

Ellie giggled.  “Uncle Luke says mushy stuff like that too.”

“What can I say,” Chad began tugging on Willow’s braid.  “I come from a long line of mushers.”

“That sounds a little revolting,” Willow protested standing.  “You go ahead and use up that yellow.  I’ll get some more.”

Chad watched Ellie for a minute but the child finally looked up at him.  “She wants to talk to you alone.”

“What makes you say that?”

“Because, that’s what Aunt Aggie does when she wants to tell Lu- Uncle Luke something.  She goes off somewhere and he just follows.”  At the doorway, Ellie’s voice stopped him.  “Uncle Chad, does she like us?”

“Why do you ask that?  Of course she does.”

“She’s not very- I don’t know the word I want but she’s not it.  It feels like we’re in the way.”

Chad kissed the top of the child’s head and squeezed her shoulder.  “Ellie, did you know that until she met your family, Willow had never even talked to a child?  Not even when she was a child?”

Eyes wide, Ellie’s jaw dropped as she shook her head.  “Not ever?”

“Never.”

“Who did she play with?”  No children around was a completely foreign concept to a child with seven siblings.

“Her mother.”

“Where was her daddy?”

An awkward silence filled the room as Chad struggled to find words that were appropriate for Ellie’s ears.  “God chose when He planned a home for Willow, to put her in a family without a father.”

“But you have to have a father- you need him to-” Her practical knowledge prohibited Ellie from accepting the hint of an immaculate conception.

“Yes, but in Willow’s case, God removed the father before Willow was ever born.  She likes you- she just doesn’t know how to show it so you see it.  Her letting you work with her is proof enough that she likes you.”

Satisfied that Ellie understood and accepted his explanation, Chad hurried upstairs.  “What are you looking for?”

“Because I can’t find it if I don’t,” she answered coolly.

It took several seconds before he caught the joke.  “Cute.  Need help?”

“Lots.  I don’t know how to relate to these guys.  Ellie asked why I didn’t just buy the invitations.  I’m tired of answering that question.  I am really tired of explaining my life.”

“Sometimes,” he said gently as he helped her down from the stool, “You forget that you’ve been accustomed to getting your own way in everything.  It has made you a little self-centered.”  Seeing the defenses rising in her features, he hurried to explain.  “It’s natural!  If you have no one to consider but yourself, you’re going to be self-centered.  You can’t help it.  It’s impossible to live alone, not interact with others, and not be self-centered.  Where the problem begins-” Chad swallowed hard praying he’d get his words out in the right order.  “-is when you forget that sometimes you need to trust that others have good ideas and plans too.  They may not be best for you or for your situation this time, but that doesn’t invalidate them.”

“Do I do that?” she whispered afraid of the answer she knew would come.

He brushed a stray hair from her face and waited for her to meet his eyes.  As she finally sighed and raised her face, he quoted, “‘decide whether you want children or me because if this is what it means, I won’t have them.’”

It usually took her a few hours or even days to accept rebuke and recognize the truth in it.  This time, however, truth slammed into her chest knocking the wind from her.  “Did I really say that?  I mean I know I did- I remember it and I know exactly what I meant and it’s not what I want to say I meant.  I just-” Willow buried her face in his chest in what was becoming a regular ritual with her.  “I can’t believe I gave you such an ugly ultimatum.”

“I can.  When faced with yet another change in your life, you did what comes natural to all of us.  You panicked and ran in the only way you could think of.  It’s natural.  It’s normal.  You just can’t do it.”  His voice dropped to a pained whisper.  “It hurts Willow.  It hurts to think that the next change might be the one that sends me away again.  I fought once.  I’ll fight again.  But at some point, I’m going to take you seriously when you make it clear that you don’t trust me or want me around anymore.”

“I’d better go supervise Ellie-”

“Don’t do it Willow.  Don’t run from me when it’s uncomfortable.”

Her fingertips slid lightly along his jaw, the stubble tickling her as she did.  “I’m discovering that my best friend is good for me.  He tells me what I need to hear rather than what I want to hear.  I’m also learning not to like it when he’s not around.”

“I guess this isn’t the time to tell you that at five, I’m taking Laird home for the night?”

“No, it’s not.  I think I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that.”

Ellie heard his chuckles as they came down the stairs and smiled to herself.  She recognized that chuckle.  It’s the one Luke always made when he said something that made her Aunt Aggie blush.

***

Chad’s pickup bounced across the ruts reminding him that he needed to drag the drive.  When he’d seen Willow’s face droop as he carried his bag downstairs he was both tempted to stay for her sake and happy to see her missing him already.  His father was right.  As soon as he gave himself half a chance, he’d fall in love with her.  He was half-way there but her tendency to push him away held him in his old pattern of self-preservation and he knew it.

“I brought my books Uncle Chad.  Can I work ahead while you’re at work so I don’t have anything to do when we’re at Aunt Willow’s?”

“Sure if you can get it done.”

Laird thought for a moment.  “Can I call Tavish and Ellie and tell them they should just do the week’s work tomorrow so they have until Monday before they have any work?”

This wasn’t something he’d expected.  “Well, what would Aggie say?”

“She lets us do it on Wednesdays but not before.  She thinks we shouldn’t let too many days go between working.”

“Ok.  If you’re sure.  I think it’d relieve Willow quite a bit.  The school work is stressing her out.”

“I noticed.  Ellie said she never went to school.”

“She didn’t.”

Laird spoke to Willow asking for Tavish but the children were out feeding the animals.  After making his suggestion, Laird returned to the previous discussion.  “So if she homeschooled-”

“I don’t think what they did could be called homeschooling-” Chad didn’t quite know how to explain things.  “Her mother made sure she taught Willow everything she needed to know.  She learned more than I ever learned, but she never knew she was being ’schooled’.  It was just part of living.  I’ll show you Kari’s journals if you like.  It’s really interesting if you want the truth.”

“Think I can write my essay on that?”

“What is the topic?”

Laird grinned. “A topic of general interest to adults.”

“Works for me.”

Laird grabbed his bag as Chad pulled up to his apartment building.  “This is your house!”

“It’s a four apartment house.  Come on.  We’ll get you settled and then go find something for dinner.  Does the Diner sound good?”

“Cool.”

Chad took that for a ’sounds good’ type approval and led Laird into his apartment.  “Ok, you’ve got the air mattress over in the corner.  Sorry, I’d give you my bed but um, some of us have to work and we need our rest.  Bathroom’s there, kitchen’s there.  If you need anything from the store, just ask and I’ll bring it home.  I got a prepaid cell phone for while you’re here.  It only has one hundred minutes so no calling girlfriends-”

“Uncle Chad!  Ew.”

“That’s my man.  Now my laptop is in my room on the dresser.  I own one movie so you’ll probably get sick of it but Hidalgo is in my top drawer if you want to watch something.”

“Can I see where you work?”

“Sure.  I go to work at six in the morning and at eleven I take over the beat.  You can come down around one or so and walk with me until I’m off.”

“Mom brought us here two years ago for the Flag Day thing.  The cop walking around was cool.  Mom said she thought that’s why Fairbury doesn’t have the crime that Ferndale and Brunswick does.”

Chad nodded as he grabbed jacket and hat.  “Let’s walk and talk.  I’m hungry.  Well, those towns are also bigger.  The more people you have, the more likely you’ll have trouble.”

Chad passed Bookends and paused.  “Hey wait.  I want to run in and see if they got the copy of Narnia I ordered.”

As he paid for the movie, Chad’s phone rang.  He passed Laird the money, asked the boy to finish for him, and hurried outside.  “What’s up Willow?”

“I got a letter for you from Mr. Solari.”

“Open it.”

Rustling paper was followed by a sigh.  “‘Officer Tesdall, I am writing to request that you call regarding the meeting we discussed.  I apologize for using Willow’s address; however, I didn’t have yours and thought you would find it intrusive for me to do a search.  Please contact me at your earliest convenience.  Sincerely, Steve Solari.’”

“I’ve got his card.  I’ll call him now.”

“Chad?”  Willow’s voice held a trace of nervousness.

“Hmm?”

“I promised myself I wouldn’t be so hard-headed about things but I’m still not going to go to a meeting.  I just can’t.”

“Good,” he agreed.  “I didn’t want you to anyway but that definitely fits into the understandable category.  That isn’t borrowing trouble; it’s avoiding it.  It’s called smart.”

“Chad?”  Her voice was lower and softer.

“Hmm?”

“You’re wonderful.”  The phone clicked.

“She must have said something good,” Laird teased thrusting the bag into his hand.  “Can I watch that one too?  I didn’t get to see it and then everything happened with mom and dad and-”

“Sure.  And you’re right, she did say something good.”

As they walked the rest of the way to the diner, Laird talked freely.  “I am not going to let myself get all goofy over a girl.  I have enough sisters to know that it’s asking for trouble.”

“I only had one sister and I said the same thing until about nine months ago.  Someday,” Chad warned teasingly, “One will get under your skin and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

At the diner, Chad sent Laird inside with his order.  “I have a call to make.”

“You just talked to her!”

“Hey, don’t make assumptions buddy.  You’ll end up looking foolish.  And I’m not calling her anyway.  Get inside before you freeze.  And remember, double pickles.”

“Got it.  Never heard of pickles on meatloaf but more power to ya.”

Chad dialed Solari’s number as he watched Laird climb on the barstools.  Of course, a kid would sit at the bar instead of in a nice comfy booth. He sighed.  Chad hated barstools.  “Mr. Solari?  This is Chad Tesdall.”

“You got my letter?”

“You must have mailed it Sunday from the Fairbury office for Willow to have gotten it today.”

“I’m eager.  Shoot me.”

Chad’s chuckle was carefully calculated to disarm Solari.  “You forget; I have a job that trained me to shoot.”

“You’re not to be underestimated Chad.  I like that.”

“Can you come to Fairbury on Friday around six o’clock?  I get off at six on Friday.  We can meet at The Daily Grind if you like.”

“I was hoping to have a little more privacy than a coffee shop.  Marcello’s has excellent food.  Perhaps you and Willow would like a nice dinner on me?”

Chad’s tone changed instantaneously.  “Mr. Solari, Willow has said that she has no interest in joining us.  If you are simply meeting with me as a way to convince her to meet with you, you’re wasting both of our time and your money.”

“I want to meet with you.  Marcello’s would be more comfortable for me if you don’t mind.”

“Then make it seven o’clock.  I have to change from work and drop off my nephew at Willow’s.”

“I will hold a table for us.  Thank you.”

Chad still wasn’t quite sure why he was meeting with Solari.  What the man hoped to accomplish he couldn’t fathom but with the Chief’s suspicions, he couldn’t refuse the invitation.  A glance in the window showed Laird digging into a large hamburger.  He had time for one more call.

“Willow?”

“Did you talk to him?”

“I talked to him.  He’s still going to meet me.  You’ll have Laird for dinner on Friday but not me.”  Chad’s voice sounded more disappointed than he’d meant to convey.

“I’ll save the roast for Sunday.”

“Well, I admit I was disappointed to miss a good roast but I was more disappointed that I wouldn’t really get to see you Friday.  Between work and Solari-”

“Will you be done before the children go to bed?”  Her tone sounded like she hoped he wouldn’t be.

“Oh Willow, you are very, very bad.  I’ll be sure to be there after nine-thirty.”

“Then Laird will just have to sleep here.  Maybe you can bring a movie and your computer.”

“What?  You don’t want to watch North and South again?  I could get Martinez to loop that last scene about forty times…”  Chad chuckled at her protests.  “I have to go.  My meatloaf is getting cold.  I’ll bring Narnia.”

“I’ll make ice cream.”

Chapter 82~

Willow’s home was nothing like the Stuart children had ever seen.  Though not as electronically addicted as many children, they were accustomed to an occasional movie, computer game, or even the internet for school research.  Laird found digging through Willow’s heavy encyclopedias for answers to simple questions tedious.  Candlelight and oil lanterns while quaint seemed silly especially once the children realized that there was electrical power to the house and it just wasn’t used.

They played Yahtzee and Chinese checkers after dinner.  Willow didn’t know how to manage playing only one column of Yahtzee and one color of marble in Chinese checkers.  The children didn’t know how to pass the time without more direction than Willow knew to provide.  By eight forty-five, everyone was growing frustrated and impatient.

“I think it’s time to put away the games and get ready for bed.”

Laird grabbed the checkerboard and carried it upstairs without a word.  Tavish shrugged and picked up the Yahtzee box and said goodnight.  With an eager hug for Chad and a tentative one for Willow, Ellie raced upstairs to change for bed laughing with the boys and giggling over inside jokes as she did.

One glance around the room and Willow felt overwhelmed.  Stacks of books lay in piles here and there while afghans draped casually over every sitting surface.  It was a mess like Willow had never seen- even at Christmas and birthdays!

Chad followed the children upstairs.  Squeals erupted in Ellie’s room sending Willow upstairs to see what the matter was.  She found Chad sitting on the edge of the bed, praying with her and wishing her pleasant dreams.  As Willow pulled her own pajamas from her drawer, she heard Chad enter her mother’s room and tease the boys into their bed laughing and joking about things that made no sense to her.  She stood in the doorway as Chad prayed over the boys and sent them to sleep with promises of sled rides the following afternoon.  He grabbed his duffel bag and uniform from inside their closet and smiled at Willow as he passed her in the hall.

“You ok?”

“Just changing too.”

“Need the bathroom before I shower?”

As she closed the door softly, Willow shook her head.  “I’m fine.”

Freshly showered, shaven, and ready for work Chad padded down the stairs in his stocking feet ready to put on his work shoes just before he left.  Willow, hair tousled and hanging free, sat on the couch glancing through one of the textbooks the children left laying around the living room.  Impatiently, Willow forced her hair behind her ears in order to see as she turned the pages, occasionally pausing to read something, and then quickly flipping again.

Chad sat down next to her and laid his arm across the back, his hand resting on her shoulder.  “What are you reading?”

“This book- Health C.  I can’t understand the purpose of it.”

The book wasn’t one he’d ever seen, but it looked like every other health textbook with reminders on brushing teeth, basic first aid, and why fruit is better for you than candy.  “It’s just a normal Health text.  What’s wrong with it?”

“Aren’t those children a little old not to know this stuff?  Isn’t this the kind of thing you learn when you’re really little and your mom teaches you?”

Chad shrugged.  “Yeah.  I think I knew most of this before kindergarten.  Got a refresher course every year until about fifth or sixth grade and then things got a little more detailed.  I think they do it for the kids who don’t have parents who care enough to teach it.”

“So why is Aggie making her kids read this stuff if they already know it?”

That question was more difficult to answer.  “I guess it’s just what someone recommended so she bought it.”

“So what do they teach in fifth or sixth grade that’s any different?”

The topic was no longer comfortable.  “Well you know, they got into diseases, reproduction, substance abuse-”

“What abuse?”

“You know, drugs, alcohol-”

“That’s not really the point of school is it?  I mean,” she tried to clarify quickly; “I thought you went to school to learn history and geography and how to write and communicate effectively.  I thought it was about math- the old readin’, ‘ritin’, and ‘rithmetic.”

“Not anymore Willow.  Now it’s about whatever is on the current political and social agenda.”

She shut the book impatiently.  “We’ve hardly talked about children but I think we’ve established that we both want to have one or two someday.”

“Yes,”

“Will you expect me to put my children through that?”

“What-” Chad began but Willow interrupted him.

“How deficient do you think my education was?”

“Willow, I don’t think you had a deficient education at all.  Actually, in a lot of areas, you’re education was far superior to most children’s I’ve known.”

Chad glanced at his watch as the clock chimed.  “I have to go.  Where is your phone, I’ll talk to you on the way to work.”

“In the barn charging again.”

“Go get it and call me.”

Chad used the break in conversation to pray fast.  He suddenly realized that education could be a deal breaker for Willow.  He’d never considered home education.  He knew his parents didn’t think much of Libby’s support for Luke’s sister’s home school journey and now Luke and Aggie-  if he joined the fray it could cause further stress on a relationship that was just re-knitting itself.

On the other hand, he’d read Kari’s educational plan.  He’d seen the fruit of it in Willow’s life.  He loved how eager she was to learn anything that interested her.  The fact that she picked up immediately on a flaw in the educational system that he’d noticed as a child showed him it wasn’t just the immaturity of a lazy third grader but that there was something to be said for not wasting children’s time on things they already knew.

His phone rang.  “Hey,”

“Chad, I don’t want to be difficult about this but I never thought about educating a child.  I can’t do this.”

“Can’t do what,” he questioned a sense of dread coming over him.  Until that moment, Chad hadn’t realized how much he was looking forward to their marriage.

“I can’t send my children away to school all day and I can’t teach them like this at home.  Chad, this book is telling children Ellie’s age to wash their hands after using the bathroom.  I knew that at three!”

“Yes, and some adults still don’t do it regularly.”

“That’s disgusting,” she announced with finality.

“It is.  And it’s proof that all the teaching in the world doesn’t make a difference to some people.”

The clock struck ten.  Willow sighed.  “You have to work.  You should think about this Chad.  If this is how you want your children educated you’ll have to make a decision.”

He took a deep breath and asked the question although he knew the answer.  “A decision about what?”

“Whether you want children or me because I won’t have them if this is what it means.  Good night Chad.”

***

A lamp glowed from Willow’s living room window as Chad drove up the driveway on his dinner break.  Was Ellie having trouble sleeping away from home?  Was Willow still worrying about education?  He found Willow asleep on the couch surrounded by textbooks, her mother’s journals, and her Bible open on her chest.

Carefully, Chad removed the Bible, marking her place with a ribbon lying on the arm of the couch.  He stacked the textbooks and journals on the coffee table and stood, hands stuffed in his pockets, watching her sleep, torn on how to solve the problem.  He didn’t have the answer she sought but he knew one thing; he did not intend to let Willow go.

He added wood to the upstairs woodstove, turned down her covers, and slowly walked down stairs to get her.  As he struggled to lift her, Willow’s eyes opened sleepily.  “Chad?”

“You fell asleep.”

“What are you doing?”

“You need your sleep,” he explained patiently amused to be sharing the obvious. “So I decided to do something about it.”

“I can walk.”

“Mmm hmm.  And I can carry.  Amazing how talented we both are,” he teased pausing on the landing before he took the next side of stairs.

“I should jump down but frankly, I’m too tired and you’re too comfortable,” she murmured sleepily.

Willow was nearly instantly asleep again once her head hit the pillow.  Chad covered her gently and brushed her hair from her cheek.  “Oh Willow,” he murmured frustrated.  “Why must you ‘borrow trouble’ as Grandma always said.”

His watch told him he had time to eat.  While his soup heated, he left a note for Willow.

Willow,

Hope you got enough sleep.  If you’re up before I get home, why don’t you just leave the animals for me?  I’m incredibly tired tonight so if everyone is still asleep when I get there, I’ll probably just stick the air mattress in the craft room and sleep there.  I’ll eat first so if you hear me, let me know you’re up and I’ll make enough for both of us.

Try not to fret about things.  It’s going to be ok.

I miss you,

Chad

***

The kitchen was warm and smelled heavenly as Chad burst in the door.  “Hey, I brought cold milk.  I drank the rest last night.  What smells so good?”

“Muffins.  I boiled a dozen eggs from the cellar.  They’re in that bowl and I made the orange juice you brought too.”  She paused as he slowly dragged off his coat and hung it on a peg by the back door.  “You look tired.”

“I am- What kind of muffins?”

“Blackberry oatmeal.  They’re good.  I need to order grains.  I’m almost out.”

Chad took the kettle from her and set it on the back of the stove.  With arms wrapped around her, he whispered, “Good morning,” into her ear.  Willow didn’t quite know how to respond.  She’d imagined frustration with her or even coldness but this warmth was unexpected.

“I could get used to this.”

“You’d better.  I intend to come home to some meal or another for a very long time.”

Chad kissed her cheek, grabbed the kettle, and mixed a cup of instant coffee before he sank exhausted into his ‘usual’ chair.  Though he usually savored his food and enjoyed table conversation with Willow, his extreme exhaustion pushed him to eat quickly so he could collapse in bed.

“The kids still sleeping?”

She nodded smiling.  “They’re so cute.  The boys are sleeping facing each other and Tavish breathes out of his mouth and it ruffles Laird’s hair.  Ellie is curled into a little ball at the corner of the bed like a puppy in a box.”

“Do you know where I put the air mattress?”

“I aired out my bed.  It’s ready for you to climb into.  There’s no reason to sleep on that thing when my comfy bed is empty.”

After he rinsed his plate, drained his coffee, and washed his hands, Chad reminded her to have the children do their schoolwork before they went to play and climbed the stairs.  Seconds later, he jogged back down.  “Do you know what I did with my sweats you washed?”

“They’re in mother’s dresser in the boy’s room.”  Willow grinned mischievously.  “Her pink ones are in there too if you prefer…”

“I am so going to get you-” he yawned.  “After I wake up.  Night Willow.  See you at lunchtime.   If you want, don’t make anything and I’ll go get subs from town.”

“Already have chili planned, but thanks.”

As Chad climbed the stairs to Willow’s room, he wondered if he’d ever be able to get ahead of her plans.  Perhaps that was part of the problem.  Willow and Kari planned their ways but who truly directed their steps?  He was too exhausted to think about it.  After a quick brush of the teeth and change into more comfortable clothes, Chad crawled into Willow’s bed, pulled the covers over his head, and drifted quickly into a lavender scented sleep.

***

The children worked quickly on their schoolwork once they knew Willow was serious about getting it done.  At the kitchen table, with an extra leaf added for elbowroom, Tavish and Ellie raced to finish the required number of pages.  Willow was amazed at how quickly they flew through vocabulary lists, spelling words, capitalization corrections, and labeling the states and capitals.  Their reading books had ten comprehension questions that both children answered without reading the book, which confused her until they confessed that they’d read it all at the beginning of the year and just answered the questions everyday.

Laird’s work took a little more time but he too managed to finish everything by eleven o’clock.  Today, however, Willow was prepared.  She insisted that they pile their work on top of the center bookcase in the library, clean up their mess, and return quietly upstairs to make their beds.  “Tomorrow, be sure to do that before you come downstairs.  I didn’t think to tell you that last night.”

“When will Uncle Chad be awake,” Laird asked eagerly.  He liked the farm but the idea of two weeks in Chad’s apartment had been something he’d anticipated greatly.  So far, there seemed to be no sign of them going near it.

“Sometime around lunch, I think.  Why don’t you go check on the chickens and the plants in the greenhouse?  I’m going to check the ice and see if it’s ready to smooth and maybe you guys can skate until lunch time.”

Ellie watched excitedly as Willow grabbed a strange looking metal thing with bars that attached to the garden hose and walked it back and forth across the ice smoothing it as she went.  After fifteen minutes of ’smoothing’, Willow pronounced it smooth enough for skating and sent Ellie upstairs to find skates for them all.

Pants soaked, Willow crept into her bedroom to grab a new pair from her drawer.  Chad slept soundly as she found jeans, socks, and readjusted the covers before pulling the shade and tiptoeing back out of the room.  She’d planned to change immediately, but after seeing Ellie arrive with her skates as well, Willow decided that a few spins on the ice wouldn’t be such a bad idea.

They played ice tag, stick hockey, and follow the leader.  For nearly an hour, Willow played, taught Ellie how to skate with more confidence, and chased Laird more than once to retrieve her hat.  “I’m going to go and check on lunch.  Come on in when you’re done and I’ll have lunch ready.  Leave your skates on the porch.”

She packed the stoves once she came in and decided she’d better keep the upstairs stove going if the children might be playing.  Once in dry warm clothes, she mixed cornbread and popped it in the oven nearly salivating with hunger.  Cookies sounded like the perfect after skating treat so while she waited for the cornbread to bake, Willow mixed a batch of oatmeal cookies and nibbled shamelessly on the batter.

The children came in just as she pulled the cornbread from the oven and inhaled their lunches.  Laird pronounced her “the best cook I’ve ever met” which earned him a dirty look from Ellie.  “What, Aunt Aggie is learning but-”

“What about mommy!”

“Mommy could cook but not like this.  Except for brownies.  No one makes better brownies.”

Appeased, Ellie gleefully enjoyed the rest of her meal in silence.  Cookies disappeared equally rapidly followed by large glasses of milk.  Tavish brought his dishes to the sink and commented, “I think your milk might be going bad.  It tasted different somehow.”

Willow poured a bit into a glass and tasted it.  “Tastes normal to me.  I’ll ask Chad if Ditto is nibbling on the straw.  Maybe we should give her alfalfa for straw.”

“This is milk from your goat!”  Laird’s face looked positively pea-green.

“Of course.  Where else would I get milk on this farm?”

“Isn’t that- unsanitary?” Tavish questioned staring at the glass Willow drained.

“I’ve been drinking this milk all of my life.  Have you ever drunk milk from your Uncle Zeke’s cows?”

“Well yeah-” Laird began.

“What’s the difference?  We both have clean barns, clean animals, clean kitchens and milk pans-”

Ellie’s logic while faulty was comical nonetheless.  “But goats?  They’re like- not cows.”

“Well,” Willow said finally.  “Drink my milk or don’t drink any.  I don’t really care.  Go brush your teeth.”

Just after one o’clock, Chad followed the sound of Willow’s dulcimer to the kitchen.  There in her rocking chair, Willow plucked the notes to Greensleeves humming along as she played.  With his back to the living room wall opposite her, he stood listening as she struggled for some notes and played others confidently.  Once done with the verse, she started over, this time making no mistakes at all, letting the notes drift into silence as they reverberated through the room, and died.

“Beautiful.”

Willow’s head whipped up but she didn’t see him anywhere.  “Chad?”

His head peeked around the corner.  “Smells good too.”

“Hungry?” she asked carrying her instrument to the bookshelf by the window and laying it gently on top.

“Starving.  Where are the kids?”

“Outside somewhere.  I’m guessing ice skates, zip line, or maybe they took the sled up the hill without you.”

As he accepted a bowl of chili, Chad asked with as much nonchalance as he could muster.  “How did it go with their schoolwork?  Will they be done soon?”

“They were done by eleven.  We skated for a while.  I had fun with them.”

“Done?  How did they get done so quickly?”

She shrugged.  “They seemed to act like it was normal.  I checked their answers and they got everything right as far as I could tell.”

“They didn’t have access to the answer keys did they?”

“No.  I put those up in the library closet.  It seemed silly when the work is stuff I already know.”

Unable to argue with her logic, Chad buttered his cornbread and said nothing more.  Maybe Aggie had assigned a light schedule to make things easier on Willow.  It sounded like the kind of thing he’d suggest if he was leaving for a couple of weeks and near strangers were going to be educating his children.

“Can we get the education discussion over?” she asked tentatively.  “I have work to do on the invitations but-”

“Willow, you’re not going to get out of this marriage that easily.”

“I’m not trying-”

“Maybe not,” he agreed, “But it’s hard not to wonder when a new obstacle arrives every week or two.  At this point, I’m committed.  I’m not giving up on this regardless of what new problem you discover.”

“But we do have to consider these things.  We can’t go into a marriage if we’re going to disagree-”

“Yes we can,” he argued, “and we will.”  Chad pushed his plate away from him and crossed his hands slowly and deliberately.  “At some point, now would be good, you’re going to have to trust me and the Lord with some of this stuff.  You can’t plan every aspect of your life years in advance.  As admirable as your orderliness and schedules are, they are also a crutch.”

“Chad!”

Every word he spoke was clear, calm- oh so very calculatedly calm, and distinct.  He waited for her to sit in her chair, relax, and then continued.  “I know you want me to promise I’ll do this your way.  I know you want assurance that everything will fall into every piece of your carefully calculated puzzle but I can’t and I won’t.  You’re just going to have to trust me.”

“But-”

“I promised-” he continued ignoring her interruption.  “That I wouldn’t lead you where you weren’t ready to go and I won’t.  You’re going to have to trust that and trust that the Lord is guiding both of us.”

The living room clock chimed but Willow didn’t speak.  The kettle whistled and Chad mixed him some coffee, and still she sat silent.  Finally, with honesty she hadn’t shown with herself, Willow admitted, “I don’t know if I’m ready to follow Jesus if it means away from what I know.”

“I didn’t know you were a liar.”

“What!”

“Just a few days ago, I heard you singing, ‘Where He leads me I will follow, all the way… Follow Jesus every day.’  Hymns are prayers, affirmations, not quite the same as vows perhaps but nearly so.  You sang you’d follow Him and when He asks you to trust Him to only lead you where He wants you to go, you balk because you have no guarantees it’s where you want to go.”

“Will you go away?”

Chad misunderstood and sighed.  “I didn’t think you were a quitter.  I foolishly thought you cared, if not about me, about our friendship.  I-”

“Chad?”

“What?”

“Be quiet.”  The dumbstruck look on his face nearly sent her into a fit of giggles.  “I didn’t say leave forever and don’t come back.  I said go away.  I need time to work this out.  I need quiet.  I need you to go away.”

Chad pushed back his chair, kissed her temple, grabbed his jacket, and left.  Willow stared at the back door, as it swung shut gently.  “What is with him and the constant kisses lately?”

A Junior Contest!!!

ENTER HERE!

Willow’s childhood was filled with beauty, innocence, and delight.  She spent her days learning, working, and living an almost idyllic life.  Whether making ice cream for her birthday, growing flowers, or building an imaginary world for her fairies, she lost herself in her own little world.

Willow isn’t like most little girls.  She’s never played with another child; she’s never known a father, never gone to school.

In a new series of stories about Willow and her childhood, you’ll meet her and maybe even become her friend.  The first story begins when Willow turns five.

The contest: Name the story.

The Prize: A paper craft-a-month for six months!  (Please note:  While the picture shown has a “Halloween theme” the company assures us that the kit can be used for any kind of treat bag and of course, the first one wouldn’t be for October anyway.)

Deadline: October 31, 2008

Rules:

• Limit: 5 entries per child
• Ages 4-16 only please
• Parents, while you may help, please only submit entries that originated with your child.

Disclaimer: Should something happen and the company no longer offer this service midway into your six months, I may if I can, substitute something in exchange for your remaining months but if I cannot, I am not responsible for the shortened prize length.

For the record, there will probably be a series of 12 books.  One a year from age 5-17 years.  Each book will have either 12 chapters (one per month) or 12 sections (one per month of course) with multiple chapters.  I’m going to try to increase the length with each ag etc…

Just in case you want to find something tht can be spun into a series of books.

Chapter 81~

The scent of sausage and coffee wafted up the stairs and into Willow’s room.  Her eyes blinked open as she realized she wasn’t dreaming and the scent was truly coming from downstairs.  She flung the covers back, grabbed her robe, and hurried downstairs.

“What-”

“You make me breakfast- ok, and lunch and dinner too, all the time.  It was my turn.  I can’t cook much but I can fry sausage and scramble eggs.”

With a smile of thanks, Willow turned to hurry upstairs.  “I’ll just run up and change and go feed the animals then.”

“Already did.”

“What?”  Turning slowly, she returned to Chad’s side and wrapped her arms around his waist.  “Thank you!”

“Hey, if I knew you’d be this grateful, I would have done this a long time ago.”

She snitched a piece of cooked sausage and shook her head at him.  “A long time ago, you didn’t want to come here, remember?”  With an impish grin, Willow snatched another piece of sausage.  “I think I’ll go change.”

“You will not.”  Chad thrust a plate full of eggs and sausage into her hands as he pointed to the table.  “Eat while it’s hot.”

“In my pajamas?”  Her protest sounded weak, muffled as it was by a mouthful of eggs.

“It’s too cold to go without them.  Sorry.”  His grin caught her off guard.

“Chad!”  She eyed him curiously.  “I’d say you’re flirting with me.”

“I’d say I have that right.”

Her eyes widened briefly.  “Did Libby say what time they were coming?”

“Someone changed the subject awfully quickly.  Coffee?”

“Ew.  No thanks.”  Her glare was the least menacing glare Chad had ever seen.  “Libby?  Children?”

“Sometime after lunch.”

Plate empty, Willow stuck her feet in her boots, grabbed her heavy coat, and hurried out front.  Chad, plate in hand, stood at the living room window watching fascinated as Willow carried a ridiculously long garden hose from beneath the steps all the way down the hill from the house into a slight valley north of the house.  The scene was inordinately comical as she trudged back to the house, turned on the spigot, and hurried inside.

“What are you doing?”

“Ice skating!  I have all of my old skates.  Surely we can find a pair to fit them.”

Pulling off her coat and boots, she handed them to Chad and hurried upstairs.  Breakfast in a robe might be comfortable but she had work to do and didn’t intend on lounging around in her pajamas while she could be working.  Within minutes she was dressed in jeans and a sweater, had her hair braided and out of the way, teeth brushed, and face washed.

As she left the bathroom, Chad met her at the top of the stairs carrying an air mattress and foot pump.  “I thought you might want to make up Ellie’s bed before-”

“Oh good!  Bring it in here.”

The door to the spare bedroom was open and the room reasonably warm.  Chad started pumping the mattress but Willow shooed him out of the room.  “I’ll do this; can you go up into the attic and bring down my dollhouse?  I want to set it up between those windows on that little table up there.”

“What table?”

Willow explained where the table was and what it looked like.  By the time Chad returned with it, the mattress was pumped and ready to make up for Ellie’s arrival.  “I think I want some bricks and those two old doors mother has out in the barn.”

“Why?”

“How can Ellie possibly make the bed properly with it sitting smack on the floor?  Besides, it’s too cold down here.  I should have bought a bed for her.”

Chad shook his head as he left the room to retrieve the dollhouse.  Only Willow would think of buying a bed for a two-week guest stay.  He found her in the guest room deflating the mattress and talking to his mother.  “What?” he mouthed as she waved her hand at him silencing his questions.

“Thanks Marianne.  I knew you’d remember which one I meant.  Just let me know when you find it and I’ll send Chad.”

Nothing they’d said or done until this point felt more ‘married’ than hearing his fiancée making plans for him.  Though slightly annoying, it was also very amusing.  “Do I get a say in this?”

“Nope.  Bringing them out here was your idea, now you can go get her a decent bed when your mother finds it.”

“What if I had to work?”

“But you don’t.  Not until ten tonight.  You told me that yesterday when I wanted to leave the party and you said it was early and I tried to use your need for sleep as an excuse.  Remember?”

“Ouch.”  Chad threw up his hands.  “Uncle!  I’ll go. Actually, I’ll go now so that I can get back as quickly as possible.”  Just outside the door, he turned back and said, “I like what you’ve done in here by the way.  It always seemed like the poor relation.  Sent to the back of the house and forgotten.”

“I’ll work on your room once the children are gone,” she promised.

“My room?”  He hadn’t imagined her changing anything in her mother’s room.  “Why?”

“Well, I assumed you’d rather have something that suits you than my mother.”

Willow tried to hide the pain her words caused her but her slightly pursed lips and the way she refused to meet his eyes told him more than she’d intended to share.  Chad started to reassure her that he liked the room exactly the way it was but Willow pushed past him and down the hall.  “If you’ll just take a look and see what color you’d prefer-”

“I’d rather,” he said coming up behind her and resting his hands on her shoulders.  “Leave it just as it is.  It’s cheerful, not prissy, and-” he added quietly into her ear.  “I’m not ready to see your mother’s room dismantled that way.  If I’m not-”

Willow whirled and buried her face in Chad’s chest weeping.  For weeks she’d felt the pressure to change and prepare a room for Chad once they were married but it tore at her heart to completely strip her mother’s room from her home.  Hearing Chad’s approval not only of the room but also of keeping her mother’s basic choices for it was a balm she hadn’t realized she needed.

“Shh- I thought you’d been handling things a little too well lately,” Chad said as he smoothed her hair and held her.  The tears eventually soaked his shirtfront but she couldn’t seem to control the huge relief she felt on top of loss.  “Hey, when was the last time you broke some dishes?”

A faint giggle escaped from the folds of his sweatshirt breaking up the sobs and sniffles for a moment.  “Too long I guess,” she confessed.

“Well why haven’t you?”

“It felt-,” she confessed trying to find the right words.  “Felt like I should be strong enough now to just admit my loss and move on.  I can’t fall apart forever.  Mother would be horribly ashamed of the way I-” Willow stopped mid-sentence.  She wasn’t ready to confess the nights she woke up crying and weeping for her mother.

“Well, I think we all handle grief differently and if crying or breaking dishes helps, I’ll go buy you some more dishes and invest in Kleenex.”

“Kleenex?”

“The boxes of tissue that mom has all over her house and eventually will be all over this one?  I’m sorry Willow but I’m not giving up Kleenex.  You can keep the lights off, burn the wood, we’ll forget TV and the internet for all I care, but I’m not giving up real toilet paper-”

“I use toilet paper!  Sometimes I even blow my nose with it!” she protested hotly.

“And I’m not giving up my lotion-infused, super soft Kleenex.  Period.”

Willow, realizing that she was still curled against Chad’s chest and feeling a little self-conscious about it, tried to pull away and send him to Rockland but Chad held fast.  “Huh uh.  Not until I know you’re ok and until you promise to smash a few more dishes.”

How long they stood there, Willow sniffling occasionally and feeling more secure and comforted than she had in longer than she could remember, neither knew.  Chad smoothed her hair, wiped her tears, and prayed silently for comfort and healing.  Eventually, Willow’s voice, smaller than he’d ever heard it, asked, “Chad, do you ever pray for me?”

“Always,” he reassured.  “I was just praying for you now.”

“Would you-” She felt weak and demanding even asking but she felt a deep need to hear him pray for her overrode her hesitation.  “Would you maybe, someday, pray with me?”

“Aww Willow, I’d have done it anytime.  I just never knew how you felt about it.  It has been a long time, hasn’t it?”

Fresh tears spilled from her eyes and her hands dug for a handkerchief.  “See, these are better than your old Kleenex.”

“Why is that?”

She grinned as she wiped her tears away and blew the sniffles from her nose.  “I didn’t have to move away to go get them.”

***

Stepping outside the door, Willow glanced at the sky.  Noon was still a way off.  Eagerly, she skipped back inside the barn, giggled at the sight of her confused animals, grabbed another dish, and threw it to the bottom of the barrel with every ounce of strength she had.  Oh, she’d missed the glorious sound of breaking glass and ringing metal.  Nothing made her feel more alive and normal than those rare times she’d spent destroying perfectly good dishes to rid herself of the angst that came with her loss.

Once finished, Willow replaced the unbroken dishes, rolled the barrel out of the center of the floor, and hurried inside the house.  Hopefully, Chad would return quickly and if he did, he’d be hungry.  She pounded beefsteak to a thin flat layer and returned it to the icebox.  They’d have pizza.  Chad liked pizza.

Upstairs, she covered the old green table with a small tablecloth and carefully set the dollhouse on it.  Their spare down comforter, quilted duvet, and several wool afghans were piled in the corner of the room waiting for Chad to return with Ellie’s bed.  Remembering her dollhouse people, she hurried to find them and bring them ‘home.’

While in the attic, Willow dug through her ‘outside toys’ and found her old sled.  She’d wondered what she might have that Tavish might enjoy and the sight of her sled was a huge relief.  Surely, boys liked sleds.  The sight of the pulley from her old zip line was all she needed to feel more confident.  No child could resist a zip line, she was sure of it.

When Chad pulled into her driveway just after twelve o’clock, Willow was at the back of the farm rigging the zip line between two trees and testing it for sturdiness.  Chad looked everywhere but didn’t find her.  The water was still on to the ‘rink’ and since it looked sufficiently flooded to him, he shut it off.  Footprints led away from the chicken coop, through the pasture, and finally as he reached the stream, he Willow flying through the air.

“Move!”

Chad jumped out of the way just in time for Willow to whiz past and drop into the snow several feet from the tree.  “What are you doing?”

“Zipping!  I found it when I was looking for my sled.  I thought Tavish might enjoy it-”

The words were hardly out of her mouth before Chad grabbed the zip pulley, raced across the stream, up hill to the tall pine, and climbed up the rungs she’d nailed into the trunk of the tree.  “Geronimo!”

“Squanto!” Willow hollered back as he whizzed past almost forgetting to let go before he slammed into the tree.  “I’ll have to remind the children not to forget to let go.”

“That was fun!”  Chad started to grab the pulley again but the sound of a horn stopped him.  “I think Aunt Libby’s here!”

They gathered Willow’s tools and hurried to meet Chad’s aunt and the children.  “Libby!  I’m glad you made it in time for lunch!”

“We ate already, but thanks.  Ian is getting grumpy so I won’t get to stay as long as I’d like.”

Chad helped Laird, Elspeth, and Tavish to unload their suitcases and schoolbooks and carried them inside.  Vannie tried to interest the baby in the snow but Ian just wailed louder.  “Let’s go inside,” Willow urged.  It’s cold out here.”

Ellie dashed down the stairs excitedly.  “Uncle Chad bought me a new bed for while I’m here!”

Chad’s voice called after her, “No, I just picked it up.  Willow bought it.”

“Oh thank you Wi- What do I call you?”

“Willow.”

Wide-eyed, Ellie looked to Libby for guidance.  “I can’t just call her Willow.  Mommy-”

“Why don’t you just call her Aunt Willow honey,” Libby suggested.  “She’ll be your aunt soon enough.”

“Oh that’s right!” the child exclaimed excitedly.  “I forgot about that.  This is so exciting.”  To Chad, she turned and begged to go see the bed in the back of is pickup. 

Willow’s mind spun wildly with all of the information Libby fired at her.  She had a list of phone numbers longer than her cell phone address book, a list of school assignments, and suggestions for if Tavish ‘disappeared’.  “Of course, Aggie understands if it’s too much trouble to keep them on target with their schoolwork but she thought it also might help keep them occupied.”

“How do I know if they’re doing it right?”

“It’s all in the folder.  It’s pretty self explanatory,” Libby assured her.  A fresh wail went up from Ian sending Libby digging for her keys.  “I’ve got to get him home.  We’ll stop by sometime this weekend if that’s ok.  I thought Vannie would enjoy visiting everyone every few days.”

“Sure.  Anytime.”  Willow suddenly felt a little panicked at the idea of being alone with the children but the sound of Chad’s voice coming up the steps with Ellie relieved her.  The children would be in bed before he left for work.  It’d be ok.  They were just children.  How much trouble could children be?

“Oh, and if you have any trouble with them, just call and I’ll walk you through tanning their hides or an equally horrifying consequence for their hideous behavior.”

After they waved Libby, Vannie, and Ian down the driveway, Willow brought the three children into the living room and sat them on the couch.  “Now, I want you to know that I’m really glad you’re here.  I think we’ll have a lot of fun together the next two weeks but there’s something you should know.”  Chad made throat-slitting motions from the doorway as he tried to stop her from confessing her vulnerability.  “I don’t know anything about children.  I’ve never been around children and from what Chad-” The crew on the couch looked at him strangely as he swiftly scratched his neck and cleared his throat. “… says, I probably wasn’t a very normal child.”

“That’s ok, we’re used to adults who don’t know what they’re doing,” Tavish commented casually.  “Aunt Aggie didn’t know anything either and she’s learning.”

A choking sound from the other side of the room made Willow send a warning glance Chad’s way.  “So I have a few rules.”  At the look of disappointment on Laird’s face, Willow smiled.  “No worries, there aren’t many.  I don’t use electricity in the house so for light at night we us candles.  Laird can light one if he needs it but I want Ellie and Tavish to ask.”

Tavish and Ellie nodded solemnly while Laird smiled smugly to himself.  It wasn’t often that Laird was the first to be given a privilege in his family.  Vannie nearly always beat him to that punch.

“If you go somewhere, take the egg timer so you can be back when you say you will.  I put it out on the counter in the kitchen.”  She paused trying to remember the third rule she’d made while working that morning.  “Oh yes.  If you climb up the loft in the barn, do it while someone else is in there.  Don’t come down without someone in there either.”

“Why?” Tavish asked curiously.  The idea of a barn loft was exactly the kind of place he’d love to disappear into with a book.

“It’s high up there and the floor is concrete.  You could freeze to death before we found you if you fell,” she stated practically.

Chad almost choked.  Her matter-of-fact tone was delightfully hysterical in light of the horrified looks on the children’s faces.  “Were you allowed to climb up by yourself when you were little?”

“Not until I was six or seven.”

“We’re eight!” Tavish said excitedly.

“Yes,” Willow said sternly, “but you didn’t grow up here and know it inside and out.  You’ll have to agree to obey the rule or you won’t be allowed in the barn at all.  I don’t have a car.  I can’t get help quickly for you if you fall.”

The twins stared at each other as if they’d entered another world.  Laird found it all a little ridiculous but wasn’t willing to risk loss of privilege by saying so.  “Can we explore out there?” 

“Of course. I brought my sled down from the attic and tied my zip line up to the trees straight back from the chicken coop.  Just remember,” she added with a smug glance at Chad, “to drop before you slam into the tree.”

The Stuart children looked at each other in shock and then jumped up.  “Can we go out now?”  Laird was obviously interested in the zip line.

Willow watched as they raced outside.  “Well that went well I guess.”

“Yes, but in the future, I wouldn’t recommend advertising your weaknesses.  You’re likely to give them ideas.”

“Surely not!”

Leaning against the banister, Chad crossed his arms and studied her.  “You are so in over your head.”

“Thanks for the vote of confidence.”

“I’m hungry.”

She tossed a disgusted look at him. “You say that like you think I should do something about it.”

“Well,” he began threateningly.  “I just realized that I’ve never discovered if you’re ticklish.”

“You don’t scare me,” she said with studied nonchalance.

Chad took a step forward.  Willow, unwilling to show any concern but dreading the idea of him discovering exactly how ticklish she truly was, turned and lazily walked to the kitchen forcing herself not to look back to see if he followed.  Still standing in the living room, Chad chuckled to himself.  He knew she was ticklish- very ticklish.  Kari’s journal had been very explicit.

***

After lunch, Chad sauntered outside to join the children and show them around the farm.  Willow watched out the back door for a while before she climbed the stairs to assemble the daybed she’d purchased for her spare room.  She sat on the floor surrounded by pieces and instructions and carefully separated everything in order of when she’d need it and made a mental list of the tool she’d need.

Systematically, she assembled the frame, base, and then dragged the mattress upstairs and shoved it in place.  At this point, she realized one slight problem.  All of her sheets were queen and full sized and the daybed needed twin according to the box.  Twin.  Willow found that amusing.

Ellie found her hemming a shortened sheet on the sewing machine working the treadle awkwardly.  Willow hated things like this that showed her weak muscle at its worst.  “What are you doing?”

“I didn’t have any sheets that fit the new bed, so I’m making some.”

“Why didn’t you just buy some new ones?”

The idea hadn’t even occurred to her.  “I had extra sheets so I just made them work.”

“Oh.”  Ellie watched for a moment and then asked if she could play with the dollhouse upstairs.

“Sure.  I’ll be up in a few minutes to clean up my mess once this sheet is done.”

Half an hour later while Laird and Tavish explored the barn and greenhouse, Chad climbed the stairs and listened near the door of ‘Ellie’s Room’.  Willow told the tale of the family who lived in the house.  Willow’s answers to Ellie’s questions about the father caused Chad’s throat to swell painfully.  Willow had no role for the father. 

“Willow?”

She hurried into the hallway surprised to see Chad standing there with a look of misery on his face.  “What is it?  Are the boys ok?”

“I just-” He sighed.  “I overheard you.  It breaks my heart that you didn’t have a father- that you don’t know the love and protective care of a father.  It’s so foreign and horrible to me.”

“But I did,” she assured him.  “I did.  I had my Abba who protected me better than any daddy ever could have and I knew He loved me and held me close in His everlasting arms.  What child could want for more than that?”

***

“Dad, she meant it.  I didn’t know how to argue but we weren’t designed not to have both fathers and-”

“Son, don’t press it.  Someday she’ll have children who have both and then she’ll see.”

Chad sighed.  “I took you for granted nearly every single day of my life.  I’m sorry Dad.”

Christopher sighed.  He had his son back.  It’d had started when Chad came to him for help and through the months it’d grown into even better than the old camaraderie.  “Son, we all take one another for granted.  I think if we didn’t, we’d explode with gratitude.”

Chapter 80~

“Wow.”

“You said that last night.”

“Well, I’m saying it again.” Chad teased.  “Wow.”

“Can we go now?” Willow demanded reaching for her ruana.

Chad caught her hands.  Wrapping arms around her he whispered, “I’m surprised Cheri didn’t stick you in a pair of three inch heels!”

“She tried.  I took three steps and kicked them back off.”  Willow disentangled herself from Chad giving him an irritated yet amused look and whirled her ruana over her shoulders.

With his back leaning against the banister, Chad openly appraised her.  “I think it’s a good thing,” he agreed finally.  “After all, a guy can only take so much.”  Before she could respond, Chad linked his arm in hers and opened the front door.

Willow’s mind was kaleidoscope of sights, sounds, and memories.  From the moment she entered Aggie’s yard she absorbed the decorations, the clothes, the music, and the ceremony surrounding Aggie’s wedding.  Some of the formality didn’t make sense to her but it was beautiful nonetheless.

The minister’s sermonette on the roles of husbands and wives and the admonition for the family and friends present to support them and hold Luke and Aggie to their vows touched Willow deeply.  As she listened, she imagined how those words would play out in her life with Chad and who would help them keep the vows they made.  She would have to be sure she could keep the vows before she stood there ready to make them.

“… kiss your bride.”

Chad watched from his place above the bride and groom on Aggie’s stairs.  Instead of focusing on the hesitant couple before him, his eyes traveled to the back of the room where Willow sat slack-jawed at the couple standing before her.  Aggie’s deer-in-the-headlight’s look turned to an impish grin as she reached for her bouquet from her maid of honor’s hand- and then grabbed Tina’s bouquet as well.  Holding one up on each side of their faces, Luke and Aggie’s first kiss managed to be slightly private if a bit more intense and longer than absolutely necessary.

“I’d like-” the minister interrupted with partially repressed chuckles.  “To introduce Luke and Aggie Sullivan so they can have a moment of privacy-”

“Hey!” Aggie quipped laughing.  “I waited a long time for my first kiss!”

Chad and a few of the other attendants laughed as they heard Luke murmur, “Well you won’t wait as long for the second.”

***

The reception was chaotic happiness.  Children milled everywhere and though Aggie tried, her mother hat kept slipping off and hiding under her bridal veil.  Libby worked to keep the childish revelry down to a minimum but with the constant interference by everyone insisting that ‘they need to celebrate too’, the youngest Stuart children led a wild side of the party barely contained by whatever adults happened to be nearby.

From the entrance of the bride and groom to the first dance and the cutting of the cake, Chad and Willow enjoyed the party until Aggie called for the young unmarried women of the room to gather by the exit.  “Go Willow.  Catch the bouquet.”

“Why?”

Chad nudged her forward.  “The one who catches it marries next.”

“I thought that was just in a book.”

His laughter rang out causing several near them to smile knowingly.  “Willow, it was in that book because it’s what people do.”

Cheri grabbed Willow on her way to the group by the door.  “Come on.  If I get it, I’ll pass it to you.”

Willow thought the entire thing was ridiculous but she tried to get in the spirit of things.  As Aggie’s bouquet of roses flew into the air, Willow glanced back and saw Chad’s hopeful face.  She turned, determined to catch it, and found it falling into her arms as though aimed there.  She’d never know it was, if Aggie had anything to say about it.

A cheer went up from the women around her.  Willow sought Chad’s eyes and smiled as he nodded his approval.  Cheri squealed and hugged her.  “It’s just almost like a fairytale.  I’m so excited!”

Luke took a stand behind the microphone and tapped it to gather everyone’s attention.  “Well, we all know I’m not much of a talker.  I tend to fumble for words and I’m sure you’re wondering how I managed to get this many out without a thirty to three hundred and thirty second pause.”  A ripple of knowing laughter washed over the room.  “Well, for the record, I rehearsed this all week so you’ll be disappointed if you expect any pauses while I try to choose my words.  I have an announcement to make and it’s extra special to me because of why I get to make it instead of someone else.  Monday, my mother went to Rockland for us to pick up my groomsmen’s gifts and as she passed a bridal shop-”

Chad and Willow’s eyes widened.  “Do you think-” she whispered feeling terrible that her selfishness had given away their secret prematurely.

“-and in that shop, trying on bridal gowns, was a young woman that Mom recognized- as well as my Aunt Marianne so when mom got home, she called Aunt Marianne about this little event.  Apparently, my cousin Chad has been engaged for the past few weeks but wanted to give Aggie and me ‘our day’.  It sounds like Chad.”

The room erupted in spontaneous applause and congratulations but Luke called for quiet.  “Aggie and I are leaving.  This is probably the only time in the next thirty years that we’ll have any time to ourselves so we plan to disappear and enjoy the quiet for the next two weeks so this reception is over.”

People started to stand to follow Luke and Aggie out the door but Luke stopped them again.  Chad glanced at Willow and shrugged.  “I didn’t know-” he protested as she glared at him.

“Wait, wait,” Luke continued.  “No one invited you to leave.  Our reception is over but welcome-” Luke paused as Cheri and Marianne rushed into the room with a huge banner that read ‘Congratulations Chad and Willow’.  “-to Chad and Willow’s Engagement party!”

A curtain opened at the back of the reception hall and a live band struck up a popular country tune.  Cheri and Marianne called for everyone to push their tables from the center of the room to the edges and corners and the bandleader called for dancers.  “Come on happy couple.  Lead the dance.”

Reminiscent of a night a few weeks earlier, Chad held empty arms out to Willow.  “Will you dance with me?”

***

“I forgot about Ditto!”

“Mom didn’t.  She called Lily Allen and Caleb took care of it.  Mom told me.”

Chad’s truck bounced across Willow’s driveway.  He hurried to open her door and let her in the house expecting a cold woodstove but Caleb had packed it well and embers still burned.  “At least it’s warm in here,” she sighed as she pulled her ruana from her shoulders.  “I should have worn a warmer coat.  Vanity thy name is Willow.”

“You looked great and didn’t want to ruin it.  We weren’t outside.  Don’t be silly.”

They sat on opposite ends of the couch reliving the day as Willow peppered Chad with questions about what was done and why.  “So the girls.  What is the purpose of the girls?”

“Bridesmaids?”

“Ok.  Whatever you call them,” she agreed impatiently.  “I mean they’re pretty standing there and all of that but what is the purpose?”

“I think it’s about having help for all the wedding preparations and stuff.  I think the best man and maid of honor are supposed to be there for the witnesses on the marriage certificate.”

Willow kicked her shoes off and curled her feet beneath her.  “Well, I was about to say I wasn’t going to have any but I’ll have one if I have to.  Cheri.  She can sign.  I’m not doing the rest.”

“I’ll have Chris.”

“So what was the point of all those girls dropping flowers everywhere?  I mean, it was pretty- and outside it might have been neat if they had dropped enough to make kind of a carpet to walk on.”

“Well,” he explained feeling entirely out of his element.  “I think that’s the point of it.  It’s a symbolic carpet.”

“But why all the walking and everything?”

“It’s just what you do-”

“No!” Willow argued.  In a quieter voice, she tried again.  “I’m not going to do this Chad.  I need a reason to do something.  I can’t just have a bunch of things that don’t mean anything to me as the memory of my wedding.”

Chad nodded trying to understand.  “Can you do things that don’t mean anything to you if they mean something to me?”  His voice broke.  “I don’t want to put you in an awkward position but if we just do away with everything that means something to my family you’re putting me in one.”

“So petal girls?”

“Flower girls.  One at least, yes and a ring bearer.  My mother would be heart broken not to have pictures of two adorable children involved in our wedding.”

“I have to walk up or down-” she swallowed hard.  “Like Aggie- by myself?”

“No.  I’ll walk you up the aisle Willow.  I won’t make you walk it alone.”

Tears of frustration splashed against her cheeks before she wiped them away impatiently.  “I just don’t understand why we need the aisle in the first place!”

Chad, in what was becoming a very familiar move, pulled Willow to him and sat with his arm draped across her shoulder, and her hand in his.  “Describe your dream wedding day.”  Her face glanced up at his and he added, “One that involves a celebration of some kind.”

“Very funny.  Ok, well,” Willow pulled her feet up onto the couch and laid her head on Chad’s chest as she described a day like he’d never have imagined.  “I think people would arrive around ten o’clock in the morning.  We’d have games for the children- you know, gunny sack races, eggs on spoons, a May-pole maybe- things to keep them occupied.”

Willow spoke of people dancing, talking, and Wes Hartfield snapping pictures of everything.  “It sounds like a wonderful reception Willow.  I don’t understand what the problem is.  The children’s things alone are a great idea.”

“We’d have a quiet lunch outside, eat cake- I loved that big cake today.  It was so pretty and tasted wonderful- and then we’d all walk up to Mother’s grave, the preacher would give us our vows, we’d thank everyone for coming, and then they’d go home.”

A hush fell between them as Chad pondered Willow’s words.  Torn between the appeal that a simple celebration like she’d described afforded, and knowing that they had more people than themselves to consider, he prayed.  His hand toyed with her hair as Willow shifted slightly to be more comfortable.

“I think your day sounds wonderful Willow.  It’s unusual but it’s not unreasonable but-”

“But you want traditional,” she interjected dejectedly.

“No.  I want us to have what we want and I just want you to be happy but we’re not the only ones invested in this wedding.  I say we do what we want as long as we don’t hurt family in the process.”

“Agreed.”

He twirled the ring on her finger as they sat and listened to the wood crackling in the stove.  Willow sighed contentedly and then chuckled.  “I can’t believe you brought that with us.”

“I wanted you to wear it home.”

“You couldn’t wait half an hour?”

“No.  I couldn’t,” he teased as he squeezed her hand.  “A guy has a right to want his ring on his girl’s hand.  Sue me.”

The way Chad said ‘his girl’s hand’ sent a wave of something very unfamiliar over her.  A gentle possessiveness in his tone peeled away the first thin layer of loneliness from her.  She wasn’t truly alone anymore.  While it may have been true for some time, for the first time, Willow felt a hint of the old familiar feeling of belonging that had disappeared last May.

Willow stood knowing she needed her sleep.  Aggie’s children were coming in the morning and she’d need to be alert.  Still feeling the wonder of belonging again, Willow kissed Chad’s cheek.  “Thank you.”

“What for?”

She shrugged.  “It’s too hard to explain but thank you.”

Chapter 79~

Willow’s hair was piled with spiral rollers, her face coated in a peel off mask, and her body slathered in body cream.  She stood, in just her undergarments, waiting for every ounce of the lotion to absorb without any hint of residue while Cheri and Marianne carefully pressed and steamed her dress downstairs.  Her fingernails held their first, and if she had any say in it, their last coat of pale pink polish and she held them awkwardly away from her, sure, they’d end up scratched or dented if she moved them.

The clock chimed five o’clock.  Willow heard threats of imminent demise if Chad dared to peek in Cheri’s bedroom.  She no longer cared if the lotion fully absorbed; Willow just wanted to be sure he didn’t open that door and find her wearing nothing- or close enough to it!  Cheri and Marianne arrived minutes later and work on Willow’s face began. 

She tried to watch as Cheri worked moisturizer, mineral foundation, blush, eye shadows, powder, and then finally lip color that promised to stay fast until the next morning but when mascara joined the party, Willow gave up trying.  The transformation was incredible.  “That doesn’t look like me!”

“That’s you times ten!” Cheri exulted.  “You are smokin’!”

“I don’t smoke and have no intention of taking it up thank you very much.”

Marianne laughed.  “She means you look hot.”

“I am.  This robe is kind of warm.”

Confused by the Tesdall women’s giggles, Willow stared at herself again.  “What are you doing with my hair?”

“It’s coming down from the roller and then going up so you won’t be too hot.”  With a wink to her mother, Cheri added, “But of course you are hot so you’ll be hot whether or not you’re hot.”

“Why do I get the feeling that I just missed something big?”

Christopher’s voice called from downstairs, “Twenty minute warning women.  I’m driving out of here at five-thirty sharp.”

“No problem,” Cheri assured him.

When the curlers came out and Cheri picked out her hair, both women studied her carefully.  “It looks really good Cheri.”

“Yeah, but she’ll be hot!”

“You said I already am!”

Cheri rolled both sides of Willow’s hair into a coil that wrapped under her head with a few ‘escaped’ tendrils on each side.  “We’ll compromise.  We’ll do a tousled up-do.  It’ll be perfect.”

The first spray of hairspray brought Willow’s first objection.  “Ok, I have had enough.  I can’t stand the smell of that.  It’s horrible.  I’ve got the sausage casings, the face plaster and paint, and my hair looks like someone else’s but I am not going to shellac it that way.  If it starts to fall, I’ll take it down and let it hang free but I am not putting any more stuff on it.”

Cheri grabbed a few more pins to secure everything as best as she could and then held out the dress ready for Willow to step into it.  The moment it was zipped, Cheri protested.  “You can’t wear your bra with this dress!  It shows!”

“Oh, I forgot about that back.  I wouldn’t have noticed!” Willow admitted blushing as she unhooked the garment and slipped it off as discreetly as possible.

The five-minute warning sounded from the base of the stairs sending Cheri and Marianne into rapid dress preparations of their own.  “I wish you could be at the rehearsal dinner with us.”

“Chad was disappointed to miss it,” Willow assured them.  “We tried to see how we could possibly drive over for a few minutes and then drive back but there just wasn’t any way to do it without being late or having to eat in the truck.  I just know I’d get food all over me eating in the dark.”

Hugs and well wishes filled Cheri’s bedroom before the Tesdall women left for the ride to Brant’s Corners.  Willow sat alone on Cheri’s bed and stared at her reflection in the mirror.  She hardly recognized herself.  What if Chad didn’t like it?  She looked again and sighed.  He’d like it; she had never looked better.

“Willow, are you ready?  We need to leave.”

Chad stood at the base of the stairs wondering what was taking her so long.  Willow wasn’t one to primp excessively- they needed to go if they would have enough time to eat.  He glanced up impatiently as Cheri’s door opened ready to urge her to hurry but the Willow who appeared at the top of their stairs was not the Willow he’d expected.

“Wow.”

“I get that a lot,” she joked trying to feel normal and failing miserably.

“Very funny.  You look-”

She sighed.  “Like someone else entirely.  I know.”

“Hot.”

“I’m not anymore but I was in Cheri’s robe-”

Chad shook his head as she reached the bottom stairs.  “No Willow, hot.  Smokin’.  Gorgeous.  Out of this world.  Beautiful.  Need I continue?”

“Hot means nice?”

“No, nice means nice.  Hot means incredible.”

“Can we go?  I’m starting to feel hot and it’s not my looks,” she complained grabbing her ruana and whirling it around her.

“Willow,” Chad’s voice grew deep and earnest.  “You look wonderful and you should hear it.  I’m going to be the most envied man there tonight.”

“I just don’t feel like me.”

“Remember when you said once that brushing Othello transformed him from a handsome dog to a beautiful one?”

“Yes.”

“In an incredibly unromantic way of speaking,” Chad said wryly, “Cheri just brushed you tonight.  It’s still you.  I see my Willow but you’re just sparkling in a way I’ve never seen before.”

“Chad?”

“Yeah?”

“Stand over by the door.”

Willow scrutinized every step and every angle of Chad until he squirmed.  “I didn’t gawk Willow.  I wanted to, I’ll grant you, but I didn’t.”

Embarrassed, Willow tried to bury her face in Chad’s chest but he pushed her away gently.  “Uh uh.  You can do that later but now you’ll leave half your face all over my crisp white shirt and I have to wear it all night.”

“Nuh-uh.  Cheri sprayed something all over my face for ’smudge free dancing’.  I’m supposed to be able to cry and this stuff stays put.”

“No crying.  I’ll do anything but no crying.”  He smiled down at her.  “Are you ready?”

She nodded.  “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

“Let’s knock ‘em dead.”

***

Willow stiffened, her hand frozen in air mid bite.  Chad leaned closely and whispered, “What is it?”

“Steven Solari just came in the door with his wife.  What is he doing here?”

“Just eat and ignore them,” Chad replied as calmly as possible.  He pulled out his phone and sent a text message to Joe at the station requesting information on how many Ball guest lists Solari had been on in the past ten years.

To their relief, Steve and Lynne were seated across the room at a table near the orchestra.  “That’s VIP area over there.  I bet he made a donation and that’s why he was invited but-”

“But what?”  Willow’s nerves were already straining.

“But why would he come?”  Chad hadn’t originally finished the question because he thought he knew the answer.  He came because somehow he knew that Willow would be present. 

Before Willow could answer, the orchestra announced the first dance.  As always, they played the Darktown Strutter’s Ball as the opening number.  Someone, ages ago, thought the title sounded like cops on the beat so it’d become an instant tradition.  Afterwards, anything from a Strauss waltz to the latest pop hit could be played and no one would be surprised.

“Let’s dance.  If we sit here, we’ll feel compelled to watch them and it’ll ruin our evening,” Willow suggested practically.  “Besides, how can I make you the envy of everyone here if I’m sitting in a corner?”

“You’re back!  Hallelujah.”   Chad stood and took her arm eagerly.  “I’d begun to wonder if you were going to be stuck in self-conscious mode forever.”

“Ouch.  Am I that bad?”

“Were.  Not anymore.  Let’s dance.”

Steven Solar watched as Willow and Chad two stepped around the room.  Willow looked stunning.  “Lynne, look.  There’s Willow Finley.  She looks amazing- actually, she looks a lot like you tonight.”

She did.  Steve hadn’t noticed a resemblance that day in his office, but this was unmistakable.  A paternal pride washed over him as he realized his granddaughter was the best looking and the best-dressed woman at the ball.

“She does look a little like me, doesn’t she?” Lynne marveled as she watched the dancers dance.  “I didn’t realize she’d be here.”

“I should have,” Steve admitted with a studied hint of sheepishness.  “I mean, I knew she knew that cop and it’s common knowledge that the Fairbury Chief makes the ball mandatory for his officers.”

“Can we cut in?” 

“Later,” Steve promised.  “Definitely later.  Wait’ll they announce my contribution. It might soften her up.  She’s still blaming us for Steve’s mistakes.”  The disappointed look on Lynne’s face was enough for a compromise.  Steve hated to deny his wife.  “But I want to dance with my wife regardless.  It might be kinder to let her see us on the floor before they make any announcements.  Get her used to the idea of us being here.”

Steve and Lynne were superb dancers.  From a basic waltz through swing steps, salsa steps, and modern moves, they were amazing on the dance floor.  Chad and Willow barely moved as they watched the Solaris dance the final steps of the song and then swiftly moved into street dancing to a funky number that made Willow wince.

“They’re good!” 

Chad nodded reluctantly.  “Very good.  You know what I noticed?” he practically shouted into her ear.

She shook her head trying to avoid speaking if necessary.  The noise was deafening but mid song it softened to a dull roar.  “Aaah, that’s better.  Not good, but better.  What did you notice?”

“He loves her.  Whatever his faults, whatever their failures with their son, Steve Solari is completely in love with his wife.”

An hour later, Willow excused herself to the bathroom.  She’d complained about the nylons that ended at her upper thigh and felt like a tourniquet around her leg but as she wove her way to the restroom, she mentally thanked Cheri for nixing the ‘nude tights’ that Willow had originally chosen.  At the mirror, Willow followed the checklist Cheri had drilled into her head.

Beneath her eyes, she saw no mascara flakes.  Her lips weren’t caked with lipstick, and there was no bare ring around her mouth.  She turned her head from side to side looking for ’shine’ and finally pronounced herself still presentable.  As she washed her hands, another woman arrived to fix her lipstick and startled.

“Oh!”

Willow’s eyes met Lynne’s in the mirror.  She wanted to feign a lack of recognition, smile, and leave but knew she’d never succeed.  “Hello.”  Surely, hello was sufficient under the circumstances.

“Oh Willow I-” Lynne began her distress obvious.  “I had no idea you’d be here.”

“There is no reason you should.  Is your husband affiliated with the police?”

“No.  We usually don’t attend these things but Steve has donated so many times and well, it gets a little rude to continually turn down the invitation so-”

“I see.  Have a nice evening,” Willow began as she turned to leave.

“Willow?”

She took a deep breath and answered without looking back.  “Yes?”

“You look absolutely marvelous.”

Not wanting to be rude, Willow glanced at Lynne Solari and tried to manufacture a genuine smile.  “As do you.”  She moved back to the mirror and compared reflections.  “You know, if I look well, I think it must be because I resemble you.  I hope you enjoy yourself.”

“Willow-”

“Good night Mrs. Solari,” Willow interrupted firmly. 

The door closed slowly and softly behind her.  Lynne stared at her reflection in the mirror.  A self-satisfied smile grew on her face.  This was pure luck and a lot of careful manipulation.  If she continued to play her cards right, Steve would continue to find ways to give his pet anything she wanted and right now, Lynne wanted a granddaughter.  It was so easy.  Adore a man, let him think you’re too stupid to see through him, and if he is unprincipled and loves you, you can make him do anything.

***

“May I cut in?”

“No.”  Willow and Chad spoke in unison.  Before Chad could say anything more, Willow added, “I don’t think it’d be a good idea Mr. Solari.”

Steve seethed as Chad waltzed away with his granddaughter.  Chad noticed the anger boiling under the surface and sighed.  “I think we just made a serious mistake.”

“You think I should have danced?”

“I think Steve Solari is a dangerous man and I think angering him puts one or both of us in danger.”

Willow stood on tiptoe, kissed Chad’s cheek, and left him standing alone on the dance floor.  The kiss surprised him at first but then her insight amazed him.  Leaving him alone with a kiss ensured that no one thought she left him angry.  How had she thought of something like that?

At the Solari’s table, Willow stood silently behind them as the couple’s talked waiting for an opening.  Chad was correct; Solari was furious.  Unwilling to open herself to the charge of eaves dropping, she laid her hand on his shoulder and said, “Excuse me.”

Steve jumped to his feet both surprised and nervous.  What had she heard?  “Willow.  I am surprised to see you so soon.  I thought you and your-”

“Fiancée.”

Steve’s eyes flew to her hand in surprise.  So the bridal shop had been about a wedding.  “Fiancée, made it clear that you weren’t interested-”

“I came to apologize.  I- we were rude and ungracious.  I want to say that I’d love to dance but it’s not true.  However, if you still want to dance, I accept.”

 The next song caused Willow to wince.  Not only would she have to dance with a man she feared, but to a song that hurt her ears.  Steve noticed and tried to smooth the ice between them.  “How about we wait for the next waltz or even a two-step.  I’ll come get you if I may?”

With a smile that didn’t reach her eyes and a nod just shy of curt, Willow returned to Chad’s side at their table and sagged against him.  “That was awkward.”

“He said no?”

“He’s coming back when a dance starts that I can function with.”

Moon River drifted through the room two songs later and Steve was by her side almost instantly.  Chad wove his way through the dancers to Lynne and seconds later, they whirled near Willow and Steve from time to time.

Steve waited until their third trip around the dance floor before he spoke.  “Willow, I’d be a fool to pretend I don’t understand your aversion to me.  I represent a connection to the one person your mother truly feared-”

“No, you don’t.”

This wasn’t the reply he’d expected.  “I don’t?”

“Mother didn’t fear your son Mr. Solari.  She hated your son; she feared you.”

“She had no reason to fear me.  I tried to do all I could to ease the pain of what my son caused.  I knew it was inadequate but I couldn’t take back what was already done.”

“I don’t know what you said to her that day but Mother feared for my life if you discovered my existence.”  Suddenly an idea occurred to her.  “I have to say, with some of the things that have happened to me recently, I can see why she did.”

“Things?  What are you talking about?”

“Someone, a man named Ben Fischer, killed my dog and chickens, entered my home and meddled with my things and then finally attacked me and threatened my life.”

“He what-” Solari began furious.  He couldn’t let his connection show.  “How did you get away- do you need a bodyguard?  What can I do to help ensure your safety?”

She met his gaze and held it waiting for some glimmer of guilt or innocence.  Willow saw neither.  “They caught him and he died on the way to the Brunswick station.”

“Good.”

Her stunned expression spoke before she did.  “How can you say that?  We’ll never know why he did what he did.  He’ll never have a chance to repent.”

“He tried to hurt you.  I can’t feel sorry that he’s gone.  I know in your book that probably makes me a horrible person but I can’t stand the idea of anything happening to you.”

“Why?”  Her curiosity overrode her natural hesitation to question him.

Steve spun her gently away from him and then back into his arms.  “You’re not a trained dancer but you follow a lead very well, Willow.”

“Thank you.  Why?”

“Sorry, I got sidetracked.  The answer isn’t one you want to hear,” he admitted with believable ruefulness.

“Tell me anyway.”

“You are my only grandchild.  I know that we don’t know each other and your existence is proof of my son’s worst side, but I want a relationship with my only grandchild.  I know it is hard to believe, but I already love you and want to take care of you.”  He paused and swallowed the emotion in his voice, although somewhat for effect.  It’s part of who I am.  I saw you across the room tonight and saw my wife, thirty years ago.  You look just like her.”

“Chad commented earlier that he can see how much you love your wife.”

“I do love my wife Willow.”  Solari paused by the orchestra leader and made a request before whirling her back onto the floor for the last few steps of the dance.  “Will you keep dancing Willow?  I want to talk.”

“I’ll dance the next but I’m here with Chad and I’d be rude to leave him for any longer than that.”

Solari nodded and clapped with the rest of the dancers as the song ended.  “Thank you.”

As the next dance began, Willow fought to find words that would keep the Solaris far from her door but without insulting them.  “Mr. Solari-”

“Please call me Steve at least.”

“Steve,” she began hating the sound of it on her tongue.  “I know I must seem callous to your situation.  I admit that I’m young and inexperienced and that my mother may have been terribly wrong about you but my experiences and her impressions are written on my heart.  I can’t just erase them overnight.”

“Are you saying you’re willing to try-” Steve began eagerly.  Too eagerly.

“I am saying that a year ago you had no idea that I existed.  You were content with your life in so much as you could be.  I, on the other hand, knew of your existence, as did my mother.  Neither of us chose to change that then.  Can you see why it is hard for me to adjust to your knowledge of it now?  I’ve spent twenty-three years of my life trying to hide my existence from a man I believed with all of my heart would kill me if he learned I had ever been born.”

“But I would never-”

“But that doesn’t erase twenty-three years of fear and horror.  Can’t you understand that!”  Her voice raised slightly.  “I’m sorry,” she tried again more quietly.  “I didn’t mean to draw attention to us.”

Chad wove his way around the perimeter of the room.  He’d seen her slowly becoming agitated and it was time for them to go.  They were dancing toward him.  As they neared, he heard Solari pleading for understanding.

“But your fear is based on a lie.  I’m not asking you to move in with us or be alone with us at any time.  I just hoped that you might try to get to know us- slowly of course.”

“Mr. Solari, excuse me.  I’m sorry to interfere but it’s ten o’clock and we have a drive home still.”

“You can’t leave yet!” he protested hotly.

“I’m afraid we must.  Perhaps you’d consider meeting for lunch sometime in Fairbury.”

“Willow?”

“She’s welcome to join us if she chooses,” Chad agreed.

Solari dropped his hands to his side and stepped away from Willow.  “I hope you will join us Willow.”  To Chad he offered his business card and asked, “May I bring my wife?”

“I hope you do.  She’s a lovely woman.”

“Willow gets her features from Lynne.”

“I noticed that while I was dancing,” Chad agreed slipping an arm around Willow’s waist and taking a step backward.  “Thank you for understanding.  We have a wedding to attend tomorrow so we have to get some rest tonight.”

Solari’s eyes flew to Willow’s hand.  “Not your-”

“No.  My cousin.  Good evening Mr. Solari.”

Chad led Willow out of the ballroom, to the cloakroom for her ruana and his jacket which made him look utterly ridiculous, and then outside.  “I’ve never been so glad to get out of a room in my life.”

“I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have danced.  I just thought-”

“You may have saved some serious ugliness so I should thank you.”

Midway to Fairbury, Willow finally spoke.  “Steve Solari knew Ben.”

“He said that!” 

“No.  But when I mentioned that Ben threatened me, he got angry and spoke about him as if he knew him.  I don’t think Ben was ever supposed to actually hurt me.”

“What do you mean, ’spoke as if he knew him.’”

“Well,” she tried to explain, “he looked shocked and angry at the same time, but it wasn’t surprised shock. It was more personal. Then he got flustered like he’d said or done something he didn’t want me to see.”

Several miles passed before she spoke again.  “Chad?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you want me to go to this thing with Mr. Solari?”

“Honestly?  No.  I am hoping to see how he responds if you don’t show up but I said you could and if you want to, I won’t discourage you.”

“Good.  Cause I’m not going either way.”

Laughter slowly filled the cab of the pick up.  “What if I really wanted you to go?”

“I’d feel bad that I had to disappoint you but I’m not going.”

“And if I insisted?”  Chad did not intend to do anything of the sort but the rhetorical question was too tempting to ignore.

“I’d remind you that you promised me you’d never lead me where I didn’t want to go.”

“Aww Willow.  I won’t either.”  A thought suddenly occurred that made his heart sink.  “Well, actually, I have to amend that.”

“What?”

“I won’t.  Not unless you want to go in some path that is terribly wrong and the one I want to lead you in is the one out.”

She mulled that idea for a few minutes and then asked.  “What if you think something is right and good for me and I just want to keep something the same as it is?”

“Unless sameness is a sin, I’m not doing it.  I promised Willow.  If this is about children or intimacy in marriage, I made a promise and I’m going to keep that promise.  I have my room.  You have yours.  How that works out down the road is up to you.  I’m not going back on my word Willow.”

As he turned into her driveway, Willow asked one more question.  “So what happens if I change my mind but you don’t change yours?”

“About what?”

Embarrassment flooded her face and never had she been so thankful for the dark.  “Um- children or sleeping arrangements, or whatever”

Chad hurried to open her door for her and hustled her inside the house.  Her ruana, warm as it was, didn’t cover the rest of her enough to protect her from the icy cold air.   He built a fire quickly and then grabbed the thick quilt that lay over the back of the couch tucking it in around both of them tightly.

“It’s so cold!”

“You’re not usually gone so long that the fire goes out at night.”

“Makes me feel like a failure in the Proverbs thirty-one department.  My ‘lamp’ went out at night.”

“That,” Chad protested, “Is the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

The room warmed slowly and their teeth slowly quit chattering.  They talked about the evening and Chad admitted that aside from the Solari invasion, he’d had more fun than he’d expected.  “I suspect that has something to do with the company.”

“I had a wonderful time.  I like dancing but I don’t like this stuff on my face and pins in my hair,” she complained pulling a small mountain of pins from the coils of hair around her head.  The tumbling curls bounced around her shoulders.  “I can’t believe my hair still has curl.  It never holds a curl.  Mother and I tried everything but these things your sister used seem to have worked.”

“That and the stuff she uses before she puts them in, and the layers of hairspray she-”

“No hairspray.  I put my foot down on that.  It was awful just in the front.  Feel that!”

Chad tried to run his fingers through the front of her hair but they refused to budge without a tug.  “Ick.”

“See, the back isn’t like that.”  She turned the back of her head for his inspection and sighed deeply as his hand massaged her head.  “That feels wonderful.”

“Cheri always had someone rubbing her head after it was up.  She said it felt like sore muscles.”

“Mmm hmm…” Willow agreed.

“You’re going to fall asleep on me.  I’d better go home.”

“But then you’d have to stop rubbing my head.”

“Goodnight Willow.  I’ll go start a fire upstairs for you.”

“I’ll sleep right here.”

“Get up.” He insisted pulling the blanket with him as he rose from the couch.

“Oooh you’re mean!”

“You’ll thank me in the morning. 

Halfway home, Chad remembered Willow’s question and smiled.  She couldn’t be asleep yet.  She answered his call on the second ring.  “What now?  I was almost asleep and already dreaming of dancing and beautiful dresses.”

“You asked me a question that I didn’t answer.”

“Oh.”  She wasn’t sure she wanted an answer anymore.  For the last five minutes, she’d been thankful for the interruption that seemed to have made him forget the question.

“Willow, you need to know something.”

“Do I really?”

He chuckled.  “I’m not going to say anything horrifying.  Breathe.  You need to know that our marriage is going to be different from most marriages not because I’m not interested in developing a normal marital relationship but because I know you’re not ready for one.  I could have waited until you were but I didn’t want to.  I’d rather wait while I am married than wait to be married.”

“What does that mean?  You lost me.”

Chad swallowed hard and rephrased in the simplest way he knew how.  “Willow, I’m a man.  I’m not going to turn down an invitation.”

Chapter 78~

Friday Willow awoke to a house all to herself again and enough work to keep her busy for weeks.  She hadn’t felt so wonderful in ages.  Seedlings sprouted in the greenhouse, chicks grew in the barn, and invitations blossomed under her fingertips. 

Several hours into her day’s work, she pulled out her mother’s journals to make sure she hadn’t missed anything during her week of company.  Her mother’s February lists were now incomplete with the work in the greenhouse and she’d missed the hallway scrubbing but otherwise, she was on track and it felt good.  By Monday, she’d be on track again.

Chad found her upstairs hanging clothes in the hallway just before lunch.  She stood at the hallway juncture pulling the lines through the pulleys as she hung her sheets, towels, skirts, jeans, and personal items.  “Hey, grab some pins and go to work!”

Without thinking, he reached into her apron pocket and pulled out a handful of clothes pins and then stared at them for a minute.  Had it really only been a few months since he’d helped her bring in her clothes and felt too awkward to put her clothes pins in her apron?  “So, what’s on today’s agenda?”

“I thought I’d finish hanging these and while they dried, take a walk upstream.  It’s always so pretty this time of year and I haven’t had a chance with that man-”

“Is that something you prefer to do alone or-”

“Usually.  However, I might be persuaded to invite a certain man in my life if he’d finish the laundry so I could check the bread.”

“Gimme the apron,” Chad demanded.  “Don’t want any overcooked bread.”

The bread emerged from the oven the perfect shade of golden brown.  Willow rubbed butter all over the tops of the rolls and the loaf once she pulled them from the pan inhaling the scent.  Combined with venison stew, there wasn’t anything she liked better on a winter afternoon.

“Chad!  Lunch is ready-”

Something in the way she called- perhaps the familiarity with it, warmed his heart.  Such a natural thing, a call to a meal, and yet it was a picture of a life to come.  Twenty or thirty years in the future, Lord willing, she’d be calling him to a similar lunch on a similar winter’s day.  Maybe there’d be children in the house.  Would she call all of them at once or would she call his name first? 

His mother always called his father to dinner before she called the rest of them.  They’d race through the kitchen to the dining room and bump into his parents snuggling by the stove.  It was as familiar a mealtime scene as dad praying or mom telling Chris to put away his book.  That first call for dad always felt comforting somehow- a subtle reminder that in her affections dad came first, even before her children.

Ten, twenty years down the road, would he be first in Willow’s affections?  Would their children know that- he glanced at the doors at the end of the hall.  Would they have children?  They had to have children- somehow.  This world of Willow’s was too wonderful not to continue through the lives of children who would love and appreciate it.

“Hey.”  Willow’s voice startled him.  “Did you hear me call?  This can wait.  Let’s eat while it’s hot.”

Chad sat the basket down and followed her downstairs still thinking of pigtailed little girls and boys with hair in their eyes and frogs in their pockets.  “Willow?”

“Hmm?”

“Have you thought about children?”

A sharp intake of breath sent her bread down her wind-pipe.  Coughing and sputtering, she shook her head.  “What?”

“I guess that’s a no.”  Chad took a bite of his stew and suppressed the sigh that tried to escape.  He wanted that little girl.

“Well, you’re right.  I haven’t thought about children- not for a while anyway.”

Chad’s eyes brightened as he glanced back at her.  “So you have considered children?”

“Well, I always thought I’d have a couple of boys but sometime after mother died, I realized I’d have to have a husband for that so I put the idea of children out of my mind.”

After a short struggle to find the right words, Chad scooped up a spoonful of stew and commented as casually as he could manage, “I was just thinking how your childhood should be repeated.  Children should live this life.”

She watched him work his jaw as he chewed his food and tried to avoid eye contact without being obvious about it.   Did he think she’d refuse to have children?  The idea hadn’t crossed her mind but reflecting on it now, Willow understood why.  Children meant more than pregnancy and fearful birthing.  It was more than not knowing what to expect.  Unlike her mother, she wouldn’t be alone in it and as far as getting them there in the first place, that was an intimidating proposition.

He was right.  She’d had a wonderful childhood.  Now that she’d seen other families interact, she knew she’d missed wonderful things that other children had but she had memories that more than made up for any loss.  The memory of Ian’s little hands, soft snores, and downy hair filled her heart with a longing for a child that she’d never known.

“I don’t suppose Aggie would give up Ian,” she whispered still reeling from the realization that children meant a side of marriage she had every intention of skipping altogether.

“I think she’s a little too attached to just hand him over,” Chad agreed trying not to feel hopeful.

“But she has so many!”

It took several seconds for Chad to catch the teasing glint in her eye.  “You’d think she could spare one or two, wouldn’t you.  Besides, by the time she and Luke have half a dozen, they’ll be overrun.”

Willow’s jaw nearly connected with her bowl.  “You think they’ll have more?”  The idea of more than one child was overwhelming to Willow but then, she’d always imagined herself with two.  Eight nearly sent her into hyperventilation but deliberately having more just made no sense.

“I think Aggie and Luke will want the chance to experience parenthood from the ground up so to speak.  Luke was joking about having an even dozen.”

“That is just incredible.  I’m overwhelmed at the thought of those two children staying with me.  The idea of having more-”

Chad nodded.  “I understand.  What seems normal to me with my family is foreign to you.  I was just curious.”

She’d disappointed him.  Willow saw it and felt terrible about it immediately.  Her fears and insecurities shouldn’t dictate her life and she was ashamed that she’d let it affect Chad’s as well.  “Well, if Aggie won’t share, we’ll have to figure something out eventually.  I want a baby to snuggle with someday.  Not anytime soon mind you,” she hastened to add ready to yield a little but not before she had time to adjust.  “In a few years though, we might have to think about it.”

A small smile played around Chad’s mouth.  The mere fact that she’d considered it at all told him how much she desired children.  At the memory of her horror over Aggie’s little clan, he amended that thought- a child.  “Something to think about, that’s for sure.”

Willow pushed her chair away from the table and grabbed her bowl for a refill.  “Would you like more?”

Chad passed her his bowl, gently grabbing her wrist as he did. “Breathe.  I’m not planning to pressure you about it.”

At the stove, her thoughts boiled over and spilled out in a rush.  “Well, I mean, it’s not like the end of the world, is it?  Animals mate all the time and it’s no big deal.  I’ve never been around it much- just the few roosters we tried and didn’t like and the time they bred a goat here instead of at Feldman’s.  But surely we can stomach it a couple of times so we can have two or three children.”

It took every ounce of Chad’s self-control not to laugh.  In carefully measured tones, he agreed.  “I’m sure we can.”

“Stop laughing at me.”

“I didn’t-” he protested throwing up his hands.

“You were thinking it.  It’ll just take a little getting used to.”

“Gee thanks.”

Her mind whirled trying to categorize his sarcasm.  “Oh Chad, I don’t mean to imply you’re repulsive or anything-”

“Glad to hear it.”

“I-”

A new thought crossed Chad’s mind.  “Of course, there’s usually some kissing involved and I know how fascinated-”

“Knock it off,” she protested blushing.  He had seen her rewind the movie.  Drat.

***

Half way to the stream, Chad reached for Willow’s hand.  “What?” she argued pulling it back into her pocket.  “It’s too cold for that.”

With a diabolical grin, Chad grabbed her hand again and laced her gloved fingers in his.  “Then let’s share my pocket.”

“Why?”  Her confusion was endearing.

“Because we’re engaged and that’s what engaged people do.  Come on!”

They crossed the edge and tramped through the leafless ice covered trees.  “It’s like a winter fairyland in here.  I love it!  Every year I walk through these trees and imagine I’m lost in Jadis’ Narnia.”

“Jadis?”

Willow tugged her hand free and spun in a circle, arms spread wide and head thrown back.  “Look at it!  Doesn’t it make you think of winter in Narnia with the White Witch ready to send her wolves to drag us off her castle of ice?  I always want to go home and make Turkish Delight.”

“Why don’t you?”  This childlikeness was charming.

“Because,” she wagged her finger exaggeratedly, “I don’t like it!”  Rushing toward a lone tree near the entrance to the wood, Willow pointed.  “See that?  That is Lucy’s Lamppost!  And the wardrobe is between those trees.”

Chad followed her from the ‘wardrobe’ to Mr. Tumnus’ house and upstream to the beaver’s house.  “I was so excited the year we had beavers living there.  They were so cute.  They’d watch me for a few minutes and then work like crazy.  I made up adventures for them and everything.”

“You know, Chad began linking an arm in hers and pulling her toward the woods.  “They made a movie from Lion, Witch, and the Wardrobe.”

“Oh!  I wonder how it would be to watch a movie from a book you loved so much.  I mean, I saw Eight Cousins but that wasn’t a favorite book.  Would I love seeing it come to life or would it be horrible to see someone else’s idea of how things looked?  What if Edmund wasn’t a smart-aleck or what if Peter wasn’t noble enough?”

“But,” this was Chad’s favorite movie argument.  “The job of the producer and director isn’t to produce your mental image of everything but to share his.  He’s telling you how he sees it and the point is for you to share in his imagination, not to compete or reflect yours.”

Unfortunately, Chad forgot that Willow didn’t have strong opinions on movies and the goal of cinematography.  Rather than engage in his favorite debate, she nodded with understanding and excitement.  “Oh that makes sense.  That would make it so much more enjoyable to see- not to expect it to fit your own perceptions but to step into the imagination of someone else.  When can we watch it?”

Before he could answer, she was off down a hill and out into a small clearing.  “I don’t think this is our land anymore- I was always afraid to ask mother in case it wasn’t and she told me not to come back but look!  There’s even a stone table!”  

Chad wandered around the large rock at the edge of the clearing and smiled.  “You painted ‘ancient words’ on it didn’t you?”

“Well,” she admitted blushing, “It seemed more authentic somehow.  I think the highlight of my year when I was eight was seeing a mouse standing on it.”

Leaning against the rock, Chad pulled her against him and wrapped his arms around her waist.  “I wish I could have spent a few hours with you when I was little.  You would have understood me.  No one else ever did.”

“Let’s play!  I never had anyone to play with!  I had to be everyone.  It was a little disturbing to be Aslan one minute and Jadis the next.  This’ll be fun.  You’ll make  a great Aslan!  I’ll tie you to the table, kill you, and then I’ll be Lucy and Susan when you resurrect!”

Chad’s low chuckle sent an unusual feeling through her stomach and for the first time, she understood the phrase, ‘butterflies in my stomach’.  “I’m a little concerned with the delight in your voice when you mention killing me.”

“I chose a character that resurrects.  You can be Jadis at the end of the battle if you prefer-”

“You’re the girl!  You be Jadis.”

Her grin was positively diabolical.  “Great, I’ll give you Turkish delight and you can betray your siblings to me.”

“Ew.  Edmund.  I never liked him.”

Her laughter rang through the clearing.  “You’re not supposed to like him!”

A dejected look crossed his face.  “I always felt that if I was a Pevensie, I would have been Edmond.  I was afraid that my selfishness and fear would control me and I’d be weak just like Edmund.”

“You’re too noble, Chad.  You are stronger than Edmund because you know your weaknesses and are not arrogant enough to think you can control yourself by yourself.”

He pulled her into a bear hug and whispered, “Thank you.  Sometimes I need to hear that.”  Hesitantly, he asked, “So, who else should I be?”

Willow pulled slightly away from him looking ready to bolt if necessary.  “Well, there’s Reepicheep…” 

“Am I a man or a mouse!”

“Well…”

“Why,” he began, “do I have a feeling that no matter what I choose, you’ll come out a victor?”

She grabbed his hand and raced toward a low branching tree.  “Last one to the top is whatever it is that you are when you are last.  I can’t remember.”

“Rotten egg.”

“Yeah.  That.”

The last thing Chad wanted to do was climb a tree but there was no way he’d admit it.  The only thing he had on her was a little height and possibly some upper body strength.  She, on the other hand, had agility and familiarity on her side.  They each climbed as high as humanly possible and ended up sitting nearly opposite one another.

“A tie?”

“For now.  Come on, let’s go.”

Her energy seemed limitless.  She led him through the trees to another side of the woods northwest of the farmhouse.  “In spring, this is full of violets and there are toadstools everywhere.  I used to bring my fairies here and have little weddings.  Well, unless a dragonfly kidnapped them and dragged them to his dungeons.”

The animation she displayed as she told her elaborate stories of princess fairies and their rescue by Oberon’s sons was something he’d never seen.  “You know, I felt sorry for you when I first met you.  I imagined such a lonely and empty childhood- Now I feel sorry for everyone who didn’t have one like yours.”

“But you had a brother and a sister!  Can you imagine how much more fun with someone to share the stories?”

Laughing, he draped an arm around her shoulder steering her back toward the house.  It was growing colder and he could feel it seeping into his bones.  “And someone to argue with.  All by yourself, you got to decide how everything happened and no one contradicted you.”

“Oh but it’d only be fair to share-”

“Children aren’t always fair.”

All the delight and joy drained from her face in an instant.  “Well, then maybe we should plan on either one child or a lot of years between two.  I can’t stand the idea of them being ugly with each other.”

“Willow, people don’t get along sometimes.  They disagree and irritate one another but that’s what love is.  Putting up with someone when you’d rather make them go away.”  At the back door, Chad turned and looked down at Willow as she grabbed an armful of wood.  “Will you put up with me when you’d rather I go away?”

“I tried making you go away once.  It didn’t work.  I think I’ll just put up with you.”

Chapter 77~

The clock chimed nine-thirty.  Chad reached for his phone.  He’d waited, hadn’t demanded information, had been the perfect patient but the women were gone and now it was time for answers.  A part of him wanted to threaten to walk to town for the answers but aside from the childish factor, he knew it’d be foolish to let himself get that cold.

“Hey Chief, where is Martinez?”

“Had to take his car in for an oil change.  He’s walking in now, do you need him?”

“Actually,” Chad admitted, “I was hoping you’d come out here and tell me what you know about the accident.  I’ve been thinking about it and none of it makes sense.”

“You’re supposed to be recuperating, Chad.”

He fought to keep a respectful tone in his voice as Chad pressed for information.  “Chief, I’ll be back in three days.  How can knowing what’s going on hurt me?  I can’t go anywhere, I don’t have a vehicle.  I’m stuck out here at Willow’s by myself all day and I’m bored stiff.”

The Chief gathered the pictures and notes he’d been examining.  “I’ll bring it out and tell you what we know.  I’ve got beat today after noon.”

“You’re on beat?  Oh Chief, I’m sorry.”

The Chief chuckled.  “Unlike you son, I like it.  It’s cold this time of year but people need a friendly face.”

Twenty minutes later, the Chief sat in Willow’s living room remembering the first time he’d been in the house and marveled that it hardly looked any different but Chad seemed so at home.  “Chad, I’ve never wanted to ask- it’s none of my business, but is there anything going on with you and Miss Finley?”

Suddenly, Chad felt self-conscious about his relationship but he new he needed to be honest.  “Well, actually, we’re getting married Chief.”

“Wow.  I didn’t know things had gotten that serious.  Congratulations son.”

 Chief Varney’s surprise was understandable and Chad felt like he owed an explanation but he also wanted to avoid a lecture.  “Well, sir, we haven’t announced it yet.  My cousin’s getting married next Saturday so we’re waiting until after that.  Let him have his day you know?”

“Thoughtful of you.  I have to admit, I’m surprised.  You always seemed a little put out that you had to come out here.  I knew it’d happen eventually but-”

 This was the opening he needed.  “It will.  But, even if it doesn’t, I’ll be married to my best friend and how many men can say that?”

“You mean-”

Chad nodded.  “I don’t know if she’ll ever get there.  Between being so sheltered and yet exposed to the worst thing that can happen to a woman at the same time- I just don’t know.”

“But you do love her don’t you?  I mean-”

“Kind of like you have a soft spot for Alexa Hartfield.  We all know it but none of us think you’d trade your wife in for her.”

“Well, Miss Hartfield is like a daughter-”

“And Willow is like a sister-”  Remembering the night before Chad quickly added, “But not quite.”

The Chief spread out the information they had on Willow’s stalker.  “His name is Ben Fischer.  Clean record. One speeding ticket and a drunk and disorderly on his twenty-first birthday but other than that, model citizen.”

“Any idea why he was after Willow?”

Chief Varney shook his head.  “No, and what’s worse, a guy like him doesn’t do the things he did without some training or experience.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ve seen it in Rockland.  We’d find them dead with no ties to anyone, no record, but too much experience or training for it to be a fluke.”

“So working for someone?”

With a hesitant nod, Chief Varney pointed at Chad’s neck.  “That accident.  It wasn’t one.  Your head injury could have come from hitting the side of the door but that hypodermic didn’t just jab itself into your neck and how did a Fischer’s seatbelt fail and he just accidentally end up though the window?  Coroner found a hypodermic on him too.  He’d have missed it if we hadn’t got suspicious about yours.”

“I’m glad no one thought I took those things voluntarily.”

“Well we certainly didn’t think Willow gave them to you!” the Chief teased before growing serious again.  “If you hadn’t gotten too much of that stuff, we’d never have questioned anything.  It was just good enough to look like what it did but when they found that puncture-”

“How did we catch him in the first place?”

While Frank Varney recounted the story of Ben’s capture, Chad listened closely.  “He was moving clothes?”

“That’s what Willow told your mother.  Darla saw her in town yesterday and Ms. Tesdall said Willow found the closets switched or partially switched- Darla wasn’t sure.”

Chad recounted events to keep them straight.  “So for several weeks, Ben comes around, kills her animals, moves things around in her house- why?  Then we catch him and he refuses to talk at all- why?  Then he’s killed on the way to processing in Brunswick- why?  Finally, why make it look like an accident?  Why risk me remembering something?”

“Well, the doc says with the dose you had, remembering anything is pretty slim.”

“Why risk killing a cop then with an overdose?” Chad demanded.

“You almost can’t overdose on R2 but it can make you extra vulnerable to other things.”

Chad’s mind whirled.  “Ben’s working for someone, gets caught, gets killed by someone else working for someone-”

“What was the name of the guy who went after Willow’s mother, son?”

“Solari.”

Chief Varney’s face went white.

***

Willow held Aggie’s wedding invitation and weighed it against the different papers in the store.  After half a dozen places, she still hadn’t found what she wanted.  Finally, she turned to Marianne and sighed.  “I won’t find what I want.  So, I’ll make it.  I want a few hundred sheets of watercolor paper.”

“We have precut cards and envelopes-”

Marianne shook her head laughing.  “Willow doesn’t work with ‘pre-made’.  Thanks anyway.”

They left with two boxes of paper, both watercolor paper and linen paper for the envelopes.  Marianne laughed as they loaded the car with her purchases.  “Did you see that man’s face when you bought paper to make your envelopes?”

“Let’s go to lunch.  I’m hungry.  Where do you suggest?”

All the way to Marianne’s favorite soup, salad, and sandwich restaurant, Willow discussed options for the invitations.  Through lunch, they discussed dates and food but both women avoided the dress discussion.  Willow really wanted to see what was available in wedding gowns but thought that maybe she should wait for Cheri and that meant another week or two.

“How many people do you think buy their wedding dress the first time they go looking for them?”

“I don’t know but I doubt it’s very many.  There are so many styles and body shapes and finding the two that fit together is probably time consuming.”

Curious, Willow asked Marianne about her wedding dress.  “What did yours look like?  How long did it take you to find it?”

“I wore my mother’s dress.  The basic style was the same as every dress I tried on but mom’s was prettier so I chose hers.”

A glint formed in Willow’s eye just before she took her first bite of sandwich.  “So, if most people don’t find their dress the first day, would it be thoughtless of us to do a little looking before we go home today?  Even without Cheri?”

“Yes!” Marianne exulted pumping her fist in the air.  Willow wasn’t sure what the gesture meant but she was fairly certain that they’d be dress shopping within the hour.

Bridal Aisle was Rockland’s “Chinatown” but for wedding paraphernalia.  For three blocks, seventy-five percent of the businesses directly catered to the wedding trade.  The Agency, Rockland’s exclusive wedding planners, several bridal shops, three caterers, two bakeries, and several stationer options as well as gift shops, and even a wedding chapel all made their home on Oakland Drive.

They started to take the stores in order but Willow saw Kari’s Bridal across the street and was instantly drawn to it.  “I have to go.”

Willow joked that the store looked like a snowstorm.  White gowns were displayed on mannequins everywhere and all along the walls padded hangers hung dresses of every size and style in elegant rows.  “Wow.”

A woman greeted them cordially but left them to wander around the room for a few minutes before she offered her help.  “Do you have a date?”

Willow shook her head.  “Not yet.  Probably May.”

“That doesn’t give us much time.  Do we have a budget?”

“Am I supposed to?” Willow countered.

“Of course not.  Some people have to stick to a budget and I like to know what I’m working with before I make suggestions.  I’m Kari, by the way.”

“This is Marianne my fiancée’s mother and I am Willow.”

“How unusual for the mother of the groom to bring you shopping,” Kari added trying to ascertain the situation without intruding.

“My mother died this year.”  Willow paused.  “That’s actually why I came in here.  Her name was Kari too.”

Marianne listened half heartedly.  All she could think of was how to get Willow out of her street clothes and into at least one gown.  Kari, sensing the eagerness, immediately launched into her generic tour of the boutique.

“Well these,” she swung her arm in an arc indicating the dresses on the mannequins, “Are what I call ‘the twelve.’  They represent the basic shapes that I carry at any given time.  You have the evening gown look, the princess…”  Kari pointed at each dress in succession as she described it.  Then, to Marianne and Willow’s surprise, she asked, “Which of these dresses do you not care for?”

That question was easy.  Willow didn’t like the mermaid shaped gowns that fitted tightly and flared at the bottom or the evening gowns that looked like nightgowns rather than bridal dresses.  The rest, however, she found pleasing although not sure what interested her most.

“Well, we can ignore this section of the racks then,” Kari explained.  “Where is the wedding?”

“My home,” Willow said immediately.  Marianne’s eyes widened in surprise.  Immediately she realized she should have known but the idea of a wedding on a farm was foreign to her and there was no way their family would fit in the living room.

“Outdoors?”

Willow nodded and pointed to the gown Kari had described as ‘Grecian inspired.’  “Do you have something like that but- um- different?”  She blushed as Kari chuckled.  “I’m sorry, that must be the most annoying question.  I like the fabric and the way it flows- chiffon is so beautiful.  I just don’t care for the one sided strap look.”

“Why do you go get undressed in the fitting room and your- Marianne and I will bring you similar gowns.  What size-”

“It depends on the chest.  I’m small everywhere else but at least one size larger in the chest.”

Marianne, embarrassed at her own foolishness, wiped away a few tears as Willow appeared in her first gown.  The strapless bodice obviously made Willow very uncomfortable but she was beautiful.  “It’ll need alterations- whatever dress you choose even if it isn’t from me.  You have the perfect Barbie figure or at least the figure they try to give an illusion of.”

“I want some kind of strap or sleeve.  This is uncomfortable.”

“Well, she knows her own mind.  That is a huge relief.  You don’t know how many brides come in here thinking they know what they want but in reality are clueless.  And, that just cuts the dresses left in about half.”  Kari pulled a few dresses from the racks putting most back as she did.  “I assume long sleeves for an outdoor May wedding are out?”

“Definitely.”

The second dress everyone liked.  It was pretty, feminine, and well suited to Willow’s personality and features but she shook her head after a few turns at the trio of mirrors.  “I love it.  It is beautiful.  It’s just not right.  If I don’t find anything else, it’ll work though.”

Dress after dress went on, twirled around the shop, and then came back off again.  Most were beautiful, several Willow liked, but she sensed that Marianne was waiting for her to find the one dress that said, “buy me” so Willow kept changing dresses.  “I could get used to walking around in yards of fabric.  Now I see why Alexa likes her clothes.  They make you feel beautiful just because you’re wearing them.”

Marianne pulled a gown from the rack that she’d replaced several times.  The ice blue accent sash would clash with the wedding colors but after a dozen or more dresses, she knew it’d be exquisite.  “Try this on.  I know the color is wrong but it’s so beautiful.”

“I could easily replace that with white silk or satin.  I like it.”

Before Kari could comment, Willow disappeared into the dressing room.  “That comes with ivory, white, and blue.  She can just order it a different color.”

Willow’s voice called for Marianne’s help from the dressing room.  “It’s another one of those lace-up gowns.”

They all agreed the gown was Willow.  It wasn’t just “a good choice” for Willow, it was Willow.  “It feels a little formal but then they all do.”

“I love the dress, the way it fits you, it hardly needs adjustment.”

Kari shook her head.  “No, look,” she insisted and pulled the sides in for a more fitted look along the sides to the waist.  “It needs to be altered but-”

“How long does it take for them to come in once they’re ordered?”

Willow’s head whipped back and forth between Marianne and Kari.  She hadn’t thought of ordering.  “Order?”

“These are samples, Willow.  They don’t sell the samples,” Marianne explained.

“Well, with alterations, it’d be twelve weeks minimum.”

“What about without?” Willow asked nervously.  If the dress wasn’t available, she’d make one a lot like it.

“Eight to ten weeks.”

“Buy it.”  Marianne’s voice cut through the boutique.

“Do you think?”

“You don’t have time to think, Willow.  To get it here in time for you to alter, you need to buy it now.”

“What about Cheri,” Willow hedged.

“We’ll get to go shopping all kinds of things.  She’d feel terrible if your dress didn’t make it because you waited for her to go shopping.”

Hesitation overwhelmed her.  Willow wanted to purchase the dress, didn’t want to look for another one, but she didn’t feel comfortable leaving Cheri out of the process.  She knew instinctively that Cheri would want to share this time.

“Can you call Cheri?  Ask her to come here?”

“She’ll know about your engagement.”

Nodding, Willow started for the dressing room to retrieve her phone. “It was her idea- she should know.  I’ll call Chad.”

The phone rang several times before Chad answered.  “Your mom and I went to look for dresses after we found the fabric-”

“Dresses!  Really!”

“I found the dress.  I have to order it now if it’ll be here in time.”

Chad grinned.  She was getting into the planning process.  From her initial reaction he’d been afraid that she’d apply her minimalist side to the wedding preparations rather than her tendency to embrace and beautify it.  “Order it.”

“Cheri.  She should be here.  She should give her opinion.”

“Call her.”

Relief flooded Willow’s voice.  “I’m really glad you said that because your mother is calling her as we speak.”

“Ohhh Willow, you know me too well already.  I should be afraid.”

“I just got a thumbs up from your mom.  I think that means Cheri’s coming.”

“I wish I could be there.”

“I’ll bring a picture home,” she promised.

“I’ll be waiting for it.”

Silence hung between them for a few minutes.  “Hey Willow?”

“Yes?”

“Are you in your dressing room?” 

She thought she knew what was coming next.  “Yep.”

“Can you take a picture of your reflection in the mirror and send it?”

“I can do better than that.  I’ll get your mom to take one.”

“Don’t,” he protested.  “She won’t understand.”

For several minutes, Willow tried to get a good picture of the dress but failed to get a good one.  “Well, that’s the best I can do.  Your mom’s calling.  I need to go.”

“Bye.”  Chad clicked open the picture and smiled.  “I can’t wait to see it in person,” he murmured to himself.

***

The cell in Steven Solari’s pocket buzzed.  He glanced at the name and flipped it open.  “Yes.”

“I thought you would want to know, there’s a party going on in a bridal boutique on Oakland.”

“Bridal?”

“I got a picture.  I’m sending it.”

The picture on the screen alarmed him.  “Who’s the one holding the sides?”

“Kari.”

“What!”  Blood rushed to Solari’s temples as he drew rapid breaths.

“The owner of that store.  Don’t know her last name but she’s Kari something.”

“Why is she trying on wedding dresses?”  Solari swore.  “That cop!  It’s gotta be that cop.”

Tyler didn’t like the sound of Solari’s voice.  “What do I do?”

“Nothing.  Make sure she gets home ok and see if she buys it or if she’s just looking for something else for that ball.  This has color on it so maybe-”

“Yes sir.”  Tyler clicked his phone shut before he could hear any more.  He knew to stay in Steve’s good graces he had to follow orders and hear nothing he wasn’t intended to hear.

Chapter 76~

“Hey there,” Chad’s voice murmured. 

Willow shifted the phone to her other ear smiling.  It was good to hear him sounding so normal.  “Did they decide when to let you go home?”

“Mom and dad are packing a bag for me and then coming to get me.  They’ll drop me off at your house on the way home.  You sure you want to do this?  I could have mom bring the air mattress and sleep downstairs so you could keep your bed.”

“No, your mom wants to pamper you for a day or two and I think that’s nice.”

Chad sighed.  A week at Willow’s and no work.  It sounded like a vacation rather than doctor’s orders.  “I can’t go back to work until Saturday.  I’m really leaving them short handed.”

“Well, you’re no good to them until you’re healthy so I’m glad.  Besides, you work too hard anyway.”

“That’s the pot calling the kettle black!”

Several seconds of silence hung between them.  “Mother used to say that.  She said her grandmother always said it.  I just thought it was something they read from an old book and copied.”

Muffled sounds filled Willow’s ears until Chad returned delighted. “They’re back.  I’ll see you in a while.  Make me some coffee?”

“As you wish,” she teased as she hung up the phone.  She hurried to the kitchen to heat the water and dumped the instant coffee grounds in his new mug.  “As you wish,” she whispered once more.

***

Chad rested on his bed while Willow and Marianne worked on the spare bedroom.  Caught up in Willow’s vision, she’d jumped up from the floor two hour before and announced she was going to town “I need magazines.  I can’t see this without pictures.  You’ll have to show me what you’re describing and then maybe I’ll understand.”

Now they sat bent over half a dozen magazines debating Willow’s old doll house as a focal piece in the room vs. a bookcase filled with baskets of yarns.  “If I go with the yarns, I’ll choose what I want to knit based upon what I think will look pretty in the baskets rather than based upon what I want to wear.”

“I think we’ve been in here too long.  You can decide with fresh eyes later.”

Willow stopped by her room to grab her ball gown but Marianne stopped her.  “I did get a couple of more magazines-”

“Oh, why didn’t you show me.  Maybe-”

“They’re not for decorating.”  Marianne didn’t want to interfere where she wasn’t wanted but the idea of a wedding was too exciting to resist a couple of magazines.

“Well, what are they for then?”

With a sheepish look, Marianne pulled them from her suitcase.  “Modern Bride and Brides.  They looked so tempting that I had to get them.”

Willow picked up the large magazines and flipped through the pages nearly instantly overwhelmed.  “Wow.  This is a lot of information.  Just to say ‘I do’?”

Marianne sat on the edge of the bed and watched as Willow thumbed through both magazines quickly.  “I would have thought that this would be right up your alley.  I mean you love to create, you love beauty- I thought you’d be all caught up in creating invitations and guest favors, and planning dresses.”  With a discernable tone of disappointment, she added, “I assume you’ll make your dress.”

“I’m under strict orders not to consider it.  Chad says I need to buy the biggest poofiest white dress I can find.  He didn’t like my dress.”

“Do you have a wedding dress you wanted?”  Marianne hated to think of any bride not having the dress of her dreams.

Willow dug to the back of her closet and pulled out her white embroidered dress.  “I suggested this one but now that I see the magazines, I can see why Chad wasn’t impressed.”

“Well, we can go looking for dresses soon if you like.  I know a few places in Rockland that carry things that might suit your style.  I’d hate to see you wear just any old dress because someone labeled it a ‘bridal gown’.  You need to find something you love but-”

Willow sensed her hesitation.  “But what?  Tell me.”

“Well, call me an interfering mother and I’ll back off but I think my son deserves a bride who looks like she cared enough about him to dress herself for the occasion.”

This was an argument that Willow understood.  The idea of a wedding was growing on her.  The mention of invitations, gifts for guests, and other artistic sides of the wedding appealed to her sense of aesthetics.  “So what do you think the first thing you do when you plan a wedding?”

This was all Marianne needed. “Come on, let’s go downstairs where we won’t bother Chad.”

At the kitchen table, Marianne pulled out the tiniest of notebooks from her purse.  “We’ll fill this up in no time but-”

Willow reached for a blank journal on the hutch.  “How about this?”

“Excellent.  Now, I think the first thing you have to do is pick colors.  Without colors, you don’t know what to do for flowers, or dresses, or invitations…”

While Marianne thumbed through the books showing everything from pink and black to red, orange, and even the most hideous shades of green Willow had ever encountered, she focused on flowers.  In her mind she saw tables with spring flowers.  “I think I want something that looks good with daisies and lilacs.”

“Ok.  That’s great so either lavender with yellow accents or yellow with lavender-”

“White with yellow.  The lilacs can be the only lavender.  It’ll be simpler that way and then there’s less to match.”  Willow said decisively.  “I’ll get my paper catalogs-”

“Why?”

“To order paper for the invitations.”

Marianne slowly turned pages in the magazine as Willow hurried upstairs for the ‘paper catalog’.  What she returned with was a huge book of samples.  “Mother ordered one of these every two or three years.  They carry everything-”

“Willow,” Marianne began tentatively.  “You know, we could go into the city tomorrow and there must be twenty large stores that sell everything in that book plus some and then dozens of small scrap booking stores-”

“Really?”

“I’d be happy to drive us if you thought-”

Willow’s face lit up excitedly.  “Wow.  I wonder if Mother knew that we had such a variety so close?  Let’s go if you think Chad is fine alone for the day.”

“I’m fine alone for a month.  What are you doing?” 

Chad’s interruption startled both women earning him a good-natured scolding.  “Your mother offered to take me to Rockland to buy paper for invitations.”

“Mom!  I told her she wouldn’t have to think about it until after Luke’s wedding.  I wanted her to see everything so she’ know what she’s up against.”

Willow held up the magazines triumphantly.  “But your mom found a way to bring it here.  Besides, I didn’t get a wedding invitation so how am I supposed to learn from that?”

“That’s odd, Libby called three weeks ago to confirm your address.  Are you sure?”

Chad felt fresh alarm grow in his chest.  Had they really caught the guy?  Was everyone coddling him for some reason?  Would they be finding things for months or years that the mysterious stalker had done to confuse them?

“I’m trying to remember when I checked my mail last.  Maybe I didn’t get it all or maybe it’s come since then.”

Chad grabbed her keys pulling on his coat.  “I’ll go look.  It’ll be nice to take a walk.”

From the living room window, Marianne watched her son plow through the fresh snow to the mailbox.  Willow sat at the table sketching invitation ideas using the magazines as a guideline and when Marianne walked back to the kitchen, her delight was obvious.

“That is beautiful Willow.  You could have that copied and-”

“Copied?  I don’t think I’d enjoy that.  I think I’ll just sketch them but only if Chad likes it.

On a blank page of her journal, Willow had written

Daisies

Lilacs

And then drawn a picture of a sprig of lilacs bunched with a trio of daisies and tied with a ribbon. “I think I’d attach ribbon inside and actually tie it around the ’stems’. It’d be prettier that way.  Or maybe I could get a sheer paper to lay over it and soften it instead.  Of course, I could fold the top part over and leave the bottom free and…”

Willow was still discussing options with herself when Chad returned.  Marianne had disappeared upstairs to call her husband and reappeared just in time to see Chad lean over the back of her chair pointing at Willow’s designs and nodding.  “I like that idea.  We need to call Wes Hartfield too.  I want his pictures.”

With an emphatic nod, Willow wrote the name down on a fresh page in the journal.  “I’ll get his number from Alexa at church.  I agree.  My birthday pictures were the most amazing things I’ve ever seen.”

“Birthday pictures?”

Without a word, Willow crossed the living room to the bookcase and returned with her birthday album.  “Wes took these for my birthday.  Aren’t they beautiful?”

There was no doubt.  They needed Wes Hartfield for pictures.  Marianne couldn’t wait to see what a photographic genius like Wes would do with the beauty that Willow was sure to create.

“So, you don’t mind us going to Rockland tomorrow?  Would you like to go, son?”

“I’ll stay here.  I still sleep a lot anyway so this way you girls can stay, have fun, and not have to rush back.  I can take care of the animals,” Chad insisted.

Near dinner time, Marianne changed clothes, grabbed her purse, and headed over to Brandt’s Corners for dinner with Libby.  Chad watched her go with a air of relief that Willow found comical.  “If I didn’t know you better, Chadwick Tesdall, I’d say that you were happy to see her go.”

“Is it bad to admit that your mother talks too much sometimes?”

“I’m sorry.  I shouldn’t have encouraged her with her wedding things.  She just seemed so excited-”

“Grab your plate, let’s eat on the couch and watch that movie mom gave you for Christmas.  She’s been bugging me about it for over four weeks now.”

Chad set up his laptop on the coffee table, plugged it into the socket, and then went to switch on the power.  “Hey, did you know the circuit breaker was on,” he called as he returned to the living room.

“I turned it on for the phone charger.  I must have forgotten to turn it off again.”

“Mom using a candle when she could have used a light switch… how funny.”

“Well,” Willow hedged.  “I’m not sure we have bulbs in mot of the light fixtures so it probably wouldn’t have helped anyway.”

“Good point.”

Half way through the movie, Marianne called to say she’d be back in the morning.  “We’re watching a movie and by the time it’s over-”

“We’re watching North and South.  It’s not bad for one of those BBC period things,” Chad admitted.

Marianne laughed.  “There’s no way I’m coming back then.  I wouldn’t ruin that for anything.  Behave yourself son.”

Chad stared at the phone confused and then snapped it shut.  “Mom’s coming back in the morning.  They’re watching a movie too.”

From the strike, to the attack on Margaret, to Bessie Higgins’ death, the story captivated them.  After three hours, Willow was half asleep leaning against Chad, his arm around her.  Suddenly, in the last minutes of the film, Willow sat up abruptly.

“Make it go back.”

Surprised that Willow wanted to rewind a very intimate kiss, he slid the play bar back on the screen and hit play again.  She watched curiously, although with some obvious embarrassment and when Margaret walked away from John Thornton again, Willow insisted he rewind the scene again.

After the third time, Chad paused the movie and crossed his arms trying to gauge her reaction.  “What is it?”

“Nothing.  You can play it.”

“That’s not true.  Something made you watch it again.”

She wasn’t sure how to explain her actions.  The kiss was like nothing she’d ever seen or imagined.  “Just play it.  I’ll explain when the movie’s over.”

She settled once more against Chad’s side, although somewhat uncomfortably now, and watched the remaining seconds of the movie before the credits rolled.  “You were right I guess.”

“Right about what, Willow?” 

“You once told me that kissing a man isn’t the same as kissing your mother or a friend.  I think you’re right.  I cannot imagine my mother kissing me anything like that-” she pointed at the screen.  “And if that is what you think Bill wanted that night, well I’m glad I told him to go away.”

Chad didn’t speak for several minutes.  The kiss had moved her, yes, but it had moved him as well yet in a very different way.  Affection for Willow came naturally.  He’d rarely even thought about it.  Their family was an affectionate one and until Linnea Burrell, he’d been affectionate with almost everyone in his life.  Willow was no exception.

Of course he’d kissed her forehead or the top of her head just as he’d kissed his sister or his aunt.  He’d seen hundreds of on-screen kisses over the years and at best they bored him though he often found them a little repulsive.  This one, however- he sighed.

“I’m sorry.”

Chad pulled her back to him as Willow tried to pull away.  “For what?”

“You sighed.  I thought maybe I annoyed you or something.”

“The kiss moved me too Willow.  I think-”  Chad paused standing.  “I think I’ll say goodnight.”

Fifteen minutes later as he started to drift to sleep, the music from the end of the movie drifted to his room.  Chad padded down the stairs to the landing and smiled as he watched Willow, head in her hands, elbows on her knees, re-watching the final scene of the movie just once more.

Chapter 75~

Machines blipped, a nurse punched buttons and changed IV bags, and Chad’s head pounded.  His eyes fought him but he finally forced the lids upward.  The room was dark.  A hospital.  Why was he in a hospital?

“You feeling better officer?”

“Head hurts.”

“We kind of expected that.  Your head was injured.”

Chad focused his eyes but the nurse was a blur.  “Why are you out of focus?”

“You can’t see me clearly?”

The man made a note on Chad’s chart but not before Chad asked, “This is a hospital isn’t it?”

“You aren’t sure?”

He tried to rub his eyes but an IV pulled.  “Ouch.  I can’t remember.  How did I get here?”

“Look, your parents asked for a call when you woke up.  They were going to come right away but Dr. Kline recommended they wait until you woke up.  He wasn’t sure if you’d be asleep all night.”

“Don’t call them.  They can come in the morning.”  Chad’s arm ached.  “Why is my arm so sore?”

“Seat belt.  The bruises are horrible.”

Nothing made sense.  Seat belt, bruises, what was the nurse talking about?  “I was in an accident?”

The nurse, Gabe, handed him a cup of water with a straw.  “Your voice sounds dry.  Mouth probably needs some moisture.”

“Why am I so cold?”

“You’ve been hard to warm up.  You were out there for over an hour they think.”

“Out where?”  Nothing made any sense to him.

“On the highway,” the nurse added patiently.  “You totaled that car.”

Car.  He’d been in a car instead of his truck.  “Was I on duty?”

“Just rest officer Tesdall.  The doctor will explain everything in the morning.”

As he reached the door, Chad called out to the nurse.  “Did anyone call Willow?  Someone needs to be out there with her.  She shouldn’t be alone.”

“Who is Willow?”

“My fiancée.  She shouldn’t be left alone.  Please call the station and have them send someone out there.”

Gabe stood at the desk his hand hovered over the phone.  “What’s wrong?”

“That officer from Fairbury.  He’s worried about his fiancée.  Said she shouldn’t be alone.”

“So-” the supervising nurse began.

“I was trying to decide whether to call his parents, the Fairbury station, or Dr. Kline.”

Clara grabbed the chart and looked at Gabe’s notes.  “He doesn’t remember the accident?”

“No.  I doubt he knows the passenger died but I didn’t mention it.  I don’t know if he even knows there was a passenger.  He asked if he was on duty.”

Clara picked up the phone and called Dr. Kline.  “Remember, most the other docs here want you to leave it to whoever’s on duty but Dr. Kline would want a call.”

“What about the station?”

“We’ll leave that to Dr. Kline.”

Thirty minutes later, a disheveled doctor crept into Chad’s room.  “Officer Tesdall?”

“I’m awake.  Everything’s so blurry it makes my head swim and I get nauseous so I’ve been keeping my eyes shut.”

“Do you remember the accident?”

Chad shook his head slightly.  “No.  Did someone call Willow?”

Dr. Kline pulled up a chair and watched the machines as Chad talked.  “Who is Willow again?”

“My fiancée.  She shouldn’t be alone.  I think I was supposed to be there tonight so Judith wouldn’t be going out there.  It’s not safe-”

The monitors showed the agitation Chad felt even before he voiced it.  “Why isn’t it safe Chad?”

“Someone is stalking her or something.  Always in her house or harming her animals.”

“Chad,” the doctor began.  “You caught that man.  You were bringing him here when you had the accident.”

“I was?”

“You don’t remember?”

“No.  I remember driving to Willow’s to pick her up for snowman building but I don’t know if I made it.”

“Did you say your eyes were blurry?”  Dr. Kline went over the nurse’s notes and made a few of his own.

“Yes.”

“Ok, we’re going to do another blood test and see if we can get some answers.  How does that bump on the head feel?”

Chad shook his head.  “It’s there, a bit sore, but nothing I can’t live with.”  After a pause, he added.  “You’re sure we got the guy.  He’s in custody?  Willow’s safe?”

Dr. Kline laid an arm on Chad’s good shoulder.  “Officer, the man is dead.  He didn’t survive the crash.”

At the door, Chad’s voice called out once more.  “Will someone call Willow?  She’ll worry if I don’t come home.  I was supposed to sleep there tonight but-”  Confusion filled his features.  “I guess if we caught him, she probably wouldn’t expect me.”

“We’ll call if it’ll make you feel better but we’d probably wake her.”

After a moment’s deliberation, Chad nodded.  “With everything going on, she’s not going to sleep well until she knows we caught him and that I didn’t forget about her.”

“What’s her phone number?”  Dr. Kline smiled as he left the room.  Young people were so dramatic sometimes.  “Clara, get a blood test on him and check for benzodiazepines.”

“Rohypnol?”

“Possibly.”  He picked up the phone and dialed Willow’s number.  On the third ring a sleepy voice answered.  “Yes?  This is Willow Finley.”

“I’m Dr. Kline from Brunswick Medical Center.  Chad Tesdall is awake and calling for you.  Normally I wouldn’t recommend someone coming in this late but I think he’d feel better if you were here.”

“Is he ok?”

“I’m beginning to think there was more trauma than we first suspected.  If you could come in.”

“I’ll be there in four hours.  Five if the snow is too deep.”

“We’ve got clear roads all around here.”

“I’m on my way.”

“Thank you Miss Finley.  With an injury like his, we want to keep him as comfortable as possible.”

Willow flew out of bed and dressed quickly.  She debated her snow suit and finally decided the bulk was more than off set by the added warmth it’d give.  Twenty minutes after the call, she rushed out the door walking as briskly as she could towards Brunswick.

Dr. Kline stopped in to let him know Willow was on her way but seeing the officer asleep, retreated from the room.  They’d have some answers soon.  “Clara, if the tox comes back clean, get him an MRI immediately.”  He started for the door and then paused.  “Oh, and when he wakes up again, let him know his fiancée is on the way.  Call the family at seven.”

Two hours later, Gabe noticed Chad trying to focus on the clock across the room.  “Dr. Kline called your fiancée.  She’s on her way.”

“What?”

“He called and told her you were concerned about her and asked her to come in.  She said she’d be here in about four hours.  Where does she live?”

“Five miles this side of Fairbury.” Chad said trying to sit up and concentrate.

“Working?”

“Walking.”

Gabe shook his head.  “No, does she have to work?  It doesn’t take four hours to drive over from Fairbury.”

“No, but it takes at least that long to walk.”

“In this weather?  No one-”

“Willow would.  She doesn’t drive.  If Dr. Kline said to come, she’d come.  What time did you call?”

“Two hours ago.”

Chad sank back into the pillow thinking.  “It’s probably the same distance to come all the way than go home at this point.  I need to make a call.”

“If she’s already half way here-”

“No.  It’s Ditto.  Someone needs to go out and milk Ditto.”

“Does what you just said make sense to you?” Gabe questioned suspiciously?”

“Of course.”

“That tox screen is gonna come back positive.”

 

***

At the first sign for Brunswick, Willow drank half her water bottle pulling it from inside her coat.  Ten miles to go.  She passed the scene of the accident wondering if the glass on side of the road was from his or some other accident.  Walking grew easier as dawn brought light around her.  Five more miles the sign read, and Willow drank the rest of her water.  A few trucks slowed but she waved them on ready to flee if necessary. 

The turn off for Brunswick was a welcome sight.  She was cold, tired, hungry, and thirsty.  A convenience store bustled with people preparing for the long commute to Rockland or out to the plant ten miles east.  Willow hurried inside and asked directions to the hospital.  Ten minutes later, she left still sipping a hot cup of coffee and thankful for kind people.

Inside the hospital, she asked for directions to a restroom, stripped out of her snow suit and boots, and brushed her hair.  “Should have left it messy.  Chad likes that,” she murmured as she tamed the tangles and smoothed it.

The nurses on in Chad’s wing hustled her into his room taking the snow clothes from her.  “We’ll get you a bag for these.  You should have told us you weren’t driving.  We’d never-”

“I wanted to come.  I’m fine,” she whispered.  Is he asleep?”

“For now.  He wakes up from time to time.  He seems to have a bit of amnesia but he’ll be ok.”

Gabe lowered Chad’s bed and dropped a rail.  Willow pulled her chair as close to the bed as she could get and sat ready to watch until he awoke.  “Are you warm enough Miss?”

“I’m fine, really.”  Willow laid her cool but not cold hands on Gabe’s to demonstrate.  “I know how to keep warm outdoors.”

“His parents will be here in about an hour I think.  We just called thirty minutes ago.  You got here fast.”

She stood.  “I forgot.  I need to call for someone to go milk Ditto.”

“Ditto exists?”

“My goat,” she explained.  “She’ll be miserable before I can get home.”

“Chad called someone a couple of hours ago about milking Ditto.  I thought he was delirious.”

She sank back into the chair and rested.  The nurses came in and out but Chad slept.  By the time Marianne and Christopher arrived, they found Willow leaned over the side of his bed, one hand covering his free one, sleeping.  She looked horribly uncomfortable.

“Willow,” Marianne whispered shaking her slightly.  “Honey, wake up.”

“Marianne?” she whispered sleepily.

“We’re here now.  Why don’t you get some rest somewhere.  Have you been here all night?”

She shook her head disoriented.  “No.  I just got here sometime around seven-thirty.”

“How did you get here?  We stopped on our way but no one was home.” 

“I walked.  They called and said Chad wanted me to come so I came.”

Christopher’s eyes widened.  “What time did you leave?”

“Around three I think. I don’t remember.  I got a call at eleven or so that Chad was here.  Officer Freidan got Chad’s phone and saw I left messages so he called.”

Marianne whispered something into Christopher’s ear.  Christopher nodded and took Willow’s elbow.  “Come on.  You need some rest.  Let’s get you a room across the street.  Once you’ve slept for a little while you can come back.  We’ll call if he wakes up again.”

“But-”

Somehow, Christopher managed to get Willow out the door, across the street, and into a room at the motel.  “I’ve got your room number.  We’ll call if he wakes up but otherwise, stay here until you’ve slept for a little while.”

Willow stared at the door after Christopher left.  They were right.  She hadn’t slept, she was still a little chilled, and she was physically exhausted from her fifteen mile trek to Brunswick.   A hot shower sounded wonderful.  She’d shower, sleep for an hour or two, and go find them again.

Christopher and Marianne sat in the corner of Chad’s room whispering.  “Did you see what I saw?” Marianne whispered excitedly.

“A girl willing to walk fifteen miles in the snow up hill both ways to see our injured son?”

“Well, that too.”

“What?”

Nearly giddy with the realization of what it might all mean, Marianne nearly squealed.  “She’s wearing a ring!”

“So she got over her jewelry phobia?”

“On her left hand,” Marianne added meaningfully.

“She said yes,” Christopher whispered.

“She must have!”

“Wow.”

***

Chad groaned.  His head sill hurt and his hand felt heavy.  He forced his eyes to focus and saw Willow sleeping on his hand.  She’d made it.  Carefully so as not to wake her, Chad slipped his hand from beneath her and rested it on her head.  His parents had been there.  He was sure of it but the only ones there now were he and Willow.

Julie entered.  She’d taken over when Gabe signed off for the day.  “Where did my parents go?” he whispered.

“We sent them for some lunch when your fiancée arrived.”

Chad nodded thoughtfully.  He’d mentioned her as his fiancée.  His parents probably knew.  Well, they’d keep it quiet for a couple of weeks.  “How long has she been here?”

“Gabe said she came in at around seven-thirty but your parents sent her to take a shower and get some sleep.  She was back here by noon so they went to eat.  You have a good family.”

“The best,” he agreed.

Willow stirred.  She knew she’d heard Chad’s voice and glanced at his face raising her head.  His hand slid along her cheek as she did.  “You’re awake.”

“So are you,” he chuckled softly.

“They said you’d probably sleep off and on all day.  You had some kind of drug in your blood.”

“Drug?  Is that why I can’t remember?”

Julie adjusted the blood pressure cuff.  “Yes.  It also explains your low blood pressure, disorientation, blurred vision, amnesia-”

“That sounds like-”

“Rohypnol.”

Confusion clouded Chad’s eyes.  “But how?  I didn’t take-”

“It took a while but we found what we think is an injection site at the base of your neck,” Julie explained.  “Dr. Kline thinks someone injected you while you were out.”

Before Chad could ask why anyone would do that, someone called for her.  He noticed Willow’s confused expression and squeezed her hand reassuringly.  “They’ll figure it out.  It’s ok.”

“But-”

“Hey,” he interrupted at the sight of her ring.  “You’re wearing it.”

“It’s silly.”

“Gee thanks.” 

With a slightly embarrassed smile, Willow shrugged.  “I was worried.  It was getting later and later and you weren’t home.  I don’t even know why I did it but when I put it on, I felt better so I left it.  I-”  She swallowed.  “I forgot I had it.  I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“Your parents-” she reminded him pulling off the ring.  “You wanted to wait and I forgot.”

Chad took the ring from her and slipped it back on her finger.  “It looks nice.  Wear it.  Mom and dad can keep quiet for two more weeks.”

“Quiet about what?” 

Christopher’s voice startled them.  “Our engagement.”

“So that wasn’t your mother’s imagination?”

“Christopher!”

“No,” Willow admitted.  “We weren’t going to say anything until after Luke’s wedding but I had the ring on and I forgot.  It’s my fault.”

Marianne started to protest but Chad’s laughter stopped her.  “See what I mean mom?  I’m lousy around women.  She’s apologizing for agreeing to marry me now.”

“That’s not true!”

“Now she’s calling me a liar,” Chad goaded with an impish grin.

Crossing her arms over her chest, Willow leaned back into her chair and refused to speak to him.  “He’s been drugged you know,” she warned the Tesdalls.

A rapid discussion began over wedding dates, plans, locations, and reception food compliments of the men.  Willow grew overwhelmed after several minutes of foreign concepts like caterers, attendants, invitations, and showers.  She grew quieter and quieter until eventually  Chad called a halt to planning.

“I promised her she didn’t have to think about it until after Luke’s wedding and I need to keep my promise.”

***

At Chad’s insistence, Christopher took Willow home once Chad fell asleep.  Though she didn’t want to leave, she knew that she’d never sleep at the motel across the street and now that Chad was going to be fine.  They expected to bring him home Sunday morning.  Less than twenty-four hours- she didn’t need to worry anymore.

“Willow, do you know how happy this family is going to be?  How happy Marianne and I are?”

This, she hadn’t expected.  “Why?”

“We love you.  But more importantly, Chad loves you.”

Willow struggled to reply but didn’t know how to say what was on her heart.  “Your family has made me feel so welcome from the first time I met you.  Thank you.”

Trees whizzed by and the night seemed to grow stiller around them.  “I need to tell you a little about Chad,” Christopher began.  “I’m sure you’ve heard us talk about Linnea Burrell.”

“The girl from his high school?”

“Yes, has he told you about her?”

Shaking her head, Willow confessed she’d been curious.  “It sounds like she made a big impact on him though.”

“Chad’s always been a little sensitive.  I never understood that side of him.  Cheri was stronger emotionally than him.  When Chad went to camp that year, I almost said no.  They worked with the weak side of his personality and helped make him stronger.”

This was a surprise.  “Chad went to camp with Cheri?”

“No, he went a few years before her.”

“The same camp?  How horrible that you sent her to a place you trusted and that helped him and then she was-  Oh Christopher, I’m so sorry.”

“Well, it wasn’t like that but we’re really not allowed to talk about it.  Needless to say, it prepared him for the next year when Linnea intertwined herself into our family.  Chad didn’t see that his kindness to a lost girl would endear her to him.”

“Sounds familiar,” Willow replied thoughtfully.

“With one glaring difference.”

“What?  She just seemed alone and I really am?”

Christopher’s hand squeezed hers reassuringly.  “Chad was inveigled into helping being her support.  It was his fault but she was a master manipulator.  None of us saw it until it was too late.  She declared her undying love and when Chad couldn’t reciprocate, she accused him of unspeakable things.”

“Oh Chad-”

“If it wasn’t for her sister turning in her diary, Linnea would have ruined my son’s life for a very long time.”

“What-” Willow was afraid to ask.

“She accused him of leading her on, then dumping her, and when she called him on it, he tried to force-”

“Oh Chad would never!” Willow insisted indignantly.

Christopher, words heavy with suppressed anger and emotion, told of the hours of tearful accusations by Linnea.  He explained how she managed to express what seemed like genuine fear of retribution for telling and how Chad had struggled wondering how he’d left such an erroneous idea in her mind.  “He thought at first she was accusing him of threatening to force her rather than that he already had.  I had to stop him from apologizing for doing something he didn’t do.”

“Oh my.”

“It crushed his spirit.  He held himself aloof from every woman he came in contact with.  Only on the job was he able to be himself.”

Willow could see Chad afraid to help, afraid to confront, and yet he had such a quiet strength that it didn’t make sense either.  “How did he ever decide to trust me.”

“You started as part of the job and then became his friend.”  A pause punctuated the conversation before he added, “And as I said, he loves you.”

A few miles passed as Willow digested Christopher’s words.  “Will it be enough?”

“What?”

“You say Chad loves me.  We both know that neither one of us is what you’d describe as ‘in love’.  Will this friendship be enough?  I don’t get butterflies in my stomach when Chad is around.  He is moving into my mother’s old room.  This isn’t exactly the relationship stories are made of.”

With a prayerful heart, Christopher tried to reassure her.  “If you will both give this marriage a chance.  If you will let him romance you when the time is right, I have no doubt that you will eventually be as emotionally and romantically attached as I am with my wife.”

“I don’t want to hurt him, Christopher.”

“You won’t,” he reassured.  “You won’t.  You care about him more than you realize and you know how to work.  Apply that work ethic to your marriage.”

As she opened the car door, Willow leaned back into the car.  “Do you think Marianne would be willing to talk to me?  There are things- I-”

“Take her dress shopping.  Just you and she.  Talk on the way home.  Marianne wants to fill in for your mother wherever you’ll let her but she knows she’s not a substitute.  I think she’s a little nervous about overstepping.”

“I’ll call.  Maybe next week when we know Chad is back to normal.  Thanks.”  Willow crawled back inside the car and gave Christopher a hug.  “I’ve never had a father.  I guess that now I do.”

Chapter 74~

Willow walked back from Fairbury with a light heart and steps as light as one can have when shod in double socks and snow boots.  It was over.  Speculation had grown for the past few hours as to why the man had been quietly terrorizing her.  The popular theory was that he became obsessed with her after reading the article in the Chronicle.  This made little sense to Willow, her mind couldn’t conceive why someone would mess with her mind in order to show loyalty.

However, as she tramped along the road breathing the first fresh air she’d really enjoyed in weeks, Willow’s mind was on the dozen things she could do again.  Milk the goat, feed the chi- well, no she couldn’t feed the chickens.  She needed to order chicks.  The greenhouse.  She could plant her first greenhouse crops.  She could go for walks along the creek.  Life was wonderful.

As much as she dreaded coming home to a dark empty house, the realization that there was nothing to fear, no reason to worry, and that Chad was free from the need to sleep in her mother’s room.  She’d have time to fix it up for him after the wedding.  After the wedding.  She was going to have a wedding.

The house was hardly warmer than outdoors.  Willow quickly built fires in all of the stoves, put soup from the ice box on to warm, and mixed cornbread.  Chad would be hungry when he got back from taking the man to Brunswick.  She’d have hot food waiting, the animals tended, and his stuff ready to go home.  Home.  Willow smiled.  He’d probably like that for a change.

The walk to the barn felt wonderful.  Cleaning stalls, feeding animals, and even straining the milk was a familiar rhythm that she’d missed more than she realized.  By the time she entered the house, she felt nice and tired.  She hadn’t felt that wonderful ‘hard work tired’ feeling in far too long.

After dinner, Willow felt nearly giddy with the options of things to do.  The full impact of how affected she’d been by the recent intrusions into her life hit her hard when she climbed the stairs and saw her mother’s clothes on her bed.  The familiar panic rushed to her chest followed quickly by the equally familiar anger but this time she smiled.  It wouldn’t happen again.  And, now she knew what she’d do that night.

Once her clothes hung in their normal places on the pole, Willow carefully removed every article of her mother’s clothing from the hangers and folded them carefully.  A pile of the pieces not worth donating to anyone was placed in the craft room closet for rags, projects, and when all else failed, burning.  However, two stacks of clean clothes were ready for Cheri’s homeless shelter. 

As Willow wrapped the clothing in muslin and sewed it shut, she remembered Cheri’s animated discussion of the needs of her church’s homeless shelter.  The ex-prostitutes who needed less revealing clothing and the cold women who wore summer pants in winter because it was all they had and needed basic articles like jeans, t-shirts, flannel shirts, and sweaters.  A few favorite wool sweaters sat in a pile on her dresser.  She couldn’t bear to give those away.  Her mother’s favorite dress now hung in the back of her closet- the homeless didn’t need it and she couldn’t part with it.

Once the clothes were gone from Kari’s room, Willow glanced around the room with a critical eye.  Her mother’s red and white quilt seemed masculine enough.  The headboard and footboard would need to stay as would the end tables.  The framed pressed flowers had to go.  They were too feminine.  Very carefully she took the frames from the wall and carried them to the spare room. 

Next, she carried all of her mother’s favorite books downstairs to the library.  There was no reason to have them in ‘Chad’s room’.  Willow sucked in her breath at the thought.  It was her mother’s room and now it was going to be Chad’s.  Could she stand to make many more changes?  He’d probably want different paint.  Straw colored walls were probably too feminine.  Was she ready to completely wipe her mother’s fingerprints from the room?  

The clock downstairs chimed eight o’ clock.  She took a deep breath and forced herself to continue to strip the room of her mother’s personal possessions.  Willow moved her mother’s Bible to her own bed table.  She’d start using it at night and keep her Bible down by the couch.  A glance at the pen made her smile.  She’d found the pen with pressed flowers encased in acrylic and ordered it for her mother’s stocking two years earlier.  That pen went into Willow’s ‘treasure drawer’. 

Handkerchiefs went into a pile in the trunk in the craft room.  She’d make something from them someday.  Mother was fanatical about having plenty of handkerchiefs.  They each had a small drawer packed with them and the moment they grew thin, mother burned them and made more.  Somehow, Willow knew she’d never be able to use them.

From the closet, Willow pulled the files and her mother’s stationary.  She ran her hand over the box wondering where it should go.  Though she needed to familiarize herself more with the contents, she wasn’t ready to deal with what might be inside.  With an air of resignation, Willow carried the box to the spare room and piled it on the top shelf to the back.  There was time enough to deal with the box and its contents.

By the time her mother’s room was emptied of all personal property, the clock chimed nine.  It’d been hours since Chad left Fairbury with her intruder.  What was taking so long?  Was he talking now?  Did they have information that he needed for her for some reason?  Would he mind if she called?  Of course he wouldn’t.  She felt silly at he thought.

His phone rang.  Voice mail picked up and she left a message letting him know his bag was ready and dinner was waiting if he was hungry.  For the next hour she watched her phone waiting for some message.  Chad never waited more than an hour to return her calls. 

The battery dipped lower and lower but she couldn’t bring herself to shut the phone.  That little screen felt like the only connection she had to Chad and as the night grew longer and colder, she grew more concerned.  Eventually, the phone had one bar left.  With an air of resignation she tossed on her jacket, zipped it tight, and shoved her feet in her boots.  The wind howled around her as she fought her way to the barn and flipped on the lights.  The charger in hand, she hurried back to the house, into the pantry, and flipped on the circuit breaker.  Willow stood in the center of her kitchen spinning slowly and trying to remember where the outlets were. 

At eleven o’clock, she climbed upstairs, grabbed her blankets and pillow, and stumbled back to the living room.  Each call went to voice mail and each time her voice sounded a little more frantic.  Her head pounded with the frustration of not knowing who to call or where.  She didn’t know the number of the police station.  It wasn’t an emergency so she couldn’t dial 9-1-1.  No one, whose numbers she knew, would have the answers she sought and it drove her crazy. 

As she tried to sleep, her mother’s voice echoed through her memory.  “We often leave prayer as a last resort when it seems like it should be our first response.  But I think that when we’ve exhausted all of our options, then we’re ready to fully trust and listen. Our ideas are no longer whirling through our minds confusing us when we really just need to rest in the only One who can do anything about anything anyway.”

***

The cell phone rang.  Solari glanced up sharply at the nearly empty boxes of food.  Lynne was thankfully upstairs doing her nightly beauty regimen.  He’d slipped.  As much as Steve wanted to blame this on his man, he knew it was his own fault.  Leroy was thorough. 

Steve dug the zip locked bag out of the bottom of the rice box and immediately grabbed his wife’s kitchen gloves.  He’d talked her into disposable latex gloves years before and it benefited him well at times like this.  The missed call was from Willow.  He listened.  She’d packed his bag and made dinner  What did that mean?

Lynne’s voice called to him from the stairs.  Steve pulled the gloves from his hands and shoved them in his pocket with the phone.  “What?”

“You comin’ to bed?”

“Not now, I’ve got a pile of work.  I may have to go down to the office.  I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Twenty minutes later, Steve drove to Marshfield and entered a small warehouse at edge of town.   While he contacted Leroy, he listened to the next message.  “It’s me.  Rest stop.  Forty minutes.  The phone has to go back.”

The phone rang once more as he waited for Leroy to pick it up.  Solari punched the voicemail button and listened as Willow’s concerned voice came over the line.  “Going to sleep on the couch.  I don’t know who to call to ask about you.  I can’t lose any more people in my life.  Please call.”

He ran a dozen scenarios through his mind trying to find one that appealed to him.  If there was some way for him to let her know how to call, who to call…

Headlights flashed across his hood followed by the sound of a car door slamming shut.  A rap on his window signaled  Leroy’s arrival.  “You got a mustache with you?”

“Yessir.”

“Wear it and add some bulk to you.  Take the phone into the Fairbury police.  Tell them you saw some kids playing with it and they took off.  Drop it on the ground before you go in so it looks like you just turned it in.”

“Right.  Anything else?”

He hesitated.  It was just over two weeks to the ball.  Just enough time for her to quit being jumpy.  Maybe this’d work a different way.  “No.  Madison street station.  Locker thirty-seven.”

“Thanks Mr. Solari.”

“I’ll be in touch.”

Leroy took the phone and drove to Fairbury avoiding vehicles.  Thankfully it was late.  The beat cops quit at nine or he’d have a hard time selling Steve’s story.  Outside the police station, Leroy wrapped a towel around each arm and stuffed them in his jacket.  Another towel went around his waist and then he stuffed his shirttail back into his jeans. 

“Hey, anyone in here?”

A mustached officer walked around the corner.  “Can I help you?”

“Yeah man, these kids were out there on the corner goofin’ ’round and I guess they thought I was a cop or sumpin’ cause they saw my lights and took off.  One of ‘em dropped this.  I thought I should bring it in.  Not good out there in the snow.”

“Thank you.  I’ll-” Joe opened the phone and saw Willow’s name in it.  “This belongs to one of our guys.  I wonder what kids were doing with it.  Did you get a look at any of them?”

Leroy shrugged.  “They’s just kids you know.  Hats and jackets-  I couldn’t tell you.  There were three though if that helps-” he added eagerly as though desperate to help.

“That’s ok, they probably found it, looked to see whose it was and then panicked.  This guy got hurt in an accident outside of Brunswick tonight.  The town is a little shook up about it.”

“You sure it’s the right guy?  Why’s his phone here?”

“We’ll sort that out.  Thanks for bringing it in.  Can I get your name for my report.  I have to write a report if I sneeze.”

“Shore.  Leroy.  Brown.”  At Joe’s raised eyebrow, the man shrugged and grinned.  “What can I say? I didn’t name me.  When that song came out my mama said I had to live above it.  I think she wanted me to be a preacher or sumpin’.”

“Do you have a license Mr. Brown.”

“Shore, shore.  Here it is.”

Leroy whipped his wallet from his back pocket and passed his license across the counter.  Joe wrote down name, address, and license numbers.  “What are you doing in Fairbury?”

“Drove in from Memphis today.  I tried to make it to the city but I’m hungry so I thought I’d try to find some place open.”

“The convenience store has a few frozen things but this town closes up at nine.”

“Thanks.  Hope your friend is ok.”

“He will be.  Thanks for bringing this in.”

After Leroy left, Joe picked up the phone and called the Chief for permission and then listened to Willow’s messages for Chad.  He punched Willow’s phone number amused to find it number one in the list.  That boy needed to open his eyes.

“Willow?  This is Joe Freidan from down at the station.”

“Why do you have Chad’s phone?”

“Someone found it and brought it in.  He must have dropped it on his way to take the prisoner to Brunswick.”

The relief in Willow’s voice cut him.  He didn’t want to have to worry her but she needed to know.  “There was an accident Willow.  They took Chad to the hospital and he’s going to be ok.”

“Was it on the way to or from-”

“The other man didn’t make it Willow.”

“I see.  Thank you Mr. Freidan.  Goodnight.”

Chapter 73~

“David?”  Carol Finley read Willow’s letter, her brow furrowed with concern.

“Hmm?”

“It sounds like Willow may be in some danger.”

“Why do you say that?” David tore his attention away from the newspaper.

“She wrote saying she wants us to visit but not until it is ’safe’.”

His hand reached for the letter.  “Let me see.” 

 

Dear Grandfather and Grandmother Finley,

I was hoping to see you here at the farm sometime this month but I have to withdraw, temporarily, my invitation.  Strange things are happening around my farm, animals killed and my possessions moved here and there.  I can’t risk associating you with me.  I think it is just focused on me but I can’t be sure and do not wish to make your life as complicated as mine has become.

On a more pleasant note, I also want you to know that I am getting married this spring.  The officer who spoke to you after Mother’s funeral has become my best friend and we’ve decided to marry.  We’re not announcing it until after February sixteenth in order to keep his family’s focus on another couple until after their wedding.  We don’t want them to have to share their time with anyone so please don’t share my news until after that date.

As soon as I know we have caught the person responsible for killing my animals, stealing my money, and meddling with my possessions, I will write and reissue my invitation.  I do hope you understand.

Regretfully,

Willow Anne Finley

 

“Have you ever noticed her penmanship?”

Carol nodded.  “It looks like she spent hours perfecting each letter doesn’t it?”

“There is no way she just scratched out a quick, ‘please don’t come.’  This took a lot of time.”

With her arms around her husband’s neck, Carol curled on his lap and laid her head on his shoulder.  “Can you imagine Bethel Ann writing that letter?”

Chuckling, David shook his head emphatically.  “Absolutely not.  Hers would have read, ‘Some jerk is messing with my head.  Let’s give him something to really think about.’  And then we’d spend hours putting sugar in the fridge, eggs in lingerie drawers and hanging her jewelry from light fixtures.”

“What do you think of the whole ‘getting married’ thing?”

He hadn’t planned to say anything.  His wife tended to be a worrier and he’d made an art of avoiding anything that would add more anxiety to her life.  “She doesn’t say anything about love.”

“I noticed that.  Do you think it’s because of her personality or because of how Kari raised her?”

“Probably.  They are definitely private people.  I wondered about him.  He took such good care of her that day but then when he said he hadn’t met her until the week before, I thought it was just small town cop courtesy.”

“I imagine it was,” Carol asserted.  “But that can change and she is a dear girl.  Reserved.  She’s definitely reserved, but she is thoughtful, attractive, and she comes with a valuable piece of property.”

“That boy wouldn’t marry her for money.  Not him.  I don’t know how I know it but if he marries her, it’s because he cares about her.”

Her hand on her husband’s cheek, Carol sighed.  “You have always been such a sap.  She did say he was her best friend.  At least they’ll have that.”

“I may be the sap m’dear, but you have to admit, I stick well.”

***

Ben was tired of the drawn out plan to drive Willow into the arms of her grandparents.  Solari refused see that she wasn’t as alone as he assumed and that his plan wasn’t going to work.  However, Ben wasn’t stupid.  Whatever Solari wanted, he got- even if it was exceptionally ineffective.  “Girls are girls,” he groused to himself as he watched the house with his binoculars.  “Flood her with presents and she’ll eat out of your hand old man.”

Between the cop that practically lived there and the chick that spent the nights there when the other cop was working, he had a hard time getting in at night especially now that he had to come up from the west and use the front door.  They had to put those stupid cameras in.  Did they think he was stupid?  This job was beneath him but working for Solari was a step up from investigating for a crooked private investigator.

As a new idea formed in his mind, he flipped open his phone.  “Boss?”

“My name is Solari.  Use it.”

“Yes b- Mr. Solari.  What about a row of bullet holes in the glass of her new green house?  She mentions it at the ball; you offer to have them replaced-”

“Do it.”

It was too easy.  He could pick off each one in the center of the glass as target practice and be home in time for dinner at Scarcella’s.  Perhaps he should skip this job.  He could get the word out through his cousin in Miami that he was available for contract kills.  He had wanted the protection that a man like Solari can offer but the tediousness of this job was driving him crazy.

He assembled his rifle quickly.  As he twisted the silencer onto the gun, he felt the wind and chose his position.  The tripod held the gun steady as he sighted the front door, chicken coop, and finally the windows of the greenhouse. 

Chad’s truck zooming up the driveway made him pause.  The cop might know how to find his location.  The sight of Willow racing out the door carrying her purse and a heavy jacket relaxed him.  They were leaving.  This left him with more time than he anticipated.  He’d wanted to scare her with the sound of breaking glass but perhaps another trip inside the old place would be better.  Much less chance of getting caught.  If they were leaving for the snowman-building contest, he’d have hours.  What fool spent hours in the cold building snowmen if they were over ten and had an IQ above fifty?

Ben wrapped his shoes in hand towels and tied garbage bags around them.  He’d start inside.  Maybe switch closets or something.  He’d have to get into Chad’s apartment to get the original journals since he’d seen no evidence they even noticed the missing pages from the copies.  Later.  Right now, he needed to get done and gone.  If it snowed-

Upstairs, he grabbed all of the clothes from Kari’s closet and laid them on Willow’s bed.  Arms full of Willow’s clothes, he hurried to Kari’s closet and hung them carefully, but before he could return to Willow’s room, he heard Willow’s voice.  “You get the carrots; I’ll go find mother’s old scarves.”

Ben’s eyes darted to look for a place to hide.  If she came into this room- He started for Willow’s room but decided against it, dashed down the hall, slipped quietly into the craft room, and crouched in the closet.  To his alarm, the craft room door opened and seconds later, he met Willow’s terrified eyes.  She tried to scream but he lunged for her clamping his hand over her mouth.

“Do not make a sound,” he growled.  “I have a gun, I will use it.”

Fear sent adrenaline coursing through her veins.  She bit his hand and shoved him away from her.  Her strength surprised him as he was thrown forcefully against the chair.  Before he could react, Willow raced to her room screaming for Chad.  A shot rang out splintering wood and sending Ben diving for cover.  Seconds later, Chad arrived at the top of the stairs shocked to see Willow holding a man in a ski mask flattened on the floor at gunpoint.

“Do something with this thing before I kill him,” she threatened.  To the man she sent a furious look.  “If you are the coward who killed my dog-”

“Shh Willow.  We got him.  It’s over.  We got him.”

***

Solari calmly pulled the SIM card from his disposable phone and exited the bathroom stall dumping the card in the garbage can near the door.  Thirty blocks away near the projects, his driver took the phone, hurried down the steps to the subway platform, and returned empty handed.  An hour later, they found the trees near Willow’s farm and while Solari flipped through paperwork, Jose climbed the slight incline to the rim of trees, found Ben’s phone, gun, and case, and retuned to the car.

“Got it Mr. Solari.”

“Give me the phone.  You can sell the gun in six months but make sure it’s wiped down.”

“Yes sir.”  Jose paused.  “What about Ben?  Will he keep quiet?”

“I’ve taken care of Ben.”

Jose swallowed. “Yes sir.  Sorry, I didn’t mean to interfere sir.”

His eyes met his driver’s in the rearview mirror.  “You’re good Jose.  Loyal.  I don’t forget that.”

“It’s just that-” Jose glanced at the mirror again.  He wasn’t sure he should talk.  What if he should have said something sooner?

“What Jose?”

“Well, Ben.  He’s a coward and he didn’t like the job.”

“I know.”

With one last hard swallow, Jose asked the obvious question. “Will he talk before he can’t?”

“I’ve taken care of it Jose.  He won’t have time.  They’ll transfer him to Brunswick and once they do, he’s out of our hair.”

“I see, sir.  Very good.”

Solari watched as Jose’s face relaxed.  He whizzed around the turns of the highway and onto the main stretch to Rockland.  The man’s loyalty was commendable but his concern touched Solari.  “Jose?”

“Yes sir.”

“Thank you.”

“Yes sir.”

***

Ben spoke only four words.  “I want my lawyer.”  Accepting a pen, he wrote the name and number of Rockland’s highest profile criminal attorney.

“You can’t afford her.”

Silently, Ben tapped the name and crossed his arms.  Each of the officers tried to question him but none got any answers.  Finally, Chief Varney called Brunswick and arranged for them to accept him for incarceration.  “Chad, can you drive him over?”

“But the-” Chad began.  The look on the Chief’s face silenced him.  If anyone could get Ben to talk on the way, maybe Chad could.  “I’ll get changed.”

Before dark, Chad and Ben whizzed along the highway to Brunswick. “You know, I don’t get it.  Who is Willow to you anyway?”  All along the road, Chad asked questions that his prisoner never answered. 

Ten miles from the Brunswick turn off, Chad rounded a corner and a car zoomed into the road before he could brake.  Glass flew, metal twisted and Chad was attacked by the impact of an airbag.  He thought he heard the car door open and then blackness overcame him.

Frigid air whipped through the vehicle and Chad stirred feeling stiff, groggy, and disoriented.  His face felt frozen.  Every minute that passed helped drag him into consciousness, and pain exploded exponentially as he opened his eyes trying to clear his mind.  Cold.  It was so cold.

He reached for his radio.  “Hey who’s there.  I’ve been hit.  I can’t get out of my vehicle and I’ve been unconscious for- well, long enough that I think I’m almost hypothermic.”

He listened to the Joe still semi-confused.  “Joe, I’m not following you.  I know I need an ambulance.  I don’t know about the other driver.”  After a request for location, Chad forced his eyes open again.  “A car just passed.  I think the accident spun me off the road onto a side road or into a field or something.”

The radio dropped from his hands and he didn’t even try to retrieve it.  The cold numbed not only his fingers and nose but his ability to think.  Why was he on this road again?  Where was Willow?  He’d been with Willow hadn’t he?  Carrots?

Sirens woke him fifteen minutes later.  They passed him twice before he managed to find the lights and flash them on their next try.  He tried to stay conscious but the cold, his muddled mind, and the pounding in his head worked havoc with his lucidity.

The firefighters worked for some time trying to pull him from the wreckage.   Once extracted, an ambulance whizzed toward Brunswick with sirens wailing and Chad on board.  A second ambulance made the slow drive back to Brunswick carrying Ben to the morgue.

***

A VW Beetle with a huge Chinese food box on top pulled up to the Solari’s house.  The driver jogged up to the step with two brown bags of food in hand.  Lynne called out to her husband as she answered the door, “Steve, did you order Chinese?”

“Yes, I got hungry.”

“It’s paid for Mrs. Solari.  Have a good night.”

“How’d you know my name,” Lynne demanded warily.

“The credit card receipt.  I assumed.  I’m sorry.”

Lynne carried the bags into the kitchen and dished up plates for both of them.  Handing Steve his she whined, “I thought we were going to the Oaks.”

“Sorry, I’ve got a bunch of calls and I’m starving.  I’ll take you tomorrow.”  He glanced at his plate.  “No fortune cookies?”

“You hate fortune cookies.”

“I’m broadening my horizons.”

With a shrug, Lynne handed him her cookie and retreated to the kitchen for another.  Solari cracked the cookie and read the fortune.  ‘Dangers are averted by wise precautions.’  A satisfied smile crept over his features.

As Lynne returned, he bit into his cookie and made a face.  “I think I’ll try to broaden next time.  This is great mu shu though.”

Chapter 72~

Hair tied in a bandana, arms covered in fine paint spatters, Willow kicked her shoes off at the spare room door, and hurried downstairs.  “Ryder!  Come on in.  My hands are covered in paint-”

“I can’t.  It’s locked and Mr. Tesdall made me give him my key so I can’t be accused of anything else.”

She’d forgotten about the problem with the key.  “Just a minute, I have to wash my hands.”

For three days, she’d prepped the spare room.  Every wall scrubbed, the floors and woodwork carefully taped to prevent splatters, and the light fixtures so seldom ever used, removed and scrubbed.  After all the corners and edges were carefully brushed, she’d started rolling and with only one wall finished, she had to stop to let in Ryder.  Willow wasn’t happy.  Memories of an earlier life when people didn’t interrupt their work tempted her to forge the new richness she enjoyed with friends in her world.

As she dried her hands, Willow unlocked the door.  “I’m sorry.  Chad’s being a bit fanatical about this.”

“He said someone took your baby Jesus?  Why would anyone- Um, Ms. Finley?”

Willow hated the way the boys called her miss or Ms., but Chad had insisted it was best.  “Yes?”

“He’s right there where he always was.”

After several attempts to swallow, Willow passed her phone to Ryder.  “I think I’m going to go paint now.  Please tell Chad that Jesus came back.”

Ryder watched in dismay as Willow’s face became a mask of indifference and she slowly and deliberately climbed the stairs to the second floor.  Chad answered the phone on the first ring.  “Hey you.  I was just thinking about you.”

“I doubt that.”

“Ryder, what are you doing with Willow’s phone?”

“She told me to call you.  Her exact words were, ‘Jesus came back.’”

“Damn,” Chad whispered under his breath.

“Do you guys have cameras hidden in here?”

Suddenly, Chad felt foolish.  Of course, they needed to put cameras in her house.  Of course, they could.  A simple floodlight camera on the barn alone-

“No, but I’m putting one in tonight.”  He glanced at his watch.  “I get off in two hours.  Can you stay?”

“She’ll put me to work doing something I’m sure but Mr. Tesdall?”

“Yeah?”

Ryder faltered.  “She seems weird.  Detached or something.  It kind of freaked me out.”

“Just keep an eye on her.  I’ll get there as quickly as I can.”

When Ryder climbed the stairs to find her, Willow was methodically painting the walls in the spare room.  He watched for a moment and then dug through a box looking for another roller.  “Look in the closet.”

He found another box of supplies in the closet and grabbed a roller.  “Can I take off the door?”

She felt foolish.  Mother always removed a door when they painted.  How had she forgotten that?  “Please.  Thanks Ryder.”

Once they finished the walls, Willow sent Ryder to the barn sink to clean the paint.  She cleared the floor of everything extraneous and shed her extra clothes racing to her room for her robe.  Seconds later, she let the hot water beat away the stress from her mind and body.

“Lord, I don’t understand.  The money made sense.  Saige would have made sense if she hadn’t been strung up like that.  Barking dogs are a nuisance so I get that.  But the chickens.  Why let out the chickens into the cold?  Why nail the door shut so they can’t get in?  What is the purpose of torturing chickens?  I want my old life back.”  Her prayers grew more desperate.  “I think I’d take it even if it was without Chad,” she whispered miserably.

Her mind still on the animals and how cold they’d been, Willow peeked her head out the door.  “Ryder, can you check on the animals?  I had them all in stalls in the barn.  If anything looks wrong, get back in the house.”

Grumbling and sick of being told what to do by paranoid adults, Ryder opened the door.  “Got it Ms. Finley.”

***

They’d spent the evening in silence.  Chad anticipated Willow’s mood and brought pizza on his way ‘home’ from work.  His duffel bag sat in Kari’s room again and Judith had agreed to spend her nights out there when she wasn’t on duty. 

Willow tossed aside one of the dresses she was making for Aggie’s girls impatiently.  “I’m sick of working on these.  I never want to make another dress like this again.”

“Work on fixing your dress then.  Play a game with me.”

“Nah, you’re reading.  I’ll get the brown dress.  Can you help me with it for a minute?”

She jogged upstairs turned her brown dress inside out, hooked a safety pin with a ribbon attached to the zipper, and pulled it up as she dashed back downstairs.  She quickly threaded a needle with orange thread and stood in front of the hall tree mirror, running stitches in and out of the fabric, moving her arms occasionally to ensure the fit was good.

Occasionally, Chad looked up as he turned a page and watched her strange contortions as she worked to create a perfect fit.  Finally, she seemed satisfied with the front and sides.  “Chad can you pin the back for me?”

“I don’t know what I’m doing-’

“I’ll tell you.  Just pin where I point.”

Half a dozen pokes later, Chad had the back bunched in approximately the right places.  “There.  How did you manage to put a dress on inside out?”

Twisting and turning to see if it fit smoothly, Willow grinned.  “Old trick Mother taught me.  Ribbon on the zipper.”

She hurried back upstairs and wriggled out of the dress.  While she pulled on her clothes, she shivered.  The temperature was dropping fast and hit showed upstairs.  She loaded the stove and lit the match.  Chad didn’t need to spend his night shivering because she was too freaked out not to keep the house warm.

Downstairs, she settled into the couch and stitching the dress with small even stitches.  The tops of darts were adjusted to be even and the bottoms were tapered more gently to prevent the puckering she’d created.  Across the back, she smiled as she evened the fullness of each dart and straightened them.  Chad had managed to twist the fabric into strange looking bunches but it worked.

“Willow?”

“Hmm?” 

He loved seeing her so engrossed in something she enjoyed.  “Have you started editing these already?”

“Not yet.  I haven’t had time with working on the room and everything.”

He frowned and flipped through the papers.  “Do you mind if I number the pages?”

“Sure.  Go ahead.”

She continued stitching thinking about several things Cheri had mentioned during their marathon-shopping trip.

“Chad?”

“You said we’d announce our engagement after Luke’s wedding?”

Chad numbered pages as he flipped through the journal copies.  “Yep.  If I can keep my mouth shut that long,” he murmured not realizing he was talking aloud.

“What?”

He realized he couldn’t concentrate on where he was in his counting and talk to her too, so Chad stuck a finger in his place and looked up expectantly.  “Huh?”

“You said something about keeping your mouth shut that long.”

“Oh, well- I’m not big on secrets.  I’d rather just announce it and move on with things.”

“What things?  What does it mean once we announce it?”  Willow was finding that reading about people doing things and living it were two very different things.

“Well, I don’t know.  Planning and stuff.”

Stuff.  That answered all her questions.  “So like in the movie we watched at your mom’s house, Jack said that Peter would have announced the engagement in the Tribune.  A newspaper I assume.  Is that what you mean?”

“Well,” Chad wondered if he’d ever quit assuming she understood a culture she’d never lived.  “It’s more like I’ll tell my family and they’ll tell the church… it gets around that way.  I’ll tell the guys at the station; you’ll tell Lee and Lily- and of course that means the whole town will know.”

“I see.  I can handle that.”  A sense of relief washed over her.  Announcement had become a bugaboo in her mind.

“Anyone else we forget we’ll remember when we send out the invitations.”

Her voice sounded small- even to herself. “Invitations?”

“To the wedding.”

“Wedding?”

With an indulgent smile, Chad sat the papers down in his chair and moved closer to her.  “Yeah.  Wedding.  You know, big white poofy dresses, cake so rich it makes your throat tingle, and relatives you forgot you had?”  The moment he said it, Chad felt like a heel.  “Aww, Willow I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to be sorry.  I’ve probably got more of those than most people!  Wedding.  I don’t know much about those.”

“Well, Aggie’s should give you ideas.”

She smiled.  “At least I have a white dress.”

“Oh no!  No way.  My mother has been counting the minutes until one of us gave her a chance to go dress shopping with a bride.  I hear she even tried to find a way to get in on Aggie’s.  You’re going to have to buy a dress that makes your ball dress look like a housecoat.”

“Do you mean,” she began nervously.  “The whole bridesmaids and reception and ‘you may kiss the bride’ with veil and everything wedding?  Like in books?”

“Of course.  My family would kill me if-”

“I just assumed only rich people-”

His laughter startled her.  “Well aside from the fact that you are ‘rich people’ Willow Anne Finley, the other fact is, most people have a wedding.  Attendants and guests and cake and food and a regular party after the ceremony.”  He paused.  “Do you know where you want to have a wedding?”

“Here.”

With a knowing smile, Chad nodded.  “Now how did I guess that?”

“The party first.”

“What?”

She glanced up at him.  “It is going to be a difficult day for me- that sounded bad.”  Her eyes pleaded with him to understand.  “I just- without Mother- I’ll celebrate first but I want everyone out of here after we do the vow thing.”

Chad didn’t know what to think.  He’d never heard of having a ‘reception’ for a couple before they were married.  “What about the whole, ‘you can’t see the bride before the wedding’ thing?”

“I think a groom has the right to see his bride before everyone else.  It is his bride after all.”

It wasn’t the time to discuss this.  “I think you should plan after Aggie’s wedding.  That way you can see what you liked and what you didn’t like.”

Willow went back to stitching and measuring.  Chad leaned over, grabbed the stack of journal pages, and went back to counting them.  At the same place he noticed before, a page was missing.  “Got a piece of paper?”

“What?”

“Michelle missed one.”

Willow stood and retrieved a pen and paper.  “Here.”

After half an hour of counting, Chad found too many missing pages for it to be accidental.  He knew telling Willow would just make things worse but he didn’t want to hide it from her either.  “I think I’ll ask Michelle what’s up with her machine.  There’s an awful lot of pages missing.  She needs to be more careful.”

“Do you have a list of them?”

“Yeah.  I’ll take it in tomorrow.” 

With a sigh, Willow stood and folded up her dress.  “I’m going to bed.  I put flannel sheets on your bed.  See you in the morning.  What time do you work?”

“Two.  I’ll take care of the animals.”

He watched her climb the stairs and listened to the familiar sounds of her nighttime rituals.  Soon silence covered the house.  Chad counted pages.  As he entered the fourth journal Chad decided he’d found all of the missing pages.  He put out the light, climbed the stairs, and pretended to go to bed.

He waited.  His hand smoothed over the globe of the floodlight as he watched out the window hidden by the curtains from view below.  All they had in the station was the stupid floodlight camera.  He’d ordered a denim jacket with camera in the pocket to hang by the back door and Judith was researching other options for the non-electrical house.  They’d all been tempted to turn on the electricity and just plan not to use it but Joe was certain something would give it away. 

An hour passed.  Two.  He needed sleep.  His watch read midnight.  The house had been dark long enough.  Chad crept downstairs, eased the back door open, and shut it carefully.  He hurried into the summer kitchen and grabbed the step ladder, brought it outside, and switched out the bulb hiding the old one in the cabinet over the fridge in the summer kitchen.  Now if it only worked.

Chapter 71~

 

“Ok, this is my favorite store.  I got my senior prom dress here.”  Cheri’s excitement bubbled as she dragged Willow into another store.  Their arms were laden with bags from their mall whirlwind. 

“Well, whatever we do, we need to find protein after this one.  Between the coffee and the cinnamon roll, my body is screaming for real food.”

With a sharp glance, Cheri said, “Do you need to eat now?  I didn’t mean-”

Willow laughed and shook her head.  “What I need most is to get rid of all these bags.”

Cheri grabbed all of the bags from Willow’s hands and arms and loaded herself with them.  “You go through and see what you think you like.  I’ll take these to the car.”

“Why did we buy so much stuff again?”

“You had the gift cards!  What were you going to do, let them go to waste?”

The perky tone and bright-eyed look Cheri gave her kept Willow smiling as she wandered through the store examining dresses.  Some were instant rejects.  Anything not floor length, Cheri pronounced inappropriate.  Willow, in spite of Cheri’s constant admonitions that ‘Chad would love that’ skipped all strapless and backless gowns saying, “I’d feel like I had to stand in a corner with Chad shielding me.”

Cheri’s retort, “Like I said, Chad would love that,” made no sense to her whatsoever.

By the time Cheri returned, Willow had three options she considered potentials.  “I like the pink there, that midnight blue, and I wish that tangerine wasn’t so- um- tangerine.”

“Try it anyway.  I saw this white and that olive on the way in.”

Shaking her head, Willow rejected the white.  “I’m stuck wearing one of those come spring, I don’t want two.”

“You so don’t deserve my brother,” Cheri teased as she ushered Willow into the dressing rooms.

“There I agree with you.  I’ll be out in a minute.  Which one first?”

Cheri showed Willow the doorway where the store had a short runway for shoppers to show off the clothes they tried on.  It was great advertising for the passers by and made the shopping experience fun for the younger crowd.  “I’ll be waiting out there.”

The second Willow disappeared behind the swinging doors to the rooms Cheri dialed Chad’s number.  “I think I’ve found the place.  She’s got six dresses in there.  I’ll be sending pictures as she comes out on the runway.”

“You didn’t take her to that place-”

“I did too.  Now be ready. I want to know which one you like.  Hey, where are you?  That sounds awfully busy for Fairbury.”

“Had to come into the city for something.”  Chad didn’t tell her he was in the same mall and had just turned the corner in time to avoid her seeing him walk by the store window.

“Why don’t you meet us at the mall for lunch?”

“Call me when you’re done and if I can make it over to you-”

Cheri whispered quickly, “Here she comes, gotta go.”

Willow stepped out on the walkway tentatively.  “I don’t like how this, um, squeezes things.”

“You’d have to have the next size up altered but-”

“The color is awful.  I can just see me in a room decorated in red and pink wearing bright orange!”

With a surreptitious click of her cell phone, Cheri sent Willow back in to try on another gown.  “Might as well scare Chad a bit,” she whispered diabolically to herself as she sent the picture to his phone.

A text message arrived just as Willow stepped out in a red dress Cheri hadn’t seen.  “Where’d you get-”

“It was hanging in there and the lady suggested I try it.  I like it but it’s a bit too glittery-”

That was an understatement.  She looked like an emcee for the Country Music Awards.  The sunburst pattern across her chest, accentuated things that Willow did not need accentuated. “You know, for someone as um, ‘blessed’ as you are, you don’t really look out of proportion really.”

“But I am.  Mother used to say that I looked like God slapped two grapefruits on a tall gangly twelve-year-old.”

“Oh my!”  All her attempts to keep her titters under control failed.  Cheri giggled to herself as she attached the picture to a text message and sent it to Chad’s phone with the words, “Ask W how her mom described her physique.”

Willow arrived wearing the pink dress just as Cheri finished sending.  She quickly switched over to camera and took the picture.  “Chad said something about having to come into town today so I’m going to see if he can meet us for lunch.  By the way, I like that best so far.  It looks great on you.”

“I like the color and the chiffon.  Pink usually isn’t a color I wear often but-”

“You should wear it more then, it’s your color.  That reminds me of a stripped-down My Fair Lady dress.”

“It’s too revealing then?”  Disappointment tinged Willow’s voice slightly.

“Oh no!  Stripped-down means with out all the extra frills.  The dress I’m talking about had a high neck, ruffles here and there-” Cheri demonstrated with hand gestures enough extra embellishments to perfectly ruin the dress Willow wore.

“Well, I think I need the next size up.  I feel squeezed like I’m going to pop!”

Cheri led Willow off the ‘runway’ and stood on the step to give her Chad’s height.  “Definitely double boob problems.  I’ll bring you the next size.”

“Boob?  I look that bad?  Why get the next size if it looks that ridiculous?”

“Who said ridiculous, I love it on you.”

“You just called me a double boob!”

Cheri pointed at Willow’s chest.  “It’s squeezing you so much you’ve got double-deckers.  That’s all.”

As Willow changed, Cheri sent the next picture and opened Chad’s responses. 

“I don’t dance with oranges in drag.”

Followed by,

“Is that Dolly or Willi?”

And finally,

“I’m afraid to ask.”

Giggling, Cheri sent a message back faster than even she knew she could text.  “Didn’t she have a goat Willi?  You’re busted.  Think sticks with fruit.”

Chad’s next message was

“That pink is great.  You would pick pink.”

Willow arrived in the larger pink and the bodice fit perfectly.  However, the skirt hung like a shapeless sack from the chest making her look shapeless and pregnant.

“It looks awful now!”  Cheri wailed.  “I wanted that dress but Chad can’t be assaulted by your breasts all over the dance floor and you’d never breathe through more than one dance anyway.  Try this one,” She insisted handing Willow a sleeveless mock turtleneck stretchy gown.

“If you think it’s the best dress, I’ll make it fit.  I’m done shopping.  I want to eat.”

“Can you alter it that much?”  Cheri was truly amazed.  This was the second time Willow had chosen a dress too large and decided to adjust it for her body.

“Yes.”  Willow left the platform and disappeared behind the curtains.

As Cheri opened her phone to read Chad’s reply, her eyes narrowed.  “Coward,” she proclaimed as his text appeared on the screen.

“Can’t find what I need.  Can’t do lunch.  Have fun.”

***

Exhausted from chasing the two women all over the mall, Ben relaxed in front of the window of the latest store and watched alertly as Willow appeared in gown after gown.  Something big was happening.  He whipped out his disposable phone and dialed Solari’s.  “Ok, check this out.”  Ben sent a picture of Willow in the pink gown to his boss.

“Shopping for formals hmmm.”  Thoughtfully, Solari asked who Willow was with and if the gowns looked bridal or party-ish.

“I’m not thinking bridal.  She’s still with that cop’s sister.”

“Cop… Find out if she’s going to the Policemen’s Ball.”

“Right.”

Ben disconnected and made a few calls.  Once he discovered the location for the ball, he dialed the Fairbury Police Station.  “This is Ben from over at the Mariott.  We don’t have your attendance list and I have to send it off to the calligrapher’s immediately.”

Martinez, always helpful, immediately informed him that Chad Tesdall, Willow Finley, and Judith Crane were attending.  Ben paused. “I assume that’s in addition to Chief Varney and his wife?  We have them down as guests as well.”

“Yes, of course.”

Ben smiled.  It was too easy.  “And Ms. Crane.  Will she be escorted?”

“Hey Judith, you bringin’ anybody to the ball?”

“Not on your life.”

Ben hung up smiling.  The cops should know better.  They really needed to work on their security issues.

“Boss?”

“What!” Solari growled. He hated the way Ben called him ‘boss’ like some insignificant punk.

“Confirm on the ball.  She’s on the guest list as the cop’s date.”

“Get off her tail and get to the house then.  Shake her up just a bit.  Nothing too major.  Just enough to make her doubt that kid’s guilt.”

Solari snapped the phone shut.  He had a police commissioner to call but later.  With a smile that only his wife understood and feared, Solari picked up the office landline and called home.  “You’re going to need a new dress my dear.”

***

 

Chad started that morning dropping Willow off at the bus station and then zipping along the highway to Rockland.  He reached the mall as it opened and made a beeline for the directory.  Ten jewelry stores and at least eight department stores with jewelry counters and all while avoiding his sister and fiancée- it wouldn’t be easy.

He paused for a moment.  Fiancée.  He had a fiancée.  The concept startled him.  He’d always assumed he’d be married- someday.  The safety net encapsulated in that nebulous word ’someday’ had always been comforting.  Someday was now ’soon’.  He’d better get shopping.

Werner’s Jeweler’s was closest.  He hurried inside and glanced through the cases until he found rows of engagement rings.  The salesclerk behind the counter eagerly showed him half a dozen rings finally asking, “What setting do you like best?”

“I don’t know.  They all stand so high- I think she’d destroy it inside of a week.”

“What does she do?”

“Farm,” Chad said examining several closely.  “I just think these’d get in the way-”

“Will she continue to farm though, after you’re married or will she be moving?”

“Oh no,” Chad laughed. “This gal will farm until she drop dead from overwork and there’s nothing any of us can do about it.”

“Well, how about let’s start with your budget.  How much were you planning to spend?”

Chad hemmed and hawed.  He didn’t know.  He hadn’t thought about how much to spend or not he just knew he needed a ring.  “You’re supposed to have a budget?”

“Well, the customary rule of thumb is two to three month’s salary.”

Chad’s eyes bulged unattractively.  “I had no idea-”

“We have several credit options-”

He shook his head.  “I’m not going to give a ring that I haven’t paid for yet.  I’ll buy what I can afford.”

An hour later, he’d seen hundreds if not thousands of rings and nothing was right.  Men and women both tried to steer him toward diamond solitaires set so high they’d rip her finger off as soon as she began working.  While he rejected suggestions, he learned more about stones than he’d ever cared to know.  At one point, he was so eager to avoid Cheri and Willow on his way to the next store, that he missed the man obviously following them.

In Stephen’s Jewelry, an elderly gentleman listened to his needs and nodded wisely.  “I think, son, what you need is a band inset with stones.  Just add a thin wedding band and it’ll look fine.”

Chad blinked twice.  “A band.  I guess-”

“Or, if that just doesn’t feel right, I do have another option- it’s very unconventional perhaps but-”

“Well, at this point, everything is unconventional.  What do you suggest?”

After a few moments in the back room, the jeweler returned smiling.  “Now this is an Irish setting.  They’ve twisted the trinity rings around the heart.  The diamonds are flat around the heart but if you’re not religious-”

“It’s perfect.  Can you get a band like that-” Chad pointed to a twisted band on the tray with diamonds nestled in each valley of the twist.  “That will fit right with this later?”

“I can create one, certainly.”

“Is there anything like that band that wouldn’t look dumb on a man?”

“I can do something appropriate, I’m sure.  Let me get the other tray.”

With the ring in hand and a promise to bring in Willow for appropriate sizing, Chad hurried from the mall and home to mother.  He’d spent all day doing something he hated and hope it hadn’t been a complete failure.  However, the look of utter delight on his mother’s face reassured him that he hadn’t made a foolish choice.

The road to Fairbury seemed particularly long that evening.  He’d tried to get through traffic in time to save Caleb Allen the hassle of going to the farm to feed the animals but forty-five minutes to get to the loop foiled that plan.  He’d get out to her house, hide the truck, and put the ring on the kitchen table.  It’d be a nice surprise after a long day.  He hoped.

His phone snapped him out of his reverie.  “Mr. Tesdall?”

“Caleb?”

“Yeah.  So I’m out here feeding the animals and I thought you said they were all in the barn?”

“Who isn’t in the barn?”  Weariness entered Chad’s voice.  He wasn’t ready to deal with an escaped goat.  Ditto had a tendency to try to kick through her pen.

“There’s no one in the barn and the chickens are all frozen in the yard.  They’re all in their outside pens although the cow and sheep are huddling together which is kind of weird.”

“They’re in their pens?”

“Yeah.  I thought that was weird ’cause when Miss Finley called to ask if I could come, she was putting them in the barn she said.  It kind of echoed at first.”

The hair stood on Chad’s neck.  “Caleb, get out of there.”

“Wh-”

“Now!  Go.  I’m on my way; I’ll take care of the animals.”

Chad checked his speedometer, and gunned it another five miles per hour.  The phone rang sending Toby Keith’s Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue blasting through the cab.  Again.  “Caleb, what?”

“It’s Willow, Chad.”

“What do you need?”  His foot automatically let up on the gas.

“Well I had Cheri drop me off at the station and go back to some thing at college she was hoping to go to but I missed the bus.  I just wondered if you’d left yet.  She said you were in the city-”

“I’m on my way home but I’ll turn around and be right there.  Go in the diner and get you some dinner.”  He paused.  “That sounds weird.  Anyway, I’ll be there soon.”

Willow and Chad didn’t arrive home until after eight o’clock.  The darkness of the windows and the starkness of leafless trees in the moonlight saddened her as Willow fought her way indoors to the cold house.  No tantalizing scents or crackling wood in the stove greeted her.  She’d never get used to coming home to a dark empty house.

“You start some fires; I’ll take care of the animals.”

A note on the table sent Willow calling out the back door, “Caleb says he milked Ditto and put her in.  She was complaining so he did it anyway.”

Chad couldn’t decide whether to be relieved or angry about the goat.  Caleb risked his safety for the comfort of an animal.  Commendable and foolish at the same time.  If Lily found out, she’d probably ban him from the farm and there was no honorable way to keep the information from them.

Willow stared in horror at the huge shopping bags all over her couch and floor.  Why had she been so willing to listen to Cheri’s admonitions to ‘live a little’?  It was beyond ridiculous and into the obscene.  She stuffed the stoves with logs, tempted to add the bags at the same time.

Chad found her staring at the ‘loot’ and shivering.  “What are you doing?”

“Trying to figure out how Cheri talked me into buying this stuff.”

“Well, what’d you get?  Show me.”

Willow pulled the first small bag from the large mall bags and set it on the table.  “Lotion, shower gel, and body spray.  I gather that if the overpowering scent of the lotion and shower gel doesn’t have enough ’sticktoitiveness’ that’s ok. The spray will fix it for you.”

“Nice.”

She eyed him with an expression that told him she wasn’t amused.  The next bag was from The Gap and she pulled a pair of jeans and an impossibly long sweater from it.  “Apparently my jeans are insufficiently fashionable.  I need things that don’t cover my navel and then to compensate, I need a sweater to cover my entire backside.  I suggested getting my navel pierced like the sales girl so that at least I have something to show off with these things but Cheri didn’t seem to like that idea.” 

Chad’s jaw started to droop but the wink Willow threw at him reassured him.  “What else?”

“Well, in this bag you have about six hundred different things to clog your pores and make your face feel like it gained weight overnight.  After two hours at the make up counter I went away with a heavier face and a lighter wallet and looking for a bathroom to scrub it all off in.  Cheri was not impressed.”

“Then why did you buy it?”

Willow shrugged.  “Apparently you cannot attend a ‘function’ like the Policeman’s ball naked.”

“Well I should hope not but what does that have to do with-”

“Apparently,” she interrupted.  “Naked faces aren’t welcome either.  I must needs look like someone painted me in a picture.  Whatever.  It made her happy.”

Were it not for the twinkle in her eye, Chad would have mistaken her good-natured sarcasm for genuine frustration.  ”Now, from the hair place where they scrubbed my ‘virgin hair’ within an inch of its life, cut way more off than I was comfortable with, and left me with hair that is better looking than I’ve ever had-”

“Let’s see.”  Leaning back in the corner of the couch, he waited for her to undo her hair.  He loved it when she shook out her hair and it came to life for those few seconds before she tamed it again.

“That’s another thing I do wrong.  Not only do I use the wrong shampoo- never worry, I have the right stuff here at thirty dollars a bottle- it better last forever, but I also am not supposed to keep it in a braid all the time.  It’s bad for it.”  She paused.  “You know how you always ask why I don’t do this or that to save time and I always ask what I’d do with that time?  I found out today.  I’d spend it protecting my nails, the skin on my hands, avoiding the sun because it’s bad for my face and is going to give me those awful wrinkles Mother had- who knew.  I liked her wrinkles.  Oh, and my hair.  I need to spend it on my hair.”

“Nonsense.”

“Thank you.  Cheri tried to convince me it made perfect sense.”

“I thought she had more,” Chad mused.

“I told her she’d change her mind when she was happy to have water she could use to wash her hair at all when she was on her mission trips.”

“That’ll teach her.”

“So, here’s the final result after an hour in the ’salon’.  What do you think?”  Willow whipped off her hat as she spoke hoping Chad wouldn’t laugh.  Mother had always tried to get her to cut some of the length off her hair but Willow always resisted.  Her hair hung just below her shoulders now but looked silkier and healthier than ever without a brush through.

“I think it’s nice but I miss the scrunched look it had before when you took it out.”

“Messy you mean.”

“Ok, so I like it messy then.” Chad wasn’t about to start arguing now.  “So what else did you get?”

“Costume jewelry which seemed atrociously expensive.”

Chad swallowed hard.  While shopping for her ring all day, for the first time he’d truly understood how she could have no concept of the value of something.  To him, everything was ridiculously priced.  He’d been sickened to hear that he was expected to fork over at least three thousand dollars for a ring!  “Well, any kind of jewelry is expensive.”

“I think Cheri has um, pricy tastes.  Anyway, I have this necklace-” She pulled out an acrylic box with a silver filigree necklace and pink agate pendant nestled in satin at the bottom.  “And these which Cheri promises will make my earlobes go numb and then I won’t notice them anymore.  They drove me crazy in the store.” 

Chad wanted to ask the price of her jewelry.  He was dying to know how costume jewelry compared to regular jewelry but couldn’t bring himself to ask.  “They’re pretty anyway.”

“So, one hundred fifty dollars later, I have a necklace and earrings.  I told her absolutely no on the bracelet though.  Oh, and what is the purpose of an anklet when your dress covers your ankles?  She never did make sense on that one.”

With a curious eye, Chad picked up the necklace box and lifted the lid.  The necklace was beautiful.  He had no idea why it was considered costume.  The price was outrageous- a hundred dollars for some silver and a few rocks?  The earrings were even more outrageously priced for what you got.”

“This, is my dress for Aggie’s wedding.”  With a fourish, she whipped a chocolate satin dress with velveteen buttons and mandarin collar from a Macy’s bag.  “Isn’t it beautiful!” 

The change in Willow was remarkable.  She’d been less than enthusiastic about most of her purchases but the dress brought new life to her.  She glowed talking about how it fit and what she’d have to do.  “Just a minute, I’ll show you!”

He expected her to run upstairs and change in the bathroom but Willow slipped into the library and shut the door. “OOOOH it’s cold in here!”

“Well then hurry!”

“You amaze me with your st-stuning b-b-brilliance!”

Chad fingered the ring box in his pocket.  Should he put it on the table with her other things or leave it and hide as he’d planned.  The indecision frustrated him.  “Just put the box on the table already!” he admonished himself.

Before he could decide, Willow reappeared in the library doorway wearing the dress and hopping up and down as she worked the zipper up the back.  “I hate zippers.”  As she shifted the dress into place, she smiled.  “This is off the rack…”  She turned slowly.  “And this…”  Willow made darts in the dress by pinching the fabric in front under her chest down to her waist.  “Will be how I take it in to make it fit right.”

“So you bought a dress, and from Macy’s it wasn’t cheap, so that you could come home and remake it?”  Chad didn’t understand.

“Oh but this is fun!  I saw a dozen dresses that if I needed, I would have bought and remade.  They left out the details or added too many-” She stopped.  “That’s just the look Cheri gave me.

“Well, the dress is nice.  I think it’s perfect.”

“And look at the neckline!  I don’t need jewelry!  That was a huge plus.”

She pulled a shoebox out next.  “These are called ballet flats and I look adorable in them.  You’ll have to trust me on that though because I’m not stuffing myself in those sausage casings until the actual wedding.”  To emphasize her point, Willow held up a bag.  “Twelve pair of sausage casings.  Just in case I tear eleven of them trying to get them on.”

By now, Chad’s ability to control his laughter was gone.  As she mocked every purchase, he howled.  Together they carried the bags and boxes upstairs and while Willow changed into her warm up suit, Chad hurried back downstairs.  He sat the little box in the middle of the coffee table and hid inside the library.  She was right.  It was cold in there.

Through a crack in the door, he watched as she crossed the room to check the stove and paused.  She scooped up the box, started to return upstairs, and paused- a look of horror on her face.  “Oh no, I should have asked,” he groaned silently to himself.

Slowly, Willow raised the lid to the box confusion stamped on her features.  She pulled the ring from inside the box examining it in the light.  “Chad!  I think I got home with someone else’s ring.  I didn’t-”

One look at Chad’s face as he stepped from his hiding place slowed her speech.  “Wha-”

“Every girl needs an engagement ring.  Even if she can’t wear it for another five weeks.”

“Should I be concerned that you know exactly how long it is until that wedding?”

Chad hushed her insisting she try it on.  “Does it fit?”

The ring slipped easily onto her finger.  She shook her hand and then shrugged her shoulders.  “It doesn’t fall off but it kind of slips around a lot.”

“Well, they’ll know how to size it.  We can take it in sometime and have it fixed.”

Willow sank onto the couch and stared at the ring.  “I’m engaged,” she whispered in awe.  “I never really expected-”

Chad joined her and watched amused as she played with it in the light.  “Is it alright?  I mean, he said we could exchange it- there were two or three others that I liked too but-”

“It’s beautiful.  Thank you.  I’m sorry; I didn’t say thank you did I?”  She blushed, mortified.  “I can’t believe this-” Her sentence ended abruptly as she noticed something across the room.

“Chad?”

“Hmm?”  His eyes were still preoccupied with the sight of his ring on Willow’s finger.

“Where is Jesus?”

Chapter 70~

Willow placed her tea set on the hutch.  As she centered the teapot, filling it with what cash she had on hand, and arranged the cups across the shelf, she remembered Libby’s words, “I bought the tea set and something else because I wasn’t sure which was better.  Chad originally suggested the other thing and then called me last night and told me you needed a new one.”

The thoughtfulness of the gift struck a chord.  “And then I was so ugly when she spoke to me about Chad.  I should call-” Chad’s words pierced her thoughts.  “Cheri mentioned if you did decide to marry, we shouldn’t announce anything until after Luke’s wedding next month.”

“I guess call but not share.  Maybe I’ll write a note.”

She stood back to admire her tea set.  It looked perfect.  Different from the delicate cups her mother had owned, this tea set was solid and suited both her tastes and the room where it lived.  Chad’s new mug sat on the next shelf looking left out- just as she’d imagine he’d feel at a tea party.

In the living room, Willow picked up the movie still not knowing what good it did to have a movie that she couldn’t watch.  North & South.  She’d expected something about the War Between the States but discovered a story about England’s mill towns.  She hoped to watch it soon.  Maybe Chad would bring his new computer to her house.  He said it played movies just like Alexa’s player.

“Where do I store a movie?  Does it go in the library, my room, Mother’s-”

That was a thought she hadn’t imagined.  Mother’s room.  It should be Chad’s.  It was closer to the stove than the spare room and therefore warmer.  She’d planned for years what she’d do with the spare room if they ever had time.  Now that Chad wanted her inside as much as possible until they caught whoever broke into her house, Willow had time to work on it.

She whipped out her phone and called Chad.  “What time do you work again?  I can’t remember.”

“I’m working now silly.”

“Oh.”

The disappointment in her voice was keen.  “What did you need?”

She thought fast.  “When is your lunch?”

“Two.”

“If I walk into town and get a few things, can you take me home at two?

Chad didn’t like it.  With everything going on, the idea of her walking to town made him sick but he also knew that trying to restrain her too much would frustrate both of them.  “Can you do something for me?”

“Sure, what?”

“Dial my number before you leave so that you can hit send immediately if anything goes wrong.”

Again, she’d forgotten.  “Sorry.  I forgot.  I wanted paint to work on the spare room while I’m on ‘house arrest’ so I didn’t go crazy being shut up and then the first thing I do is ask you to help me leave.”

“Well, I have a feeling you were asking me to take you but then you found out I was working-”

“Ok, smartie.  Will you help me or not?”

“Call me at two.”

She squealed and snapped the phone shut.  Seconds later, it rang.  “What!”

“I just thought you should know; I miss you.”

“Sap.”

Smiling to herself, she shut the phone.  He’d been amusing for the past twenty-four hours.  His hesitance and reserve had given way to the old Chad- affectionate, teasing, and the big brother she’d never had.  In addition, however, he occasionally made obvious and deliberate attempts at flirting, which she found delightfully terrifying.

What had she been doing before her mind went off on the spare room topic?  She glanced around and then saw the movie on the coffee table again.  “North & South…  The library I guess.  I hope Marianne knows what she’s talking about.”

She set the movie on the shelf with Austen, Bronte, and Dickens hoping it fit in their company and shut the library door behind her.  With her new game under her arm, Willow raced upstairs making a mental note to have Chad try to teach her the rules again.  She’d spent two hours with Chris New Year’s afternoon trying to understand the strategy of Othello and failed.  Remembering the pasted patient smile on Chris’ face, Willow was certain that he’d never buy her another game.

Cheri had filled a tiny bag with all kinds of gift cards.  She had one for Starbucks, Bath & Body Works, The Salon, Jamba Juice, IMAX, Cinnabun, Gap, and half a dozen others.  “We’ll take a day soon and go shopping!” Cheri had insisted and then whispered, “Even if I have to skip class.”

Christopher’s gift still warmed her heart.  When she’d pulled the battered old journal from the box, Willow knew she’d cry.  Christopher had explained that he’d ordered a scanned copy of his father’s journals from his time in WWII but it hadn’t arrived.  “I wanted to be able to give you this but it’s not mine to give so I’m giving you the next best thing the second it arrives.  Meanwhile, dad said to take this home for now.” She smoothed the cover carefully.  She’d tried to leave it behind but Marianne had dashed out to the car with it as they pulled out of the driveway.

“I should take it to Chad,” she murmured to herself.  “What if it isn’t safe here?”

That thought sent a terrifying whirl of mental images through her mind.  Her mother’s journals.  They weren’t safe either.  She could lose everything and recuperate but the idea of losing her mother’s journals sickened her.  She’d have to take those to Chad as well.  She’d miss them but-

A new thought crossed her mind.  The woman who had made the copies- Michelle something, she could make copies of all of them for her until they caught whoever had stolen her money.  With the new locks, another break-in was unlikely but she didn’t want to risk it and Chuck’s gift would be the perfect means of transportation.

The room had erupted in gasps of surprise over Chuck’s gift.  After a slew of prepackaged gifts from the cellophane capital of Wal-Mart featuring no less than a popcorn tin for Chris and a five by five inch cutting board with cheese and cheese slicer for Christopher, Willow’s oversized backpack complete with wheels and handle for sidewalks was a complete surprise.  Chad had rightfully guessed that Cheri helped him choose it.  Vanilla scented bubble bath basket for Marianne, and a sampler basket of twenty tiny bottles of truly hideously scented perfumes for Cheri were equally unique, special, and obviously chosen with great care which prompted a hint fest for her birthday starting immediately.  Chad’s was the piece de resistance boasting four mini ceramic ‘beer steins’ each holding a flavor of hot chocolate that no human would ever voluntarily drink.  Apple cider was never intended to flavor chocolate.

By ten-thirty, she and a very heavy backpack were trekking along the highway.  The air was brisk but with her warm boots, gloves, and hat, she managed to stay warm.  A sports car zoomed up next to her causing Willow to open her phone inside her pocket.

“Hey lady, want a ride?  It’s cold out here.”

“No thanks.”

“Aw, come on, I can drop you off in Fairbury.”

“Please leave,” Willow insisted in measured tones.

“But-”

Willow pulled out her phone.  “My friend is on the Fairbury police and expects a call from me if anyone bothers me.  Go away before I feel obligated to hit the send button.  Once I do, he’s on his way.”

“Sorry!  Just trying to be nice.”  The window whizzed upwards and the sports car zoomed down the road.

Phone back in her pocket, Willow continued on her way to town wondering if she should mention the man to Chad.  He’d worry and it wasn’t the man’s fault that some idiot broke into her house.  Then again, keeping things from Chad felt icky.  She’d tell it pointing out that she’d been ready to dial and reminding him to be proud.

She reached the Police station by eleven and Joe was happy to store her backpack for Chad before hurrying along to the decorating center of the hardware store just off Market Street.  Once inside, Willow wasn’t sure she’d ever want to leave.  The choices were overwhelming

“Oh Mother, how could you?” she whispered to herself when she saw the rainbow of paint options.

“I’m sorry, what did you say?”

Willow whirled to find a middle-aged woman in a smart pantsuit and chunky jewelry standing behind her ready to help.  “Oh, I’m sorry.  I was talking to myself I guess.  I never realized how many colors-”

“Are you planning a paint project?”  The woman’s tone sounded surprised.

“I’m going to try.  It’s a little out of paint season but I think I can make it work.”

“Perhaps you’d like to try this brand,” the woman suggested leading Willow to a section of the paint wall. “There are no fumes to worry about in a closed up house-”

Already, Willow was lost in a sea of paint.  She compared greens with blues, yellows with tans, and every shade of pink and rose imaginable.  It took a full hour of indecision before she finally chose the perfect semi-light blue and mocha.  Ideas spun wildly through her mind.

She purchased the paints that she needed, two new roller pads, and three rolls of paint tape.  “May I leave these here until Chad can come get them?  I don’t want to carry everything around town.”

“Well, sure.  When is-”

“Chad.  Officer Tesdall-”

The woman beamed.  “You must be that Willow Finley!  I’m excited to meet you.  The article in the Rockland Chronicle really-”

“Yes.  Thank you.  I’ll see you later.  Thanks again.”

She felt rude but the questions were more than Willow was prepared to handle.  After wandering up and down the street, Willow found The Mail Box and entered smiling at the woman behind the counter.  “Are you Ms. Ferguson?”

“Yes,” the woman replied tentatively.  Few people in Fairbury knew much less used her last name.

“I’m Willow Finley.  You made copies of two of my mother’s journals for me?”

“Oh yes!  Did you get my letter?”

As Willow explained her errand, Michelle listened eagerly.  “Have you considered my suggestion regarding publication?”

“Well, I thought I’d pull the pages that I wouldn’t share and then look at the “finished product” and see how I felt about it.  I know that those I’ve shared them with have enjoyed them but I don’t know how I feel about sharing them with strangers.”

“Well,” Michelle encouraged, “I know that this stranger has started reading her Bible again after meeting Kari Finley through her journals.  I’m becoming acquainted with a God that I didn’t know existed.”

Willow glanced at the clock and her eyes widened.  “Oh my!  It’s already twelve-thirty?  No wonder I’m starving.  I’ll have Chad drop those off.  Thank you.”

***

Chad clicked his phone shut.  She’d be in town later so it was now or never.  He pulled into the square and jogged across the street to Joe.  “Care to trade?”

“You want the beat?”  This was a first.  Chad hated the beat.

“I feel antsy in that car.  I need to walk.  I’ll take it.”  Chad waited trying not to look too hopeful.  “That was true anyway.  Just say yes, I can’t think on my feet when my stomach is in knots.”

Joe shrugged and held his hand out for the keys.  “All yours.  I’ve got some office paperwork I need to do.”

Once Joe drove away, Chad started toward Prissy’s Hardware.  He worked hard to keep a casual air of indifference as he glanced in the windows on the way, pausing now and then.  This was Fairbury.  If anyone suspected he was even considering looking in a jewelry store window it’d be all over town by morning that Chad Tesdall was proposing.  Like most small town rumors, there’d be enough truth to make the tale supportable and enough inaccuracy to make it irritating.

His first pass barely showed him where the rings were in the window.  He directed a woman to the Bed and Breakfast, sent a late student back to school, and issued a parking ticket before he could make another pass by the jewelry store.  This wouldn’t work.  There was no way he could possibly be able to look carefully at anything but Willow deserved a ring- even if she couldn’t wear it for over a month.

Maybe Cheri could advise him.  Did he want to deal with his little sister’s constant teasing?  Was it worth it?  “Oh it’s ridiculous.  Who cares anyway!”

“What did you say officer Tesdall?”

He slowly raised his head and sighed.  “Just talking to myself Earlene.  I was going to come see you at lunch but I’ve gotta run Willow back home.  I guess she’s coming into town to do some shopping.”

“I saw her going into Michelle’s a minute ago.  You catch who broke into her house?”

“Not yet.”

“I bet it’s that Hudson boy.  He’s bad news.  She shouldn’t have let him come back after that stunt he pulled.”

Chad knew it would do no good to argue.  The town considered Willow the ultimate victim and Ryder the hoodlum who betrayed them and no amount of logic would change that opinion until they caught the true culprit.  “We’ll catch the jerk and he’ll wish he hadn’t messed with us- her.”

His phone rang and Chad waved at Earlene as he answered it.  “What’s up Joe?”

“We’ve got to bring in Ryder Hobson.  I just spoke to a neighbor- He was home all weekend.  He didn’t go out of town.  I confirmed it with his mother.”

“I’m coming in, Chad insisted.  I don’t think he did it.”

An awkward silence hovered over the airwaves before Joe’s apologetic voice broke through.  “I’m sorry.  The chief says no.  Conflict of interest.”

“What!”

“I’ve got more bad news.”

Certain that nothing could be as bad as this, Chad quipped, “Just try to beat that one.”

“You drew short straw with Judith.  You guys are going to the ball.”

“Together!”

Joe’s chuckle rankled.  “I don’t think so.  I heard her muttering something about refusing to go with a boy still wet behind the ears and almost young enough to be her son.”

***

Willow took the news hard.  “I know he didn’t do it Chad.”

“I know.  I agree.”

“So how do we prove it?”

“No, no, no.  There’s no ‘we’ here.  You forget that the real culprit is still out there and is going to feel incredibly confident when the word gets out that they’re holding Ryder for questioning.”

With a sigh that seemed to fill the cab of Chad’s pick up, Willow agreed to stick to the house as originally planned.  “I’m only doing it because I bought the paint,” she insisted gesturing toward her makeshift armrests.

“How about shopping.  Aren’t you and Cheri supposed to do some shopping soon?”

“Yes.  I think we should go before her classes start.  I don’t want her missing classes because of me.”  The idea that anyone would voluntarily skip classes they’d paid for made no sense whatsoever to her.

“How about buying a formal dress while you’re at it?”

She grinned.  “I thought you said no one was supposed to know until-”

“I wasn’t talking about a wedding dress but yeah, you should keep an eye out for those things too.”

“I thought maybe my white one I made last year-”

Appalled, Chad spoke a little more sharply than he intended.  “No!”

“Sorry.  I like it.”  Her tone hinted that she was a little miffed.

“Oh, I didn’t mean it like that.  I just meant you should have a regular dress.  Mother is going to have so much fun with this.  She’s been dreaming of Cheri’s wedding for years and maybe this’ll help stave off the matchmaking that occasionally ruins her good sense.”

“Are you afraid she’ll encourage something with Cheri and Chuck.”

Shaking his head, Chad admitted ruefully, “No, I’m afraid Cheri doesn’t need help with that one.  But we’re off topic.  We drew straws for the Policeman’s Ball today.  Judith and I got the short straws.  I was hoping you’d come with me.”

“Just what is the Policeman’s Ball?”

“The Chief’s way of ensuring that Fairbury is the laughing stock of the greater Rockland area.”

Confused, Willow wrinkled her brow and cast a sidewise glance at Chad.  “Um, you lost me.”

“He wants as many of us to be there as he spare to ‘represent Fairbury.’”

“What’s wrong with that?”

The look of pained disgust on Chad’s face would have been comical had it not been so genuinely miserable.  “We look desperate for ’something to do’.  The percentage of our force that shows is about fifty percent.  Other stations in the area probably send ten to twenty.  Maximum.”

“So if it’s so horrible, why do you want to make me go too?”

He backpedaled quickly.  “Well, I thought since I had to go, I might as well have fun.  I don’t have to take someone necessarily but I thought you’d enjoy it and I know I’d have a lot more fun if you were there.”  He prayed his words didn’t sound as desperate and groveling to her as they did to him.

As she pondered the choice between agreeing, refusing, or making him sweat before agreeing, Willow handed Chad her key to the mailbox and asked him to check it for her.  He returned with a few letters and a seed catalog.  She accepted them silently and then giggled as he glared at her waiting for an answer.  “Oh all right.  I’ll go.  What do I buy?”

“Have Cheri show you.  She knows that stuff better than me.  It’s formal.  I have to wear a tux or a dress uniform which Fairbury doesn’t have.  That means tux.  And a fitting.  Great.”

“When is it?”

“What?”

Willow’s laughter rang out in the muffled silence around her house as she pulled the paint cans from the cab.  “The ball silly.  When is the ball?”

“February fifteenth.”

“Isn’t that the day before Luke’s wedding?”  Willow thought she’d found an out for him.

“Yes,” he groaned.  “What a night that’s going to be.”

“Well you can’t do it.  You have that rehearsal thing that Libby was telling me about.”

Chad shook his head.  “You don’t understand.  This is mandatory.  We’re being paid for it.  Civic pride and all that jazz.  Have to put on a good face as advertisement for the community.”

“But the rehearsal!”

“I’ll have to miss it,” he insisted miserably.  “But I just realized, I can order my tux with the one for Luke’s wedding and save a fitting and some money.”

“Will blessings never cease,” Willow quipped dryly.

Chapter 69~

“They’re here!”  Cheri’s called through the house as she raced to the car.  “I’m so glad you came!  Here, let me take some of those!”  To her brother, she sent an irritated look.  “You need a real car bro!  She shouldn’t have to ride all the way out here smothered in packages!”

“Actually, they kept the hot air off of my face.  I get so sick with that.”

“I didn’t know that.  Why didn’t you say something?”

“Well, she began, “My mother taught me it was rude to complain.”

Cheri carried the packages as she led the way into the house.  Chad waited until she’d disappeared through the doorway and leaned down to whisper, “Another reason to get married.  It’s not complaining when you’re sharing a preference with a husband.”

“That’s just semantics and you know it.  One day it’s ’sharing’ and the next it’s nagging.  I’ve read too many books with harpies for wives.  No thanks.”

“Hey, come on in you two!  It’s freezing out here.”

Chad and Willow stared at each other before dissolving into laughter.  Kissing Marianne’s cheek as she passed by under the mistletoe, Willow said, “Thanks for having me Midge.”

“Midge?”

Chad followed kissing his mother’s cheek and glancing around the room as he did.  Perhaps strategic placement of mistletoe would help melt the fearful icicles around her heart.  “While You Were Sleeping.  You’ve been watching it again.”

Once she shut the door behind her, Marianne hugged her son. “Merry Christmas.”

“Happy New Year mom.  Oh and,” he leaned closer whispering, “I talked to Willow about dad’s suggestion on marriage.  Maybe you or Aunt Libby-”

“Not interested?”

“More like terrified.”

“I’ll hand her over to Libby then.  She’s better with firm and compassionate.  I seem limited to one or the other.”

The sound of laughter from the living room send Chad and his mother looking to see what was so amusing.  Willow sat blushing on the couch and Christopher looked smug. “Got her.  She was watching doorways but missed the ceiling fan.”

“Good one dad!”

“I think Willow looks exhausted.”

“It’s been a long week,” she admitted blushing further.

Christopher’s eyes shot to Chad’s face while Cheri bustled Willow the stairs and into the guest room.  “Chad?”

He shook his head holding up one finger until Willow reappeared to brush her teeth and then finally closed the bedroom door behind her.  “There was the thing with the dog, the thing with the money, and she’s still upset about the idea of marriage.”

Marianne joined them with a tray of hot chocolate and cookies.  “So you asked her, told her, got an opinion, what?”

“I told her what dad said about playing house-”

“I was a little harsh, I admit.”

Shaking his head, Chad continued.  “No dad, you were right.  I was really mad that day.  See, part of it is that you don’t know how things are and it was just too easy to rest on that fact instead of seriously consider your concerns.”  He swallowed.  “I had myself convinced until I realized that I left my deodorant at her house and decided to leave it there for when I needed it.”

“With all the work you do there, that makes sense though, Chad!”  Christopher didn’t understand his son’s logic.

“But I felt perfectly comfortable just doing it without a second thought.  I didn’t have a reason in mind outside the fact that I’m there.  A lot.  And I’ve been there every night this week.”

“I’d hope so.”  Marianne didn’t want to ask the question but someone had to be willing to ask the difficult things.  “You were in separate rooms…”

“Yes mom.”

Snuggled together on one corner of the couch, Chad saw a picture of him and Willow twenty years in the future with the possible exception of Willow’s size.  He couldn’t imagine a chubby Willow.  Finally, Marianne’s voice broke the awkward silence that had begun to grow.  “You really aren’t in love with her, are you?”

“No, mom.  I’m not.”

“Why not!  She’s a beautiful, intelligent, very well shaped woman!  She has everything going for her, you enjoy her company-”

“And he spent the first several months of his time with her resenting her,” Christopher added.  “I think he’s just letting himself see her as a friend and still holding her aloof for whatever reason.”

Chad hadn’t admitted it to anyone let alone himself but his father was correct.  “It’s the end of my dream.  It’s selfish and despicable but it’s true.”

“What dream Chaddie?”  Marianne couldn’t stand to hear the pain in her son’s voice.

He felt like a heel.  It sounded selfish and immature but as much as he’d embraced the changes in his future, they also represented the death of his childhood dreams.  “Ever since I can remember I wanted to be a cop on the streets of Rockland.  I wanted to be one of those guys busting gangs in the inner city or negotiating hostage situations.”  His head dropped into his hands.  “As much as I want a life in Fairbury and with Willow, that life means there’s no chance for the life I’ve worked toward for so long.”

Marianne started to rise and go to her son but Christopher jerked her back to her seat.  “In other words Chad, you won’t let yourself fall in love with the perfect woman for you because you are throwing a tantrum over what you can’t have.  You can have it all except something that strokes your pride but that’s not enough.  You want the house in the country with the fishing stream, the gorgeous wife, and the respect of your community, oh, and a high profile job in the city.  All at once.”

“I know.  I said it’s despicable.”

“It is.  It’s understandable,” Christopher conceded, “But it’s selfish.”

His fists clenched tightly as he struggled.  In a feminine burst of intuition, Marianne stood, shoved her husband’s restraining hands away, and sank to the floor at Chad’s feet.  “That’s not it Chaddie.  It’s a lie.  You’re lying to yourself out of some misplaced self-preservation.”

“But-”

She grasped her son’s face in her hands and held it gazing into his eyes.  “It’s a risk to open your heart.  You’re right.  She may never reciprocate your affection.  You happened to choose a girl who has reason to both be leery of men and not see any benefits to marriage.  Love is a risk as well as an action.  It’s rolling the dice on the craps tables over and over and over until you finally get the right numbers even if it bankrupts you in the process.”

“Marianne!”

“Crass analogy but it’s the best I can do.  Shut up.”  She waved her hand dismissively at her husband who chuckled behind his hand.  Marianne’s occasional feistiness always tickled him.

“It’s not that.  I’ve always wanted a family and Willow is-”

His mother clamped a hand over his mouth and shook her head.  “You can lie to yourself all you want but you’re not going to lie to me.  You’re afraid of love for some reason and I’m not letting you up out of that chair until you admit it.”

He fought it.  Repeatedly he started to argue and then ground his teeth forcing himself to keep quiet.  His mother would surely give up if he just refused to talk.  Her ideas were ludicrous and ridiculous.   Why would he be afraid of love- and besides, he did love Willow and had already admitted it.

Arguing with himself, he finally realized that it was no good.  They’d seen in him something he’d never been willing to acknowledge.  It frightened him to think he was so vulnerable.  “I can’t-” he whispered.

“Just face it Chaddie.  You’re letting some fear paralyze you and it’s going to hurt both of you in the long run.

“Mom- I can’t stand the idea of being in love with someone who doesn’t love me,” he admitted in a rush of words.

“Well it’s not a problem.  Even if Willow never falls madly in love with you, and frankly, I think if you actually tried to win her affections she would, she does love you.  It’s evident from a million sides.  She looks to you for leadership when she doesn’t know what to do; she tries so hard to please you and does it all without losing her own identity.”

“Maybe you should marry her.”

“I would if she was the right gender and I wasn’t already stuck with that old lug!”

“And don’t you forget it Mari.”  Christopher leaned forward, his forearms resting on his knees and his ands clenched.  Chad recognized the ‘this is the only time you’ll hear this from me’ stance.  “Son, you haven’t even given either one of you a chance to fall in love.  You’ll have to try.  You’ll have to show her marked attention, all the way from her appearance to overt flirting.  You should be very good at that.”

“Why?”

“Because you come from two very sappy parents who would love to give you a demonstration of how it’s done if you think it’ll help.”

“No thanks Dad,” Chad insisted.  “I think I get the gist.”

Marianne and Christopher cleared the coffee table of their chocolate mugs and tray and said goodnight to Chad.  “Pray son,” Christopher admonished.  “Pray that you will know not only what the Lord’s will is, but how to act on it.”

Chad did.  He prayed.  For an hour, he poured out his fears, his hopes, and laid them at the Lord’s feet.  He sat with his hands over his head as though protecting himself from a verdict he didn’t want to hear as he meditated on every scripture he could bring to mind.

Cheri saw him from the stairs after she realized he hadn’t gone to bed and crept down beside him.  “When I was in the pit that summer, I thought I would die.  I prayed I would die.  I begged the Lord to release me every day and every day, the Lord said no.”

“How did you know it was no?  Were you hearing voices at that point?”

She stroked his buzzed head and delighted in the familiar prickly feel.  He’d worn his hair buzzed since the day he got his driver’s license.  “I knew it was no when I woke up in the same situation the next morning.”

“Why didn’t you quit praying for it?  Why put yourself through that torture?”

“Because Chad, I knew that it might have been the Lord’s will for me to live another day with the struggles I had but I didn’t want another one unless I had to.”

He turned his head to meet her gaze.  “And I assume there’s a corollary to this?”

“When Jesus prayed for deliverance, He meant it.  I trusted in that every single day that I prayed that same prayer.  I believe with all my heart that His prayer to escape the coming trials was heart-felt and sincere.  He wanted out.  However, if out wasn’t the best, He wanted the strength to endure whatever ‘in’ would bring.

“Chad, your ‘in’ is nothing compared to Golgotha.  Your ‘in’ is the difference between winning the lottery or winning the Publisher’s Clearing House.  One of them will cost you something.  Not much probably, but something.  The other costs next to nothing- a stamp.  Both are huge blessings.  Don’t tear up your winning ticket or your entry just because you wanted to win at slot machines instead.”

“What,” Chad chuckled, “Is with you and mom and the gambling analogies?”

“Well, they fit for one thing,” she explained.  “And we just watched Ocean’s Eleven which might have influenced us a little-”

“Go to bed.  And thanks.”

“Just a hint laddie.”

“Hmm?”

Cheri grinned.  “Save your announcements until after Luke’s wedding.”

“It’ll take that long to get her to agree.”

“Even so,” she began.  “If she says yes tomorrow, wait.  Luke is always in the shadow of those girls and even us.  Let him have this stage moment.  He’s so proud of that family of his.”

“Gotcha.  You’re right.”

Cheri grinned.  “I’m always right.  It’s about time you noticed that.”

“Go to bed.”

Once certain that his family was in bed, Chad turned out the downstairs lights, taking note of all of the mistletoe festooned places in the downstairs area of the house.  He slowly climbed the stairs and quietly opened Willow’s door.  The hall light illuminated her room just enough for him to see the rise and fall of her back as she slept.  He sat on the edge of her bed and prayed for her.

She stirred and rolled over on her other side facing him.  Her hair was unbound and covered her face irritating her as she slept.  Her hands fidgeted around her face trying to push the hairs out of the way until finally, Chad tucked them behind her ears.  The restlessness settled and her breathing grew slow and even again.

With a sigh of resignation and a heart heavy with concern, Chad kissed her temple and left the room closing the door behind him.  “It all sounds so easy when everyone says it but…,” he complained to the Lord.

***

Doors slammed and excited voices squealed.  Suddenly the house was filled with a din that woke Willow from a sound sleep.  She scrambled from her bed and peeked down the stairs.  Aggie’s children.  Why hadn’t she thought about them?  She hadn’t brought anything for them except for Vannie’s dress to be sent back with Luke.  Of course, he’d bring his fiancée to ‘Christmas’ morning with the family.

As quickly as possible, Willow threw on her skirt, sweater, and slippers.  She pulled her hair, a hopeless tangle, into a quick ponytail and hurried to wash her face and brush her teeth.  Chad emerged from his room looking sleepy and grumpy.  “What’s the racket?”

“Aggie’s children just arrived.”

With a bear yawn, Chad hurried to brush his teeth.  “Go hold the baby or something so they’ll gimme a minute to wake up.”

She dodged walking under a sprig of mistletoe hanging from the hall light and hurried down the stairs.  Chad took it as a challenge and though she was unaware of it, the game was afoot and he had every intention of winning.  “Merry Christmas to me!”

Aggie handed Willow a sleepy baby Ian and hurried to corral the littlest twins down in the basement.  Luke piled two plates of food from the breakfast buffet and herded a few more children after her.  “Aunt Marianne, we’re going to keep an eye on the little guys downstairs until Vannie and Laird are through eating.”

“What about the little ones, do you need help fixing plates or something?”

“Everyone but the four of us ate at home.  Blood sugar drops and car rides aren’t fun.”

Willow listened to the discussion as she watched the baby sleep.  He’d been learning to walk the last time he was at her house but hadn’t let go of the furniture.  She wondered if he was bolder now or still holding onto things for stability.  Somehow, that thought reminded her of herself.  Learning to walk in this new world of people and friends but still holding onto the security blankets her mother kept them wrapped in for so many years.

Libby entered knocking and calling out ‘Merry Christmas Year!”

The sight of Willow snuggled in the corner of the couch with baby Ian warmed her heart.  Wrapped in her own little world of baby cheeks and tiny hands, Willow didn’t hear or notice when Libby shoved several packages under an already overloaded tree.

“He’s a sweetie isn’t he?”  Libby’s whisper and the brush of the back of her hand over Ian’s hair caught Willow’s attention.

“Aggie let me hold him.  Wasn’t that nice?  I didn’t know they’d be here or I would have brought- well, something!”

“Can you imagine their house with just a ‘little something’ for each child?  If we all did that, they’d go home with a hundred new things to find places for.  I’m glad you didn’t know and I’m sure that’s why Marianne didn’t tell anyone.”

“But to be opening gifts- how cruel to the children to be left out!”

“They’d be happy for everyone else.  They got their gifts already.  The littlest ones might struggle but I think it’d be good for them frankly.”  At Willow’s shocked face, Libby added, “But don’t worry, they’re just staying for breakfast and then going on over to Zeke’s.”

“So they won’t be here-”

“No.  You can stop devising gifts from thin air now.”

Willow visibly relaxed and sank further into the couch.  “I’ll just sit and hold this little man then.  He snores sometimes.  Isn’t that cute!”

“Looks like someone is ready for a baby or two around her house.”

“If they were all like him, I’d take twenty and have them delivered tomorrow morning.”

Libby’s laughter brought wrinkles to the baby’s brow and he snuggled even more closely to Willow.  “I think you’d find twenty baby boys to be more than even you could handle.”

“I don’t suppose Aggie thinks she has her hands full enough and wants to let him come live with me?”

Chad watched the conversation from the dining room doorway.  He couldn’t hear the words but from the look on Willow’s face, she was enjoying her first ‘baby fix.’  Libby’s expression was indulgent and slightly teasing.  He hoped his aunt would plant a seed in Willow’s mind.  Watching Luke with Aggie’s children and the paternal air it gave him was heartwarming.  Maybe…

“Mom, did you see this?”

Marianne turned from the buffet table and watched the scene before her.  Chad watched Willow as she smoothed the baby’s hair, brushed a cheek, or let the child’s hands curl around her finger.  Libby needed to talk to her.

“Libby, can you help me in the kitchen?”

***

“Are you sure you guys don’t want to come with us?”  Marianne paused and waited for Chad and Willow to answer.

“I don’t think so mom.”

“Thanks Marianne but I don’t think I’d make it until midnight.”

Christopher, carrying two bowls and a plastic sack full of something, urged her out the door.  “Let’s go!  I don’t want to miss the sports blooper reenactment.”

The house settled into a quiet hush once the door closed behind Chad’s parents, Cheri, and Chuck.  Willow leaned her back against the couch and covered her eyes.  “Rough day?”

“I had fun.  Aggie’s children were so much fun.”

“You seemed to enjoy little Ian…”

She nodded with a slight smile hovering about her lips and making her appear as though she had a secret.  “I loved how he smelled and the way he just seemed to melt into me.  I always dreamed about having two sons.”  She paused.  “Don’t say it.”

“Say what?”

“That if I would just quit being so stubborn, I could have them.”

“I wouldn’t say that, Willow,” Chad whispered.  “I thought I made it clear that I was talking about a marriage with separate bedrooms- at least for a while anyway.”

“Am I that repulsive?  Libby spent half the afternoon telling me how I’m not trusting God and His plan for His creation.  How he made men to need this stuff and I’m just not doing my part-”

“She said what!”

Willow sat brooding over the words Libby had spoken to her.  “You heard me.”

“Yes, but I don’t believe you.  Aunt Libby would not tell a girl it was her duty to marry anyone so he could fill some animalistic urge to feed his own lusts.”

“Well she didn’t say that-” Willow admitted.

“What exactly did she say?”  His heart was heavy.  Chad felt like he’d put Willow through more pain and discomfort to prove himself right.

As Willow struggled to remember Libby’s exact words, she realized that she’d deliberately taken the encouragement and twisted it in her mind to make it into something she could reject.  The realization sickened her.  “Oh Chad.  How despicable.”

“What is?”

“I chose to hear her words so that they’d be repugnant to me.”

He wanted to comfort her.  His first instinct was to move to her side, take her in his arms, and hold her assuring her that people do that when they’re scared or uncertain.  However, seeing this side of her caused him to hesitate.  Perhaps he’d been too eager.

“Aww Willow-”

“I’ve driven a wedge between us.”

“No you haven’t.”

She nodded.  “I did this with Mother once when I thought she was being too stubborn about me going to Rockland with her.  I thought I wanted to see the city-”

“That probably didn’t go over well.”

“I was ugly.  Probably the result of usually getting my way in everything.  Mother was adamant.  I accused her of lying about her attack, that she made trips to see my father and was just keeping me from him.  I can’t think about it without getting sick.”

“Oh Willow.”

“See.  You’re pulling away from me just like she did.”

“I haven’t gone anywhere.”

“No, and a week ago,” she insisted, “You wouldn’t be sitting across the room from me afraid to come near me.”

Chad sighed.  He wasn’t ready for drama.  “What do you want from me?”

“I don’t want anything to change.”

He shifted in his seat uncomfortably and then gestured for her to join him.  “Come here Willow.”

“You’re not going to talk me into-”

“Hush and come here.”

“My you get bossy when you don’t get your way,” she tried to tease as she crossed the room tentatively.

He pulled her to him and realized they just wouldn’t fit in the chair.  Exasperated, he stood, punched the CD player, and began to two-step around the room by himself, his arms empty and awkward looking as they held an imaginary person.  Willow watched for a moment and then finally gave in and asked the obvious question.

“What are you doing?”

“Dancing.”

“But you can’t dance alone.”

“No, but right now, you’re more comfortable dancing with yourself and that leaves me dancing alone too.”

She watched as he held the air and danced around the room in time with the music.  At the end of the song, he made motions as though dipping his partner, which sent Willow into stitches.  “Oh Chad.”

He crossed the room and stood looking down at her.  “One of my favorite movies has a scene where a man describes dancing as a conversation between two people.”  Chad paused before quoting the line directly, “‘Talk to me.’”

Instinctively, Willow knew Chad was communicating more than a request for a dance.  “I’m afraid.”

“I won’t lead you anywhere you aren’t ready to go.”

“Even-”

He held out his hand, his eyes earnestly encouraging her to take it.   “Especially there Willow.  Especially.”

After a moment’s hesitation, Willow stood, placed her hand in his and smiled tentatively.  “As you wish.”

As Chad pulled her to him, an impish glint filled his eyes and he glanced upward.  Willow’s eyes followed and the sight of a sprig of ribbon festooned mistletoe.  Her eyes flew to his face and widened as he leaned in to kiss her.  A nervous giggle escaped when his lips brushed her forehead lightly.

“I told you Willow, nowhere that you’re not ready to go.”

Chapter 69- Part 2

***

Doors slammed and excited voices squealed.  Suddenly the house was filled with a din that woke Willow from a sound sleep.  She scrambled from her bed and peeked down the stairs.  Aggie’s children.  Why hadn’t she thought about them?  She hadn’t brought anything for them except for Vannie’s dress to be sent back with Luke.  Of course, he’d bring his fiancée to ‘Christmas’ morning with the family.

As quickly as possible, Willow threw on her skirt, sweater, and slippers.  She pulled her hair, a hopeless tangle, into a quick ponytail and hurried to wash her face and brush her teeth.  Chad emerged from his room looking sleepy and grumpy.  “What’s the racket?”

“Aggie’s children just arrived.”

With a bear yawn, Chad hurried to brush his teeth.  “Go hold the baby or something so they’ll gimme a minute to wake up.”

She dodged walking under a sprig of mistletoe hanging from the hall light and hurried down the stairs.  Chad took it as a challenge and though she was unaware of it, the game was afoot and he had every intention of winning.  “Merry Christmas to me!”

Aggie handed Willow a sleepy baby Ian and hurried to corral the littlest twins down in the basement.  Luke piled two plates of food from the breakfast buffet and herded a few more children after her.  “Aunt Marianne, we’re going to keep an eye on the little guys downstairs until Vannie and Laird are through eating.”

“What about the little ones, do you need help fixing plates or something?”

“Everyone but the four of us ate at home.  Blood sugar drops and car rides aren’t fun.”

Willow listened to the discussion as she watched the baby sleep.  He’d been learning to walk the last time he was at her house but hadn’t let go of the furniture.  She wondered if he was bolder now or still holding onto things for stability.  Somehow, that thought reminded her of herself.  Learning to walk in this new world of people and friends but still holding onto the security blankets her mother kept them wrapped in for so many years.

Libby entered knocking and calling out ‘Merry Christmas Year!”

The sight of Willow snuggled in the corner of the couch with baby Ian warmed her heart.  Wrapped in her own little world of baby cheeks and tiny hands, Willow didn’t hear or notice when Libby shoved several packages under an already overloaded tree.

“He’s a sweetie isn’t he?”  Libby’s whisper and the brush of the back of her hand over Ian’s hair caught Willow’s attention.

“Aggie let me hold him.  Wasn’t that nice?  I didn’t know they’d be here or I would have brought- well, something!”

“Can you imagine their house with just a ‘little something’ for each child?  If we all did that, they’d go home with a hundred new things to find places for.  I’m glad you didn’t know and I’m sure that’s why Marianne didn’t tell anyone.”

“But to be opening gifts- how cruel to the children to be left out!”

“They’d be happy for everyone else.  They got their gifts already.  The littlest ones might struggle but I think it’d be good for them frankly.”  At Willow’s shocked face, Libby added, “But don’t worry, they’re just staying for breakfast and then going on over to Zeke’s.”

“So they won’t be here-”

“No.  You can stop devising gifts from thin air now.”

Willow visibly relaxed and sank further into the couch.  “I’ll just sit and hold this little man then.  He snores sometimes.  Isn’t that cute!”

“Looks like someone is ready for a baby or two around her house.”

“If they were all like him, I’d take twenty and have them delivered tomorrow morning.”

Libby’s laughter brought wrinkles to the baby’s brow and he snuggled even more closely to Willow.  “I think you’d find twenty baby boys to be more than even you could handle.”

“I don’t suppose Aggie thinks she has her hands full enough and wants to let him come live with me?”

Chad watched the conversation from the dining room doorway.  He couldn’t hear the words but from the look on Willow’s face, she was enjoying her first ‘baby fix.’  Libby’s expression was indulgent and slightly teasing.  He hoped his aunt would plant a seed in Willow’s mind.  Watching Luke with Aggie’s children and the paternal air it gave him was heartwarming.  Maybe…

“Mom, did you see this?”

Marianne turned from the buffet table and watched the scene before her.  Chad watched Willow as she smoothed the baby’s hair, brushed a cheek, or let the child’s hands curl around her finger.  Libby needed to talk to her.

“Libby, can you help me in the kitchen?”

***

“Are you sure you guys don’t want to come with us?”  Marianne paused and waited for Chad and Willow to answer.

“I don’t think so mom.”

“Thanks Marianne but I don’t think I’d make it until midnight.”

Christopher, carrying two bowls and a plastic sack full of something, urged her out the door.  “Let’s go!  I don’t want to miss the sports blooper reenactment.”

The house settled into a quiet hush once the door closed behind Chad’s parents, Cheri, and Chuck.  Willow leaned her back against the couch and covered her eyes.  “Rough day?”

“I had fun.  Aggie’s children were so much fun.”

“You seemed to enjoy little Ian…”

She nodded with a slight smile hovering about her lips and making her appear as though she had a secret.  “I loved how he smelled and the way he just seemed to melt into me.  I always dreamed about having two sons.”  She paused.  “Don’t say it.”

“Say what?”

“That if I would just quit being so stubborn, I could have them.”

“I wouldn’t say that, Willow,” Chad whispered.  “I thought I made it clear that I was talking about a marriage with separate bedrooms- at least for a while anyway.”

“Am I that repulsive?  Libby spent half the afternoon telling me how I’m not trusting God and His plan for His creation.  How he made men to need this stuff and I’m just not doing my part-”

“She said what!”

Willow sat brooding over the words Libby had spoken to her.  “You heard me.”

“Yes, but I don’t believe you.  Aunt Libby would not tell a girl it was her duty to marry anyone so he could fill some animalistic urge to feed his own lusts.”

“Well she didn’t say that-” Willow admitted.

“What exactly did she say?”  His heart was heavy.  Chad felt like he’d put Willow through more pain and discomfort to prove himself right.

As Willow struggled to remember Libby’s exact words, she realized that she’d deliberately taken the encouragement and twisted it in her mind to make it into something she could reject.  The realization sickened her.  “Oh Chad.  How despicable.”

“What is?”

“I chose to hear her words so that they’d be repugnant to me.”

He wanted to comfort her.  His first instinct was to move to her side, take her in his arms, and hold her assuring her that people do that when they’re scared or uncertain.  However, seeing this side of her caused him to hesitate.  Perhaps he’d been too eager.

“Aww Willow-”

“I’ve driven a wedge between us.”

“No you haven’t.”

She nodded.  “I did this with Mother once when I thought she was being too stubborn about me going to Rockland with her.  I thought I wanted to see the city-”

“That probably didn’t go over well.”

“I was ugly.  Probably the result of usually getting my way in everything.  Mother was adamant.  I accused her of lying about her attack, that she made trips to see my father and was just keeping me from him.  I can’t think about it without getting sick.”

“Oh Willow.”

“See.  You’re pulling away from me just like she did.”

“I haven’t gone anywhere.”

“No, and a week ago,” she insisted, “You wouldn’t be sitting across the room from me afraid to come near me.”

Chad sighed.  He wasn’t ready for drama.  “What do you want from me?”

“I don’t want anything to change.”

He shifted in his seat uncomfortably and then gestured for her to join him.  “Come here Willow.”

“You’re not going to talk me into-”

“Hush and come here.”

“My you get bossy when you don’t get your way,” she tried to tease as she crossed the room tentatively.

He pulled her to him and realized they just wouldn’t fit in the chair.  Exasperated, he stood, punched the CD player, and began to two-step around the room by himself, his arms empty and awkward looking as they held an imaginary person.  Willow watched for a moment and then finally gave in and asked the obvious question.

“What are you doing?”

“Dancing.”

“But you can’t dance alone.”

“No, but right now, you’re more comfortable dancing with yourself and that leaves me dancing alone too.”

She watched as he held the air and danced around the room in time with the music.  At the end of the song, he made motions as though dipping his partner, which sent Willow into stitches.  “Oh Chad.”

He crossed the room and stood looking down at her.  “One of my favorite movies has a scene where a man describes dancing as a conversation between two people.”  Chad paused before quoting the line directly, “‘Talk to me.’”

Instinctively, Willow knew Chad was communicating more than a request for a dance.  “I’m afraid.”

“I won’t lead you anywhere you aren’t ready to go.”

“Even-”

He held out his hand, his eyes earnestly encouraging her to take it.   “Especially there Willow.  Especially.”

After a moment’s hesitation, Willow stood, placed her hand in his and smiled tentatively.  “As you wish.”

As Chad pulled her to him, an impish glint filled his eyes and he glanced upward.  Willow’s eyes followed and the sight of a sprig of ribbon festooned mistletoe.  Her eyes flew to his face and widened as he leaned in to kiss her.  A nervous giggle escaped when his lips brushed her forehead lightly.

“I told you Willow, nowhere that you’re not ready to go.”

Chapter 69- Part 1

“They’re here!”  Cheri’s called through the house as she raced to the car.  “I’m so glad you came!  Here, let me take some of those!”  To her brother, she sent an irritated look.  “You need a real car bro!  She shouldn’t have to ride all the way out here smothered in packages!”

“Actually, they kept the hot air off of my face.  I get so sick with that.”

“I didn’t know that.  Why didn’t you say something?”

“Well, she began, “My mother taught me it was rude to complain.”

Cheri carried the packages as she led the way into the house.  Chad waited until she’d disappeared through the doorway and leaned down to whisper, “Another reason to get married.  It’s not complaining when you’re sharing a preference with a husband.”

“That’s just semantics and you know it.  One day it’s ’sharing’ and the next it’s nagging.  I’ve read too many books with harpies for wives.  No thanks.”

“Hey, come on in you two!  It’s freezing out here.”

Chad and Willow stared at each other before dissolving into laughter.  Kissing Marianne’s cheek as she passed by under the mistletoe, Willow said, “Thanks for having me Midge.”

“Midge?”

Chad followed kissing his mother’s cheek and glancing around the room as he did.  Perhaps strategic placement of mistletoe would help melt the fearful icicles around her heart.  “While You Were Sleeping.  You’ve been watching it again.”

Once she shut the door behind her, Marianne hugged her son. “Merry Christmas.”

“Happy New Year mom.  Oh and,” he leaned closer whispering, “I talked to Willow about dad’s suggestion on marriage.  Maybe you or Aunt Libby-”

“Not interested?”

“More like terrified.”

“I’ll hand her over to Libby then.  She’s better with firm and compassionate.  I seem limited to one or the other.”

The sound of laughter from the living room send Chad and his mother looking to see what was so amusing.  Willow sat blushing on the couch and Christopher looked smug. “Got her.  She was watching doorways but missed the ceiling fan.”

“Good one dad!”

“I think Willow looks exhausted.”

“It’s been a long week,” she admitted blushing further.

Christopher’s eyes shot to Chad’s face while Cheri bustled Willow the stairs and into the guest room.  “Chad?”

He shook his head holding up one finger until Willow reappeared to brush her teeth and then finally closed the bedroom door behind her.  “There was the thing with the dog, the thing with the money, and she’s still upset about the idea of marriage.”

Marianne joined them with a tray of hot chocolate and cookies.  “So you asked her, told her, got an opinion, what?”

“I told her what dad said about playing house-”

“I was a little harsh, I admit.”

Shaking his head, Chad continued.  “No dad, you were right.  I was really mad that day.  See, part of it is that you don’t know how things are and it was just too easy to rest on that fact instead of seriously consider your concerns.”  He swallowed.  “I had myself convinced until I realized that I left my deodorant at her house and decided to leave it there for when I needed it.”

“With all the work you do there, that makes sense though, Chad!”  Christopher didn’t understand his son’s logic.

“But I felt perfectly comfortable just doing it without a second thought.  I didn’t have a reason in mind outside the fact that I’m there.  A lot.  And I’ve been there every night this week.”

“I’d hope so.”  Marianne didn’t want to ask the question but someone had to be willing to ask the difficult things.  “You were in separate rooms…”

“Yes mom.”

Snuggled together on one corner of the couch, Chad saw a picture of him and Willow twenty years in the future with the possible exception of Willow’s size.  He couldn’t imagine a chubby Willow.  Finally, Marianne’s voice broke the awkward silence that had begun to grow.  “You really aren’t in love with her, are you?”

“No, mom.  I’m not.”

“Why not!  She’s a beautiful, intelligent, very well shaped woman!  She has everything going for her, you enjoy her company-”

“And he spent the first several months of his time with her resenting her,” Christopher added.  “I think he’s just letting himself see her as a friend and still holding her aloof for whatever reason.”

Chad hadn’t admitted it to anyone let alone himself but his father was correct.  “It’s the end of my dream.  It’s selfish and despicable but it’s true.”

“What dream Chaddie?”  Marianne couldn’t stand to hear the pain in her son’s voice.

He felt like a heel.  It sounded selfish and immature but as much as he’d embraced the changes in his future, they also represented the death of his childhood dreams.  “Ever since I can remember I wanted to be a cop on the streets of Rockland.  I wanted to be one of those guys busting gangs in the inner city or negotiating hostage situations.”  His head dropped into his hands.  “As much as I want a life in Fairbury and with Willow, that life means there’s no chance for the life I’ve worked toward for so long.”

Marianne started to rise and go to her son but Christopher jerked her back to her seat.  “In other words Chad, you won’t let yourself fall in love with the perfect woman for you because you are throwing a tantrum over what you can’t have.  You can have it all except something that strokes your pride but that’s not enough.  You want the house in the country with the fishing stream, the gorgeous wife, and the respect of your community, oh, and a high profile job in the city.  All at once.”

“I know.  I said it’s despicable.”

“It is.  It’s understandable,” Christopher conceded, “But it’s selfish.”

His fists clenched tightly as he struggled.  In a feminine burst of intuition, Marianne stood, shoved her husband’s restraining hands away, and sank to the floor at Chad’s feet.  “That’s not it Chaddie.  It’s a lie.  You’re lying to yourself out of some misplaced self-preservation.”

“But-”

She grasped her son’s face in her hands and held it gazing into his eyes.  “It’s a risk to open your heart.  You’re right.  She may never reciprocate your affection.  You happened to choose a girl who has reason to both be leery of men and not see any benefits to marriage.  Love is a risk as well as an action.  It’s rolling the dice on the craps tables over and over and over until you finally get the right numbers even if it bankrupts you in the process.”

“Marianne!”

“Crass analogy but it’s the best I can do.  Shut up.”  She waved her hand dismissively at her husband who chuckled behind his hand.  Marianne’s occasional feistiness always tickled him.

“It’s not that.  I’ve always wanted a family and Willow is-”

His mother clamped a hand over his mouth and shook her head.  “You can lie to yourself all you want but you’re not going to lie to me.  You’re afraid of love for some reason and I’m not letting you up out of that chair until you admit it.”

He fought it.  Repeatedly he started to argue and then ground his teeth forcing himself to keep quiet.  His mother would surely give up if he just refused to talk.  Her ideas were ludicrous and ridiculous.   Why would he be afraid of love- and besides, he did love Willow and had already admitted it.

Arguing with himself, he finally realized that it was no good.  They’d seen in him something he’d never been willing to acknowledge.  It frightened him to think he was so vulnerable.  “I can’t-” he whispered.

“Just face it Chaddie.  You’re letting some fear paralyze you and it’s going to hurt both of you in the long run.

“Mom- I can’t stand the idea of being in love with someone who doesn’t love me,” he admitted in a rush of words.

“Well it’s not a problem.  Even if Willow never falls madly in love with you, and frankly, I think if you actually tried to win her affections she would, she does love you.  It’s evident from a million sides.  She looks to you for leadership when she doesn’t know what to do; she tries so hard to please you and does it all without losing her own identity.”

“Maybe you should marry her.”

“I would if she was the right gender and I wasn’t already stuck with that old lug!”

“And don’t you forget it Mari.”  Christopher leaned forward, his forearms resting on his knees and his ands clenched.  Chad recognized the ‘this is the only time you’ll hear this from me’ stance.  “Son, you haven’t even given either one of you a chance to fall in love.  You’ll have to try.  You’ll have to show her marked attention, all the way from her appearance to overt flirting.  You should be very good at that.”

“Why?”

“Because you come from two very sappy parents who would love to give you a demonstration of how it’s done if you think it’ll help.”

“No thanks Dad,” Chad insisted.  “I think I get the gist.”

Marianne and Christopher cleared the coffee table of their chocolate mugs and tray and said goodnight to Chad.  “Pray son,” Christopher admonished.  “Pray that you will know not only what the Lord’s will is, but how to act on it.”

Chad did.  He prayed.  For an hour, he poured out his fears, his hopes, and laid them at the Lord’s feet.  He sat with his hands over his head as though protecting himself from a verdict he didn’t want to hear as he meditated on every scripture he could bring to mind.

Cheri saw him from the stairs after she realized he hadn’t gone to bed and crept down beside him.  “When I was in the pit that summer, I thought I would die.  I prayed I would die.  I begged the Lord to release me every day and every day, the Lord said no.”

“How did you know it was no?  Were you hearing voices at that point?”

She stroked his buzzed head and delighted in the familiar prickly feel.  He’d worn his hair buzzed since the day he got his driver’s license.  “I knew it was no when I woke up in the same situation the next morning.”

“Why didn’t you quit praying for it?  Why put yourself through that torture?”

“Because Chad, I knew that it might have been the Lord’s will for me to live another day with the struggles I had but I didn’t want another one unless I had to.”

He turned his head to meet her gaze.  “And I assume there’s a corollary to this?”

“When Jesus prayed for deliverance, He meant it.  I trusted in that every single day that I prayed that same prayer.  I believe with all my heart that His prayer to escape the coming trials was heart-felt and sincere.  He wanted out.  However, if out wasn’t the best, He wanted the strength to endure whatever ‘in’ would bring.

“Chad, your ‘in’ is nothing compared to Golgotha.  Your ‘in’ is the difference between winning the lottery or winning the Publisher’s Clearing House.  One of them will cost you something.  Not much probably, but something.  The other costs next to nothing- a stamp.  Both are huge blessings.  Don’t tear up your winning ticket or your entry just because you wanted to win at slot machines instead.”

“What,” Chad chuckled, “Is with you and mom and the gambling analogies?”

“Well, they fit for one thing,” she explained.  “And we just watched Ocean’s Eleven which might have influenced us a little-”

“Go to bed.  And thanks.”

“Just a hint laddie.”

“Hmm?”

Cheri grinned.  “Save your announcements until after Luke’s wedding.”

“It’ll take that long to get her to agree.”

“Even so,” she began.  “If she says yes tomorrow, wait.  Luke is always in the shadow of those girls and even us.  Let him have this stage moment.  He’s so proud of that family of his.”

“Gotcha.  You’re right.”

Cheri grinned.  “I’m always right.  It’s about time you noticed that.”

“Go to bed.”

Once certain that his family was in bed, Chad turned out the downstairs lights, taking note of all of the mistletoe festooned places in the downstairs area of the house.  He slowly climbed the stairs and quietly opened Willow’s door.  The hall light illuminated her room just enough for him to see the rise and fall of her back as she slept.  He sat on the edge of her bed and prayed for her.

She stirred and rolled over on her other side facing him.  Her hair was unbound and covered her face irritating her as she slept.  Her hands fidgeted around her face trying to push the hairs out of the way until finally, Chad tucked them behind her ears.  The restlessness settled and her breathing grew slow and even again.

With a sigh of resignation and a heart heavy with concern, Chad kissed her temple and left the room closing the door behind him.  “It all sounds so easy when everyone says it but…,” he complained to the Lord.

Chapter 68~

Willow sighed in relief as Chad drove home.  She watched the taillights of his truck as they disappeared down her driveway.  “I never thought I’d be back to being glad he’s gone,” she muttered to herself.  “Why did he have to ruin everything?”

Her heart wasn’t in it.  She wanted to blame Chad for the unsettled feelings in her heart and mind, but the fact was she was just simply angry with herself for not realizing that things couldn’t continue as they were.  She knew that as natural as their friendship seemed, it wasn’t the same she’d read in books or seen with other people she knew.  He was right.  Their relationship seemed more like the Tesdall’s marriage than Cheri and Chuck’s friendship.

Headlights in the driveway frightened her.  She quickly put out the candles around the room, turned down the lamp, and locked the doors.  The lights of the vehicle were so bright that they concealed the type of vehicle from her. Unsure what to do, she crept upstairs and tried to see from her room but the vehicle was nowhere.

A noise came from the back of the house.  Growing afraid, Willow grabbed the gun from behind her bed, hurried to her mother’s room looking for a place to hide, and then dashed from there again.  She started into the spare room but then thought about the attic.  The stairs were hidden.  She could easily hide in there and no one would find her without knowing where to look for the stairs and there was no electricity to reveal the trapdoor in the ceiling!

Once in the attic, Willow grabbed a rug, crawled to the corner of the room, wrapped it around her, and prayed.  She couldn’t hear the rooms beneath her.  Was someone shuffling around down there?  Why had mother insisted on all that extra insulation?  It made things very difficult for her now.

Once upstairs, Chad crept into her room expecting to find Willow sleeping.  Her bed looked untouched.  He tried calling her name but there was no reply.  Downstairs again, the front door was still locked from the inside.  She must be in the house but where and why was she not answering him?

He dialed Willow’s phone and then laughed at her frantic answer. “Chad, get out here.  Someone’s in the house.”

“I’m in the house.  Where are you?”

“You came back?”

As he climbed the stairs two at a time, he glanced around the upstairs rooms.  “Yes.  Where are you?  I don’t see you-” He stopped mid sentence as the stairs dropped from the attic door.  “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Hurrying down the steps, Willow shook her head as she reached the bottom.  “I thought, ‘they’ve come back to get me now!’ and I was sure I’d have to kill someone tonight!”

“That’s why I’m back!  I got to the turnoff and thought, ‘You fool, you can’t leave her alone!’”

Willow replaced the gun, grabbed her pajamas, and disappeared behind the bathroom door.  Several minutes later, she reemerged ready for bed.  “Night Chad.  See you tomorrow.  What time do you work?”

“Ten.”

“Good, you get the goat and I’ll make the breakfast.”

Chad stepped closer.  “See, what’s so bad about an exchange like that every night?”

“Don’t push me Chad.  I need time to adjust to this.”

His voice cut her to the quick.  “Can I still hug you?”

Ignoring the irrational warning bells in her mind, Willow leaned her head against his chest and tried to relax.  “I didn’t mean to make you feel badly.”

“Oh hush.  I just needed a hug.  I hate that I’ve done this to you.”

“You could take it back…,” she urged.

“Not on your life.  As awkward as the discussion was, I believe it’s the best thing.  For both of us.”  He winked at her wry smile.  “What are the odds your mom has some pajama bottoms that were really big on her?”

Willow pulled out the bottom drawer of her mother’s bureau and retrieved a pair of pink sweats with ‘hottie’ written across the backside.  “They came in an order we had for some thermals.  Bill called about them but the company said to keep them.  Mother never could bring herself to wear them.”

“And I’m supposed to?”

“Sleep in your jeans.  I don’t care.”

Chad snatched the pink pants from her hands and made a beeline for the bathroom.  Willow, unwilling to miss this scene, grabbed her lamp and set it on the dresser by the door.  When Chad opened the door, she snorted most indelicately.  “That’s a lovely look on you Chad.”

He ignored her and turned to enter Kari’s bedroom.  Just before he closed the door, Chad flipped his shirttail displaying the word.  “If the term fits, wear it,” and kicked the door shut.

“Night Chad,” she whispered as she carried the lamp back to her table, turned it off, and crawled into bed.

***

“I thought there was nothing going on with her and the cop.  I mean, he gets a call and leaves and barely hugs her before he takes off.  I’m more affectionate with my great aunt Phyllis.  Then late after he leaves, he turned around and came back.  I thought maybe they had a fight and broke up but lights came on in two different rooms so I guess he’s just kind of a body guard or something.”

Solari listened carefully.  No kissing, no sharing a room.  This was good.  “So how did she respond to the loss of her mutt?”

“She puked.”

“Good.  Good.  Step two.  Take it to step two on Sunday.  If she goes to church, while she’s gone is best.  Did you get a copy of the key from one of those kids?”

Ben nodded pulling a ring of keys from his pocket.  “Got all three.”

“I’ve got a guy ‘apprenticing’ for the local locksmith on the off chance that she calls them but I think you’ll have to be ready to get the kids keys again.”

Ben stood.  “I’ll take care of it.”

Solaris stopped him at the door.  “Whatever you do, remember.  Protect the girl.”

“Consider it done.”

***

Willow burst into the kitchen shivering.  For the first time, she regretted turning down a ride home.  The temperature was dropping quickly and her nose felt the chill even through the scarf.  “Glad I didn’t let the chickens out while I was gone,” she muttered huddling around the stove.

As she turned to warm her backside, her eyes widened.  Something was wrong.  It took her several minutes to discern what was different but eventually hit her.  A few things were rearranged on the hutch and the teapot was gone.  She found a shard of it on the cabinet, a ding in the wood, and another shard across the room.

On a hunch, she raced outdoors to the incinerator and found the remaining pieces of the teapot in there.  Her mind whirled.  How much money was in the pot?  One thousand?  Two?  She’d considered putting the money in the bank so many times now that she had her card and checkbook but hadn’t ever made it a priority.

Someone had been inside her house.  They could still be in there.  Where to go?  The barn wasn’t any safer and it was too cold to stay outdoors for long.  With a deep sigh and thankful that she wasn’t sleeping there that night, Willow dug her cell phone from her pocket and dialed Chad.

“Someone’s been in the house.  They took all the money.”

“Get out of there,” Chad ordered.

“I can’t.  It’s too cold and the barn is even less safe than the house.”

“Not if no one is in it, get in the barn and lock it.”

“And if they’re out there now, I’m locked inside with them.”

“You need a car Willow!”

“Well I don’t have one!”

Panicked, Chad hushed her.  “You don’t want them to hear you if they’re in there.  Keep talking.  I know, go down into the cellar, and take a knife.”

Chad found her there minutes later as he burst into the house his gun drawn, and ready to take on whomever might be lurking.  “Go out to my car, get inside, lock the doors, and get down behind the seats until I come out.”

“But-”

“Go Willow!” he yelled as he pushed her out the door.

After a thorough search of the house and barn, Chad walked around the perimeter of the house and found footprints leading up to the house.  “Willow, get my camera from inside the glove compartment.”

She crawled from her awkward hiding place and brought him the camera still smarting from his sharp words.  “What did you find?”

“Footprints.  I’ll take pictures and if we find the guy, we’ll find shoes or boots it looks like, and if it’s a match…”

Willow hunkered on her heels and stared at the imprints.  Something about them was familiar.  She left him snapping pictures tying to get the best angle and hurried to the barn returning quickly with a shovel in hand.  “Which one don’t you need?”

“That one.  Why?”

She scooped up the snow, carried the print to the bones of her greenhouse, and looked for an un-trampled footprint.  “Chad!  Over here.”

Chad stumbled awkwardly through the snow as quickly as possible.  “What.”

“It’s Ryder’s.  It’s exactly like his.”

A grim look crossed Chad’s face.  “I knew we shouldn’t-”

“Chad,” she insisted, “he didn’t do this.  Ryder wouldn’t do this.  Not now.”

“But you just proved he did.”

She shook her head.  “No, I proved that your footprints at the front door don’t mean anything.”

Deflated, Chad had to agree.  Deep down, he did think Ryder had changed but the evidence had seemed so compelling.  “Well, we’ve probably destroyed anything by the back door but-”

Chad tried retracing his steps exactly in order to avoid adding more confusing prints to the mix.  As he examined the yard, the back steps, and the door locks, he returned to the front yard and stared at the steps before him.  Slowly, he followed them from a distance until they disappeared beneath his tire tracks.  Hugging the fence, he followed the tracks almost to the road before another half boot print showed.  Satisfied, he snapped another picture of it and returned to his vehicle.

“Willow, I think you need to tell Caleb to take care of the animals tonight.  We’ll take your things and you can spend the afternoon with Lily or at my apartment.  You’re not coming back here until we get a locksmith out here.”

***

“I’m behind them on the road from Fairbury to Rockland.  I’ll pass them soon and switch cars out at the rest stop and again at the convenience store just outside of Westbury.  They’re going there I’m sure.  There was a pile of packages for people with his family’s names on the coffee table.”

“Westbury?”  Solari’s voice sounded pleased.  “Perfect.  What did you do in the house?”

“Broke a teapot, took almost two grand from it, and cleaned almost all of it up.  What do I do with the two grand?”

“Keep it.  A bonus.”

Ben smiled and accelerated around Chad’s truck.  “What do you think makes her keep money like that in the house?”

“Fear.  Fear is the root of all stupidity.”

After he disconnected, Steven Solari glanced at his wife as she dismantled the tree in order to make way for her elaborate party decorations.  “I think I may take a ride to check out a few Westbury properties tomorrow.  How would you like to go along with me?”

“I’ve got this party-”

“Let Eva handle it.  Then if that nasty Toni Bertram has anything nasty to say, you can always blame the housekeeper and rub her face in the fact that your husband likes to have you around.”

Lynne’s slow smile told him she liked his plan.  “What time?”

“We’ll do lunch there first.  There’s a great new restaurant on Churchill.”

Ben arrived an hour later and passed him a slip of paper on top of a pizza box.  “There’s the address.”

Annie & Andy Need a Home

And you have to go HERE to convince them to move in with you!

Chapter 67~

“Why don’t you use the kid Steve?  He’s right there, she’ll probably be stupid and give him a key-”

“Because you don’t take risks with something like this.  I have a plan and we’ll work that plan.  She’ll be begging for help by the time I’m done with her.”

Nick Jaros asked no more questions.  He knew when to question and when to agree.  This was a time to be very agreeable.  Instead, he’d have to invest in battery powered thermal underwear or something to keep himself from having frostbite of the derriere.

“Got it?”

“Got it.”

Steve eyed him cautiously.  “Should I be concerned?”

“About what?”  Nick ignored the trail of sweat coursing down his neck.

“Your ability to complete this job.  I have others-”

“I’ve got it boss.”  Nick turned and walked to his car.  As he opened the door, a shot rang out and he slumped to the ground.

Solari glanced at the man rounding the corner of the old warehouse buildings.  “Took you too long.  You can’t hesitate or you’ll be the one who never drives home.”

“Some kids were heading this way.  I had to scare ‘em off without being seen.”

“How’d you manage that?”  Solari rolled his eyes at the suit jacket and slacks Ben Fischer wore.  He had grandiose ideas of becoming a mafia hit man.

“Cop lights.  I flicked them on just before they came around the corner.  Ran like scared puppies.”

“Good work.”

“So, I go after the girl now?”

Eyes narrowed, Solari took two steps toward Ben and raised his sunglasses.  “Do not harm her.  If she gets a single scratch from your actions, you’ll wish you were lying there next to Nick.”  He waited for his words to sink in for a moment and then added.  “She’s an attractive girl.  With a good haircut and the right clothes, she’d turn every head in a room.  Don’t look twice.  It’s not happenin’.”

“Not interested Mr. Solari.”

Steve waited until the man rounded the corner and then slipped back into his sports car.  “That was the wrong thing to say my boy.  The wrong thing.”

***

Chad reached for the deodorant but found the shelf empty.  He rifled through his duffel bag and still found nothing.  “Must be on Willow’s sink still.  Drat,” he muttered as he pulled on his shirt.  He’d have to get another stick before his shift.  “Might as well keep that one at Willow’s-”

He stopped.  His words echoed through his mind.  For twenty-four hours, his father’s words had taunted him.  He wanted to believe his parents were wrong but every minute that passed seemed to prove the opposite.  He had made himself at home in her life and while he didn’t think Willow’s reputation was truly at stake, the rest of his father’s rebuke hung around his heart like a weight.  He tried to protest that his parents didn’t understand, and he was right.  They didn’t understand.  Some of their concerns were valid while others were based upon a reality that Willow hadn’t entered yet.

“Lord, I prayed about what to do and ten hours later my father tells me exactly what to do.  Is that You?  Is it just his opinion?  Am I crazy to want it and reject it at the same time?  The convenience alone-”

***

Friday, a heavy snow blanketed the entire Rockland area in eight inches of snow.  Chad and Willow spent the afternoon making a snowman and talking excitedly about Christmas.  Ben watched from the road with high-powered binoculars.  “Well, the boss was right; she’s not a bad lookin’ girl.”

The man flipped open his cell phone and listened with growing concern on his face.  He turned to the girl, Willow, and asked something sending her into the house.  Ben swore.  Snowmen were easier to observe.  If they went inside, he’d have to get out in the cold and that dog would probably bark again.  Step one- silence the dog.

The couple carried several boxes out to the man’s truck.  Ben watched amused as the man gave Willow a quick hug and jumped into the truck.  “Not kissing the woman goodbye.  That’s interesting.  Boss’ll be glad to hear that.”

He waited for brake lights and then started his car driving down the highway and turning into Fairbury ahead of Chad.  Once Chad passed the convenience store, Ben tore out of the parking lot and raced back to the farm.  Phase one to begin.

***

The temperature was dropping steadily.  Willow decided it was time to bring in the chickens before their crops got frost bitten.  She pulled on her coat and boots, donned her gloves and hat, and stepped out into the yard.  The sight of Saige hanging from her clothesline by the neck with blood dripping into the snow sickened her.  She raced for the sink and lost what little was left in her stomach.

Reaching for her phone, she shoved her hands in her pocket wondering why someone would do something like that.  “Get a grip Willow.  You’ve strung up deer like that a hundred times.  Well, twenty anyway.”

“Chad?  Come home.  Now.  Just-”  she collapsed in uncontrollable weeping.

With a flagrant disregard for ice and safety, Chad tore down the highway, up the driveway, and slipped and stumbled his way into the house.  “Willow?”

“The back yard- clothesline.”

Uncertain as to what he’d find, Chad stopped beside her on the chaise and brushed her hair from her face.  Illogically he noticed that it had the same attractive windblown look that it occasionally had after she let it down from its customary braid.  “Be right back,” he whispered into her hear comfortingly.  “It’s going to be ok.  Whatever it is, it’ll be ok.”

One look at the clothesline and Chad whipped open his phone and called for Joe and Martinez.  “I know you’re busy but this is a crime.  Get the women from the church to dole out those candles.  It’s not a police matter.  This is.”

Chad returned to Willow’s side and wrapped an arm around her as he slid under her head.  “Oh I am so sorry.  She was a good pup.”

“Why?  Did you take her down?  I couldn’t.”

“I can’t either.  Not until the guys arrive.  They were giving out candles.”

“That reminds me, does anyone need wood?  I have plenty of wood-”

“We can let them know,” he assured her.

***

By the time dinner was over, Willow’s hurt had morphed into anger.  Someone had harmed her animal.  The officers found where a sniper must have set up his gun in order to kill the dog without sending her into a barking fit.  At this news, Willow’s sorrow began to harden into a desire to find and see the culprit pay for his crimes.

Chad watched her all afternoon.  As though detached from himself, he watched their interaction together, their camaraderie, and even a bit of chemistry.  He’d been blinded by proximity.  He saw, in nearly every thing they said or did the things that both delighted and concerned his parents.  It was time to talk.

“I’ve been thinking about things.”

“About Saige?

He groaned.  Maybe this wasn’t a good time for this.  “No.  Maybe I shouldn’t-”

“Good.  I don’t feel like talking about it.  She was just a dog but you have to be a sick person to do that to an animal for no reason.  I don’t like the idea of a sick person like that anywhere near my land and I really don’t want to talk about it until we’ve found out who did it.  I am so glad Ryder was out of town this weekend.”

He needed to do it.  Why was it so hard if their relationship was the simple friendship he claimed it was?  Why did he suddenly dread her answer?  Should he give her the option?  Maybe he should bring it up, as something neither had much choice but to agree to.

With a deep breath, a prayer, and more nerves than he knew he possessed, Chad launched into his pitch.  “You know, you’re my best friend.”

“I was thinking about that today.”

“We have kind of a unique friendship but it’s good and strong and I don’t want to see anything change it.”

Willow sat up straighter on the chaise.  Something about Chad’s tone was different.  “Is everything ok?”

“Come here,” Chad urged, his voice low.

“What-”

“Come to me Willow, we’ve got to talk.”

A sense of dread filled Willow’s heart and spirit as she rose from the chaise.  The sight of Chad’s arms ready to pull her to him released some of the air she’d held in her lungs but didn’t quell the sick feeling that grew inside of her.  “I-”

“Shh.  I need to talk to you and it’s difficult for me.  Just give me a few minutes ok?”

With his arms around her shoulders, nearly choking her at the neck at times, Chad prayed silently for strength, courage, and wisdom.  This would be the hardest thing he’d ever done since the day he acknowledged the Lord’s claim on his life.

“I don’t want to lose you.”

“But-”

He laid a finger on her lips chuckling softly.  “You’ve never been so chatty!  Let me talk.

“Well you’re not exactly Mr. Orator as a general rule,” she challenged turning her head to meet his eyes.

“You know, I once considered kissing you to shut you up and if you keep it up, I might just do it.”

Her eyes widened like a child’s on Christmas morning.  She started to speak but clamped a hand over her own mouth giggling as she did.  Chad grinned.  “That’s how I keep you in line.  I’m not sure that’s very flattering but-”

He took a deep breath and tried to reorganize his thoughts.  He’d already strayed too far off topic.  “Anyway, I don’t want to lose you and yet, I have no claim on you.  I’m just your friend- and I like that,” he hastened to add.  “I-”

Willow ignored his threats and moved away from Chad looking deeply into his eyes trying to read his thoughts.  “What’s wrong Chad?  What have I done wrong?  I can’t take this suspense.  I feel like I did when I was five and Mother caught me doing something wrong but was too angry to deal with me.”

He pulled her back to him.  “Hush!  I told you-”

“Obviously empty threats so just spit it out and I’m not swapping.”

He snorted as she spoke.  “That’s a good one.  Ok.  Let me try this again.”

“Can you just get to the point?”

“I think we should get married.”

Stillness fell over the room.  Chad fought to find the words he wanted to say and Willow fought the rising panic his words had already prompted.  “Chad-”

“Shh.  Listen first.  I don’t want to say this but I must.  I’m not in love with you.  I do love you.  I mean, that’s kind of obvious.  But I don’t really feel a whole lot different for you than Aunt Libby or Cheri or any of Luke’s sisters- and yet I do.”

“You do what?”

“Feel differently about you than them,” he tried to explain.  “I mean, like I’ve told the Lord, I’m not exactly immune to you.”

“What does that mean?”

His heart sank as he realized she truly didn’t know what he was trying to say. “Well, you’re attractive Willow.  I know that.  I won’t pretend that sometimes I’m not more aware of it than others.”

Fear filled her heart as he spoke.  At that point, no words could have been less encouraging if he’d tried.  “That’s not something I am comfortable discussing.”

“I know, but I needed to be honest,” he insisted.  “Willow, my parents made a valid point when they were here.”

“What was that,” she asked curiously.  She knew she was grasping at any other topic than physical attraction.  There were times, usually when Chad was bearing some burden of hers and being particularly affectionate, when she was more keenly aware of him than she cared to consider or admit.

“Dad said I was ‘playing house’ by spending so much time out here.  He accused me of, and I confess I do see his point, of well-” Oh how Chad wished he could avoid the discussion.  He should have gone with his inclination just to decide for them and pray she went along with it.  “Well, of enjoying all or most anyway, of the benefits of a husband without any solid commitment behind it.”

Willow swallowed hard.  She didn’t like where this discussion was going.  “I-”

“In my defense,” he continued ignoring her interruption.  “I wasn’t trying to avoid a commitment to you.  I’d considered all of this before and truly thought it was wrong of me to even mention it.  I thought, ‘what happens if she meets someone else- I’ve denied her.’  You know what I thought.”

“I told you that-”

“Yes, and I believed you and allowed things to continue as they were but I see my parents’ point.  They love you.  They love me.  They want what is best for us and after considering their opinions and praying about this, I think they’re right.  I think we should get married.”

“I feel,” she began, “A little like Elizabeth Bennet must have felt in Pride and Prejudice.  You haven’t told me you care about me against your better judgment or that I’m beneath you or anything but this is a very Darcy-like proposal you’ve thrown at me.  ‘I’m not in love with you, although you don’t repulse me or anything, but to keep up appearances I think I should deny myself the rights of a bachelor and make an honest woman of you.’  My how gallant you are Chad.  Forgive me for not being overwhelmed with gratitude.”

Her sarcasm cut him deeply.  She was right.  He had bungled the discussion disgracefully.  “Willow, right now, I want nothing more than to pretend we haven’t had this discussion.”

“Well that makes two of us.  The motion is carried.”

“How did you know-”

Her impatience sent her to her feet, hands on hips, and eyes flashing.  “Roberts Rules of Order.  On the third shelf of the center bookcase, two thirds of the way from the left.  I’m not an idiot Chad.”

“You’re angry with me.”

“Brilliant observation.”

He smiled up at her.  “Come here.”

“You must be joking.”

“Willow,” he pressed, his voice growing soft and low again.  “Come here.  Let’s talk.”

“I don’t really want to talk Chad.”

“Well you don’t get that option.  Friends don’t just clam up and let things stand like this when there is a problem.  They work it out.”  Chad couldn’t believe what he was hearing.  His mother had pounded that idea into his head since childhood and he still had a tendency to run from emotionally difficult situations.

“But you’ll be all nice and I’ll get comfortable again and then-”

“Come Willow.”

“No.”

Chad stood, scooped her off her feet, and sat once more with her on his lap.  “We have to talk.”

She dropped her head against his chest, tears occasionally dropping with it.  “I don’t want to.”

“Then I’ll talk.  You listen.”

He smoothed her hair, wiped her tears, and spoke soothingly about his idea.  They were best friends, he asserted and she couldn’t deny it.  They were nearly living as husband and wife as it was.  “I’d be here more.  I could help more without feeling like I was overstepping.” He swallowed.  “I wouldn’t have to go home.”

“That’s what I’m afraid of.”

“Aww Willow.  You know I’d never-”

“That’s part of marriage Chad.  It’s a part I can’t-”

“Shh,” he soothed.  “Listen.  I can’t say that a lifetime of marriage in separate rooms will work.  I’m realistic enough to know that the time would come-” He took a deep breath praying for the right words.  “But I am not Steven Solari Jr.  I would never force-”

“I know,” she whispered painfully.  “And I could never force a man into a marriage without-”

“Hey, hey,” he replied, trying to calm a fresh wave of tears.  “No one is forcing anyone into anything.  I’m asking and at this point I’ve quit begging God for you to say yes and pleading that He won’t let you say no.”

“Isn’t that the same thing?”

“I wish.  Yes is an agreement.  A lack of a no just means maybe.”

With her arms wrapped tight around his chest and her head over his heart, she sighed.  “Well, I can’t ever tell you no but-”

“That’s enough for now Willow.  Take it to the Lord but whatever you do, or decide, or anything, we can’t let it affect our friendship.  I didn’t know how important it was to me until about thirty two seconds ago when I thought I’d lost it.”

Chapter 66~

“What are you doing here!”  Willow’s voice sounded more pleased than confused.

“I go in at ten but at seven I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep so I decided to come out here.”  He glanced above her doorway, sighed, and kissed her cheek.  “Mind?”

“Well, I shouldn’t since I put it up there.”

“No, silly,” he protested laughing.  Do you mind me intruding on your Christmas Eve?”  The pile of journals on the floor by the couch told him he’d interrupted a memory fest.

“Oh, I thought you meant the mistletoe.  Of course you’re welcome!”

“Just a second, I forgot something.”  Chad hurried to his truck, brought several beautifully wrapped packages into the house, and stuffed them under the tree.

“You created beautiful packages!”

“Not really.  Melba Torquin wrapped them.  She’s a bit steep but it helps supplement her income and keeps her in heat during the winter so we all take our packages to her house.”

Chad hunkered down on his heels and read the tags on Willow’s gifts.  He finally found the one with his name.  “It’s either a copy of your mother’s journals or a book you think I should read.  The shape gives it away.”

“I’m not saying anything more than that you’re wrong on those two accounts.”

Chad shrugged off his work coat and stuffed his gloves in the pockets.  His belt he hung next to them and then offered to heat some cider.  At the kitchen doorway, he turned back to her.  “What’s with all the mistletoe?  There wasn’t any yesterday.”

“I just put it up a bit ago.  I wanted your parents to feel at home.”  She looked a little nervous about what that might mean to the Tesdalls.

“Willow, they’re not going to make out in the middle of your living room.  No worries.”

“Make out?”

With a shake of his head, he refocused on heating cider for them.  How do you explain making out to someone with no concept of why you’d want to do it in the first place.  A thought crossed his mind.  He stood in the doorway and waited for her to notice him there.

“Making out.  Definition.  Smashed lips leading to lip lock and then culminating in swapping spit and finally tonsil hockey.  Often includes various methods of cuddling that I’d rather not get into right now.”

“Kissing.  Got it.”  A silent pause followed and Chad nearly burned his hand when her voice called out from the living room, “Did you really just say swapping spit?”

He carried mugs to the couch and handed her one.  “In older vernacular, yes.”

“I thought old was smooch.”

“Do you really want to sit here and discuss the sixty-six terms for kissing in the English language?”

Her eyes widened in amazement.  “Are there really sixty-six-”

“Oh hush and drink your cider.  What are you doing tonight?”

“You just told me to hush,” she protested laughing.  “I can’t do that and answer your questions at the same time.”

He smiled at her.  “I missed you.”

“I saw you last night.”

“For ten minutes max.”

Her brow furrowed, she leaned closer to him sending his panic buttons into overdrive.  As he floundered for a way to get out of an intimate situation, Willow sniffed his cider.  “Doesn’t smell fermented but-”

“Oh knock it off.  I’ve hardly seen you since Wednesday and we’ve kind of gotten to be a nice habit of mine.”

Willow set down her mug and crawled across his foot to grab his present from under the tree.  “Here.  It’s Christmas Eve.”

“I’ll be here before mom and dad are!”

A pleading look filed her eyes.  “I think I’d rather you open it now if you would.”

Chad grinned.  “Good answer.”  Reaching under the tree, he pulled his gift from the pile and handed it to her.  “Open yours.  I think you’ll like having quiet to enjoy it anyway.”

She held her gift waiting for him to open his.  “Go on.  I’m getting impatient now.”

Chad carefully fastened the edges of paper and folded it carefully beside him.  Inside the box, in a thick bed of quilt batting, the fly case lay reflecting the firelight of the candles all around him.  “Oh Willow-”

“I thought maybe you’d like something for your apartment but I didn’t think you’d want something stitched and my painting skills are very primitive.”

“Did you make this case?”

“Mother did.  For my sixteenth birthday.  I thought about buying something for the flies but I wanted you to have a piece of Mother too.”

His heart filled with emotions he wasn’t ready to decipher.  He leaned across the couch, hugged her tightly, and whispered, “Thank you,” in her ear.

Willow nodded.  “There is a condition.”

“What’s that?”

With sly smile, she nudged his knee.  “You have to actually use them- preferably with me.”

“Deal.  Open mine.”

She teased the bow, ran her fingers over the smoothness of the metallic paper, and simply drove him crazy as she enjoyed the textures of the package.  Finally, taking pity on him before Chad burst, Willow released the tape on one end and slid a box from its wrappings.  She lifted the lid, folded back sheets and sheets of tissue paper, and lifted the dulcimer from within.

“Oh Chad!  Where did you find- How did you know- What-”

“Actually, there’s kind of an embarrassing story behind that dulcimer?”

“Embarrassing to you?”

Chad nodded.  “Yep.”

“Let’s hear it,” she demanded impishly.

“You’re so bad.  I was thinking about the instrument thing after we talked that night and I decided that now was a perfect time to learn a new instrument so I went online and found-”

“You’re going to have to show me the online thing.  I’m really sick of Alexa’s book.”

Chad chuckled and continued ignoring the interruption.  “-the perfect dulcimer.  The pictures were beautiful.  It said, ‘assembly required’ but I didn’t think anything of it.  I thought, pegs and strings and stuff.  It arrived in precut pieces.”

“You made this?”

“Assembled it.  Yep.  I went to Luke’s a few times when I should have been sleeping and he instructed me.  I kind of hoped he’d take over and do it for me like he did when we were little but I guess he figured that game out.”

Her fingers plucked the strings.  “Oh it’s horribly out of tune.  I wonder how to make them sound right?”

Chad rifled through a few of the packages and pulled two out that looked nearly the same size.  “Oh Willow, I’m sorry.  I don’t know which one goes with that.  I didn’t think to tell her to mark it some way other than your name.”

Even as he spoke, she slowly tightened strings until a better sound, however off key it still was, resonated from the instrument as she plucked it.  For several minutes she plucked, tuned, plinked, and tuned some more.  By the time she was finished, the strings plinked harmoniously if not in the exact notes it was designed to play.

“I love it Chad.  How did you know I’ve always wanted a dulcimer?”

“I didn’t,” he confessed.  “I just tried to think of what instrument fit you and your life and a dulcimer did.”

Her hands fingered the smooth surface of the instrument.  “It’s so beautiful…”

Chad put his case back under the tree, retrieved the dulcimer and placed it under there with the other gifts, reached for her Bible and handed it to her.  “Your turn.”

“For what?”

“To read Luke.”

Willow’s eyes filled as she took the Bible.  “But I never-”

“You can’t read any worse than I do.”

“I don’t.  I’m a much better reader actually.  I’ve just never-”

Chad laughed as she realized what she’d said.  “It’s ok, I know I’m not very good at it.”

“Mother always read,” she explained.  “I don’t think I’ve ever read the Christmas story aloud.”

A fresh wave of understanding washed over Chad.  He settled comfortably in the corner of the couch, and motioned to her.  “Come here.  I’ll help.”

She handed him the Bible as she slid across the cushions but he didn’t take it.  Instead, he pulled her close, rested his hands on her shoulders, and encouraged her once more.  “Go on, read it.”

“I-”

Chad’s voice, low and soothing, urged her.  “Come on.  It’s not Christmas Eve without it.”

She read.  Every other sentence was punctuated with a sob, a sniffle, or the choked sound of her voice trying not to sob or sniffle.  It was truly the most endearing and horrible reading of the passage Chad had ever heard.  As she finished, he enveloped her in a warm hug.  “I’m proud of you.”

She relaxed weeping occasionally until the clock chimed a quarter till ten.  “You’ve got to go.”

He nodded, stood, and donned his gun belt, jacket, and gloves.  “Get some sleep if you can.”

“I’m glad you came Chad.  It’s like my first Christmas without any family but family is here.  Not everyone has that blessing.”

He crossed the floor, cupped her face in his hands, and kissed the top of her head.  “Well this family isn’t going to stand for you being alone on Christmas.  We’re funny that way.”

“Merry Christmas, Chad.”

At the door, he turned, smiled, laid his finger aside of his nose, winked, and shut the door behind him.  Her laughter reached him outside when she heard his voice cry out, “Happy Christmas to all, and to all a good night!”

***

Chad unlocked Willow’s back door and slipped into the kitchen using his flashlight to find the lamp on the table.  Just as he’d expected, cookies and a note sat on the table.

Dear Chad Santa,

I didn’t think cookies made a very filling diner so I left a glass of milk and a sandwich in the icebox.  I hope your sleigh is warm and you can visit me again in the morning.  I have company I think you’d enjoy.

Love, Willow

P.S.  I was a good girl this year.  Well, except for the itching powder in Mother’s bed to drive Chad crazy.  Shh.  Don’t tell.

As he ate the delicious roast beef sandwich, Chad reread the note laughing to himself as he folded it and stashed it in his pocket.  He rinsed his dishes and crept through the house, up the stairs, and into Willow’s room.  Moonlight streamed through the window illuminating her face as she slept. 

His heart constricted.  As much as he tried to be family to her, he was still an inadequate replacement for her mother.  As much as his parents loved and invested in her, they’d never be her parents.  Perhaps he’d been wrong to be wary of the Finleys and the Solaris.  Chad leaned against her dresser, munched on his cookie, and watched her sleep as he prayed.

“Lord, I don’t know what to do.  I’m torn.  She needs someone here.  It’s not that I’m immune to her but I’m not in love with her either.  It seems so wrong to marry someone and not love them like that.  Then again, it seems wrong to leave her alone so much.  I practically live here and yet I don’t.  I’d ask her about it but it’s not something you want to bring up carelessly.  ‘Marry me and then I can sleep over.’  Yeah.  That makes sense.  I can’t even think about well- I’m human Lord!”

A strand of hair escaped from her braid slipping down her cheek.  Chad smoothed it back behind her ear before turning toward the door.  “Did you find your sandwich?” she asked sleepily.

Chad jumped.  He glanced back at Willow but she showed no sign of consciousness.  “It was good, thanks.”

“You’re welcome,” she murmured lazily.

***

The scent of coffee woke Willow.  Throwing her robe over her shoulders, she dashed downstairs.  “Chad!  What time is it?”

“Seven.  Animals are covered.  Just drinking a coffee before I crawl into your mother’s bed until mom and dad get here.”

She shooed him upstairs with a glass of milk.  “You don’t need coffee if you’re going to sleep.  I just changed my sheets yesterday but I slept on them.  It’s warm though- if you want to climb in.  I’m going to start baking pies as soon as I get dressed…”

She chattered as she grabbed her clothes and hustled from the room dumping his duffle on the bed.  He stared at it in surprise.  “How’d you?”

“You taught me to be observant.  Go to sleep.  You’ve got about three hours before your parents get here.  Sleep!”

Chad grabbed his sweats and lumbered to the bathroom.  He was tired.  This was nearly the equivalent of a triple shift and he knew he’d be tired by dinnertime.  Once changed, he glanced at her room and then Kari’s.  He felt strange taking her bed.  What if she got tired?  She might not feel like resting on her mother’s bed.  Mind made up, he pulled back the covers to Kari’s bed and slipped his feet under cold sheets.  His head craned and glimpsed the rumpled warmness of Willow’s bed.  Seconds later he snuggled under the flannel sheets, shades pulled down and room darkened.  As he drifted to sleep, the relaxing cool scent of lavender wisped around him.

For the next three hours, Willow baked rolls, pecan pie, and caramel apple pie.  Fresh batches of sugar cookies were ready to go in the oven immediately after lunch and mulled apple cider simmered on the stove.  She heard car wheels crunch on the driveway and hurried out to meet Chad’s parents.

“Hi!  I’m so glad you came.”

“If we can’t have family at Christmas one way, we’ll do it another!”  Marianne insisted as she gave Willow a hug.  “Don’t you look lovely?  That sweater- Tell me you didn’t make it.”

“I didn’t.  Mother did two years ago.”  Willow’s hands ran lightly over the sleeves.

“That pattern is pretty.  Does it have a name?”

“Fair Isle.  Would you like to stretch your legs and see the barn and the animals or are you ready to get inside and have some cider?”

Christopher pointed to the greenhouse frame.  “What’s going there?”

“That’s my new greenhouse.  I have a boy from town helping me assemble it.  He’s been a great help.”

“Ryder- the one who broke in, right?  I couldn’t believe you did that,” Marianne said shaking her head at Christopher.  “Leave the packages, we’ll get them when we’re done out here.”

As she led them into the barn, Christopher saw the place through his ‘food industry’ glasses.  While the barn had a livestock scent to it, the floors were clean, the stalls padded in fresh straw, though most of the animals were outside.  The pens behind the barn were just as clean and the animals seemed contented and healthy.  Willow walked them back to her swing tree, down to the alfalfa field, and showed the Tesdalls the area their son had harvested for her.

“I would have died if he hadn’t been such a pest about that phone.  I would have died if he hadn’t brought it back here that first day.”

“Chad was so worried about you during that time.  He called and prayed with us daily.”

Marianne’s words struck a special chord in Willow’s heart.  “He’s a good friend.  I am blessed to know him- all of you really.  Today would be a very horrible day without you all here.”

“Let’s see the chickens.  Chad says you let them roam around outside even as cold as it is.”  Christopher Tesdall had stomached all the emoting he could handle for the moment.

Willow led them back up the hill, around the barn, past the mulched garden plot and to the chicken yard.  “Looks like about half of them are out at the moment.  They come in and out as they please until nighttime or if it gets too cold.”

Saige trotted past the chicken yard, a rabbit in her mouth.  Marianne’s eyes widened and her head whipped to see Willow’s reaction but Willow was already sending the dog behind the barn.  “If I don’t make her eat them back there, I get entrails strewn everywhere.”

Around the house she pointed out her flowerbeds, her lilac bushes, and from the porch, she pointed at the lone oak tree.  “Mother is out there.  If you care for a walk after lunch, I recommend going out there.  Chad’s headstones are beautiful.”

“Headstones?  Plural?”

“He made one for my dog too.  Othello just didn’t seem to care to live without Mother.  He died soon after she did.”

Willow welcomed Marianne into the house while Christopher retrieved the gifts from the trunk of their car.  Marianne was instantly taken with the farmhouse.  “Oh Willow!  It’s beautiful in here.  I just love it.”

As Willow unloaded the packages from Christopher’s arms and placed them under the tree, she pointed upstairs.  “Chad’s still asleep I think but I can show you around down here.”  She spun in a slow circle, her hands outstretched.  “This is obviously the living room.  We heat with that stove and mostly spend our evenings in here.  Now Chad comes and tries to beat me at Chinese checkers or sex-yahtzee.

“Sex what?”  The alarm on Marianne’s face nearly sent Christopher rolling in laughter.

“You know how there are six columns on a Yahtzee pad?  We play them all at once.  I thought Sex-zee was a good name for it but Chad’s face looked something like Christopher’s does now and he suggested I find another name.  I just stick with Sex-Yahtzee for now.”

“I see.  We’ll have to see about helping you with that name.  You’re right, it doesn’t have the kind of punch you were looking for does it?”

“Nope.  I thought Sex-zee was cute but,” she shrugged and then looked confused as Marianne and Christopher burst out laughing.

Mid laugh, Marianne remembered something.  “Did you say Chad is asleep?”

“Yes.  He’s up in my bed sleeping.”

At that moment, they all heard a door open, another door close, and the shower come on in the bathroom.  Willow smiled.  “Guess he’s waking up.”

She turned from her guests and led the way to the kitchen entirely missing the look that passed between Marianne and Chad.

***

Chad stretched and rolled over.  The darkened room let a stream of light in around the edges of the window.  He reached for the shade and pulled it letting the light flood the room.  He closed his eyes in protest and waited for them slowly to grow used to the change.  A journal lay on the table next to the bed.  He fluffed her pillows and curled up with it reading.  Though he rarely enjoyed reading, he loved Kari’s journals.

 

December-

It’s cold now.  My life is both empty and full simultaneously.  I miss my mother.  My heart feels lost without her when the wind rattles the shutters and sends a chill through the old windows.  We really should replace those windows.

My heart is full, however.  As much as I miss her, I am thankful for new friends-

Chad flipped through the journal and realized it wasn’t Kari’s.  Feeling awful for intruding, he returned the book to the bed table and closed his eyes.  She still felt alone but at least she knew she wasn’t.  As he wondered how to help lessen the pain of her loss, he heard his parent’s laughter downstairs, jumped up, and raced for the bathroom.

As he lathered with the lavender soap, dried with towels hung in the upper hallway and then stored on shelves with lavender sachets, Chad smiled.  She’d taken over the house with her preferences.  Kari hadn’t liked lavender as much as Willow did.

Chad pulled the sweater over his shoulders and glanced at the mirror.  Unable to see anything but a shadowy figure in the steamy fog covering it, he took his towel and wiped the steam from the mirror and glanced at his reflection again.  He liked how it looked.  It was warm and comfortable but soft.  He just hoped it wouldn’t be too warm!

“Mom!  Dad!  You found us ok.  Can I get you some more cider?”

The Tesdalls watched fascinated as Chad refilled their cups, checked the stove’s wood supply, and pulled on a jacket by the back door.  “I’ll be right back.  The wood box is getting low.”

Willow smiled.  “He’s very good about keeping me in wood.  I almost never have to bring in wood anymore.  Come on upstairs.  I’ll give you a tour.”

Chad entered an empty kitchen and listened in horror as Willow took his parents on a grand tour upstairs.  “I didn’t make her bed-” he groaned inwardly.

Marianne raved over the craft room, loved her hallway clothesline, and stepped almost reverently into Kari’s room sensing that little had changed since the woman died.  “This is a lovely room.”

“I see Chad realized how cold those sheets are with that room closed off,” Willow commented as she straightened the covers and fluffed the pillow where he’d sat on it.  “I guess that means my room won’t be very tidy!”

They stepped across the hall where Chad’s duffel bag sat on the corner of the bed with the rest of the sheets and blankets tumbled in complete disorder.  “Yep,” she laughed as she zipped the bag and dropped it on the floor at the foot of her bed.  She pulled the sheets up to the top of the bed as she answered questions about the wood trim, the ‘wallpaper’, and the rugs.

“Mom?  Dad?”

“Coming laddie.  Willow is just showing us the rest of the house,” Marianne called back to him.

Downstairs, Chad grinned like a child.  “So, presents before or after lunch,” he asked glancing at the clock.  It wasn’t quite eleven o’clock.  Too early for lunch.

“He’ll never grow up,” Christopher groaned.

“Better do gifts now or we’ll be miserable all through lunch!”

Willow watched the familial banter wistfully.  Times like this, she realized how much she’d missed by not having anyone but her mother in her life.  She knew she had advantages that others couldn’t fathom but the repartee and good-natured ribbing tugged at her heart.

“Who is Santa?” Marianne asked suddenly.

Without thinking, Willow answered.  “He’s both a mythical and legendary man who gets more credit for the love and giving demonstrated at Christmas than he should.”

“Bravo!” Chad clapped laughing.  “I’m Santa this year.  Chris gets it at home so I’ve got dibs here.”

He dug under the tree pulling out gifts for everyone.  Seeing his name on one from his parents, Chad looked up quizzically.  “But I thought we were doing our Christmas at New Year’s?”

“We weren’t going to bring gifts for Willow and not have anything for you.  You’ll just have less to open later,” his mother explained.  To Willow she turned and said, “You will come with him, won’t you?  We’re all hoping you’ll come.”

“Of course!  Thank you for inviting me.  If I can get Caleb or Ryder out here, I’ll do it!”

Chad passed a package to Willow from Cheri.  She glanced at it and smiled before setting it aside.  “Open it Willow,” he urged eagerly.

“I don’t want to.  I’m saving it for Christmas at your house.  Everyone will feel awkward if they’re opening gifts and I’ve already been enjoying mine.”

Marianne’s eyes sought her husband’s once again.  Willow watched the ocular conversation wondering how two people could communicate so well without saying anything.  Chad smiled at both of his parents when they looked at him.  “I know.  Wow, huh?”

“Wow.” Christopher agreed.

Without another word, Chad passed Willow another of his gifts.  “Hopefully that’s what goes with the dulcimer.”

“Did I tell you?  I picked out a tune that sounds like Greensleeves today.”

“Rock on!”

“Huh?” 

“Willow,” Chad began, “Your eloquence is absolutely mind numbing sometimes.”

Everyone began unwrapping their presents.  Marianne’s was wrapped like a Christmas cracker and as she unrolled the paper and the cardboard tubing, she pulled Willow’s table runner from the pile of wrappings.  “Oh Willow!  It’s beautiful!”

“Did I get the colors right?  I hoped-”

“They’re perfect, thank you sweetie!”  Marianne jumped to hug the young woman she prayed would be her next daughter.

Christopher pulled a tie from his box and the room erupted in laughter.  Willow’s eyes roamed from person to person trying to decipher what was so funny about a monogrammed silk tie.  “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, no!  It’s been a standing joke in our family for all these years that no one has ever given him a tie.  He swore if he ever got one, he’d wear it every day for a month,” Chad explained.

“Well,” Willow said grimacing.  “I hope you like brown.  I would have made it a little more interesting if I had known.”

“How did you get the monogram colors so perfect?” Christopher asked marveling at the almost imperceptible satin stitching at the bottom of his tie.

“I pulled strands of thread from the side of the fabric before I cut it out and used those instead of floss.  We learned to do that when we wanted a subtle pattern.”

Marianne stared at her son, her lower jaw fighting to hit the floor and prevented only by sheer willpower.  “You weren’t kidding Chad.”

“Open yours Willow.”

Once the package was devoid of all wrapping and trimmings, Willow opened her box to find a CD holder filled with her old Viewmaster cards.  “This is so wonderful- how?”

“I saw them upstairs when I went to get the loom, which is finished by the way, and realized that they’d be better protected in a case.”

“I am so glad Mother talked me into the old vintage maps on that box instead of the Viewmaster reel I wanted.”

Around the room, the packages were opened one at a time.  Willow refused to open any but Chad’s box that went with the dulcimer and one package from Marianne and Christopher.  As she pulled two tickets from the jeweler’s necklace box, Willow raised an eyebrow in question.

“Chad said you liked Argosy Junction and we heard they were coming to New Cheltenham this February so I thought maybe you’d like to go,” Marianne explained.

“You mean the singers are coming here?  To Rockland?”

“They started in Rockland actually but they’re coming to New Cheltenham.”

“Oh that is so exciting!  Thank you!  Chad can you take me?”

“I hope so!  Why do you think I suggested it?”

“I should be ashamed of you Chad,” his father warned mockingly.

“But you’re not.”

Chad swooped the wrappings up in the largest piece he could find and rolled it in as tight of a ball as he could manage.  He shoved the wad in the woodstove and clamped the door shut fast.  Then, without a word, he passed Willow her dulcimer, settled into his favorite corner of her couch, and waited.

Willow felt extremely self-conscious.  She didn’t know how to hold the instrument properly, she knew it was not tuned correctly, and her attempts to play were primitive at best.  However, Chad had given her the instrument and the least she could do was show him she’d tried to learn to use it.

Tentative plucks to the strings made no discernable tune at first but by the chorus, the sixteenth century song reverberated plaintively through the room.  Though her awkwardness and hesitations showed her for the beginner she was, the fact that she’d managed to find the notes and produce a discernable tune impressed the Tesdalls immensely.

“Ok, enough of me showing off what I don’t know.  I think it’s time for sandwiches and soup.”

Chris stood and clapped a hand on Chad’s shoulder as he started to follow Willow to the kitchen.  “Willow, do you need Chad’s help in there?”

“Oh, I’ll help her, you guys go exploring.  Get Chad to show you that stream.  Maybe you can come fish with them next summer.”

Oblivious to the underlying conversation, Willow disappeared into the kitchen with Marianne hot on her heels.  Chad followed his father out the front door, down the porch steps and into the yard.  “What’s wrong dad?”

“Well, there are a few things actually.  First, you might want to find a name for your version of Yahtzee.  She called it Sex-Yahtzee a bit ago.”

“Well that’s better than Sex-zee like the first suggestion.”

“So we heard.  In the wrong company, this would not be good.”

Chad nodded. “You’re right. We’ve never brought it up since that night and I forgot all about it.  I’ll fix it.  What else?”  He knew there was more to his father’s expression than a poor choice of a numerical term.

“Have you thought about our conversation at Thanksgiving?”

This he hadn’t expected.  His father seldom harped and never nagged.  He’d watched his parents all morning and his mother wasn’t doing most of the non-verbal dialogue.  “Yes, I have thought and prayed about it and it’s not something I’m comfortable with.”

“Because she’s not attractive enough?  Because you don’t get along with her?  Because you’re immune to her?  What?”

“None of that is true and you know it.  I’m very fond of Willow.  She’s like Cheri but better because she’s here and I don’t have memories of her embarrassing me in Jr. High or pictures of me in the bathtub with her.”

“You’re playing house here Chad.”

His father’s words dropped between them like an anvil on both of their feet.  It hurt, and neither of them could move.  “What do you mean?”  Chad knew exactly what his father meant but he prayed he was wrong.

“You know what I mean son.  You’re playing house.  We drive up to this house where you make yourself at home, sleep in your girlfriend’s bed-”

“She’s not my girlfriend!”

“Chadwick, don’t play semantics games with me.  I am not the fool you think I am and that I am seriously beginning to believe you are,” Christopher began.  “This is a young unmarried woman’s reputation.  You’re going to tarnish her so severely by your willingness to have almost all of the privileges of marriage without the commitment that no decent man would take her when you’re through.  You’ll ensure the best of both worlds- for you.  Meanwhile, she’s a wife with all of the work and emotional investment but none of the perks and yes,” he added at the sight of his son’s shocked face, “I mean sexual ones.  She may be asleep sexually but she’s not dead.  You’re going to arouse in her things she’d never have to deal with if it wasn’t for you but you’re denying her the appropriate ground to allow them to grow and flourish.”

Chad stared at his father dumbstruck.  Christopher’s words hit closer to home than Chad allowed himself to consider.  “Dad, I don’t think you understand-”

Squeezing his son’s shoulders, Christopher held his son’s gaze for several seconds before speaking.  “Chad, I love you.  I see that you love that girl.  You may not be romantically attached to her but you would be if you gave yourself half a chance.  You drove away the city man, you drove away Chuck-”

“I didn’t!  She-”

“Neither one of you realizes it, but you did.  Chuck isn’t the most observant man in the world but he’s not the dumb fool you mistake him for.  He’s talked to me about how much Willow’s friendship meant to him and now he feels like he’s lost it.”

“Well that’s his problem for presuming more-”

“No!” Christopher interrupted.  “No.  You can lie to yourself all you want.  I can’t stop that.  You will not, however, lie to me.  You’re making a fool of that girl and it needs to stop now.”

Chad leaned against the fence and stared across the farm.  “I love it here.  It’s like being at Uncle Zeke’s but better.”

“I can see you do son.  Make an honest woman of her.”

“But,” Chad argued, “I can’t help but wonder what’ll happen if someone comes along and she falls in love with him and I’ve tied her to me.”

Christopher turned to walk away but paused.  “And, what happens to the woman whose reputation you trashed in your selfish enjoyment of your friendship when another woman comes along and you fall in love with her?  How will Willow feel when she’s cast aside because Miss Heartthrob doesn’t want you hanging around another woman all the time?”

 ”Oh Dad really!  How callous do you think I am?”

Chad’s father’s shoulders slumped.  “Obviously more than I realized.  Think about it son.  I’m concerned enough that if you don’t reconsider your behavior one way or the other, I’m going to consider taking this to your pastor.”

The full impact of his father’s words hit Chad as Christopher walked away from him and rejoined the ladies in the house.

Chapter 66- Part 1

“What are you doing here!”  Willow’s voice sounded more pleased than confused.

“I go in at ten but at seven I woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep so I decided to come out here.”  He glanced above her doorway, sighed, and kissed her cheek.  “Mind?”

“Well, I shouldn’t since I put it up there.”

“No, silly,” he protested laughing.  Do you mind me intruding on your Christmas Eve?”  The pile of journals on the floor by the couch told him he’d interrupted a memory fest.

“Oh, I thought you meant the mistletoe.  Of course you’re welcome!”

“Just a second, I forgot something.”  Chad hurried to his truck, brought several beautifully wrapped packages into the house, and stuffed them under the tree.

“You created beautiful packages!”

“Not really.  Melba Torquin wrapped them.  She’s a bit steep but it helps supplement her income and keeps her in heat during the winter so we all take our packages to her house.”

Chad hunkered down on his heels and read the tags on Willow’s gifts.  He finally found the one with his name.  “It’s either a copy of your mother’s journals or a book you think I should read.  The shape gives it away.”

“I’m not saying anything more than that you’re wrong on those two accounts.”

Chad shrugged off his work coat and stuffed his gloves in the pockets.  His belt he hung next to them and then offered to heat some cider.  At the kitchen doorway, he turned back to her.  “What’s with all the mistletoe?  There wasn’t any yesterday